The Terrell Owens Era in St. Louis ended almost as quickly as it got started, much sound and fury signifying nothing. The Rams announced today that they are not going to bring Owens into camp. Sure, he would have been the Rams' best receiver heading into camp, but gambling on T.O. having a lot left is still a pretty high risk for a young team such as this. I wouldn't be surprised to see Seattle stick their beaks back into the T.O. Derby.
In other big news, the team is officially going to name its new hunk of foam rubber "Rampage". Thinking that one over again, I'm surprised they didn't go for the commercial tie-in and call it "Ramada".
Now that we've got the important stuff out of the way, could we maybe get to signing Sam Freaking Bradford?
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Rams taking a T.O.?
If they can tear themselves away from the exciting announcement of the naming of the Rams' mascot Monday morning, the Rams braintrust is reportedly getting together to decide whether or not to seriously pursue Terrell Owens. The Owens-to-the-Rams rumor really picked up steam this weekend, with the Bengals also considered in the running for the still-free agent WR.Like with the Michael Vick rumors last year, local press doesn't seem to care whether or not signing T.O. would be a good move for the team as much as they do that he'll be a story. Unlike Vick, though, I don't necessarily see an Owens pickup as a bad move. Then again, I don't really see it as a good move, either.
Owens' 55 receptions and 829 yards in Buffalo last season bested anything any Rams receiver did. His average per catch of 15.1 was a little better than his career average, and certainly better than Donnie Avery's weak 12.5. At 6'3", 226 he'd bring the Rams receiving corps needed size, especially in the red zone, and with 14 seasons and 6 Pro Bowls under his belt, he'd bring them some badly-needed experience, too. He'd be pretty much a perfect fit for the Ram offense. He's earned a career reputation as a showboater, me-first player and locker room poison, but he seemed to behave himself in Buffalo last season. If that means he's finally matured, it's hard to see Owens doing much harm to the Rams this season.
Though he likely wouldn't do much harm to the Rams playing against them, either. He'll be 37 by the end of the season. I don't believe he's all that fast any more, or all that hard to cover. You're not going to stretch the field much with him (not that the Rams try that much these days). And he sure does drop a lot of balls (and always has) for a guy you're thinking about using in a WCO.
At 37, he's not much of a candidate to stay around more than a season, and if he does, the odds increase he becomes a disrupting influence in the locker room. It's his career pattern.
And seriously, if the Rams have been so keen on finding a veteran WR who could play in this system, mentor the young receivers, catch 50 balls or so and charge the fan base up a little bit, why didn't they just sign Torry Holt when the Jagwires cut him after last season? There was at least a two-month period they could have signed Holt, so I don't get the perceived rush to bring in T.O. now. Why not bring back a long-time franchise hero instead of a long-time enemy?
Ultimately, I don't think Terrell Owens is going to be a Ram. The Rams didn't have to wait this long to sign a WR to bring what they think Owens could bring to this team. They could have signed Holt, or one of many other veteran receivers out there this spring. I'm not going to threaten to tear up my season tickets if the Rams do sign T.O., but I just don't think he's going to make a lot of difference here, either, if he does come.
Gameday changes, and foam rubber
The Rams will have yet another new P.A. announcer for games at the Edward Jones Dome this year, KTVI news reporter Andy Banker. Banker's the fourth or fifth P.A. announcer the Rams have had now (though Jim Holder's the only other one I can name at the moment). He replaces Randy Wright, who's leaving to work at the University of Florida. Wright did a good job keeping the fans engaged last year without being too plain a homer. Banker's on-air style makes me think he can also walk that line successfully; let's hope he picks up where Wright left off.
And there'll be BIG news later Monday when the Rams announce what we all get to call their new hunk of foam rubber, er, mascot. The clubhouse favorite is "Rampager". Fine name, though my preference wasn't even an option to vote for: Rambo. I also would have insisted the mascot wear the Rambo headband and be armed with a machine gun.
In reality, I could give a frak about the Rams having a foam rubber mascot. It's been cooler all these years not to have one. Save the money and use it instead on a real ram. That would be cool. Or buy the cheerleaders some damn Halloween costumes.
But the Rams haven't done a bad job with their new mascot, though I can't come up with a picture of it to reproduce here. He's certainly an improvement over many of the soul-sucking, corporate, malignantly-kid-friendly hunks of foam rubber (dis)gracing other sidelines around the league. Rampager's got that kind-of-mean look the team logo has. That already makes him a good bet to kick most of the other NFL mascots' asses. I mean, look at these guys.
The Raven looks like a penguin suffering from a glandular condition. And indigestion. The feline mascots look like they were all up all night smoking weed. That Buccaneer is the least scary pirate since Patchy the Pirate on SpongeBob, and Valhalla must be in an uproar over that Viking thing in the back row. (So, the concept is a Viking will be less scary to kids if he looks more like Sasquatch?) The Eagle next to him is certainly scary, but because he looks like a child molester. And I'm sorry, but there is nothing tough about a dolphin or a cow or a smiling white Happy Pony or a hypoxic buffalo. C'mon, people, can't our mascots at least look more intimidating than Mister Rogers? Don't get me started on the creepy gay Cowboy, either. The Teletubbies and Davey and Goliath all laugh at him and call him a pussy, though. Trivia fact: Jerry Jones and the Cowboys mascot use the same plastic surgeon!
The new Ram mascot's got all of those licked, plus he's got others licked because he makes sense. The team is the Rams. He's a Ram. Doesn't seem like a difficult concept. Many teams get this right. Then again, the Kansas City Chiefs mascot is a wolf that wears Zubaz. Yeah, that makes sense. And though he gets points for running over other teams' players with his ATV, the Tennessee Titans' mascot T-Rac, the beloved, adorable, garbage-eating, rabies-infested raccoon, is still a piece of roadkill. What, nobody in Nashville could figure out how to make a possum costume? And what the hell is that Colt mascot supposed to be? A Milk Dud? A California Raisin? A horse dropping? I vote horse dropping, since that is at least horse-related, like a COLT. Oh, it's a football. Those are horsehide, right? But, really? Nobody in Indianapolis thought of a horse? Jim Irsay can't afford a horse costume?
Well, as long as the new Rams mascot doesn't suck more than any of those, and that is an extremely low hurdle to clear, it'll be a positive addition to the stadium. Though unlike the Patriots' mascot, he won't be able to sit in for Jay Leno on The Tonight Show.
And there'll be BIG news later Monday when the Rams announce what we all get to call their new hunk of foam rubber, er, mascot. The clubhouse favorite is "Rampager". Fine name, though my preference wasn't even an option to vote for: Rambo. I also would have insisted the mascot wear the Rambo headband and be armed with a machine gun.
In reality, I could give a frak about the Rams having a foam rubber mascot. It's been cooler all these years not to have one. Save the money and use it instead on a real ram. That would be cool. Or buy the cheerleaders some damn Halloween costumes.
But the Rams haven't done a bad job with their new mascot, though I can't come up with a picture of it to reproduce here. He's certainly an improvement over many of the soul-sucking, corporate, malignantly-kid-friendly hunks of foam rubber (dis)gracing other sidelines around the league. Rampager's got that kind-of-mean look the team logo has. That already makes him a good bet to kick most of the other NFL mascots' asses. I mean, look at these guys.
The Raven looks like a penguin suffering from a glandular condition. And indigestion. The feline mascots look like they were all up all night smoking weed. That Buccaneer is the least scary pirate since Patchy the Pirate on SpongeBob, and Valhalla must be in an uproar over that Viking thing in the back row. (So, the concept is a Viking will be less scary to kids if he looks more like Sasquatch?) The Eagle next to him is certainly scary, but because he looks like a child molester. And I'm sorry, but there is nothing tough about a dolphin or a cow or a smiling white Happy Pony or a hypoxic buffalo. C'mon, people, can't our mascots at least look more intimidating than Mister Rogers? Don't get me started on the creepy gay Cowboy, either. The Teletubbies and Davey and Goliath all laugh at him and call him a pussy, though. Trivia fact: Jerry Jones and the Cowboys mascot use the same plastic surgeon!The new Ram mascot's got all of those licked, plus he's got others licked because he makes sense. The team is the Rams. He's a Ram. Doesn't seem like a difficult concept. Many teams get this right. Then again, the Kansas City Chiefs mascot is a wolf that wears Zubaz. Yeah, that makes sense. And though he gets points for running over other teams' players with his ATV, the Tennessee Titans' mascot T-Rac, the beloved, adorable, garbage-eating, rabies-infested raccoon, is still a piece of roadkill. What, nobody in Nashville could figure out how to make a possum costume? And what the hell is that Colt mascot supposed to be? A Milk Dud? A California Raisin? A horse dropping? I vote horse dropping, since that is at least horse-related, like a COLT. Oh, it's a football. Those are horsehide, right? But, really? Nobody in Indianapolis thought of a horse? Jim Irsay can't afford a horse costume?
Well, as long as the new Rams mascot doesn't suck more than any of those, and that is an extremely low hurdle to clear, it'll be a positive addition to the stadium. Though unlike the Patriots' mascot, he won't be able to sit in for Jay Leno on The Tonight Show.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Rams sign Onobun
The Onobun Project at Rams Park is all systems go... the University of Houston TE and sixth-round pick has agreed to a 4-year contract.That leaves the top two picks, Sam Bradford and Rodger Saffold, to be signed by the time rookies report to training camp in nine days. (Good grief, is camp that close already?)
Talks with Bradford's representatives appear to be going well so far; at least, no evidence of discord has leaked out.
Photo: Houston Chronicle
The infinite jest of RamView
I write like
David Foster Wallace
David Foster Wallace
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!
Curious to find out if I have an actual literary style, I fed an old RamView to the recently highly-publicized I Write Like site, and it came back telling me I write like David Foster Wallace. Though I was expecting a sportswriter, briefly, I thought, oh, I get it. Wallace wrote Infinite Jest, which I know nothing about, other than it's like 1,200 pages long. I needed a website to tell me RamView is wordy?
So I picked a small piece of the same RamView for analysis. Result: David Foster Wallace.
I picked part of a different RamView, the end of the last one from last year. Result: David Foster Wallace. I picked one of my RamBlog entries. Result: David Foster Wallace! Apparently, I am the second coming of David Foster Wallace!
Then again, the same website says Kim Kardashian writes like James Joyce. And that Wallace, and I, apparently, write like a personal ad seeking a gym partner.
Having read none of his writing, I relied on Wikipedia to figure out why I might be considered the next David Foster Wallace (or gym partner-seeking want ad). It mentions his uses of many forms of irony. I'd be impressed with a computer algorithm that can detect that. (Is sarcasm a form of irony? It's definitely my specialty.) More likely, the site's keying on use of long multi-clause sentences, use of acronyms and abbreviations, and maybe use of jargon and vocabulary from a variety of fields. Who knew that using complex language structures like "TD" and "FG" would put me right up there with the author of one of Time's 100 Greatest Novels ever? Or one of the most influential and innovative writers of the last 20 years? (Irony! Or sarcasm! Or both!)
Wikipedia also describes Wallace as a "hysterical realist". That's a perfect description of my experience as a Rams fan. Wallace and I are kindred spirits.
Actually, I hope not. He lost a 20-year battle with depression and committed suicide in 2008. Fortunately, the Rams have only been depressing for about five years now.
(Though this footnote should really make my "style" like Wallace's, when I submitted this post to I Write Like, it told me I write like sci-fi writer and blogger Cory Doctorow now. Huh, a blog post that looks like it was written by a blogger.)
(Also, whatever the hell this font is will be the new font of RamBlog from now on, because I am SICK of setting the font to Verdana like I want and having stupid Blogger ignore me nine times out of ten.)
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Site updates: best/worst players
There will be some movement on this year's RamView all-time worst roster. And believe me, I'm showing some restraint in the moves I did make.
At tight end, Joe Klopfenstein has been promoted to starter and therefore worst TE in St. Louis Rams history. Randy McMichael also joins the roster at this position, replacing Brandon Manumaleuna.
Alex Barron and Richie Incognito join the all-worst offensive line, largely thanks to their penalty-prone ways. They replace center Dave Wohlabaugh and LB Brian Allen, neither of whom will be remembered much around here, certainly not as much as the two flag magnets who replace them. In these cases, notoriety, though deserved, makes some players look worse than others who are actually worse.
A lot of other guys are worthy of the all-worst team. Can we ever really say Kyle Boller or Keith Null last year outplayed Scott Covington in 2002? No. Covington's failure is just too funny to keep him off, though. Samkon Gado's easily worse than several RBs on my list. But June Henley's always going to be there for weirdly leading the team in 1998 with a whopping 313 rushing yards. And for all his talent, Trung Canidate's always going to be there for being the first of many dumb Mike Martz draft picks. Many positions have become a matter of, Who do you drop off? Some of these guys were just too craptastic to think they'll ever be off such a team as this.
James Butler was close to replacing Kim Herring, but I'm holding off that one for now. Herring's coming off the page soon; though he may not have been great here, he wasn't epically bad like so many others on the page.
My other near-transaction was to make Pat Shurmur the OC, but as a rookie coordinator last year, he gets a pass (though probably a two-yard smoke pass on 3rd-and-8) for now in favor of incumbent Jerry Rhome, who'd been around a lot longer and just should have known better. But it's damn close, Shurmur, so pull it up out of the ditch this season.
Still have to relive fond memories by going over the best-players page. The only change I foresee is James Laurinaitis bumping Ron Bartell off the practice squad.
At tight end, Joe Klopfenstein has been promoted to starter and therefore worst TE in St. Louis Rams history. Randy McMichael also joins the roster at this position, replacing Brandon Manumaleuna.
Alex Barron and Richie Incognito join the all-worst offensive line, largely thanks to their penalty-prone ways. They replace center Dave Wohlabaugh and LB Brian Allen, neither of whom will be remembered much around here, certainly not as much as the two flag magnets who replace them. In these cases, notoriety, though deserved, makes some players look worse than others who are actually worse.
A lot of other guys are worthy of the all-worst team. Can we ever really say Kyle Boller or Keith Null last year outplayed Scott Covington in 2002? No. Covington's failure is just too funny to keep him off, though. Samkon Gado's easily worse than several RBs on my list. But June Henley's always going to be there for weirdly leading the team in 1998 with a whopping 313 rushing yards. And for all his talent, Trung Canidate's always going to be there for being the first of many dumb Mike Martz draft picks. Many positions have become a matter of, Who do you drop off? Some of these guys were just too craptastic to think they'll ever be off such a team as this.
James Butler was close to replacing Kim Herring, but I'm holding off that one for now. Herring's coming off the page soon; though he may not have been great here, he wasn't epically bad like so many others on the page.
My other near-transaction was to make Pat Shurmur the OC, but as a rookie coordinator last year, he gets a pass (though probably a two-yard smoke pass on 3rd-and-8) for now in favor of incumbent Jerry Rhome, who'd been around a lot longer and just should have known better. But it's damn close, Shurmur, so pull it up out of the ditch this season.
Still have to relive fond memories by going over the best-players page. The only change I foresee is James Laurinaitis bumping Ron Bartell off the practice squad.
Site updates: best/worst games
Well, it's that overdue time of year where I finally try to get the website cleaned up for the upcoming season. Here's the thoughts behind my very-halting efforts so far.
* Best/worst games pages. Obviously, 2009's 1-15 Rams season wasn't exactly going to create a lot of candidates for the best game in St. Louis Rams history, so the best games page remains intact for (another) year, even as I yearn to update it again someday.
The mild surprise is that the worst games list also remains intact, even though the Rams just completed their worst season and are mired in one of the worst runs in NFL history. There were definitely candidates for worst game. The Colts barely worked up even a scrimmage-worthy sweat in handing the Rams a 42-6 home loss. The Whiners ripped the Rams in Frisco 35-0. The Seahawks opened the Steve Spagnuolo era with a 28-0 drubbing, and extended their winning streak over the Rams even though they themselves haven't been any good for two years. And Tennessee put a 47-7 pounding on the Rams in Music City, a game in which Keith Null threw 5 INTs and was still the Rams' best offensive player.
So how did NONE of these games make the cut? Hey, this is subjective. There's no science to it; I may even go back and change my mind someday. Lowered expectations going into last year were certainly a mitigating factor. Nobody expected the Rams to beat the Colts for a minute, so though big, that loss wasn't as embarrassing as other big losses. The team almost never showed signs of quitting on Spagnuolo, either, unlike some of the brutal Linehan losses that do make the list. Losing 35-0 to the Whiners sucks as much as anything, but the team played hard as always, and the defense, belying the score, had a very good game. The reset of the whole franchise going into the season also left an air of hope instead of the lingering air of failure created when Linehan was kept aboard for the 2008 season. Getting pounded Opening Day in Seattle with a team we expected to be bad didn't feel as bad as getting pounded Opening Day in Philadelphia with a team we expected results out of. As for the loss at Tennessee: it probably is one of the ten worst games in St. Louis Rams history, but Jeff Fisher is an asshole and was trying to run up the score that day. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of putting his game on this list.
My precautionary message to Coach Spagnuolo, though: one season in, and you've already had a scad of candidates for worst game in St. Louis Rams history. You got a lot of goodwill in 2009. A LOT, from the press and the fans. And we know we're breaking in a rookie QB in 2010, so again this year, you're lucking out a little and we're not expecting a lot.
We're expecting better than last year, though. Show us some tangible progress in 2010.
* Best/worst games pages. Obviously, 2009's 1-15 Rams season wasn't exactly going to create a lot of candidates for the best game in St. Louis Rams history, so the best games page remains intact for (another) year, even as I yearn to update it again someday.
The mild surprise is that the worst games list also remains intact, even though the Rams just completed their worst season and are mired in one of the worst runs in NFL history. There were definitely candidates for worst game. The Colts barely worked up even a scrimmage-worthy sweat in handing the Rams a 42-6 home loss. The Whiners ripped the Rams in Frisco 35-0. The Seahawks opened the Steve Spagnuolo era with a 28-0 drubbing, and extended their winning streak over the Rams even though they themselves haven't been any good for two years. And Tennessee put a 47-7 pounding on the Rams in Music City, a game in which Keith Null threw 5 INTs and was still the Rams' best offensive player.
So how did NONE of these games make the cut? Hey, this is subjective. There's no science to it; I may even go back and change my mind someday. Lowered expectations going into last year were certainly a mitigating factor. Nobody expected the Rams to beat the Colts for a minute, so though big, that loss wasn't as embarrassing as other big losses. The team almost never showed signs of quitting on Spagnuolo, either, unlike some of the brutal Linehan losses that do make the list. Losing 35-0 to the Whiners sucks as much as anything, but the team played hard as always, and the defense, belying the score, had a very good game. The reset of the whole franchise going into the season also left an air of hope instead of the lingering air of failure created when Linehan was kept aboard for the 2008 season. Getting pounded Opening Day in Seattle with a team we expected to be bad didn't feel as bad as getting pounded Opening Day in Philadelphia with a team we expected results out of. As for the loss at Tennessee: it probably is one of the ten worst games in St. Louis Rams history, but Jeff Fisher is an asshole and was trying to run up the score that day. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of putting his game on this list.
My precautionary message to Coach Spagnuolo, though: one season in, and you've already had a scad of candidates for worst game in St. Louis Rams history. You got a lot of goodwill in 2009. A LOT, from the press and the fans. And we know we're breaking in a rookie QB in 2010, so again this year, you're lucking out a little and we're not expecting a lot.
We're expecting better than last year, though. Show us some tangible progress in 2010.
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