Chainsaw Jeff

Former Titans head coach Jeff Fisher has become the hot name in Rams Nation these days as a potential replacement for Steve Spagnuolo. There's a lot of reason to support Fisher's candidacy:
* Winning percentage of .542.
* Made the playoffs 6 times and went to one Super Bowl; I'll bet you can guess which one.
* Only 3 seasons below 7 wins in 16 full seasons as head coach. This has already been spun, though, as "only 6 winning seasons in 16 years" by Howard Balzer and others because Fisher went 8-8 five times. OK, which do you prefer, the repeating 8-8 or the repeating threats to go 0-16?
* Defensive-minded, 4-3 coach. No coach can come to the Rams, with defensive pillars in  Long, Quinn and Laurinaitis, and then say "let's go to a 3-4." 4-3 background should be one of the top requirements for the Rams' next head coach.
* Past history with the team. Yes, he was defensive coordinator for the Rams for one year. Twenty years ago. But lacking a real franchise identity to build a lasting program on, it's still an advantage for the Rams to be able to reach into their past for a head coach.
* Instant and infinite sideline swagger upgrade.
* Likely to run a Bradford-friendly offense (though he'll probably quickly run Steven Jackson into the ground). Note, though, that Fisher's two best QBs, Steve McNair and Vince Young, were not traditional dropback QBs, which I don't assume Baylor QB Robert Griffin is, either.
* Former defensive back. For whatever reason, a lot of the best head coaches were defensive backs as players. Tom Landry, Tony Dungy, Bill Cowher off the top of my head.

Fisher's agent, btw? Kevin Demoff's father. So if he wants the job, Fisher may already have the inside track for it here.

I'm sure there's more. I'll even add it when and if I think of it. But I have two very large reservations with Fisher.

* The Chainsaw Al factor. Chainsaw Al Dunlap was the guy in the 90s companies would hire to right their value to shareholders. Dunlap would come in and cannibalize the company, firing thousands of people and selling off valuable assets. Between that and shady-to-illegal accounting tactics, Dunlap got companies' stock prices, and therefore value, soaring upward. When Chainsaw Al came to your company, you knew it was going to become more valuable but the little people were going to pay a heavy price.

What is Jeff Fisher always credited with? Doing such a good job holding the Oilers-Titans franchise together while it moved, from Houston to Memphis to Nashville. As soon as they hit Nashville, the Titans were a Super Bowl-quality team. Wherever they're going and whoever's the head coach, the Rams are about to get a Dunlap-style gutting again. But if you are an owner who's moving your franchise, isn't Jeff Fisher the first guy you would interview if you intended to change head coaches? He's got L.A. Rams history, he's got history in Southern California as a USC graduate - isn't he straight out of central casting for the role of gutting the team in St. Louis and turning it into a winner for Los Angeles if Stan Kroenke decides to move the team? There is a ton of reason to think hello Fisher = goodbye Rams. Apologies to the Rams' abandoned California fans, but I'm not about to root for that. (You've already got Albert Pujols, what more could you want from St. Louis?)

* The asshole factor. Let's face it, Jeff Fisher is a dick. After losing Super Bowl XXXIV to the Rams, in the 2000 preseason, he went after them like it was the regular season. The teams scrimmaged that training camp, and Fisher had his players hitting, and a cheap shot put Trung Canidate out of action for a while. Then in the game, Fisher blitzed his head off and Eddie George had something like 15 carries in the first half as the Titans won in a blowout. Another year in a preseason game in St. Louis, Fisher calls a fake punt. Who does that kind of stuff?

In the 2009 regular season, the Rams came in with a 1-11 record and Keith Null at QB, but up 33-7 in the 4th quarter, Fisher's still got Chris Johnson in the game, he's still throwing deep, and he's going for it on 4th downs, en route to a 47-7 win. Spagnuolo appeared so pissed off at Fisher after that game he barely went through with the post-game handshake.

Again, who does that kind of stuff? As I put it at the time, an insecure little troll, a walking, talking, living, breathing, 5'11", 190 douchebag who never got over losing the Super Bowl to the Rams. (His own fault, btw. Titans passed way too much in the first half of that game. And with 10 seconds left and needing a TD to tie, why would you throw short of the end zone?)

Around here we think of Fisher's Titans as the team of Eddie George and Steve McNair and Jevon Kearse. But they're also the team of Pac-Man Jones. Of cheap-shot artist supreme Cortland Finnegan. Of Albert Haynesworth stomping on Andre Gurode's head. Fisher's former DC Chuck Cecil, also one of his best friends, was one of the most brutal cheap-shot artists of all time. Lions head coach Jim Schwartz is a Fisher protege; look what a bunch of thugs that team has turned into.

Call it what you like - karma, the Golden Rule, reaping what you sow - but I believe in all that. Jeff Fisher is a guy who deserves a comeuppance, not a cushy 5-year, $40 million or such contract from the team he couldn't beat when it mattered most. It hasn't worked here under Spagnuolo, but it sure did under Dick Vermeil, and I will always believe in a "Four Pillars" approach to building a team over a no-pillars approach. And I'd much rather battle for a man of Spagnuolo's personal character than for a dick like Fisher.

I started this by listing Fisher's qualifications. Hell, yeah, he's qualified. I can't blame Rams Nation's enthusiasm to possibly hire a head coach with those credentials. Present those qualities to me as "Candidate A", and I'd say, sure, let's interview him right away before anybody else can sign him.

But knowing it's Jeff Fisher, if I were the Rams' owner, I wouldn't want the guy as much as darkening my door. If Stan Kroenke prices wins at the expense of character, that'll tell us all a lot about the way he really operates.

-$-

So, no to Gruden, no to Fisher, which has Brian Billick now on top of my list. I'll see how many ways I can find to shit all over that idea, too.

-$$-