Gameday changes, and foam rubber

The Rams will have yet another new P.A. announcer for games at the Edward Jones Dome this year, KTVI news reporter Andy Banker. Banker's the fourth or fifth P.A. announcer the Rams have had now (though Jim Holder's the only other one I can name at the moment). He replaces Randy Wright, who's leaving to work at the University of Florida. Wright did a good job keeping the fans engaged last year without being too plain a homer. Banker's on-air style makes me think he can also walk that line successfully; let's hope he picks up where Wright left off.

And there'll be BIG news later Monday when the Rams announce what we all get to call their new hunk of foam rubber, er, mascot. The clubhouse favorite is "Rampager". Fine name, though my preference wasn't even an option to vote for: Rambo. I also would have insisted the mascot wear the Rambo headband and be armed with a machine gun.

In reality, I could give a frak about the Rams having a foam rubber mascot. It's been cooler all these years not to have one. Save the money and use it instead on a real ram. That would be cool. Or buy the cheerleaders some damn Halloween costumes.

But the Rams haven't done a bad job with their new mascot, though I can't come up with a picture of it to reproduce here. He's certainly an improvement over many of the soul-sucking, corporate, malignantly-kid-friendly hunks of foam rubber (dis)gracing other sidelines around the league. Rampager's got that kind-of-mean look the team logo has. That already makes him a good bet to kick most of the other NFL mascots' asses. I mean, look at these guys.

The Raven looks like a penguin suffering from a glandular condition. And indigestion. The feline mascots look like they were all up all night smoking weed. That Buccaneer is the least scary pirate since Patchy the Pirate on SpongeBob, and Valhalla must be in an uproar over that Viking thing in the back row. (So, the concept is a Viking will be less scary to kids if he looks more like Sasquatch?) The Eagle next to him is certainly scary, but because he looks like a child molester. And I'm sorry, but there is nothing tough about a dolphin or a cow or a smiling white Happy Pony or a hypoxic buffalo. C'mon, people, can't our mascots at least look more intimidating than Mister Rogers? Don't get me started on the creepy gay Cowboy, either. The Teletubbies and Davey and Goliath all laugh at him and call him a pussy, though. Trivia fact: Jerry Jones and the Cowboys mascot use the same plastic surgeon!

The new Ram mascot's got all of those licked, plus he's got others licked because he makes sense. The team is the Rams. He's a Ram. Doesn't seem like a difficult concept. Many teams get this right. Then again, the Kansas City Chiefs mascot is a wolf that wears Zubaz. Yeah, that makes sense. And though he gets points for running over other teams' players with his ATV, the Tennessee Titans' mascot T-Rac, the beloved, adorable, garbage-eating, rabies-infested raccoon, is still a piece of roadkill. What, nobody in Nashville could figure out how to make a possum costume? And what the hell is that Colt mascot supposed to be? A Milk Dud? A California Raisin? A horse dropping? I vote horse dropping, since that is at least horse-related, like a COLT. Oh, it's a football. Those are horsehide, right? But, really? Nobody in Indianapolis thought of a horse? Jim Irsay can't afford a horse costume?

Well, as long as the new Rams mascot doesn't suck more than any of those, and that is an extremely low hurdle to clear, it'll be a positive addition to the stadium. Though unlike the Patriots' mascot, he won't be able to sit in for Jay Leno on The Tonight Show.