TMQ sucks, for the last time

This isn’t the first time I’ve written a post titled “TMQ Sucks” – the last time it was politically motivated, but TMQ earns the insult this time on football terms.

In Gregg Easterbrook’s 10,000-words-plus opus previewing the NFC at espn.com this week, he typically devotes 2 to 4 long paragraphs to a team. The Eagles got 4 paragraphs and 750 words, though admittedly, most of that was about Michael Vick and the Eagles’ overrated cheerleaders. (San Diego!) The Saints got 3 paragraphs and over 500 words. The Cardinals? 3 paragraphs, 400 words. Seattle? 3 paragraphs, 350 words. Whiners? 3 paragraphs, almost 500 words, not counting a 175-word paragraph about Rorshach testing.


The NFC Preview article had 7 paragraphs and 1,100 words on college football teams that schedule cupcakes, one of Easterbrook’s annual rants. Two paragraphs, 150 words on the increasingly-earlier commercialization of Christmas every year, a familiar (and tired) Easterbrook rant. Five paragraphs, 400 words devoted to the (appalling) notion that the word “atheist” is too mean-sounding and a new, more politically-correct term is needed to replace it. Really? 200 words on how college players have to practice too much. 6 paragraphs, 700 words ripping college football scandals (isn’t this the NFC Preview?). 6 paragraphs, 750 words discussing the real powers of governors with regard to the National Guard (isn’t this a football column?). He wrote several lines about upscale cupcake bakeries and several more about putting together a trampoline last Christmas.

Hey, it’s all cool, usually – TMQ’s trademark is that Easterbrook veers from the subject, and even if a lot of it is getting repetitive and tiring, when it’s not politically-motivated garbage, it’s still a decent read, still holding entertainment value. Shoot, as a guy who just cranked out almost 4,000 words on a preseason game, I’d like to think I share a kinship with Easterbrook, a brotherhood of gridiron logorrhea, if you will. Though I stick to the subject.

So anyway, I’m rooting through TMQ’s NFC Preview to see what he says about the Rams. We’ve got a new coach, one he’s talked about a lot before because his defense held the legendary 16-0 Patriots in check in Super Bowl 42. We drafted an offensive lineman first. Easterbrook loves when teams do that. Not only that, we’re expecting to emphasize the run in 2009 and spent our biggest free agent dollars on a center. We also got one of the best linebackers in college football history in the second round of the draft. Easterbrook’s gotta be loving this team.

Here, then, in its entirety, is Tuesday Morning Quarterback’s 2009 St. Louis Rams preview:

St. Louis: The Rams, who already have a player named Richie Incognito, drafted a player named Keith Null. I've seen Null play -- he's got nothing. The same may be said of a team on a 5-27 run.

Nope, I didn’t leave anything out. Barely 2 lines, less than 40 words. Hell, many of the column’s photograph captions go over 20 words!

And these aren’t even inspired words. A science geek like Easterbrook ought to have more Keith Null jokes than he knows what to do with. He could argue that his jersey shouldn’t be represented with a number. He could joke that no matter how he sorts the roster on the Rams’ website, Null stays on top. Instead of anything like that, we get a flat, apathetic one-sentence scouting report that isn’t even accurate. Null’s had two good outings, and a bad one last week. Has Easterbrook even actually watched him? I accuse; you decide.

Gregg Easterbrook doesn’t give a damn about the Rams, that much is clear. Three half-hearted, half-assed sentences from a guy who doesn’t give a crap that he spent SIX times as much space talking about the 0-16 Detroit Lions. Rams fans should return the favor in kind and quit giving a damn about his column. Read the good writing by devoted Rams fans all over the Web and ignore TMQ the way the column ignores our team.