AFC Wild Card Playoff: Houston 19, Cincinnati 13

Photo - ESPN.com

Well, the 2012 playoffs are about to kick off. I don't know if the bigger surprise is that we're starting with the same matchup we started with last year, or that the Bengals are actually in the playoffs for the second straight year. Mike Mayock and Dan Hicks (wife joke coming right up) calling the game for NBC.

FIRST QUARTER
Houston wins the toss and surprisingly elects to receive, so we get to see old friend Josh Brown right away. Danieal Manning only gets to the 16 on the kickoff, and Matt Schaub has to eat a bootleg for only 1. Domata Peko and Vontaze Burfict blow up a screen to Arian Foster for a loss, and Schaub settles for an uninspiring dumpoff to Owen Daniels well short of the first down. Houston's already off on the wrong foot.

Hee, BOTH of last year's Rams kickers are in this game. To celebrate, Donnie Jones hits a poor 42-yard punt that starts the Bengals at their 38. After J.J. Watt stuffs the law firm of BenJarvus Green-Ellis for 2, Jermaine Gresham drops a pass and the Texans break up another. So, neither team off to a scintillating start. Houston one-ups the Bengals on the "who can start this game off worse" battle by getting pinned at the 5 with a penalty on a punt return that was poor anyway.

Wow, not thrilled watching two teams here it looks like the Rams could put a beating on.

That's nice, NBC, show tailgate BBQ scenes while you're throwing it back to the announcer whose wife just tried to barbecue herself. Where was Bob Costas during pre-game to tell us that America and its culture of grilled meat are at fault? Where was Jason Whitlock, a writer in the hotbed of American barbecue, to provide Costas with fodder that Hannah Storm never could have injured herself if she hadn't had access to propane?

Daniels gets Houston out of the hole by beating Ray Maualuga for 17 off a little dumpoff. Arian Foster, a vegan who also should have been offended by that last lead-in, gets a big gainer as Duane Brown trucks Burfict and Daniels pancakes Leon Hall. Play-action works like a charm as Keyshawn Martin gets a big gain on an end-around. Foster gains 8 more on a dumpoff and takes a shot to the head from Burfict at the end. Carlos Dunlap makes a key play at the CIN28 to stuff Ben Tate, and Daniels fails to make a tough catch on 3rd down. (Foster was back on the field for that play.) Shayne Graham hits from 48 against his old team. Mayock pointed out Schaub picking on Maualuga that whole drive, reminding us what a good choice Billy Devaney made in 2009 when he took James Laurinaitis. Houston 3, Cincinnati 0

Pac-Man Jones also off to a poor start, juggling the kickoff and only returning it to the 17. How 'bout somebody getting smart enough to take a knee on these? The Law Firm immediately rips off a 28-yard gain off RT on a beautifully-blocked play. Nice Robert Quinn impression by Brooks Reed there. No call as Earl Mitchell smacks Andy Dalton in the head and Dalton scrambles for a couple. A poor decision by Dalton follows as Connor Barwin DESTROYS a screen pass for -6, and Watt sacks Dalton on 3rd down, whipping center Kyle Cook. Bengals look as inspired right now as they do for most of their playoff games.

Houston takes over at their 31, and with the Bengals playing a disturbing amount of soft zone, are quickly into the red zone on a 19-yard pass to wide-open Andre Johnson and a DPI on Burfict. Schaub runs his FIRST QB sneak of the season on 3rd-and-1, and the Texans will start the 2nd in prime position.

SECOND QUARTER
Cincy tightens up in the red zone behind some fine play by Maualuga. He helps blow up a Foster sweep on 2nd down and holds Daniels short after Schaub has to step up and dump it off on 3rd down. Graham extends the lead with a chippie. Texans 6-0

Time for the Bengal offense to do something. The Law Firm busts off 12 off a Clint Boling block. Maybe keep feeding him? NO, it's a 1-yard pass to Gresham and ANOTHER blown-up screen pass for -3. Dalton then gets away with a terrible deep pass into double-coverage that Kareem Jackson somehow fails to intercept. All Jackson had to do was fair-catch that thing. Field position's about the same after the punt anyway.

I don't know what's been worse today, Cincinnati's offensive play-calling, or Dalton's decision-making. Suffice it to say they're a lethal combination so far.

Or, how about Matt Schaub's decision-making? He fires off a third-and-short sideline pass deep in his own end that Leon Hall steps in front of for a pick-six. Wow. Texans are dominating.

Bengals are leading. Cincinnati 7, Houston 6

Peko blows up a screen to Foster as those great Houston fans boo their team at home at a playoff game. Foster gets it back with about 20 on back-to-back handoffs, turning Maualuga inside-out on the first one. 20 more-ish to the great Garrett Graham underneath more soft Bengal zone. Outstanding 15-yard run by Foster, with a great cutback and run through traffic inside the CIN25. With Maualuga heading off injured, Foster gains another 1st down at the 11. Schaub continues to work the middle dumpoff to Daniels inside the 5. But Andre Johnson, who must think he's still playing for my fantasy team, drops what appears to be a catchable ball at the goal line to force another Graham FG. Not sure that shouldn't have been a penalty anyway, the way he slung Pac-Man around. Houston 9, Cincinnati 7.

Hicks earlier noted that Andre Johnson and A.J. Green have combined for 1 catch, 19 yards.

Dalton scrambles for 13 at the 2:00 warning and hits Jones at midfield for another first down after the break. Cincinnati for some brilliant reason chooses NOW to run, gaining a whole 2. Jackson breaks up a pass and on 3rd down, Gresham gets a hand on the ball for the third time today, the second time this drive, without making the catch. Bengals punt again.

Schaub gets the Texans back to midfield after a 20-yard wobbler to Daniels, but can't get them farther, continuing to settle for short passes to his TEs. Pac-Man breaks up the last one on 4th-and-4. The teams go off the field to light booing from those great Houston fans.

HALFTIME SHOW

Photo - Sports Illustrated

If I'm Cincinnati, I don't change anything, on defense, at least. They've kept Houston out of the end zone and have limited Andre Johnson to squat. That soft zone's got just enough pass rush in front of it to make Schaub settle for the hundred TE dumpoffs he has. The emphasis on Johnson surprises me, but it's working. I think Cincy could afford to lay off him more and blitz more, but they don't really have to. Foster seems to have plenty of touches at halftime but I still feel like Houston needs to work him more and maybe mix in more play action to loosen things up.

Meanwhile, I think the Law Firm had only four carries in the first half for the Bengals, which is idiotic. Pound the ball, Cincinnati. Texans don't need to change anything on defense until supposedly hot head coach candidate Jay Gruden gets a brain.


This is still anybody's game. Time for Houston's vets, Schaub and Johnson, and Cincy's coaching staff to step up.

THIRD QUARTER

5,000,000 points to Dan Hicks for breaking out the U-G-L-Y chant to start the half.

Bengals off to a brilliant strategic start. They take the re-kick after a Houston offsides on a touchback and Pac-Man returns the re-kick only out to the 20. They could have been on the 25 by doing nothing. Mayock's doing a good job telling us about Johnathan Joseph shutting down A.J. Green. Would sure be nice to have some video footage of that. The worst part of football on TV is their inability to keep up with downfield coverage. After Watt gets an injunction on the Law Firm on first down, that's all the running Gruden can stand to do. Dalton's nearly sacked on a 2nd down throwaway and a 3rd-down pass for former Ram Andrew Hawkins that Brandon Harris breaks up.

Houston starts at midfield after Chris Lewis-Harris runs into Martin while he's trying to fair-catch. This drive had better be a TD, Texans. After two Foster carries, holding on Manny Lawson keeps the drive alive on 3rd-and-2. Now here's my play-action, and Schaub finds Foster in the flat for 11. And now play-action loosens up the Bengal D for a slant to Johnson for about 20 down to the 6. That's how you put together offensive play calls, Gruden. Foster grinds down to the 1 and plunges in from there on 2nd-and-goal. Houston is officially coaching Cincinnati's pants off. Texans 16-7

And now the drought is over for A.J. Green. Dalton hits him for the first time all game for 5, then he burns Joseph for a 45-yard bomb. Dalton goes to Green two more times, once for 6, once while he's well-covered in the end zone. Connor Barwin beats Andrew Whitworth on 3rd-4 and hacks Dalton on the arm to force what appears to be an incomplete pass. Gary Kubiak challenges, hoping for a reversal to fumble. Referee Alberto Riveron gets it right both times, and Josh Brown pulls Cincy within a TD. Houston 16, Cincinnati 10 

Have to admit Gruden set up that last drive well with all the different looks for Green. Foster goes over the 100-yard mark with over a quarter and a half left, then is wide open out of the backfield for 12 on 3rd-and-2 as Maualuga continues to struggle. The Bengals blow up a 3rd-and-3 run on a run blitz, though, and Nate Clemens makes a solid tackle at midfield to stop Houston short. Brandon Tate gets away with fumbling the punt, recovering at the 10. This late in the season and the Bengals haven't settled on a punt returner?

Gruden continues to run the Law Firm predictably only on first down, and then forcing the ball to Green quits working for Dalton, as the two miss connections badly on a pass intercepted by Joseph. Think that's Green's mistake, not anticipating the quicker throw with a big Houston blitz coming. Texans on the precipice of turning this into a blowout.

Completions to Johnson and Daniels work the Texans inside the 10, but a hold on rookie Brandon Brooks moves them back. It'll be third-and-goal to start the 4th quarter.

FOURTH QUARTER
Schaub settles for a short pass to Foster on 3rd-and-goal and the Texans settle for another Graham FG. So, not a blowout yet, but Cincinnati better do something this next trip. Texans 19-10

Tate all the way out to the 38 with the kickoff return. Cincy gets a first down at midfield and converts on 4th-and-1 for another with the Law Firm running behind John (The Terminator) Conner. Joseph breaks up an end zone bomb for Green; Jackson also put a good lick on him and forced him out of the game for a play. A blitz flushes Dalton on 2nd down and he hits Green a couple of yards short on a slant. Cincy opts for the 3, and kicking better than he EVER did in a Ram uniform, Josh Brown crushes a 47-yarder with ease. In St. Louis last year he would have missed that wide right. Houston 19, Cincinnati 13

Bengals continue to get gashed by small stuff and James Casey gains 21 on a dumpoff. After Devier Posey gets an OPI call they could have let go, Kevin Walter apparently comes up a yard short on 3rd-and-12. And, how do you do? The Bengals have the ball and a chance to take the lead with 6:15 to play.

16 to Green as Joseph misses a tackle. After the Law Firm gains 4, Reed catches Dalton from behind for what I think will be scored a sack. Andrew Hawkins definitely false-started on that play, btw. Cincy uses their first timeout on 3rd-and-6. Kevin Zeitler reacts to a late pre-snap move by the Houston D for a false start. But Shiloh Keo commits a crucial DPI to keep the drive alive, tackling Marvin Jones before the ball gets there. Moves the Bengals to midfield. Dalton hits Jones for 15 on a slant, but Mitchell swallows up the Law Firm for a loss. Another catchable pass for Gresham hits the ground, broken up somewhat by Glover Quin. On 3rd-11, Green burns Joseph deep but Dalton barely overthrows him in the end zone. Bengals go for it with 2:51 left. Dalton unbelievably settles for a pass 6 yards short of the first down to Jones. Houston ball. Even more unbelievably, I don't think Gruden had any of his receivers running far enough for the first down on the play. Dalton should have thrown outside for Green on Jones' side. He had the best chance. Instead, Houston ball. Good pass rush, poor offensive play call, poor QB decision.

Houston grinds out the rest of Cincy's timeouts, then Schaub gets forever off play-action and hits Graham over the middle on 3rd-and-2. That would have run the clock down to 2:00 and ended the game, if not for a personal foul called on Burfict. 15 yards is a small price to pay there if it gets Cincy the ball back.

Doesn't happen, though, as Foster weaves up the middle for 8 on the first play after the 2:00 warning. That's 140 yards for him, and will let Houston run out the clock for the win.

Final score: Houston 19, Cincinnati 13

Photo - ESPN.com

POSTGAME SHOW

Arian Foster wins this postseason's first Player of the Game award, for 140 yards rushing, 34 receiving and a TD.

I don't see much of a chance for the Texans in New England next week, though. Passing teams like New England and Green Bay had their way with Houston this season. The Patriots already had their way with them once. Not that I mind jinxing Brady and Belichick at all, though, but I like the Patriots easy in that one.

And, for one game, I can brag about my perfect record, having gone with Houston and the under here.

I think there's still hope for the Bengals. They have a lot of good young talent. I don't think they need to rush into making any rash personnel moves, though Mike Wallace would look awesome in stripes if they could work him in under their cap. They need a 2nd WR threat to open that offense up, or at least add some offensive speed in the draft.

On to the Joe Webb Show in Green Bay.

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