NFC Championship: Cardinals 32, Eagles 25

WHAT THE GOD DAMN HELL? I turn the game on at 2:30 expecting to catch some of the pregame, and THE FIRST QUARTER OF THE GAME IS NEARLY OVER ALREADY?

WHO THE FUCK STARTS A GAME AT 2:00?

While I try to get fucking slow Blogger up to start blogging a game I'VE ALREADY MISSED THE FIRST ELEVEN MINUTES OF, AND TWO SCORES, the Cardinals 3-and-out and punt the ball back to the Eggles with about 3:00 left in the first quarter.

I am so god damn pissed off at the whole football world right now I can't stand it. TWO O'CLOCK? WHO THE FUCK STARTS A GAME AT TWO O'CLOCK?

Brutal DROP by DeSean Jackson starts the first Eggles series I actually get to see.
2nd down from the 33, Westbrook tries to sweep left and finds nothing. Nothing new about that this postseason. 3rd-and-10.
Trips left for the Eggles, and Donovan McNabb gets as fucking lucky as I am unlucky today. He forces a ball over the middle for Kevin Curtis, it's deflected and picked off by Aaron Francisco, but on the return, Jackson strips the ball away from Francisco for a fumble. The Eggles get the ball back at their 25. The football gods who could give a fuck about me are watching out for the Eggles so far.
Or maybe not. McNabb rolls right and throws a beautiful bomb across field to Greg Lewis up the left sideline for about 50 yards. And he drops it.
2nd-down, Hank Baskett makes a diving catch for about 14. Brian Westbrook follows that with about 14 more on a run up the middle. What's that? Brian Westbrook with running room?
Now it's Correll Buckhalter cutting back for about 9. The Eggles, who were intercepted a minute ago, are now inside the Cardinal 40.
Buckhalter gets 3 off tackle down to the Arizona 35 to end the first quarter. The part of it I got to see.

SECOND QUARTER
They let the Eggles line up illegally on first down, but for naught, they lose 1 on a dive run.
Cards zone blitz on 2nd down. Chike Okeafor comes clean up the middle to force an early and incomplete throw. 3rd-and-10.
With only three rushing and NO pressure on McNabb whatsoever, he STILL dumps off to the TE Celek for only 6. Stupid decision by McNabb, who had FAR more time to do something besides dump off.
And David Akers hooks the 47-yard FG attempt to the right, leaving the game at 7-3, Arizona.

Kurt Warner and the Cards take over at their 37.
TRICK PLAY LEADS TO A TD FOR THE CARDINALS. Warner tosses right to JJ Arrington, who doesn't disguise the trick play very well, but instead of a halfback option, he throws it back to Warner, who chucks it downfield to Larry Fitzgerald, who beats a stumbling Quintin Demps for a 63-yard TD. The Pink Taco Dome goes wild as the Cardinals take a 14-3 lead. That's apparently Fitzgerald's second TD. NOT THAT I GOT TO SEE THAT ONE.

Not sure why Fitzgerald wasn't called for holding or OPI on the play. He clearly grabbed Demps and pulled on his jersey well downfield. Blatant roughing the QB on the play was called properly.

I'm not sure what's more confounding about this game so far: that it looks like Bill Fucking Bidwill's going to get to go to the Super Bowl, that THE GAME STARTED AN HOUR EARLIER THAN I EXPECTED IT TO, or that WALT FREAKING ANDERSON IS OFFICIATING A CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP. That crew was EASILY the worst one to officiate a Rams game this year.

Eggles get the ball back at their 20 and need to do something NOW. Buckhalter up the middle for 3 off the precious fake end-around. But that's followed by a false start. 2nd-and-12.
McNabb fires to Curtis after getting another hour to throw. It'll be 3rd-and-1.
THE IDIOT EGGLES ARE THROWING ON THIRD AND ONE and Darnell Dockett SACKS McNabb. Ouch, it comes back on Antonio Smith tackling Brian Westbrook trying to run a screen pass. Good call by the Anderson crew, though.
And it's followed by a big play by Curtis, the former Ram nobody around here's talking about. McNabb hits him over the middle and he runs away from the Cardinal secondary for 47 yards. Good for K.C.
Philly gets down to the 15 after a run up the middle by Buckhalter. 2nd-and-3.
IDIOTIC QUICK SCREEN to Lewis LOSES THREE. Poor call and poor throw by McNabb, who's been about as accurate as a St. Louis weather forecast today.
Troy Aikman approves of Ralph Brown's hold and interference with Jason Avant to break up a pass that should have been a first down. Philly settles for an Akers FG from 33 to make it 14-6, Arizona.

9:00 till halftime. Arrington returns the kickoff 25 yards to the 27.
Warner falls during the handoff for the umpteenth time this preseason, but somehow gets it to James, who takes off for 22, getting a lot of room inside.
Draw to Tim Hightower is good for about 4.
Play action on 2nd down, Warner thinks about going deep, pulls it down under pressure and dumps it off to and uncovered Arrington out of the backfield, who sprints off for 17. Arrington got Akeem Jordan going the wrong way to get himself a lot of room. The Cards are already at the Eggle 30 and Philly isn't stopping them at anything they try.
Hightower goes outside for 3 off a shotgun handoff.
Boy, you think Warner's staring down a screen pass left, but he switches at the last second and screens right to Leonard Pope for about 13. Cards at the Eggle 14.
James gets stuffed for no gain up the middle. 5:00 till halftime.
Warner beats another blitz with a quick slant to Steve Breaston, who runs for a gain of about 9.
Make it 10. First-and-goal, Cardinals, at the 4.
Questionable call here, a toss right to Arrington, gains only 1. What's he doing with the ball down there?
Warner pump fakes for Fitzgerald on a quick inside slant, and Assante Samuel clobbers the WR at the goal line for an easy DPI call. That was on the right half of the field. Next play, Fitzgerald splits left and beats Sheldon Brown with little trouble on an outside fade route for a 1-yard TD, his and Kurt's THIRD TD of the day, to put Arizona ahead 21-3. Just over 3:00 till halftime, or, just over 33:00 till Kurt Warner advances to the Super Bowl for the third time in his career.

Lucky for Chad Pennington he's from New York; otherwise, how is Kurt Warner NOT the NFL Comeback Player of the Year?

Unbelievably, Neil Rackers appears to SHANK the kickoff.
Even more unbelievably, it lands about six inches in bounds, bounces back while Victor Abiamiri whiffs on it, AND THE CARDINALS RECOVER THE LIVE BALL.
More unbelievably still, the referees BLOW THE CALL IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE WAY, saying Abiamiri touched it, when he didn't, and saying it bounced out of bounds, when it DIDN'T. Philadelphia ball.
Easy challenge on the way here from Ken Whisenhunt. Abiamiri was never, EVER out of bounds AND in contact with the ball at the same time. Even in the milliseconds you can't tell if he's in contact with the ball from the camera angle, he's still in bounds, and it's STILL a live ball.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! THE PLAY IS NOT REVIEWABLE??????? IT'S NOT REVIEWABLE BECAUSE THEY CALLED THE BALL OUT OF BOUNDS? WHAT THE FUCK??????? I cannot believe HOW WORTHLESS the NFL's instant replay rules are. The NFL should just get rid of instant replay if they can't use it any better than this.

EAGLES BALL at the 27. McNabb hits Celek for 8. Tricky screen to Celek for 5 more. 1st-and-10 from the 40, Okeafor blitzes in clean again and McNabb throws it away and is called, correctly, for intentional grounding. Um, the Eggles better start trying to find #56 before the snap, huh? 2:00 warning, or 32:00 before Kurt Warner gets to go to his third Super Bowl.

Well, that's fucking beautiful. I try to get NFL.com up in the background so I can review the 12:00 of the game I didn't get to see, and all NFL.com did was hang up and crash my browser.

2nd-and-22 for Philly after the grounding penalty. Celek continues to be McNabb's release valve, getting 8 on a short pass here. 3rd-14, Cards rush only 3, and McNabb can't hit Jason Avant deep downfield in triple coverage. 4th down. All that time to throw, and that's the best option McNabb could find???

After the punt, the Cards have the ball at their 15 with 1:30 till halftime. Smoke pass to Boldin for 5. STUPID LATE HIT by Demps on Warner, in the early running with McNabb for LVP, adds 15 more. Warner gets flushed outside the next play and throws up the sideline for Boldin, but nearly has it picked off by Quintin Mikell. Boldin almost comes up with the deflection on a play that was called a catch live but should be overruled by replay. Tough call for the ref live, though.

2nd-10 at the 36, 1:20 left in the half. Warner and Arrington collide on an attempted draw play and the Cardinals lose 6. Yet ANOTHER problem with Warner getting the handoff to his RBs! That's gotta bite him sometime, probably in Super Bowl XLIII. Warner beats ANOTHER blitz with a quick slant to Jhereme Urban for 18. Cards at midfield. 1:03 till halftime. Fitzgerald crosses over the middle for 14.
Warner gets flushed right and throws it out of bounds on 1st-and-10 from the Eagle 38. Blitz finally gets to Warner on 2nd down, as Trent Cole completely smokes Mike Gandy at LT. Gandy couldn't even lay a finger on him. 3rd-and-17, but the game clock is basically running out. Warner gets walloped after dumping a screen to Boldin, who gets it upfield for about 15, enough to set up a FG attempt for Rackers from 49. Rackers splits the uprights from 49 and gives the Cardinals a 24-6 halftime lead.

Thanks to various problems I don't want to go back into, not much time for halftime analysis here. The game's pretty much over anyway. The Eggles are going to foolishly keep blitzing Warner; how many times have I said this year you're not going to beat him with blitzing? - and he's going to keep beating it. The supposedly brilliant Jim Johnson apparently came in with no plan at all for containing Fitzgerald. That's brilliant, huh, blitz all day against a QB invulnerable to it and leave the league's best WR one-on-one CONSTANTLY. Rams fans can't be real heartened that Jim Johnson's the guy new HC Steve Spagnuolo learned defense from.

And for the 4th time in 5 career NFC Championship appearances, Donovan McNabb looks pretty much like a spaz. When his line gets him time, he's dumping off or picking crappy options downfield. They were running ok at the end of the half, but they're too far down to be effective with it now. And Clancy Pendergast's bringing Okeafor up the middle with impunity. Get Westbrook the ball in space, you dummies.

Eh, none of it'll happen. Book the Big Dead and fucking Bidwill to Tampa.

THIRD QUARTER
Cards outsmart themselves with a pop-up kick that Buckhalter returns 22 yards to the 40. KICK IT DEEP! IDIOTS!
Today's defensive MVP, Okeafor, knocks down a quick slant attempt on 1st down.
The WHOLE Cardinal d-line, led by Antonio Smith, gets a jailbreak rush on McNabb. He somehow eludes it and gets a screen off to Klecko the FB, but it comes back for a hold on - Klecko, and it's 2nd-and-20 now.
Leaping grab by Avant for 14. McNabb had Okeafor draped on him when he threw. 3rd-and-6.
Comeback to Jackson at the sideline is good for 7 and a 1st down.
Westbrook gets a couple off left guard.
McNabb, under no pressure, appears to back-foot one for Curtis streaking open down the left sideline but misses him badly.
3rd-and-8, Adrian Wilson blitzes in untouched to blindside McNabb and force a fumble, recovered by Berry. Cardinals ball. While Troy Boy and Joe Buck excuse McNabb for "never seeing it coming", he HAS to see that coming and adjust the blocking scheme with an audible. Maybe the crowd noise makes it impossible. But Wilson's doing NOTHING but blitzing there. LT William Thomas either has to pick him up or be told to pick him up. Didn't happen. Aikman later puts that sack on Thomas. Good call, I believe.

Edge breaks a tackle in the backfield and gains 4. 2nd-6 from the Eggle 39.
False start, Gandy. 2nd-11.
Eggles blitz big and Edge nearly squirms through it, ending up with a 3-yard gain.
3rd-9. Warner has Boldin wide open over the middle against a blitz and misses him badly. Cards to punt. Arizona picked up the middle blitz beautifully, knocking it backwards, in fact, but Cole smoked Gandy again to get the pressure on Warner.

Hey, I just realized this is the Sloppy Seconds Bowl. Hank Baskett's got Hugh Hefner's; Matt Leinart's got pretty much everybody's.

From the Eagle 10, a shotgun handoff to Westbrook gains 8.
Go route for Jackson is well-covered by Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie for an incompletion. It's officially 3rd-and-3. 6 to Celek for the first down. Cards haven't stopped the dumpoff to him yet.
Play-action from the 24, Wilson breaks up a pass to L.J. Smith.
Thomas and center Jamaal Jackson get Westbrook a big hole for 8 on a delay handoff. 3rd-2.
Play-action to Celek AGAIN, for his SEVENTH catch, 6 yards and a 1st down out to the 37.
Cards blitz Wilson up the middle for a sack, set up by Berry getting a shoulder under Thomas and beating him easily. That's followed by Baskett BRUTALLY dropping a pass to make it 3rd-and-19. Hey, when you can shag second-hand Playboy bunnies, why should you care if you let a pass get into your body?
But on 3rd-and-an-acre, Curtis burns Hood and Francisco deep for a FIFTY yard gain. Eggles' ball in the red zone all of a sudden. Francisco's in for the injured Antrell Rolle, iirc, and shame on the Eggles for not throwing the ball at him every play up to this point. I identified in preseason that he can't cover anybody!
After a quick out to Jackson, McNabb draws for 10 down to the 6.
Westbrook then decides against a cutback and gets swallowed up by Antonio Smith. 2nd-goal from the 8.
Good throw by McNabb, though, an 8-yard TD pass to Celek on a slant, beating Hood, to cut the lead to 24-13. McNabb fired the ball just inside of Rolle, who obviously is not out of the game. I guess Francisco's getting used a lot so they can blitz Wilson. That should be easy to beat. Wilson lines up to blitz, find Francisco and throw at him.

DARNIT! Just saw where Scott Linehan TURNED DOWN the 49ers' OC opening. That would have improved the Rams to 4-12 without doing anything.

I don't know what's going on, but kickoffs have been BRUTAL today. Now Akers clunks one out of bounds to put the Cardinals at the 40. Special teams coaches are such damn idiots.

KICK.

IT.

DEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The kickoff was actually from the 35, so the Cards take over at the 35. Good pressure on Warner on first down forces a throwaway. On 2nd down, RT Levi Brown just lets Chris Clemons bowl right by him and CLOBBER Kurt for another incompletion. Yes, it was a screen pass, but you HAVE to get a piece of the guy! Brown just let him run right by. 3rd-and-10.
Trent Cole got in on that last hit, too. The way he's pwning Gandy, the Eggle D ought to be doing a lot better than they are. Getting Clemons in the game proves a good move by Johnson, as the Eggles sack Warner with just a 4-man rush. Clemons flushed Kurt and Abiamiri tracked him down. Clutch stop for Philadelphia. Jackson returns the punt to the 38, and we may have a ballgame yet here. They haven't done so yet, but Arizona needs to find a way to account for Celek.

McNabb hits Curtis on a cross for 15. Just a 4-man rush by Arizona. Nice play by the umpire to duck down from the throw. Eggles already in Arizona territory.
Cards bring that middle blitz with Okeafor and force a deep throwaway.
Inside handoff to Westbrook for 4. Third and six.
Cards blitz big and bring a dog, but McNabb still gets enough time to hit Jackson on a dig for the first down.
From the 34, Westbrook eludes backfield penetration and squirts for about 3 around right end.
Eggles can't get the next play in on time, though, and use a timeout with under a minute left in the quarter.

Just FYI, I picked the Eggles to win this game. I'm one-for-NINE this preseason if they lose. However, I picked Arizona in the ESPN.com Streak for the Cash, where I am similarly awful.

AND THERE'S CELEK, getting behind Gerald Hayes for his 2nd TD catch of the day, a 31-yarder to bring the Eagles to 24-19. Terrific block by Baskett inside the five, taking out two Cardinals.

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, AKERS BLOWS THE EXTRA POINT.

LACES OUT, ROCCA!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had wondered if it wasn't time to go for two anyway. Either way, the Eggles are down 5 heading into the fourth quarter.

FINALLY somebody gets a brain and kicks deep. Possibly out of surprise, Arrington bobbles it in the end zone and takes a knee. Arizona takes over at their 20.
HUGE tackle by Mike Patterson, because James had run right by a blitz and had a big gain coming. Patterson grabbed him for just 3, though. Then Warner completes one to himself off a Joselio Hanson deflection and gains 3. 3rd-and-4, Cardinals, and the 4th quarter is here.

FOURTH QUARTER
Arizona opens the quarter with a nice call, a swing pass to James for 16. First down at the 43.
Edge back up the middle for 5.
A quiet-till-now Brian Dawkins drops Hightower for no gain on a blitz. 3rd-and-5.
Eagles blitz big, and Warner doesn't appear to be on the same page as his receivers, apparently expecting Fitzgerald to adjust to a comeback route. Incomplete pass leads to another punt. The Cardinal offense has done NOTHING in the 2nd half. 29 yards and one first down. Blitz got to Warner that time, but I'd say Johnson is mixing his calls a lot better here in the 2nd half.

It's also helped that McNabb, taking over at his 14 now, has had a perfect passer rating in the half. Screen to Buckhalter beats a middle blitz for 12. The Pink Taco crowd is getting very uneasy. Avant gets 9 on a drag route. Troy's right, Avant blew a chance to take that outside and make it a BIG play. Westbrook draws for 3.
Rolling out right and getting FOREVER to throw, McNabb uncorks a deep pass to Jackson for a 62-YARD TD. With Rodgers-Cromartie trying to make a diving play on the ball, Jackson juggles it ala Torry Holt against Seattle a couple of years ago and backs into the end zone with it.

HOLY CRAP. 25-24, Philadelphia. They will go for two - for the first time all season?????
McNabb can't find anybody open and Thomas holds anyway.

25-24, Eagles.

HOLY CRAP.

Total respect to McNabb for coming back from the dead here. 10:45 left as Breaston returns the kickoff to the 28.
This game reminding anybody of Super Bowl 34? The Rams got shut down a bunch of times in the second half and let Tennessee in the game before late Warner heroics? Let's see if history repeats.
James loses a yard around left end, tackle by Bunkley. Eggles had two blitzers coming up the middle.
Johnson's DT's are really bailing out some of his failed blitzes today.
Another big blitz as Warner finds Fitzgerald for 15.
About 9 to Pope as the Cards get back out to midfield.
But James gets stuffed up the middle. Third and a long one.
Hightower runs into Chris Gocong off left tackle, and he looks short of the first down to me. Yep, 4th and six inches. My instinct is to punt but Whisenhunt's going to go for it.
AND THEY GET AWAY WITH SWEEPING HIGHTOWER. A sweep right gains 6. Most of the time he was the only guy out there. Yikes. Inexcusable of Philly to let the Cards run outside at that juncture.
From the Philly 43, James gains 2.
Eagles blitz big from the left side but Warner throws a slant right to Fitzgerald for about 20. They're at the 22 now.
James drives up the middle for a couple. Six minutes left.
Fox catches Boldin yelling at the Cardinal OC on the sidelines. Backup DE Calais Campbell wisely pulls Boldin back. That looked like it was close to blowing up. How come a rookie's showing better composure in the heat of battle than Boldin is there? Start the rumor he's gone after the offseason with this incident.
2nd-and-8 from the Eagle 20. Leaping catch by Fitzgerald, who has to be dragged down by three Eagles a yard short of the first down.
Hightower up the middle and inside the 10 to the 9. Terrific blocking on the left side. Pancakes all around by the Cardinal offensive line.
James gets no gain after Trevor Laws slashes in and grabs him around the ankles.
Draw to Hightower for maybe a yard. The Eagles use their 2nd timeout with 2:59 left. Third-and-goal.
TOUCHDOWN, CARDINALS. 8-yard screen from Warner to Hightower for the TD. The Eagles got plenty of heat on Warner but he shoveled it to Hightower on the screen and he went up the middle and broke a couple of tackles for the score. Key block by Reggie Wells or the play is probably a loss.

30-25, Cardinals, who will go for two here. And Warner converts it, hitting Ben Patrick just inside the goal line for the points.

Cardinals 32, Eagles 25 with 2:53 left.

Wow, that was an EIGHT-minute scoring drive for Arizona.

Touchback on the kickoff starts Philadelphia at their 20.
Cards rush three, giving McNabb FOREVER to throw, and he fires a two-yard swing pass through Westbrook's hands. Ugh!
Cards fake-blitz, McNabb hits Jackson at the sideline for 9. Very nice footwork there.
McNabb to Celek for five and a first down. Celek's TENTH catch.
Westbrook now makes a one-handed catch over the middle and takes off for 19. 2:08 left.
Eagles at the Arizona 47. Baskett and Hood go down on an incomplete pass.
Cards blitz, Eagles get away with a hold on Dockett, who was getting great pressure, and McNabb forces an incompletion deep. 3rd-and-10. 2:01 left.
Another Cardinal blitz and Baskett DROPS a pass behind him. Send that tool back to the Mansion.

2:00 warning. 4th-and-10.

Cardinals bring the blitz again (I LOVE that they are bringing heat here instead of passively sitting back), and get away with a ridiculous DPI. Curtis is already knocked down trying to field the pass and his game effort isn't quite good enough. Hood was falling on the play and grabbed Curtis' foot. OBVIOUS flag not thrown by a crew I could have told you shouldn't have been calling this game.

Cardinals ball, though. Another stumbling handoff by Warner to Hightower around left end for 6. Eagles spend their last timeout at 1:43. Hightower pounds for most of the remaining 4 yards. 3rd and a foot. Cardinals let the clock run down to 0:59 and call a timeout.

Stewart Bradley times the snap beautifully and leads the surge to drop Hightower for a loss. Philly will at least get the ball back. Cards run the clock down to 0:15 before using another timeout.

DO NOT SHOW FUCKING BILL BIDWILL ON THE SIDELINE. Few people have ever been less deserving of having good things like this happen to them.

Terrific call on the punt, which Arizona angles OUT OF BOUNDS at the 7. Good luck, Philly. Nine seconds left.

The Cal-Stanford play goes badly awry for the Eagles after Jackson tosses it to Darnell Dockett on about the 4th try.

The Cardinals are going to the Super Bowl.

Congratulations, Kurt.

Fuck you, Bidwill.

Only time for quick analysis. I like Arizona's chances in the Super Bowl against Pittsburgh a lot better than I do against Baltimore. The Steelers could well be swooning on defense if Warner beats their blitzes the way he's been beating blitzes all season. And they don't have ANYBODY who can shut Fitzgerald down. I doubt they've played anybody like him all season. Baltimore, though, also has had to blitz to pressure the QB here in the postseason. But if Philly's secondary can't slow the Warner/Fitzgerald show down, I'm not sure who will. Main reason I don't pull the trigger and pick Kurt and company to win it right now is that I'm concerned about their running game. Also, the way Cole was whipping Gandy ALL GAME, you should start thinking about picking James Harrison or Terrell Suggs in your Super Bowl MVP pool. And either AFC team could easily make the Super Bowl a tempo game (see: Super Bowl 34) and put the Cards behind the 8-ball. And also, THEY'RE THE CARDINALS. I can't pick them to win a Super Bowl any more than I could pick the Cubs to win the World Series.

Game MVP goes, of course, to Kurt Warner, because he threw 4 TDs, because he's a leader on the field, and, of course, because I'll always be a big fan. Fitzgerald earns a mention as well, but this is Kurt's time above anybody else's on that team.

No time to reflect where Philly goes from here. Disappointing first half from McNabb, then a pretty brilliant 2nd half. Their weakness at WR showed - McNabb needs that reliable big target - but they'll never address that, not with a draft pick, at least. Though Terrell Owens may be available again this offseason.....

See you at the AFC Championship post in a little bit, where I hope to do a lot less cussing.

But if Baltimore wins the thing, I'll be ONE for FUCKING TEN this postseason.