The Rams will try to break a nine-game losing streak at Seattle when they tee it up against the playoff-bound Seahawks at Randomly-Named Telcom Soccer Park later today. The Seahawk offense has done well to survive the same string of injuries at RB that killed my fantasy team, but has another hurdle to jump this week with WR Doug Baldwin's hamstring injury. Baldwin has been one of the league's hottest receivers this month, which coincides with Russell Wilson's amazing hot streak and the Seattle offense's streak of scoring 29 points or more. If he's out or even limited, you have to start to wonder how many weapons is not enough even for Russell. Sneaky name to watch today is probable starting RB Christine Michael, who's been away from Seattle this season up till now but was there a couple of years and has experience in their system. He's talented enough to blow up like Thomas Rawls did if he's got his head on straight.
Injury update: Baldwin is active, but left tackle Russell Okung (calf) is not. That's not as big an injury as it sounds because Okung has looked really limited lately. Seattle shouldn't be a lot worse off this week without him and they're smart to try to get him healthy for the playoffs.
This may have been one of the best weeks for the Rams off the field in many years. Congratulations to 2015 Pro Bowlers Aaron Donald (second time selected), Johnny Hekker (second) and Todd Gurley (first). That's back-to-back rookie Pro Bowlers for the Rams, and their biggest Pro Bowl contingent since 2006. Congratulations also to Benny Cunningham for winning the NFC Special Teams Player of the Week. He's the second Ram to win the award this year; Tavon Austin won it week 1.
And most importantly, congratulations to Stedman Bailey, who has been released from the hospital after receiving life-threatening injuries in a shooting November 24th. That's the best Christmas miracle the Rams could get.
I don't expect the Rams to win this game at all, but I think they can keep it competitive most of the way. I'll pick Seattle to pull away late with a 31-14 win.
Chris Myers and Ronde Barber draw the Rams for the third time in four weeks for Fox. Refereeing will be by John Hussey's crew, who worked the Rams' home loss to the Steelers in September, and according to my notes, allowed a ton of holding.
FIRST QUARTER
Pre-game, I have to give infinite points to sideline reporter Holly Sonders for rocking the Tom Baker Doctor Who hat. But where's your 10-foot scarf?
Seahawks win the toss, defer and the Rams start with a touchback. Todd Gurley runs smack into safety Kelcie McRae for maybe 1. Greg Robinson got out to the 2nd level and whiffed. Meanwhile, the Seahawks have a Kelcie and a Christine on their roster? Are these the cheerleaders, or? Frank Clark burns Rob Havenstein and hits Case Keenum, but Case hits Kenny Britt for 13 on the old buttonhook route. Some more injuries nobody bothered to tell us pregame - Kam Chancellor out for Seattle, Bradley Marquez out for the Rams. Keenum wants Tavon Austin on a quick slant next, but Bruce Irvin forces him to pull the ball down, and the pass is incomplete with the timing gone. Kind of dumb that Irvin's unblocked out there, no? Austin lines up at RB and gets a big two yards up the middle. This is Robinson again. He left the OLB who made the tackle unblocked and went and blocked Bobby Wagner instead. The Rams do not look very schematically sound out of the gate. Benny Cunningham picks up the blitz on 3rd-and-8, but Keenum throws a 3-yard pass behind Austin and incomplete, and we're off to another of 2015's stirring Rams offensive starts. Pro Bowl punter Johnny Hekker kicks an idiotic punt right to Tyler Lockett, who returns out to the 20. Also, Marquez isn't hurt as previously reported; he was just gunning on that return. Block in the back sets Seattle back to their 11.
One play, one QB pressure by Aaron Donald, who flushes Russell Wilson into throwing high and incomplete. Mark Barron gets a QB hit as well. William Hayes then beats J.R. Sweezy easy-peasy and drops Christine Michael for a 4-yard loss. Eugene Sims gets the officiating crew to wake up and call a false start on the RT. 3rd-17. Draw to Fred Jackson is stopped quickly by Rodney McLeod at the 9. Defense bringing it early, nice!
Rams will take over at midfield after the D's excellent work to flip field position. Austin takes a swing pass in the left flat, SPINS out of Jeremy Lane's tackle and gains 16. Gurley runs through McRae for 4. Keenum appears to change the play; Gurley follows Cory Harkey and Cody Wichmann left for another 3. Keenum has Kendricks open in the flat and Brian Quick open on a cross on 3rd-3, but scrambles instead (?), and comes up short. And OF COURSE Jeff Fisher settles for the FG instead of growing a damn set. Greg Zuerlein at least hits from 42. Rams 3, Seahawks 0 Good thing Fisher protected the Rams' playoff chances by not going for it on 4th and less than one there. Oh.
Barber and Myers are pretty sure Keenum panicked on that 3rd down scramble. He had time and open receivers. Zuerlein's kickoff is TERRIBLE, fielded by Lockett at the 8 and run out to the 41. Oh dear! We have to kick outside again! Idiot. Second straight kick DIRECTLY TO the dangerous Lockett, too, if anybody wants to do some COACHING on special teams or anything. But on first down, the hell? The center botches the snap into a pop fly Michael has to field on the run, with a blitzing Barron dropping him for at least a 6-yard loss. That looked like a Wildcat play designed by Salvador Dali. Nice job by Michael to prevent a turnover, honestly. An apparently sleepy Barber thinks the ball went off Wilson's hands. Wake up, Ronde. Shame you're not in a part of America known for caffeinated drinks or anything. And, as they have always done and will do for all of time, the Rams leave Doug Baldwin wide open, to gain 15. It was a pick route, but Baldwin really got open by faking TruJo out of his jock right off the line. Embarrassing.
The egg's all on Seattle's face on 3rd-and-1, though. (And on mine for needing about a dozen replays to get this description right.) On a play that looks like it's in slow motion, the handoff goes to fullback Will Tukuafu, who's not only met head-on by Barron and James Laurinaitis and stuffed for no gain, Barron forces the ball loose. Akeem Ayers jumps on it at the Seattle 45. He gets up. Wilson can't bring him down. Center Patrick Lewis tries, but gets CRUSHED by Michael Brockers for his trouble. (Barber described this as Ayers "making people miss". Wake. Up. Ronde!) Somebody named Kevin Smith, a WR, can't trip him up, TruJo throws a super block at the 10... TOUCHDOWN!!!! The defense is indeed bringing it early. NICE! Rams 10, Seahawks 0
Another terrible kickoff, directly to Lockett at the goal line, but Daren Bates takes him down around the 23. What the hell, Zuerlein? Bubble screen to Lockett gets 13, and shame on the Rams for not defending that Seattle bread-and-butter play better. Wilson gets roughly nine seconds to throw the next play, but all that time, the Rams keep him trapped in the pocket and he eventually overthrows Lockett over the middle. Barron, Sims, Brockers, all did well not to overpursue that play. Nick Fairley slips a downblock and stops Michael for 3. 3rd-7, 3-man rush, BRUTAL HOLDING by Garry Gilliam on Hayes not called, and Wilson of course gets away and scrambles for 9. And even with T.J. McDonald gone, we've got Rams defensive players killing one another. Fairley and Lamarcus Joyner butt heads with frightening force, a piece of chinstrap goes flying a good ten feet, and shockingly, it's Joyner who "won" the collision. They're both being checked by the Rams' comprehensive concussion protocol, which means they'll be back on the field in a minute. Myers lets us know that Ethan Westbrooks is also being checked for a concussion. I'll bet that was on the fumble return TD; Brockers crashed into him on his big block. From the 48, TruJo blows up a swing pass to TE Cooper Helfet for a yard. Bryce Brown up the middle for 4, with Chris Long getting pancaked and Brockers blown away by a double-team. Still 3rd-5. 4-man rush gets nowhere, but it's just a smoke route to Lockett, and Sims drops and stops him a couple of yards short. Seattle's having a ton of trouble dealing with the Rams up front early. The Rams have trouble getting everyone on the field for the punt, INCLUDING AUSTIN, and blow a timeout on 4th-and-1 instead of getting burned by a fake. Is there ANY coaching going on on special teams this week? Or, is anybody in the broadcast booth awake? Myers thinks Seattle called the TO because the play clock was running out. There were 10 seconds left on it! Auuuuugh!
Jermaine Kearse downs the punt at the 5. Tre Mason takes off for 5 off a Harkey block and a mauler of a seal block by Havenstein. They stay with the run, but Tim Barnes, Garrett Reynolds and Robinson are all pushed back and Mason gets stuffed. Wait, has Keenum been complaining about the crowds in St. Louis? Yeah, you go ahead and worry about that, franchise QB. He feathers a terrific pass to Jared Cook for a 1st down at the 16 on an out route. Cliff Avril jumps offside, which Barber rightly mocks, to make it 1st-5. Michael Bennett lines up well wide of Robinson and beats him clean to drop Mason for -2. How many touches does Gurley have so far? 3? And again, could we actually look prepared for things the Seahawks do a lot? Still, this quarter couldn't have gone much better for the Rams.
SECOND QUARTER
Keenum hangs in well against a 4-man rush but his pass is just a 3-yard swing to Mason. Sideline reports that Barron is now being checked for a concussion, too? Holy crap. 3rd-4, Havenstein gets beat on the edge and Barnes and Wichmann can't clear Brandon Mebane to allow Keenum to step up. He has to bail out and hits Wes Welker for only three. This was meant to be a 5-yard comeback to Welker, and it was open, before Havenstein got beat and started the dominoes falling. Surprising fair catch by Lockett, who Hekker KICKED DIRECTLY TO AGAIN, at his 31; he had plenty of room. And Hekker gets a roughing penalty for a cheap shot. This is some brilliant freaking special teams discipline today. Just PENALTY #1 afaik, though.
It is to laugh. Seattle just tried to pull-block Aaron Donald. IT CANNOT BE DONE! He buries Brown for -5, and I think Seattle may have negative rushing yards right now. Wilson scrambles out of trouble again on 2nd down and hits Brown for an apparent big gainer down to the Ram 10, but the refs alertly catch that he threw the pass beyond the LOS. What an incredibly improvised play by Russell Wilson, Barber says. WAKE TFU! It's an incredible PENALTY on Wilson. Now Myers calls it a clever play. IT WAS ILLEGAL! The Rams don't have to cover Brown when Wilson becomes a runner! Augh! 3rd-19. No, now Pete Carroll is challenging the OBVIOUS illegal forward pass! Are they getting tips from the Fox booth? Auugh! Thanks for wasting the timeout there, Pete. 3rd-19 again. 3-man rush does bupkus, but Wilson unwisely goes deep to a double-teamed Lockett, and it's another INT for TruJo!
I'm thinking Russell Wilson, Ronde Barber and the Rams' kickers were all at a humdinger of a Christmas party last night. That was a dumb throw, Russ. And, wow, seven picks for TruJo this season. Rams ball at their 11 as we now add Lockett to the concussion list.
Play action to Gurley, but Avril gets a free run to send Keenum scrambling for 4. And when he slides, Irvin hits him late to send the Rams out to the 30. Inexplicably, Seattle's not looking any sharper than Pittsburgh or Carolina did in surprising upsets from earlier today. Austin doubles back twice in motion but isn't confusing enough, his jet sweep is stopped for 2. Gurley for 10 through a big hole. Great job by Tim Barnes, plowing a guy right and then doubling back to pick off a 2nd-level defender. Play-action slows Seattle down about a blink as they bury Austin for a loss on a bubble screen. Hitch to Kenny Britt for 8. 3rd-6, they try to run a pick for Cook but DeShawn Shead is all over it. Punt time. Poor punt by Hekker, only 35 yards and fair caught by Kevin Smith at the 19. Hekker's cheap shot last time out now has Avril and Bennett head-hunting for him. Way to go, dummy.
Donald stacks up Seattle blockers for Brown to run into for 1, putting them up to 7 yards rushing. Myers shows us referee John Hussey on the Seattle sideline warning them about going after Hekker. Interesting. Will Hayes THROWS Lemuel Jeanpierre, who I'll just call "Frenchy" if I have to mention him again, down and stuffs Brown for 1 again. Frenchy did not start at RT to my knowledge, so Seattle's getting desperate to find a working combination up front. Gregg Williams blitzes both LBs out of a nickel look on 3rd-and-8, and Wilson's buried under a William Hayes avalanche for the Rams' first sack. Gilliam at RT this time, but Hayes smoked him inside. Donald was dropping back in coverage, too; may have influenced Wilson to hold the ball. Punt time. Agh, the Rams look like a freaking playoff team today. Where was this defensive effort against Chicago? Washington? At home against Arizona?
Ayers gets half that sack for his blitz effort. Meanwhile, Austin fields the punt at midfield, gets a seam on the right side and sprints down to the SEA28. The Rams have completely outplayed Seattle so far. And, WHAT'S THIS?!?!? KILLER INSTINCT?!?!?!? Keenum gets good protection and Britt SMOKES RICHARD SHERMAN for a 28-yard TD down the far sideline!!!!!!! Rams 16, Seahawks 0 Yes, that's 16 because DIPSHIT missed the PAT. Great. Know what's going to come back and haunt us?
That was a perfect throw by Keenum, btw. Now that Lockett's out, Zuerlein can bury a touchback. Brilliant. Seattle at their 20. Swing pass to Fred Jackson for 4. Seattle may be done trying to run. Wilson's not; Donald, Long and Ayers all run him ragged until he finds a TE up the sideline for a drop. 3rd-6, TruJo CRUSHES Luke Willson to break up a 2-yard pass, and gets a penalty for it?!?!?!? PENALTY #2 It's 15 yards for a helmet-to-helmet hit. Willson's a vulnerable receiver there, so I guess I get the call. Stupidly, had he caught the ball and received the identical hit a half-second later, no flag. Willson's now counting fingers on the sideline with Seattle bumped out to the 39. Dumpoff to a completely uncovered Michael for another 11. Brockers swims right over the center and buries Michael for -3. Good GRIEF the run D has been good today. Michael gets those 3 back on a screen pass, barely off before Long could bear down on Wilson. But then, guess who, BALDWIN for 13. 3rd and 10 and the Rams had NO ONE WITHIN TEN YARDS OF HIM AT THE SNAP. Seattle returns the favor by foolishly trying to block Hayes with a TE. Hayes steamrolls him and buries a clueless Wilson for sack #2 and a 7-yard loss. TO#2 for Seattle with 2:42 to the half. Hayes flushes Wilson again, but, oh hey, Lockett is back for a 16-yard catch on the sideline. Anybody at the network mind CLUING ME IN ON THAT? Seattle again taking advantage of Mo Alexander laying a mile off any given receiver. Michael launches over the pile for a 1st down at the Ram 28 at the 2:00 warning. Drop by Helfet, would have gained 8. Fred Jackson breaks an Ayers tackle in the backfield and gains 7. I think that just doubled their rushing yardage. 3rd-3, guess who's WIDE OPEN out of the slot because the Rams are FIVE yards off everybody. Baldwin. TruJo whiffs a tackle, but Long clubs the ball loose inside the 5. Naturally, Seattle falls on that. So, let me make sure I have this straight. We'll stick a guy in Calvin Johnson's grill for most of a game, but we can't station anyone within FIVE YARDS of Doug Baldwin on 3rd-and-3. TruJo breaks up an end zone pass for Jermaine Kearse with 0:27 to go. And he breaks up a pass to Baldwin at the 3. 3rd-and-goal from the 8 (it was spotted there because the fumble was forward). The Rams are a mile off Baldwin again, but Donald gets an arm around Wilson to mess up the throw down to the 1. Seattle settles for a FG to send us to halftime. This was a VERY long paragraph for a FG, but I don't mind. Rams 16, Seahawks 3
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
Run defense has obviously been brilliant for the Rams in the first half, and pass rush has been very good. Seattle's clearly suffering from the injuries they're battling all over their offense right now. That's why it's driving me nuts that Gregg Williams is covering Doug Baldwin like he has Ebola. Baldwin's all they have right now! Let's press him! My fear is, as I'm expecting Seattle to abandon the run after halftime, that we're going to get a replay of the 4th quarter against Tampa. Stay aggressive, dammit, Williams.
I remember back when the Rams had this running back named Todd Gurley. Remember him? He was pretty darn good. Even made a Pro Bowl once, as I recall. Should Rob Boras actually remember Gurley IS ACTUALLY ON THE RAMS ACTIVE ROSTER TODAY, I wouldn't mind seeing him get the ball a time or 12 in the 2nd half. This is when Gurley shines anyway, so just make sure to get him the doggone ball. And quit kicking the ball to Lockett, for Frank Gansz' sake. I don't know what the heck anyone is thinking on special teams today.
This is a shockingly winnable game for the Rams. Seattle looks as unfocused as Tampa did Thursday night and is really undermanned. Finish them. Where the hell was this against Chicago again? Minnesota? BALTIMORE? Augh.
THIRD QUARTER
LOL, I'm hitting the second half an hour behind. Lockett's back, so Zuerlein's kick is of course crappy, fielded at the 5 and returned to the 33. What the HELL! Quick slant to Baldwin for 7. No one within 10 yards. Michael carries Hayes for 5 and a first down. Edge pressure forces Wilson up to scramble for 8. He slides as the Rams get away with a hit as late as Seattle got flagged for in the 1st. Oh, Wilson is selling it like this is a Premier League game or something, but he did get a late hit. The Rams are in the neutral zone on 2nd-2, but the LT appears to have false-started prior to that. I think that's the right call. 2nd-7. Ayers blitzes in clean to tip an attempted flare to Helfet. After Laurinaitis flushes Wilson into an incomplete throw on a blitz, Donald hits him late for PENALTY #3. And, auuugh. Michael goes left for 4 down to the Ram 33. Seattle has switched things up here with quicker handoffs and more I-formation, and Michael gets a HUGE hole down to the 18. Sigh. Let's GO, Gregg Williams. Donald whiffed in the backfield, Long got buried at end, and Laurinaitis couldn't get off his block after Ayers sacrificed himself taking out a lead blocker. Ha, take it back; clipping on Seattle. Yeah, that was a pretty dirty block on Donald and a big reason he missed the tackle. 2nd-21 now all the way back at the Ram 48. Donald nearly sacks Wilson, forcing a dumpoff to Brown, but he's out of bounds. 3rd-21. Find Baldwin, people. Sims and company flush Wilson again, forcing a dumpoff and a holding penalty the Rams accept, I guess to avoid a Hauschka bomb. That would have been a 55-yard try; I guess better safe than sorry. 3rd-31. For God's sake, they leave Baldwin wide god damn open again, TruJo blows a tackle, and he nearly gets the whole damn gain back. They gave up 28 yards on 3rd-and-31. Seattle will go for it on the 4th-and-short the idiot Rams HANDED THEM. And the sleeping Rams give up FOURTEEN to Helfet on a slant. Alexander was never within TEN yards of him, then got picked off by a slant. Seriously, put Cody Davis out there if we're that afraid to have Mo cover anybody. 1st down at the 18. This is, as I feared at halftime, a replay of the 4th quarter against Tampa. Brown to the 15. On 2nd down, Hayes and Sims bury Wilson back at the 25 for sack #3. Hayes is just rocking Gilliam with his punch; Sims put so many fakes on Alvin Bailey at LT, ALL of which he bought, that it looked like he was teasing a kitten with a laser pointer. That looked like a really bad Senior Bowl mirror drill.
So what do the Rams do? GIVE UP A TD PASS TO FREAKING BALDWIN, who got behind three guys. Rams 16, Seahawks 10 HE IS ALL THEY HAVE! COVER HIM! IDIOTS! He's just running the classic go route Seattle ALWAYS RUNS OUT OF THE SLOT IN THIS AREA OF THE FIELD. Instead, the Rams give up a completely unnecessary TD with crap soft zone coverage, with Alexander getting called out on the broadcast for botching his assignment. As far as I'm concerned, Gregg Williams botched that drive worse than Alexander did. Freaking press freaking Baldwin. Instead, now it's 16-10, and here comes that missed extra point to bite us in the ass now.
Seattle had the ball over 6:30 there, so even three points in response would be big for the Rams. A 3-and-out would be bigger for Seattle and I fear much more likely. Right on cue, Cunningham can only make the 18 with a short kick. Harkey can't clear a path and Gurley only gets 1. K.J. Wright nearly picks off a short middle pass for Kendricks. Say goodbye to your uncle Mo, Rams. Keenum dumps off to BENNY from a collapsing pocket on 3rd-and-9, and darned if the Little Engine That Could doesn't chug through Wagner for the first down! End-around to Austin - nice call - who beats Bennett around the corner, gets a decleater from Havenstein and gains 8. Gurley gets 3 and another 1st behind strong blocks from Wichmann and Harkey. Rams now at their 40. I'll call this a stretch handoff to Gurley, who gets 4 off another Havenstein block. Doctor Who lets us know Fairley and Barron are done for the day, with Westbrooks and TruJo still being checked. Good grief. Luke Willson is done for Seattle, and Britt has gone to the Rams locker room. Screen to Gurley, who pulls a low pass off his hip pad and wheels up the sideline for 7. Nifty play. Wagner meets Gurley immediately in the hole to hold him to 1. Wagner follows that by knocking a ball out of Lance Kendricks' worthless hands. Austin unsurprisingly gets no separation at all from Sherman on a long pass he catches out of bounds. Well, if they can at least pin Seattle deep, this drive, which took over 5:00, was still a pretty good answer. Hekker does get a fair catch at the 10.
Joyner, 7 yards off Baldwin, beaten for 11. Hayes and Donald nearly got Wilson again. Brown left for 4; Brockers overpursued, Bates missed tackle, Long manhandled. Brown runs right into Ayers, who holds him to 2. The 3rd-4 pass looks like a catch to me, with Jenkins ripping the ball out of Lockett's hands after his knee is down, but the officials are calling it incomplete, ruling Lockett never had possession. Carroll's challenge here makes a ton of sense to me. Mike Pereira thinks Lockett did not get both feet down to complete a football move. I think. Big that the Rams forced the punt there, and a short one, fair-caught by Austin at the 38.
Looks like another play-change by Keenum, a quick screen to Austin for 4. Gurley runs smack into Ahtyba Rubin, who shed Wichmann. 3rd-and-5 to start the 4th quarter.
FOURTH QUARTER
Well, what I feared here is walking up to the tee box. Rams play them strong for three quarters and then get run over. Seattle's M.O. the past couple of Decembers. Keenum opens the 4th with a big play, though. He steps up behind solid protection from Barnes and Reynolds and hits BENNY out of the backfield for 9 and a 1st down. Plus points to Rob Boras for using the backs as receivers today. Keenum next tries to deal deep for Britt, but it's underthrown and he's blanketed by Jeremy Lane. Gurley goes through a hole made by Barnes and a dumb Seattle overshift and runs through Wright's arm tackle for 9.
And on 3rd-and-1, of course, let's hand it off to our bell-cow RB.... CUNNINGHAM? Who brutally fumbles the ball 10 yards downfield, and it's recovered by Earl Thomas. Cunningham wasn't even hit, just coughed it up like an idiot.... wait, TIM BARNES recovered it? Hey, he got in there with a diving play before Thomas gained possession. And Seattle can't challenge it! Ha, Rams at the SEA35. Quick out for 6. As in Brian. That's followed by a play to make you yell oh, then oh no, then ha! Gurley bounces left off blocks by Barnes and Reynolds, and about 15 yards downfield, hits the greatest football hurdle move of all time to leap over Thomas. I mean, put that permanently in every NFL highlight package ever right now. OH! He looks like he hurdled five feet in the air! Only problem: he fumbles on the landing when Shead sticks him! Oh No! But who keeps following the play downfield, over 25 yards, and recovers the loose ball at the 2? TIM BARNES! HA!
When the Rams give Tim Barnes his game ball tonight, they have to make sure to drop it so he can fall on that, too. He has absolutely saved the Rams' asses in this sequence and may be the difference in winning this game.
Ach, what a time for only PENALTY #4, holding on Reynolds. Move the Rams back to the 12. Gurley promptly gets most of the penalty back, again running behind blocks by Barnes and Reynolds. Kenny Britt also did some good work outside. With JARED COOK stumping Avril off the edge, Gurley bounces in from the 2 for a TD that has the home crowd booing their team that has won back-to-back NFC Championships and is on its way back to the playoffs. Incredibly, Rams 23, Seahawks 10 Though, playing much like they are today, Seattle's not going to last very long this postseason.
Have the Rams answered that Seattle TD drive well or what? A 5:00 drive and a 5:00 TD drive. Kickoff's right to Lockett AGAIN, but Cody Davis and Chase Reynolds trip him up at the 23. Quick slant to Jackson gets 8. Still 10:00 to play. Quick out to Kearse for 9 as the Rams continue to play very soft. And now they leave Kearse WIDE OPEN down the far sideline, but McLeod BLASTS him to force an incomplete. Clean hit, form tackle, I don't know what the hell Seattle's booing about. Ayers jumps, though, PENALTY #5 to give Seattle 2nd-5. Hot rush by Long flushes Wilson into a bad throw for Jackson. Jackson belts his way down to the Ram 42, though, juking Ayers and stiffarming Sims. Williams got caught pants-down blitzing there. Jackson's WIDE OPEN underneath again but drops a slant. On a lob to Jackson, Alexander spares his life by not jacking him up and trips him up for 8 instead. It won't matter after Seattle center Lewis comically fires a ground-ball snap between Wilson's legs (didn't he play baseball?) that the Seahawks eventually corral for a 16-yard loss. Pretty amazing that Seattle's been on the 5-game run they've been on; they do not remotely have a professional-quality offensive line right now. They miss Okung more than I thought they would, and they definitely miss Beast Mode and Thomas Rawls. I don't see how this team is even going to win in Washington in two weeks, let alone if they get a tougher playoff draw like Green Bay.
7:17 left, Rams at their 6 with a chance to step on some necks now. On cue, Gurley left for 7 off a driving block by Wichmann. Cutback for 4 and a first down. Gurley drives for 1, getting no running room. Feed me more. No, Keenum underthrows a quick out for Marquez that's nearly a pick-six for McRae. KEEP THE CLOCK RUNNING! Seattle blitzes a screen and gets away with it, burying Benny for -5. How come it never works when the Rams blitz a screen? Seattle stops the clock at 4:58 as the Rams send in Hekker. They have one timeout left.
With what looks like a pretty good rain coming down, Hekker shanks a bad 36-yard punt to midfield. I might give him a weather-related pass on that one, but Seattle's set up nicely. Rams cover everyone on 1st down to force a throwaway. Hayes continues his ANIMAL day by sacking Wilson, the team's fourth. I believe that gives Will two full sacks and two half-sacks. He burned the RT around the edge, Donald pushed the pocket, Wilson wanted to run but Sims cut him off and when he wheeled away, it was right into Hayes. So the Rams immediately give up 20 to Freaking Helfet and a freaking first down. COME ON! Another completion to Kearse at the 28, but luckily, another completion to him at the 3 comes back because of a holding call on Sweezy drawn by a Donald spin move. 1st-20 now at the Ram 38. Dumpoff to Baldwin at the 31. 2nd-13, I believe on a designed draw play, Wilson scrambles down to the 10. The ball comes out. But Wilson's ruled down by contact. Except, thanks to a rare correct challenge by Fisher, we actually see Sims forced the ball loose before Wilson was down. I'm not sure who recovered it (probably Tim Barnes), but it's the Rams ball! And, ballgame!
Seattle burns their final TO at 2:33 after a handoff. Gurley churns out to the 14, which will leave 3rd-4 at the 2:00 warning. The Rams are on the verge of a historic win but all I can keep thinking of is where the hell was this level of play last month. With Wichmann whiffing on Bennett, though, Gurley gets buried for -3 to send Hekker back out.
THE PUNT IS RIGHT TO LOCKETT and returned 15 to the Ram 35. For God's sake, do we have a monkey coaching special teams today or something? 1:07 to play. Shovel pass to Jackson for 10 after Hayes nearly sacked Wilson again. But an illegal shift the next play costs them 5 yards and a 10-second runoff, down to 0:38. Wilson's pressured into a high and wild pass for Jackson, the only receiver he's been able to find for several minutes. GAAH, I had to talk; first down to Helfet at the 18.
Oh, for Christ's sake. Hayes and Donald flush Wilson again, and while he scrambles around, Kearse gets away from Jenkins in the end zone for a TD. 17 seconds left, and despite Barber's blithe dismissals on TV, here's that looming missed extra point. Rams 23, Seahawks 17
Here comes the onside kick. It comes in hot, the Rams let it go out of bounds, and THAT is the ballgame. The Rams break a ten-year losing streak in Seattle and a 62-game streak of Seattle leading at some point of a game.
Holy crap, the Rams have a shot at 8-8!
Final: Rams 23, Seahawks 17
-$-
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Thursday, December 17, 2015
RamView game blog: Rams 31, Bucs 23
No time for a decent preview for tonight's Condiment Bowl. Did I ever mention I HATE Thursday night games? CBS cares so much about this game they didn't even send their #1 crew to do the game like EVERY OTHER Thursday night game. It'll be Ian Eagle and Trent Green on tonight's game for the Network.
Speaking of getting your best out for the Rams, the league has sent Jerome Boger here for the SECOND time. Boger twice this year and Jeff Triplette twice this year. Screw you, Dean Blandino. The Rams at least won Boger's game here earlier this year, 27-6 over the 49ers, but this game is now likely to take 4 1/2 hours.
Then again, if it's lots of Todd Gurley vs. lots of Doug Martin like it should be, maybe this game will move along pretty quickly. That's your preview, sorry.
FIRST QUARTER
I need not mention both teams look truly hideous in their Halloween catsup bottle and mustard bottle costumes (though by itself, I like the Rams' jersey). And the Rams logo at midfield has also been painted yellow and looks like a giant Cheeto. Benny Cunningham does not get off to a cheesy start, though; he slips two awful tackles near the Ram sideline and wizzes out to the 43. Todd Gurley gets a lead block from Greg Robinson and Garrett Reynolds follows and pushes the pile for 6. Flare to Lance Kendricks, who has a lot of room and turns up the sideline for 11. The yellow shoes make the Rams all look like they're playing in footie pajamas. Kendricks got open that play because the Bucs were paying Tavon Austin a ton of respect outside. Lovie Smith's soft coverage scheme could be in for a long night. Gurley spins out of a tackle behind the line and gets 4 up the middle. Orie Lemon, who should be playing for the Rams judging from these uniforms, blitzed in untouched but didn't make the play. Which he'll regret, as Gurley is wide open for a swing pass, runs past as bad a tackle attempt as I've seen in football this season, and charges down the sideline to the 18. (18 yard gain) Early indications are the Bucs did not come to play tonight. Gurley gets a yard up the middle and a belt from Lemon. Rob Boras finishes a well-crafted opening drive with a bubble screen to Tavon Austin for a 17-yard TD! Nice initial block by Kenny Britt, nice lead block by Greg Robinson, and two more missed tackles by a truly awful Buccaneer defense so far. Rams 7, Bucs 0 The Bucs are tackling like they don't want to get any of that Ram yellow on their uniforms.
Windy inside tonight? Both kickers have had the ball fall off the tee prior to kickoff. Touchback for Greg Zuerlein. Michael Brockers stuffs the middle but no one gets to Doug Martin right away; he bangs out 3. Aaron Donald does his usual backfield flash but Martin STIFFARMS him and gets the edge for 8. The Buc jerseys are truly awful. I can barely read the 11 on Winston's. At least I can read the Rams' jerseys this week for a change. Martin bolts for another 9; Brockers got double-teamed out of the way, I'm pretty sure Donald got held, the fullback blocked Mark Barron, and I don't know why James Laurinaitis was so far out of position. I'm not sure either team wants to tackle tonight. Rams show blitz, Brockers whiffs at Martin's feet in the backfield, Martin gains another 4. Tonight is going to be a tackling non-clinic. Time to finish a play, fellas. Another 5 for Martin, with Donald mauled by a guard and Chris Long mauled even worse by Jorvorskie Lane, the fullback. Play-action as the Bucs finally do something besides hand off to Martin, but Donald puts a ridiculous rip move on Ali Marpet and hurries Jameis Winston into a bad throw. Bucs barely get the snap off in time on 3rd-5, and Akeem Ayers blitzes around left end untouched and forces another bad throw. Austin fair-catches the punt at the 14.
Wrap play only gets Gurley a couple as Tampa had the box stacked. PENALTY #1 FALSE START GREG ROBINSON ARRRRGH Pistol formation handoff to Gurley for about 3. The Bucs rush 7 on 3rd down and get 2 in clean on Keenum, who has to scramble madly and nearly gets pick-sixed trying to dump a screen off to Benny Cunningham. Couple of pre-snap failures by Keenum there. He should have checked out of the 1st-down run and he didn't get the Rams out of a doomed play on 3rd. 46-yard by Johnny Hekker fair-caught by Bobby Freaking Rainey.
Bucs at their 38. Rollout pass to somebody named Adam Humphries beats Mo Alexander for a quick 11. Martin immediately pops for another 11. Gosder Cherilus manhandled Long and Lane nullified Barron on the pull. This will work for Tampa night if they keep running it. Martin stops, starts, still runs over Ethan Westbrooks for 4. Kid is strong. Poor pass in the flat for Martin is incomplete. Just run it, doofuses! Blitz doesn't get there on 3rd-6 but Mike Evans looks over his inside shoulder but Winston threw outside. Connor Barth puts the Bucs on the board from 55. Rams 7, Bucs 3
Benny should have kneeled, only gets to the 18 from 7 deep. Note: Hekker is warming up his arm on the sideline. End around right to Austin for 15 off Lance Kendricks' lead block and fine seal blocking on the line by Cody Wichmann and Tim Barnes. Full credit to OC Rob Boras for remembering the Rams have Tavon two games in a row, something his predecessor could not do. Counter left / wrap play gives Tre Mason a big hole for 7. DE way overpursued while Kendricks, Robinson and Reynolds all got strong blocks. The Bucs are either very tired or very uninterested tonight. 1st-10 from the Ram 40, with outstanding protection from Barnes, Robinson and Reynolds, who pushed his man almost to the Buc sideline, Case Keenum gets plenty of time to throw a perfect 60-yard TD bomb to Kenny Britt, who burned rookie Jude Adjei-Barimah with a double move. Oh, crap, there's a penalty. Oh, it's OK; illegal contact on J A-B. And he still gave up the TD. Hey Jude, you made that bad. Suffice it to say the Catsup Bottles cannot cut the Mustard so far. Rams 14, Bucs 3
Rob Boras doing another fine job showing the opponent a little bit of everything. Touchback for Zuerlein. Martin grinds out 4, carrying Brockers for 3. Martin for another 3, tripped by Rodney McLeod. 3rd-3, 3-man line for the Rams with Mo Alexander blitzing off LDE, and he's on Winston in a flash, wraps up his ankle and nearly gets him to throw a pick to William Hays. 123-kick! Trent Green points out the Rams fooled Winston into sliding his protection the wrong way, letting Mo fly in untouched. The Rams had Laurinaitis and Barron faking a blitz off RDE. Adding insult to injury, Boger calls Winston for grounding. Good call. Terrible punt rolls down to the STL31.
Britt looks downright frisky tonight, getting 12 from Keenum off a roll right. These are really working because the Ram line is dominating. Havenstein, Wichmann, Barnes are just shoving the Bucs around. It looks like riot police controlling a bunch of elderly nuns. Gurley up the middle for a couple; that's a big gain if Robinson blocks left instead of right, which left a man unblocked. Another 3 around left end for Gurley behind Kendricks and Reynolds as the Rams' best first quarter in a long time wraps up.
SECOND QUARTER
Liking Boras again for remembering you're allowed to run left. But on 3rd-5, Keenum misses an open Bradley Marquez with a poor throw. Ball looked like crap coming out of his hand; no pressure on him at all. Christian Bryant helps down yet another punt inside the 5; kid is killing it on punt coverage lately.
Bucs at their 3. The Rams still can't get to Martin, who stutter-steps through the hole for 4. Never mind, illegal formation. Green points out Cherilus lined up wrong. Martin gets back out to the 7 again anyway. Long overpenetrated as usual, but I do have to say he's moving as well as he was at the beginning of the season. 2nd-8, Trumaine Johnson stops Mike Evans a couple of yards short, but Martin's right back up the middle for another 4. Lane continues to kill Ram LBs in the hole, Barron this time. Barron blitzes Winston into a poor overthrow of his TE Austin Seferian-Jenkins. Martin cuts back a pitchback for 8 thanks to an uncalled hold of Alexander right where he made his cut. Come on, Boger. The Bucs pass on 3rd-2; Winston hits Evans over the middle for 10. Soft zone leaves Evans open for another 19, to the Ram 45. Charles Sims now up the middle for ANOTHER 13 off the Rams' USELESS run defense. Westbrooks overran it this time, so did Donald. A Barron blitz slows down a draw to Sims, and Donald polishes it off for a 3-yard loss. Good call by Williams there; they're going to have to run-blitz more if they're going to stop the Bucs tonight. Quick slant to Humphries leaves 3rd-6. Here comes the blitz; Barron does a nice job preventing Winston from escaping left, but he does escape right thanks to McLeod's blitzing overpursuit and scrambles for a 1st down. Unhappy about getting a helmet-to-helmet hit from TruJo, which is legal here - the QB was a runner and did not give himself up sliding - Winston jaws with TruJo, gets in a shoving match with Donald and brilliantly lets the play clock run out. Looks like Lovie Smith got off a timeout, though, to preserve 4th-1. Winston is berating the ref through the whole timeout and should really get a penalty for it. Rookies can't get away with that garbage! Bucs go for it from the STL23, and it's the first stop of Martin all night, by the incomparable Donald, who just punked a future Hall-of-Famer. He rocked Logan Mankins off the snap, threw him aside and lunged at Martin for a 2-yard loss. Rams ball!
Play-action to Gurley; Keenum hits Austin in the zone for 13 at the 38. Gurley loses 3 running left; Robinson accidentally blocked Lemon right into him. Reynolds also really got pushed back. Dumpoff to Kendricks gets 8 and leaves a manageable 3rd-5. Rams go to 22 personnel; pretty sideline pass by Keenum to Jared Cook for 17. Keenum next burns a Buc blitz with a dumpoff to Gurley for 12. Nick Foles sure wouldn't have outrun that blitz like Keenum did. Gurley cuts back for 4, and might have had a TD had a fallen Robinson not been in the way. Robinson and William Gholston had gotten tangled up. Then, Gholston gets up and flatout kicks a prone Robinson in the backside. Robinson kicks back, and the flag flies. Don't tell me they got the retaliation. HOORAY FOR JEROME BOGER. Personal foul is on Gholston only, who, honestly, should be thrown out of the game. You can't kick guys like that. Sounding like a guy who took one too many dirty shots to the knees, Trent Green thinks there shouldn't have been a penalty for it. Nonsense. He kicked a guy lying on the ground! The correct call moves the Rams down to the Buc 12. Gurley up the middle for 2. Jared Cook makes his best grab of the season, snagging a dumb Keenum throw forced between two Bucs, and then wrestling half the Tamp defense all the way to the far sideline. Gains 7; 3rd-and-1. That's the Cook we've been looking for since, well, ever since the Rams signed him. Gurley gets wrapped up for no gain at the 3 but keeps churning and DIVES for the goal line and another Rams TD! That wasn't the greatest "wrap" play in the world, but Gurley made it work. Also got his 1,000th yard of the season! Rams 21, Bucs 3
Isn't taking me long to get tired of the Ian Eagle "if this remains their home" cracks. I don't watch enough Chargers or Raiders games to know if they're having to put up with any crap, but shut up. Let St. Louis enjoy this one.
Third touchback for Zuerlein with 2:09 left in the half. Eagle just mentioned next week's game between the Chargers and the Raiders without saying the words "Los Angeles," so really shut up now. Alexander blows up a screen to Sims for a 4-yard loss. Super play by Mo. Sims fumbled but recovered it, contrary to Eagle's call of already down. 2:00 warning. Tampa bizarrely calls a pitchout to Sims that Alexander blows up AGAIN, and Jeff Fisher should start firing timeouts here. No, we're going to show the killer instinct of SpongeBob (who the Rams are kind of dressed like) and let the clock run. Donald goes through Cherilus like butter (which the Rams are kind of dressed like) past a hot knife (tortured metaphor) to drop Sims for ANOTHER loss, and woe to the foolish Dirk Koetter for thinking anyone can pull-block Aaron Donald. Fisher stops the clock now at 1:17. Austin fields a VERY short punt across midfield.
Keenum fires a quick out for Cook and nearly gets picked off by Dan Tanna or somebody. Hey, Jim Thomas just stole my "cut the mustard" line! Meanwhile, Keenum gets sacked all the way back at his own 40. Greg Robinson will get charged with that, and here's the problem for G-Rob right now. He blocked Howard Jones well, and Jones went down to one knee, but, afraid he'd get the sucker holding call, Robinson stopped on the play. Jones didn't, and got up ran Keenum down, along with Henry Melton, who'd gotten by Reynolds. Keenum could have helped things out a ton by getting rid of the ball, too. The Rams just run out the clock from there, a cruddy end to a very successful half.
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
For the Ram offense: Gurley, Gurley, Gurley. Then Gurley, Gurley, Gurley. Then maybe Mason, then more Gurley, Gurley, Gurley. Defensively, I'd complain more about their run defense, but the Bucs figure to pass a lot in the 2nd half. Gregg Williams' game plan has looked mostly strong anyway. I can't believe they can play stupidly enough to blow this lead, especially with Winston and a lot of his teammates playing like they're in a fog. This weekend Lovie Smith can write Roger Goodell a nice letter about scheduling his team for a road game on a Thursday.
At halftime, the Rams had a ceremony to honor Kurt Warner, Isaac Bruce, Orlando Pace, Torry Holt and Kevin Greene (the only one not there) for qualifying as semifinalists (again) for the Pro Football Hall of Fame. I argued back in January that the Rams should have been putting these guys, and Mike Jones, and Jim Hanifan, and Adam Timmerman, in the Ring of Honor while they still had a chance for sure.
THIRD QUARTER
More dignified treatment of the Rams' potential final game here by Rich Eisen, who uses it as an excuse to say the Rams are "going out in a blaze of mustard." Wasn't OUR idea to have our team dress in clown suits, buddy. And thanks for taking it so seriously that we could be losing football here forever.
Touchback #4 for Zuerlein. Play-action dumpoff to Luke Stocker for - really, Eagle? 7 and a half? OK, 2nd and 2 and a half. Another 5, or possibly 5 and a quarter, for Martin, running through weak tackling of Ayers and Westbrooks. Sims drills Winston a split second late, but he still well overthrows Evans, double-teamed deep. I haven't been following Evans around the field, but the Rams have shut an elite WR down for a 2nd straight week. Alexander and Donald neatly hold Martin to 1, so naturally, PENALTY #2, roughness call on Jenkins. Bucs at the 48 now instead of having 3rd-and-long. And, I had to talk, now Evans beats TruJo for 26 on a corner route. That comes back for another illegal formation. Yeah, the Bucs only had 6 on the line. They're as crisp as the Rams were against the Bears. 1st-15 at the 43. Chris Long flushes Winston, but he hits Evans in front of TruJo for 18. Boy, Evans barely had that back toe down. Fisher challenges the catch, but I think he's going to lose it. Bucs go 5 wide, with Evans getting open in the zone, but it's incomplete and he's charged with a drop. I thought Barron tipped it. Winston then hits Humphries for 8, and horrifying tackling by Lamarcus Joyner lets him get away for another 6. PENALTY #3 Hayes jumps offside. Bucs at the Ram 18. Sims crashes into Brockers, with Westbrooks cleaning it up for a 2-yard loss. Brockers runs off the field as if his arm is falling off. He finished the play off despite getting hurt, so toughness points for Michael there. Ayers nearly gets Winston on a blitz, but he escapes and hits Stocker, who Barron let get open behind him, down to the 6. Martin tries to wander outside with a run but gets HAMMERED by Barron. Loss of 3! Winston can't hear what's going on and can't get his guys organized before time runs out. Delay of game, put them at the 14. Blitz is a half-second late again; Winston gets the pass off but Seferian-Jenkins can't complete a diving catch at the 1. Hayes flushes Winston, who gets off a fastball on the run, but Donteea (WTF kind of spelling is that?) Dye lets it through his hands at the goal line. Bucs finish off a VERY long paragraph settling for 3. 21-6 Rams
No blocking for Benny, who gets buried at the 17 on an 18-yard return. BIG hole for Gurley for 9. Frank Cignetti had to quit watching this game because he's beating himself up thinking, HOW COULD I FORGET THE WRAP PLAY? The Rams are killing with it again tonight. Big block by Cory Harkey here, and Rob Havenstein deposited his man all the way over to left tackle. The Rams have gone from getting overrun 3-4 weeks ago to completely dominating the trenches tonight. Jared Cook beats Major Wright down the seam for 25; another nice throw by Keenum. Oh, there's a hold; must be Robinson. No, it's on Wright. The Rams decline. 2nd time tonight the Bucs haven't even held well enough to stop a big gain. Gurley loses 1 on a wrap because Reynolds is on the ground instead of blocking Gholston. Another 15 to Cook in the seam as the Rams continue to abuse Lovie's zone coverage. Austin catches a quick slant, turns on a dime, leaves a nickel change, gets 11 on the cut back. Gurley up the middle for 3, down to the TB21. And Austin scores from there on an end-around! Neat flip from Keenum after faking a handoff to Gurley. Austin sweeps right, turns the corner, runs through a couple of half-hearted arm tackles and scores fairly easily.
That run was this whole game in a nutshell. The Rams have been creative, aggressive and are just completely outplaying the Bucs, who are flatfooted, flat emotionally and flattening each other in collisions. 28-6 Rams As Jeff Fisher for yet another season deposits a very big check in the too little, too late bank.
Oh God, if the Rams are undefeated in these awful unis, they're coming back, aren't they?
Rainey attempts a kick return for the first time but Cody Davis and Bryant wipe him out at the 14. That crowd chant that sounds like "De-Fense" is actually "Keep the Rams". Nice work, crowd! Sims nearly cuts Martin off but he gets outside for 4. Laurinaitis gets away with taking him down well out of bounds. Blitz forces a quick throw, well over Evans, but Evans was blanketed by Janoris Jenkins, who's been following Evans around when the Rams are in man. Crap, they're playing well off Evans on 3rd-and-6, and he beats Jenkins for 20. Let them press, Williams! Winston overthrows an open Evans on 1st down. Not a lot of pressure there; the Rams have rattled Winston tonight. Martin gets 17 on a draw; Donald really got stoned at the line, Ayers couldn't get around traffic, Jenkins got embarrassed by Martin putting on a move. Looks like the Bucs are getting so momentum, but just as they do, they find a way to lose. Martin doesn't get the handoff cleanly from Winston, puts the ball on the ground, and DOUG WORTHINGTON recovers for the Rams at the 45.
The rollout TE pass WORKS to Kendricks for 9. EVERYTHING is working for the Rams tonight. Mason follows Havenstein for 3 and a 1st down. That wasn't a big play, but the Rams still have to call timeout #1 to prevent a delay of game. After the break, Keenum hard-counts the Bucs offside. 1st-5 at the Buc38. Mason cracks up the middle for 3. Austin gets buried for a big loss by Lavonte David, who Kendricks didn't block. It's the MIDDLE LINEBACKER. SOMEBODY block him! The Rams get completely confused, seem to have at least 4 players lined up wrong, and take a delay of game rather than another timeout to make it 3rd-and-9. Is this offense really that complicated? It shouldn't be, witnessing the lameass draw to Benny that gets 3. Rams will punt to start the 4th but they're in control.
FOURTH QUARTER
After a bunch of pointless formation shifts and another delay of game, the Rams down another Hekker punt around the 5, and a Tampa penalty backs them up to the 2. So much for backing them up in their end zone; Williams gets caught blitzing and Evans beats McLeod with no trouble for 20. And now Evans beats Jenkins down the sideline for 30. So much for shutting down the elite WR again. Winston follows that by hitting Dye with a wobbly bomb for about 50 more inside the 5. Boy, way to pin them at their goal line, clowns. Boger's crew does not blow the whistle even though Alexander had touched Dye down; he got up and tossed the ball thinking the play was over, and if the Rams had come up with it, they would have gotten the ball. Stocker falls on it at the 4 instead, and he and Winston chew Dye's ass out for the referee's mistake. (Play to the whistle, though, young man.) The Rams continue their 98-yard nap on 1st-and-goal; Stocker suckers everyone, especially Alexander, into thinking he's blocking; easy TD pass from Winston. The Rams clearly suffering from a case of big-lead-itis there; that was an abysmal defensive series. Marpet was called for holding on a successful 2-point try, forcing the Bucs to settle for a very long extra point. Rams 28, Bucs 13
GAH! Benny Cunningham misses a kick return TD by 2 yards! It starts with nice work by wedge blockers Demetrius Rhaney and Eric Kush. (!) Are you kidding me? Kush? Then Chase Reynolds knocks Mike Jenkins down the sideline for about 10 yards. Benny cuts back to the middle of the field; two Bucs dive and miss. Cody Davis gets him another block as he cuts back to the far sideline. Bradley Marquez PANCAKES a guy! Benny is gon... aw hell, where did Jenkins come from? He just kept running after getting blocked out of the play by Reynolds at first. Tripped Benny up at the 5.
Has this happened very often in NFL history, by the way? A play of over 100 yards that is not a scoring play? Leave it to the Rams.
First and goal Rams at the 3. The Bucs stack up the right side and stop Gurley at the 2. Hey, send Benny back in there to finish it off! Uh oh, Gurley gets stopped again. Bucs swamped the left side that time. Ram o-line didn't hold its own either of these downs. Reynolds gets Gurley a nice hole on 3rd-goal but the Bucs fill it at the 1. Don't tell me. Yes, the Rams returned a kick ONE HUNDRED AND TWO YARDS AND ARE SETTLING FOR A FG. Rams 31, Bucs 13 That's the 2015 Ram offense in a nutshell right there.
Ha, Winston is chewing out the Buc special teams on the sideline? #1, you want to concentrate on not throwing balls five feet over wide open receivers' heads, buddy? #2, hey Lovie Smith, any thoughts about keeping control of your darn team?
Bucs at their 20 after Barron smeared Freaking Rainey on the return. Draw to Sims for 9, way overshot by Hayes. Let's start playing some damn defense, huh? Humphries beats Joyner AND Jenkins for another 11. Decent pressure by Hayes rushes another incomplete. Bubble screen to HUMPHRIES for ANOTHER 12 after TruJo whiffs, but Alexander's trainwreck of a hit decidedly does not miss, or maim one of his own teammates, T.J. MCDONALD. 2nd-10 at the Ram 48 after a Buc receiver breaks the wrong way. And OH, COME ON. Pitch left to Sims for 33. Williams got caught blitzing, Alexander committed too soon and went to the ground, Stocker took out Barron on the sideline and Sims isn't going to have a lot of trouble outrunning Laurinaitis around the corner. The Bucs are ripping off big chunks of yardage now and taking little time to do it. Overthrow of Seferian-Jenkins at the goal line; maybe somebody should yell at Winston! Nice cutoff there by Alexander, too. Sims jumps offside anyway to put the Bucs at the 8. Looks like that's just PENALTY #4, though. Seferian-Jenkins gets inside the 1 on a quick slant, then idiotically fires the ball in anger for some reason - I guess he thought he had the TD though he was a foot short - and moves the Bucs back to the 6. Finding ways to lose. Alexander has the TE blanketed in the end zone and nearly picks Winston off. Somebody yell at HIM! Somebody named Russell Shepard is wide open for a fade route, thrown perfectly well by Winston despite what Green says, and gets all turned around as it falls incomplete. Winston gets flushed again on 3rd-goal and fires incomplete into a crowd in the back of the end zone. Good coverage by Alexander and others throughout this sequence. Tampa settles for another FG. Rams 31, Bucs 16
Let's chew up some clock now and head home. From the 19, Gurley cuts back for 5. The TE rollout then fails again. Kendricks gets wiped out on the edge. Keenum ducks and gets two Bucs to crash violently into each other but still ends up taking the sack. This is a naked rollout, so it's hard to blame the line. Also, I'm out of rewind time on the TiVo. Austin gets nothing on an end-around attempt, and the Bucs are feeling frisky all of a sudden and call timeout at 6:21. Rams only got 1:09 off the clock there. Around a 50-yard punt by Hekker, fair-caught at the 31.
Soft zone leaves Evans wide open on the sideline for another 17. ANYBODY in yellow interested in playing some DEFENSE THIS HALF? A couple more dumpoffs get Tampa to the Ram 39, then an awful through by Winston goes right to Trumaine Johnson, who returns it to the 32. Somebody go yell at Winston!
Harkey gets blown up in the hole; Gurley trips up for 3 trying to hurdle him. Gurley gets stopped again up the middle for a couple as the Bucs use another timeout. A rare audible by Keenum on 3rd-and-5, and I'm pretty sure Tampa knows that means run, and Gholston blows up Kendricks and buries Gurley for a loss. Somebody should have figured out by now that Harkey is about the only TE you can reliably run behind here. Rainey makes a fair catch at the 18 (46-yard punt) with about 4:00 left. Make the Bucs work for it at all and this one's over.
Dumpoff to TE Cameron Brate (?) for 5, then 6 more to Martin over the middle. Brate beats Barron for another 8. Quick slant to Seferian-Jenkins for another 13. Um... Crazy lob out of bounds with Sims all over Winston. Evans (9-157) open in the zone AGAIN for another 14. At the Ram 35, Barron hits Winston, who's nearly picked off. SCREEN TO SIMS for another 20, and the Bucs are down to the Ram 15 at the 2:00 warning. Laurinaitis didn't play that one very well. Sims takes a dumpoff inside the 10, and Seferian-Jenkins pushes off Alexander at the goal line to get open for a short TD. Rams 31, Bucs 23 Where's my Zantac? Or my Xanax? The Rams have gone from dominating to having to survive another onside kick.
No matter; Barth rolls it right to Bryce Hager (!), who handles it without a problem. Keenum kneels it out, and the Rams send their fans home happy. We just hope it isn't for the last time.
YES! A "Kroenke Sucks" chant at the end of the game for America to hear. Give that crowd a game ball.
I am not at all sure when the RamView recap will be out; SOMEBODY still has a lot of Christmas shopping to do.
-$-
Speaking of getting your best out for the Rams, the league has sent Jerome Boger here for the SECOND time. Boger twice this year and Jeff Triplette twice this year. Screw you, Dean Blandino. The Rams at least won Boger's game here earlier this year, 27-6 over the 49ers, but this game is now likely to take 4 1/2 hours.
Then again, if it's lots of Todd Gurley vs. lots of Doug Martin like it should be, maybe this game will move along pretty quickly. That's your preview, sorry.
FIRST QUARTER
I need not mention both teams look truly hideous in their Halloween catsup bottle and mustard bottle costumes (though by itself, I like the Rams' jersey). And the Rams logo at midfield has also been painted yellow and looks like a giant Cheeto. Benny Cunningham does not get off to a cheesy start, though; he slips two awful tackles near the Ram sideline and wizzes out to the 43. Todd Gurley gets a lead block from Greg Robinson and Garrett Reynolds follows and pushes the pile for 6. Flare to Lance Kendricks, who has a lot of room and turns up the sideline for 11. The yellow shoes make the Rams all look like they're playing in footie pajamas. Kendricks got open that play because the Bucs were paying Tavon Austin a ton of respect outside. Lovie Smith's soft coverage scheme could be in for a long night. Gurley spins out of a tackle behind the line and gets 4 up the middle. Orie Lemon, who should be playing for the Rams judging from these uniforms, blitzed in untouched but didn't make the play. Which he'll regret, as Gurley is wide open for a swing pass, runs past as bad a tackle attempt as I've seen in football this season, and charges down the sideline to the 18. (18 yard gain) Early indications are the Bucs did not come to play tonight. Gurley gets a yard up the middle and a belt from Lemon. Rob Boras finishes a well-crafted opening drive with a bubble screen to Tavon Austin for a 17-yard TD! Nice initial block by Kenny Britt, nice lead block by Greg Robinson, and two more missed tackles by a truly awful Buccaneer defense so far. Rams 7, Bucs 0 The Bucs are tackling like they don't want to get any of that Ram yellow on their uniforms.
Windy inside tonight? Both kickers have had the ball fall off the tee prior to kickoff. Touchback for Greg Zuerlein. Michael Brockers stuffs the middle but no one gets to Doug Martin right away; he bangs out 3. Aaron Donald does his usual backfield flash but Martin STIFFARMS him and gets the edge for 8. The Buc jerseys are truly awful. I can barely read the 11 on Winston's. At least I can read the Rams' jerseys this week for a change. Martin bolts for another 9; Brockers got double-teamed out of the way, I'm pretty sure Donald got held, the fullback blocked Mark Barron, and I don't know why James Laurinaitis was so far out of position. I'm not sure either team wants to tackle tonight. Rams show blitz, Brockers whiffs at Martin's feet in the backfield, Martin gains another 4. Tonight is going to be a tackling non-clinic. Time to finish a play, fellas. Another 5 for Martin, with Donald mauled by a guard and Chris Long mauled even worse by Jorvorskie Lane, the fullback. Play-action as the Bucs finally do something besides hand off to Martin, but Donald puts a ridiculous rip move on Ali Marpet and hurries Jameis Winston into a bad throw. Bucs barely get the snap off in time on 3rd-5, and Akeem Ayers blitzes around left end untouched and forces another bad throw. Austin fair-catches the punt at the 14.
Wrap play only gets Gurley a couple as Tampa had the box stacked. PENALTY #1 FALSE START GREG ROBINSON ARRRRGH Pistol formation handoff to Gurley for about 3. The Bucs rush 7 on 3rd down and get 2 in clean on Keenum, who has to scramble madly and nearly gets pick-sixed trying to dump a screen off to Benny Cunningham. Couple of pre-snap failures by Keenum there. He should have checked out of the 1st-down run and he didn't get the Rams out of a doomed play on 3rd. 46-yard by Johnny Hekker fair-caught by Bobby Freaking Rainey.
Bucs at their 38. Rollout pass to somebody named Adam Humphries beats Mo Alexander for a quick 11. Martin immediately pops for another 11. Gosder Cherilus manhandled Long and Lane nullified Barron on the pull. This will work for Tampa night if they keep running it. Martin stops, starts, still runs over Ethan Westbrooks for 4. Kid is strong. Poor pass in the flat for Martin is incomplete. Just run it, doofuses! Blitz doesn't get there on 3rd-6 but Mike Evans looks over his inside shoulder but Winston threw outside. Connor Barth puts the Bucs on the board from 55. Rams 7, Bucs 3
Benny should have kneeled, only gets to the 18 from 7 deep. Note: Hekker is warming up his arm on the sideline. End around right to Austin for 15 off Lance Kendricks' lead block and fine seal blocking on the line by Cody Wichmann and Tim Barnes. Full credit to OC Rob Boras for remembering the Rams have Tavon two games in a row, something his predecessor could not do. Counter left / wrap play gives Tre Mason a big hole for 7. DE way overpursued while Kendricks, Robinson and Reynolds all got strong blocks. The Bucs are either very tired or very uninterested tonight. 1st-10 from the Ram 40, with outstanding protection from Barnes, Robinson and Reynolds, who pushed his man almost to the Buc sideline, Case Keenum gets plenty of time to throw a perfect 60-yard TD bomb to Kenny Britt, who burned rookie Jude Adjei-Barimah with a double move. Oh, crap, there's a penalty. Oh, it's OK; illegal contact on J A-B. And he still gave up the TD. Hey Jude, you made that bad. Suffice it to say the Catsup Bottles cannot cut the Mustard so far. Rams 14, Bucs 3
Rob Boras doing another fine job showing the opponent a little bit of everything. Touchback for Zuerlein. Martin grinds out 4, carrying Brockers for 3. Martin for another 3, tripped by Rodney McLeod. 3rd-3, 3-man line for the Rams with Mo Alexander blitzing off LDE, and he's on Winston in a flash, wraps up his ankle and nearly gets him to throw a pick to William Hays. 123-kick! Trent Green points out the Rams fooled Winston into sliding his protection the wrong way, letting Mo fly in untouched. The Rams had Laurinaitis and Barron faking a blitz off RDE. Adding insult to injury, Boger calls Winston for grounding. Good call. Terrible punt rolls down to the STL31.
Britt looks downright frisky tonight, getting 12 from Keenum off a roll right. These are really working because the Ram line is dominating. Havenstein, Wichmann, Barnes are just shoving the Bucs around. It looks like riot police controlling a bunch of elderly nuns. Gurley up the middle for a couple; that's a big gain if Robinson blocks left instead of right, which left a man unblocked. Another 3 around left end for Gurley behind Kendricks and Reynolds as the Rams' best first quarter in a long time wraps up.
SECOND QUARTER
Liking Boras again for remembering you're allowed to run left. But on 3rd-5, Keenum misses an open Bradley Marquez with a poor throw. Ball looked like crap coming out of his hand; no pressure on him at all. Christian Bryant helps down yet another punt inside the 5; kid is killing it on punt coverage lately.
Bucs at their 3. The Rams still can't get to Martin, who stutter-steps through the hole for 4. Never mind, illegal formation. Green points out Cherilus lined up wrong. Martin gets back out to the 7 again anyway. Long overpenetrated as usual, but I do have to say he's moving as well as he was at the beginning of the season. 2nd-8, Trumaine Johnson stops Mike Evans a couple of yards short, but Martin's right back up the middle for another 4. Lane continues to kill Ram LBs in the hole, Barron this time. Barron blitzes Winston into a poor overthrow of his TE Austin Seferian-Jenkins. Martin cuts back a pitchback for 8 thanks to an uncalled hold of Alexander right where he made his cut. Come on, Boger. The Bucs pass on 3rd-2; Winston hits Evans over the middle for 10. Soft zone leaves Evans open for another 19, to the Ram 45. Charles Sims now up the middle for ANOTHER 13 off the Rams' USELESS run defense. Westbrooks overran it this time, so did Donald. A Barron blitz slows down a draw to Sims, and Donald polishes it off for a 3-yard loss. Good call by Williams there; they're going to have to run-blitz more if they're going to stop the Bucs tonight. Quick slant to Humphries leaves 3rd-6. Here comes the blitz; Barron does a nice job preventing Winston from escaping left, but he does escape right thanks to McLeod's blitzing overpursuit and scrambles for a 1st down. Unhappy about getting a helmet-to-helmet hit from TruJo, which is legal here - the QB was a runner and did not give himself up sliding - Winston jaws with TruJo, gets in a shoving match with Donald and brilliantly lets the play clock run out. Looks like Lovie Smith got off a timeout, though, to preserve 4th-1. Winston is berating the ref through the whole timeout and should really get a penalty for it. Rookies can't get away with that garbage! Bucs go for it from the STL23, and it's the first stop of Martin all night, by the incomparable Donald, who just punked a future Hall-of-Famer. He rocked Logan Mankins off the snap, threw him aside and lunged at Martin for a 2-yard loss. Rams ball!
Play-action to Gurley; Keenum hits Austin in the zone for 13 at the 38. Gurley loses 3 running left; Robinson accidentally blocked Lemon right into him. Reynolds also really got pushed back. Dumpoff to Kendricks gets 8 and leaves a manageable 3rd-5. Rams go to 22 personnel; pretty sideline pass by Keenum to Jared Cook for 17. Keenum next burns a Buc blitz with a dumpoff to Gurley for 12. Nick Foles sure wouldn't have outrun that blitz like Keenum did. Gurley cuts back for 4, and might have had a TD had a fallen Robinson not been in the way. Robinson and William Gholston had gotten tangled up. Then, Gholston gets up and flatout kicks a prone Robinson in the backside. Robinson kicks back, and the flag flies. Don't tell me they got the retaliation. HOORAY FOR JEROME BOGER. Personal foul is on Gholston only, who, honestly, should be thrown out of the game. You can't kick guys like that. Sounding like a guy who took one too many dirty shots to the knees, Trent Green thinks there shouldn't have been a penalty for it. Nonsense. He kicked a guy lying on the ground! The correct call moves the Rams down to the Buc 12. Gurley up the middle for 2. Jared Cook makes his best grab of the season, snagging a dumb Keenum throw forced between two Bucs, and then wrestling half the Tamp defense all the way to the far sideline. Gains 7; 3rd-and-1. That's the Cook we've been looking for since, well, ever since the Rams signed him. Gurley gets wrapped up for no gain at the 3 but keeps churning and DIVES for the goal line and another Rams TD! That wasn't the greatest "wrap" play in the world, but Gurley made it work. Also got his 1,000th yard of the season! Rams 21, Bucs 3
Isn't taking me long to get tired of the Ian Eagle "if this remains their home" cracks. I don't watch enough Chargers or Raiders games to know if they're having to put up with any crap, but shut up. Let St. Louis enjoy this one.
Third touchback for Zuerlein with 2:09 left in the half. Eagle just mentioned next week's game between the Chargers and the Raiders without saying the words "Los Angeles," so really shut up now. Alexander blows up a screen to Sims for a 4-yard loss. Super play by Mo. Sims fumbled but recovered it, contrary to Eagle's call of already down. 2:00 warning. Tampa bizarrely calls a pitchout to Sims that Alexander blows up AGAIN, and Jeff Fisher should start firing timeouts here. No, we're going to show the killer instinct of SpongeBob (who the Rams are kind of dressed like) and let the clock run. Donald goes through Cherilus like butter (which the Rams are kind of dressed like) past a hot knife (tortured metaphor) to drop Sims for ANOTHER loss, and woe to the foolish Dirk Koetter for thinking anyone can pull-block Aaron Donald. Fisher stops the clock now at 1:17. Austin fields a VERY short punt across midfield.
Keenum fires a quick out for Cook and nearly gets picked off by Dan Tanna or somebody. Hey, Jim Thomas just stole my "cut the mustard" line! Meanwhile, Keenum gets sacked all the way back at his own 40. Greg Robinson will get charged with that, and here's the problem for G-Rob right now. He blocked Howard Jones well, and Jones went down to one knee, but, afraid he'd get the sucker holding call, Robinson stopped on the play. Jones didn't, and got up ran Keenum down, along with Henry Melton, who'd gotten by Reynolds. Keenum could have helped things out a ton by getting rid of the ball, too. The Rams just run out the clock from there, a cruddy end to a very successful half.
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
For the Ram offense: Gurley, Gurley, Gurley. Then Gurley, Gurley, Gurley. Then maybe Mason, then more Gurley, Gurley, Gurley. Defensively, I'd complain more about their run defense, but the Bucs figure to pass a lot in the 2nd half. Gregg Williams' game plan has looked mostly strong anyway. I can't believe they can play stupidly enough to blow this lead, especially with Winston and a lot of his teammates playing like they're in a fog. This weekend Lovie Smith can write Roger Goodell a nice letter about scheduling his team for a road game on a Thursday.
At halftime, the Rams had a ceremony to honor Kurt Warner, Isaac Bruce, Orlando Pace, Torry Holt and Kevin Greene (the only one not there) for qualifying as semifinalists (again) for the Pro Football Hall of Fame. I argued back in January that the Rams should have been putting these guys, and Mike Jones, and Jim Hanifan, and Adam Timmerman, in the Ring of Honor while they still had a chance for sure.
THIRD QUARTER
More dignified treatment of the Rams' potential final game here by Rich Eisen, who uses it as an excuse to say the Rams are "going out in a blaze of mustard." Wasn't OUR idea to have our team dress in clown suits, buddy. And thanks for taking it so seriously that we could be losing football here forever.
Touchback #4 for Zuerlein. Play-action dumpoff to Luke Stocker for - really, Eagle? 7 and a half? OK, 2nd and 2 and a half. Another 5, or possibly 5 and a quarter, for Martin, running through weak tackling of Ayers and Westbrooks. Sims drills Winston a split second late, but he still well overthrows Evans, double-teamed deep. I haven't been following Evans around the field, but the Rams have shut an elite WR down for a 2nd straight week. Alexander and Donald neatly hold Martin to 1, so naturally, PENALTY #2, roughness call on Jenkins. Bucs at the 48 now instead of having 3rd-and-long. And, I had to talk, now Evans beats TruJo for 26 on a corner route. That comes back for another illegal formation. Yeah, the Bucs only had 6 on the line. They're as crisp as the Rams were against the Bears. 1st-15 at the 43. Chris Long flushes Winston, but he hits Evans in front of TruJo for 18. Boy, Evans barely had that back toe down. Fisher challenges the catch, but I think he's going to lose it. Bucs go 5 wide, with Evans getting open in the zone, but it's incomplete and he's charged with a drop. I thought Barron tipped it. Winston then hits Humphries for 8, and horrifying tackling by Lamarcus Joyner lets him get away for another 6. PENALTY #3 Hayes jumps offside. Bucs at the Ram 18. Sims crashes into Brockers, with Westbrooks cleaning it up for a 2-yard loss. Brockers runs off the field as if his arm is falling off. He finished the play off despite getting hurt, so toughness points for Michael there. Ayers nearly gets Winston on a blitz, but he escapes and hits Stocker, who Barron let get open behind him, down to the 6. Martin tries to wander outside with a run but gets HAMMERED by Barron. Loss of 3! Winston can't hear what's going on and can't get his guys organized before time runs out. Delay of game, put them at the 14. Blitz is a half-second late again; Winston gets the pass off but Seferian-Jenkins can't complete a diving catch at the 1. Hayes flushes Winston, who gets off a fastball on the run, but Donteea (WTF kind of spelling is that?) Dye lets it through his hands at the goal line. Bucs finish off a VERY long paragraph settling for 3. 21-6 Rams
No blocking for Benny, who gets buried at the 17 on an 18-yard return. BIG hole for Gurley for 9. Frank Cignetti had to quit watching this game because he's beating himself up thinking, HOW COULD I FORGET THE WRAP PLAY? The Rams are killing with it again tonight. Big block by Cory Harkey here, and Rob Havenstein deposited his man all the way over to left tackle. The Rams have gone from getting overrun 3-4 weeks ago to completely dominating the trenches tonight. Jared Cook beats Major Wright down the seam for 25; another nice throw by Keenum. Oh, there's a hold; must be Robinson. No, it's on Wright. The Rams decline. 2nd time tonight the Bucs haven't even held well enough to stop a big gain. Gurley loses 1 on a wrap because Reynolds is on the ground instead of blocking Gholston. Another 15 to Cook in the seam as the Rams continue to abuse Lovie's zone coverage. Austin catches a quick slant, turns on a dime, leaves a nickel change, gets 11 on the cut back. Gurley up the middle for 3, down to the TB21. And Austin scores from there on an end-around! Neat flip from Keenum after faking a handoff to Gurley. Austin sweeps right, turns the corner, runs through a couple of half-hearted arm tackles and scores fairly easily.
That run was this whole game in a nutshell. The Rams have been creative, aggressive and are just completely outplaying the Bucs, who are flatfooted, flat emotionally and flattening each other in collisions. 28-6 Rams As Jeff Fisher for yet another season deposits a very big check in the too little, too late bank.
Oh God, if the Rams are undefeated in these awful unis, they're coming back, aren't they?
Rainey attempts a kick return for the first time but Cody Davis and Bryant wipe him out at the 14. That crowd chant that sounds like "De-Fense" is actually "Keep the Rams". Nice work, crowd! Sims nearly cuts Martin off but he gets outside for 4. Laurinaitis gets away with taking him down well out of bounds. Blitz forces a quick throw, well over Evans, but Evans was blanketed by Janoris Jenkins, who's been following Evans around when the Rams are in man. Crap, they're playing well off Evans on 3rd-and-6, and he beats Jenkins for 20. Let them press, Williams! Winston overthrows an open Evans on 1st down. Not a lot of pressure there; the Rams have rattled Winston tonight. Martin gets 17 on a draw; Donald really got stoned at the line, Ayers couldn't get around traffic, Jenkins got embarrassed by Martin putting on a move. Looks like the Bucs are getting so momentum, but just as they do, they find a way to lose. Martin doesn't get the handoff cleanly from Winston, puts the ball on the ground, and DOUG WORTHINGTON recovers for the Rams at the 45.
The rollout TE pass WORKS to Kendricks for 9. EVERYTHING is working for the Rams tonight. Mason follows Havenstein for 3 and a 1st down. That wasn't a big play, but the Rams still have to call timeout #1 to prevent a delay of game. After the break, Keenum hard-counts the Bucs offside. 1st-5 at the Buc38. Mason cracks up the middle for 3. Austin gets buried for a big loss by Lavonte David, who Kendricks didn't block. It's the MIDDLE LINEBACKER. SOMEBODY block him! The Rams get completely confused, seem to have at least 4 players lined up wrong, and take a delay of game rather than another timeout to make it 3rd-and-9. Is this offense really that complicated? It shouldn't be, witnessing the lameass draw to Benny that gets 3. Rams will punt to start the 4th but they're in control.
FOURTH QUARTER
After a bunch of pointless formation shifts and another delay of game, the Rams down another Hekker punt around the 5, and a Tampa penalty backs them up to the 2. So much for backing them up in their end zone; Williams gets caught blitzing and Evans beats McLeod with no trouble for 20. And now Evans beats Jenkins down the sideline for 30. So much for shutting down the elite WR again. Winston follows that by hitting Dye with a wobbly bomb for about 50 more inside the 5. Boy, way to pin them at their goal line, clowns. Boger's crew does not blow the whistle even though Alexander had touched Dye down; he got up and tossed the ball thinking the play was over, and if the Rams had come up with it, they would have gotten the ball. Stocker falls on it at the 4 instead, and he and Winston chew Dye's ass out for the referee's mistake. (Play to the whistle, though, young man.) The Rams continue their 98-yard nap on 1st-and-goal; Stocker suckers everyone, especially Alexander, into thinking he's blocking; easy TD pass from Winston. The Rams clearly suffering from a case of big-lead-itis there; that was an abysmal defensive series. Marpet was called for holding on a successful 2-point try, forcing the Bucs to settle for a very long extra point. Rams 28, Bucs 13
GAH! Benny Cunningham misses a kick return TD by 2 yards! It starts with nice work by wedge blockers Demetrius Rhaney and Eric Kush. (!) Are you kidding me? Kush? Then Chase Reynolds knocks Mike Jenkins down the sideline for about 10 yards. Benny cuts back to the middle of the field; two Bucs dive and miss. Cody Davis gets him another block as he cuts back to the far sideline. Bradley Marquez PANCAKES a guy! Benny is gon... aw hell, where did Jenkins come from? He just kept running after getting blocked out of the play by Reynolds at first. Tripped Benny up at the 5.
Has this happened very often in NFL history, by the way? A play of over 100 yards that is not a scoring play? Leave it to the Rams.
First and goal Rams at the 3. The Bucs stack up the right side and stop Gurley at the 2. Hey, send Benny back in there to finish it off! Uh oh, Gurley gets stopped again. Bucs swamped the left side that time. Ram o-line didn't hold its own either of these downs. Reynolds gets Gurley a nice hole on 3rd-goal but the Bucs fill it at the 1. Don't tell me. Yes, the Rams returned a kick ONE HUNDRED AND TWO YARDS AND ARE SETTLING FOR A FG. Rams 31, Bucs 13 That's the 2015 Ram offense in a nutshell right there.
Ha, Winston is chewing out the Buc special teams on the sideline? #1, you want to concentrate on not throwing balls five feet over wide open receivers' heads, buddy? #2, hey Lovie Smith, any thoughts about keeping control of your darn team?
Bucs at their 20 after Barron smeared Freaking Rainey on the return. Draw to Sims for 9, way overshot by Hayes. Let's start playing some damn defense, huh? Humphries beats Joyner AND Jenkins for another 11. Decent pressure by Hayes rushes another incomplete. Bubble screen to HUMPHRIES for ANOTHER 12 after TruJo whiffs, but Alexander's trainwreck of a hit decidedly does not miss, or maim one of his own teammates, T.J. MCDONALD. 2nd-10 at the Ram 48 after a Buc receiver breaks the wrong way. And OH, COME ON. Pitch left to Sims for 33. Williams got caught blitzing, Alexander committed too soon and went to the ground, Stocker took out Barron on the sideline and Sims isn't going to have a lot of trouble outrunning Laurinaitis around the corner. The Bucs are ripping off big chunks of yardage now and taking little time to do it. Overthrow of Seferian-Jenkins at the goal line; maybe somebody should yell at Winston! Nice cutoff there by Alexander, too. Sims jumps offside anyway to put the Bucs at the 8. Looks like that's just PENALTY #4, though. Seferian-Jenkins gets inside the 1 on a quick slant, then idiotically fires the ball in anger for some reason - I guess he thought he had the TD though he was a foot short - and moves the Bucs back to the 6. Finding ways to lose. Alexander has the TE blanketed in the end zone and nearly picks Winston off. Somebody yell at HIM! Somebody named Russell Shepard is wide open for a fade route, thrown perfectly well by Winston despite what Green says, and gets all turned around as it falls incomplete. Winston gets flushed again on 3rd-goal and fires incomplete into a crowd in the back of the end zone. Good coverage by Alexander and others throughout this sequence. Tampa settles for another FG. Rams 31, Bucs 16
Let's chew up some clock now and head home. From the 19, Gurley cuts back for 5. The TE rollout then fails again. Kendricks gets wiped out on the edge. Keenum ducks and gets two Bucs to crash violently into each other but still ends up taking the sack. This is a naked rollout, so it's hard to blame the line. Also, I'm out of rewind time on the TiVo. Austin gets nothing on an end-around attempt, and the Bucs are feeling frisky all of a sudden and call timeout at 6:21. Rams only got 1:09 off the clock there. Around a 50-yard punt by Hekker, fair-caught at the 31.
Soft zone leaves Evans wide open on the sideline for another 17. ANYBODY in yellow interested in playing some DEFENSE THIS HALF? A couple more dumpoffs get Tampa to the Ram 39, then an awful through by Winston goes right to Trumaine Johnson, who returns it to the 32. Somebody go yell at Winston!
Harkey gets blown up in the hole; Gurley trips up for 3 trying to hurdle him. Gurley gets stopped again up the middle for a couple as the Bucs use another timeout. A rare audible by Keenum on 3rd-and-5, and I'm pretty sure Tampa knows that means run, and Gholston blows up Kendricks and buries Gurley for a loss. Somebody should have figured out by now that Harkey is about the only TE you can reliably run behind here. Rainey makes a fair catch at the 18 (46-yard punt) with about 4:00 left. Make the Bucs work for it at all and this one's over.
Dumpoff to TE Cameron Brate (?) for 5, then 6 more to Martin over the middle. Brate beats Barron for another 8. Quick slant to Seferian-Jenkins for another 13. Um... Crazy lob out of bounds with Sims all over Winston. Evans (9-157) open in the zone AGAIN for another 14. At the Ram 35, Barron hits Winston, who's nearly picked off. SCREEN TO SIMS for another 20, and the Bucs are down to the Ram 15 at the 2:00 warning. Laurinaitis didn't play that one very well. Sims takes a dumpoff inside the 10, and Seferian-Jenkins pushes off Alexander at the goal line to get open for a short TD. Rams 31, Bucs 23 Where's my Zantac? Or my Xanax? The Rams have gone from dominating to having to survive another onside kick.
No matter; Barth rolls it right to Bryce Hager (!), who handles it without a problem. Keenum kneels it out, and the Rams send their fans home happy. We just hope it isn't for the last time.
YES! A "Kroenke Sucks" chant at the end of the game for America to hear. Give that crowd a game ball.
I am not at all sure when the RamView recap will be out; SOMEBODY still has a lot of Christmas shopping to do.
-$-
Sunday, December 13, 2015
RamView game blog: Rams 21, Lions 14
The NFL offers an awesome matchup between two of the best franchises at finding ways to lose when the Rams take on the Lions in a couple of hours. (Leave it to the Rams; they can't even claim to be the biggest eternal losers after beating the Browns earlier this season.)
Actually, I should say the Lions are playing what's left of the Rams. Robert Quinn needs back surgery and his season is over. T.J. McDonald finally injured himself while maiming his own teammates to the extent that he's done for the season. Shoulder surgery. (The rest of the Ram defense breathes a sigh of relief.) Trumaine Johnson, back after missing two weeks for a thigh injury, draws the task of defending Calvin Johnson because Janoris Jenkins (McDonald's latest victim) is still in the concussion protocol. Those are just the new injuries, and I probably forgot some, besides the how many? five? offensive linemen the Rams have already lost this year and Chris Long playing about 1/3 as well as his normal self and the mentally wounded QB who is forcing Case Keenum back into action today. Just shoot me.
The main good news I have to offer: the Lions are as good at finding ways to lose as the Rams, and Megatron is in my fantasy playoff lineup, so he's due for a massive choke. Doesn't mean Golden Tate won't go off for 100 yards and 3 TDs, but it's something. The Lions are playing a lot better right now, but neither of these teams can win a game to save their lives. This'll go to overtime and be won by whoever loses the coin flip.
On TV, Fox will give us Chris Myers and three hours of Ronde Barber telling us how great he is again; in stripes, it will be Walt Anderson's crew, whose last Rams game was a 12-6 home loss to Arizona last December.
FIRST QUARTER
Lions won the toss and smartly make the Rams take the ball first. Keenum on the Case at QB, from his 20. Hey, new OC Rob Boras remembers you're allowed to throw to the RB! Keenum rolls and hits Todd Gurley for 7. Gurley for the first down off a nice block by Tim Barnes at center. Rams go five-wide - I'm not sure about all these empty backfields so far - but Keenum quickly hits Tavon Austin on a quick hitch for 3. Gurley middle left for another 4. 3rd-3, they run about a 1-yard flare to Austin out of trips. He dives for the marker.... and comes up short, forcing a punt. Brilliant play-calling by Boras right out of the box, a damn 1-yard pass on 3rd-and-3. Genius! Only a 42-yard punt by Hekker, fair-caught by Golden Tate at the DET19. Way to pin them! Oh, and PENALTY #1 on Christian Bryant, a 15-yard facemask! Brilliant! Way to pin them, idiots!
Lions at their 34, assuming the Rams are done handing them penalty yards. Awful non-edge-setting by Will Hayes and Mark Barron, but Trumaine Johnson holds Ameer Abdullah's bounce outside to 3. That's a rookie play; he stays in with that, he has a big gain. Hayes is much better on 2nd down, steering Abdullah's draw handoff back into Aaron Donald for no gain. Gregg Williams wins on 3rd down. TruJo is man-up tight on Megatron, and Matthew Stafford wants to go there, but can't because Mark Barron fake-blitzed and dropped back in coverage. Stafford pulls it down, plenty of time for Aaron Donald to get there for sack #1 (his ninth). 3-and-out - sweet defensive call; Williams also blitzed a couple. In fact, Laurinaitis' blitz up the middle helped free up Donald to the QB. Won't be a punting clinic today; about a 39-yarder fair-caught by Austin at the Ram 27.
Gurley's too slow to the corner and a LB knocks him down for a loss. I'd blame Garrett Reynolds for not getting there in time, but Gurley didn't even get there in time. The Rams empty the backfield AGAIN but Devin Taylor smokes Greg Robinson and scares Keenum into a weak throwaway. Awesome, 3rd-11 already. Keenum gets a load of time, though, and hits Bradley Marquez (!) for 14 on a square out from the slot. Corey Harkey opens a big hole for Gurley but an OLB closes it quickly and holds him to a couple. Keenum audibles to another handoff to Gurley, who goes behind Barnes and Robinson for 4. 3rd-3. Let's throw a pass FARTHER than 1 yard here, please. Not very convincing play-action at all, Detroit is all over Keenum on a rollout - think they're expecting those, Coach Boras - and Case dishes a floater that gets Kenny Britt killed downfield for an incomplete. I'm going to give Quandre Diggs credit for a nice hit there and give Britt some benefit of the doubt. Play blew up when Barnes and Cody Wichmann let Josh Bynes get loose between them. A thrilling under way in the Dome! But team MVP Hekker pulls out the pitching wedge and pins the Lions at their 4.
4-yard quick route to T.J. Jones out of the slot. Gregg Williams continuing to throw man coverage looks on Megatron. So, wait a minute here. We're TEN YARDS off EVERY Cardinal receiver last week, but we're going to be in the face of one of the best WRs in the game all this week? That SOB Gregg Williams knows I have Megatron on my FFL team, doesn't he? Nick Fairley stuffs Abdullah after a yard. 3rd-5. TruJo in Mega's face but Marcus Roberson 8 yards off Golden Tate. Stafford hits Brandon Pettigrew for 6 over the middle. They let the TE get pretty physical with Mo Alexander there. Mega was wide open on a double-move but just as Stafford threw. Mega in motion to chip-block for Abdullah, but the Rams stayed in zone and Roberson cut off the sweep right nicely for a couple. Smoke route to Tate out of 4-wide, but here's Roberson again to blow that up. Nice! 3rd-9. Loose coverage on everybody this time, but Mega is just blocking for another bubble screen to Tate, who makes some moves but gets stopped a yard short. Big kick drives Austin back to his 17; he returns it for about 10 and runs right into Corey Fuller.
WILDCAT TIME! Great handoff by Gurley to Austin on a jet sweep right sucks in the RDE, Austin sweeps around that side off a solid Robinson block, spins out of a tackle and gets out to the Ram 48 for 20 yards!
FFL update: if you're reading this, you know someone who has both Andy Dalton and Thomas Rawls in their playoff lineup, and whose season is now DEADER THAN A DOORNAIL because both have been knocked out of their respective games. I was the 2nd-highest scoring team in our league and I'm going to get wiped out by our league's equivalent of the NFC East champions. Seriously, SCREW YOU, FANTASY FOOTBALL.
OK, back to the Rams. Tre Mason sweeps left for about 6, and gets taken down A MILE OUT OF BOUNDS WITHOUT A PENALTY. Mason gets stuffed on 2nd down; Lance Kendricks unsurprisingly didn't block his guy so he could run a route instead. Keenum gets drilled by Haloti Ngata on a stunt as he throws a pass that it looks like Austin should have caught on a pivot route. The Rams get a gift defensive holding call on Jason Jones, who I guess held Tim Barnes? I didn't see anything, tbh. Rams at the DET42. Diggs jumps a screen to Mason for a 3-yard loss. Austin gets the Rams a first down, though, stutter-stepping through a big hole cleared by Barnes and Reynolds.
SECOND QUARTER
Chris Myers points out Austin already has more touches than he did all of last week. Rams at the Lion 32. Keenum goes deep for Austin split left, but the throw's out of bounds and Austin wasn't very open anyway. Mason cuts an inside handoff back left, picks up a block outside by Brian Quick and gets 5. And, these are the Rams, so they next get sacked out of FG position. Benny Cunningham gets in Robinson's way trying to chip Ziggy Ansah, leaving himself 1-on-1 with Freak 2.0, which was not destined to end well. Reynolds got beaten to the inside by Ngata and gave Keenum nowhere to bail. More thrilling punting, please! The crowd, who booed Jeff Fisher during intros per Jim Thomas, is now booing the decision to punt on 4th-and-15. Greg Zuerlein's back on the active roster, but I doubt he's up to trying to jack a 55-yard attempt today. The crowd's equally unhappy with the ensuing delay of game, since it's more important to get Hekker positioned for the punt, than, you know, to go for points. I feel ya, crowd, but I think the Rams were forced to punt here. Detroit declined the delay of game, and Bryant made a nice play at the goal line to tip the ball back in play. Lions have to start inside their 5 again.
Detroit at their 2. James Laurinaitis stuffs Joique Bell. Great crowd noise making it hard for Stafford to audible; he misses a very-open Megatron by 6 feet on a wide open pass up the sideline. Good job crowd, but while Gregg Williams continues to keep a DB in my FFL WR's face, he leaves the immortal T.J. Jones wide open in the zone for 15. I'm still a little bitter about my FFL team being dead 45 minutes into Sunday's games; you'll need to put up with me a bit longer. Draw to Bell, who runs through SHODDY tackling for 13, diving misses by Roberson and Alexander. No pressure on Stafford, who gets 9 after a dumpoff when Theo Riddick jukes Lamarcus Joyner and Laurinaitis whiffs. Ram D looking just a little less than great this series.
FFL update: wait a minute, Thomas Rawls walked off the field with a game-ending ankle injury? Sorry, but how does that work? I can only figure the NFL has decided to conspire against my fantasy team.
Back to the real game; Bell gets the first down at the 40. Drive started at the 2, D. Delay blitz does nothing but Stafford misses Jones by a mile. This game has been every bit the non-clinic I thought it would be. Stafford audibles to a quick slant to Jones, but Joyner breaks it up nicely. 3rd-10. Brandon Pettigrew has to be helped off after a knee injury that didn't look very pretty on slo-mo. Stafford audibles again, throws a hitch to Tate, but Roberson, playing a ton better than last week so far, holds Tate to 8. This game has had the non-stop thrills of a WWE contract signing.
Just when I say that, the Rams pull out the Mountaineer play again. Everyone falls for it again, too: the Lions, me, the cameraman... everything's great except it's Cody Davis fielding the punt, not Stedman Bailey, and he muffs it at the 12 but luckily recovers and gets to the 17. Austin didn't sell that anything close to how he sold it last year against Seattle, which really helped Detroit re-direct their focus when they had to.
Keenum rolls right and has plenty of time to fire deep, but Britt is not remotely open and the pass is out of bounds. Gurley's back in but Barnes completely whiffs on Khyri Thornton, who buries him for -2. I didn't have room to include Thornton in last week's preview but he's a load. Wichmann really butchers a stunt pickup that leaves Devin Taylor free to chase Keenum into scrambling, and he gets no gain up the sideline. Might be a sack, I'm not sure. More spine-tingling punting, please! Hekker blasts a 58-yard punt but also has to force Tate out of bounds after he swept left and escaped a couple of poor diving tackles. Illegal block on Detroit anyway, so this drive will probably start around their 10.
Seriously, this game may end in a scoreless tie. Well set-up screen to Bell gets 17 after Barron gets taken out by the lead blocker. Lions at the 32. Alexander whiffs on a swing pass to Abdullah that gets 8. Abdullah cuts back right for another 5; none of the d-line got off their block there.
AND THUS ENDETH OUR SCORELESS TIE, about the only way anyone's scoring today, a PICK SIX. TruJo was laid well off Mega for about the first time all day, which Stafford saw and immediately tried to go after, but TruJo was sandbagging, jumped the pass, got a key block by Akeem Ayers on Stafford inside the Detroit 20, then got bottled up just as the whole crowd is going, you HAVE to score, TruJo, our offense sure won't, but Rodney McLeod took out a lineman to free up the rest of the trip. Awesome play by TruJo! Rams 7, Lions 0
Lions start again from their 20 after a Zuerlein touchback. Dumpoff to Riddick for 6; Donald was about in Stafford's lap there. Riddick runs through Ethan Westbrooks for the 1st. Lions go no-huddle. Eric Ebron over the middle for 11. Rams are either in REALLY soft nickel coverage or only have 10 on the field as Riddick bounces left for 16, with Westbrooks getting tied up at RDE and no one behind to help him. Bad angle by Joyner if he was supposed to be in support. Light pressure at best now as Tate burns Roberson for a long sideline catch AND breaks a tackle to get inside the 10 with about a 38-yard gain. Good news, though: Walt Anderson is on the Rams' side today, taking it all back for a chop block call on Theo Riddick that wasn't a chop block at all. Let me get that Christmas bottle of Jack for Walt in the mail. When you are the Detroit Lions, ways to lose games find YOU. 52-yard change in field position puts them at their 41, and a frustrated Riddick now drops a screen to make it 2nd-25. Michael Brockers stunts with the Rams blitzing Joyner off the left edge and buries Stafford for SACK #2 at the 2:00 warning. 3rd-33. Quick slant for Riddick gets about 9, and send in the punter. Fisher takes a while to figure out the clock is still running and calls timeout #1 at about 1:20. In classic find-a-way-to-lose fashion, Detroit butchers downing the punt inside the 1, the up man drags his foot in the end zone to set the Rams up at the 20.
Really, Boras? A draw to Gurley gets 3 and the clock keeps running. Keenum next appears to throw a screen pass into Reynolds' back and Gurley can't make a catch. Nice protection on 3rd-7 and Keenum hits Jared Cook for 11. Timeout #2 at 0:39. Ansah whips Robinson after a hand fight and DRILLS Keenum as he throws for an incomplete. Detroit blitzes, and Barnes gets beaten to get Keenum drilled again, but he hits Marquez for 5. The Rams have used 40 seconds and 2 timeouts to move about 15 yards. Austin makes a stumbling catch across midfield, stumbling because he was held. Sweet cut by Tavon there; Rams at the Lion 48. That's all the prosperity the Ram offense can stand, though; Keenum gets blindsided by Isa Abdul-Quddus on a safety blitz and floats a pass to the sideline that Darius Slay fair catches. No missed block there, but I'm guessing Benny should have stayed back to block instead of going into the line. Nobody read that safety blitz.
Good rush and a Joyner blitz scare Stafford into a throwaway at :09, and it was properly called as grounding. He wasn't in the pocket and there wasn't a receiver in the area. Barber guesses the Lions will now kneel it out, which they do, while Myers literally begs them to get us to the end of the half. I feel ya, Chris; this hasn't exactly been an instant classic.
But the Rams are winning! 7-0 at halftime
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
Both offensive coordinators need to seriously consider the Red Beaulieu Gambit at halftime, meaning just kneel three times and punt the rest of the game. Hell, they're practically doing it anyway. Jim Bob Cooter has been as idiotic as his name sounds that he can't even figure out a way to get Megatron open against the depleted Ram secondary. Gregg Williams has been every bit as good this week as he was awful last week. Stafford's showing he can't handle the blitz so I'm expecting more of it in the 2nd half, and I wouldn't mind tighter coverage on the legendary T.J. Jones than there has been. Pretty flawless half by Williams, though.
I have seen no improvement over Frank Cignetti by Rob Boras other than he's remembered the Rams have Tavon Austin, and he could always forget that next game like Cignetti seemed to forget every other game. I'd prefer to hit Detroit with more of a power game than all the spread formations Boras threw out in the 1st half. With that Lion d-line, let's be more careful about protecting the QB. Let's get Gurley and Austin to the edge, run some play-action to get Cook open some and let's get out of here.
THIRD QUARTER
Fisher does not yell at anyone to "catch the freaking ball" in the sideline huddle. He does want the defense to get the ball back, with Detroit receiving to start the half. Abdullah gets 6 after Donald and Hayes can't get to him. Good pressure by Hayes on 2nd down forces a poor dumpoff incomplete. The Rams blitz a screen attempt on 3rd-and-4, but Laurinaitis gets away with holding up Riddick, and gets a big blast from Donald, who absolutely whipped RT Michael Ola with a swim move from DE. Donald bent time and space there he was so fast. I don't think Ola ever knew Donald was behind him even though he started the play out in front of him.
Rams at their 29. Hey, look, it's play-action to Cook in the flat and up the sideline for about 25.... NO, PENALTY #2, ON GREG ROBINSON, for a chop block. Is this one really a chop block? Yes, good call by Anderson. 1st-24 at the 15. Steven Tulloch breaks up a short middle pass for Lance Kendricks, then trips up Austin for no gain on a middle handoff. Boy, it's a shame the Rams don't have a feature stud RB on the roster or anything. WHERE THE HELL IS GURLEY? 3rd-and-a-mile, of course it's a dumpoff to Benny for a few. 7. God, this offense. 50-yard punt by Hekker; Tate returns it to the 35.
Highly predictable bubble screen to Tate, stacked behind Megatron split right, still gets 12. Barron wipes out Riddick with a flying play. MONSTER HOLE for Bell on a quick handoff gets him room to run for 18. Chris Long way overshot that, Donald also got caught in deep, and Ayers dived in the hole and missed. Good protection lets Stafford hit Jones at the Ram 29. 2nd-3. Tate gets 15 on an end-around after Barron whiffs in the backfield. A lot of shoddy tackling in blue and gold this week. Bubble screen to Riddick for another 5 gets them to the Ram 9. And, as ever, Golden Tate beats the Rams for a TD. He came from wide right and Roberson couldn't get around the pick route by the slot receiver. A tie game is something we DO NOT need to see between these two teams. 7-7
The Rams need to kneel on it three times quickly here and get the Lions the ball back so they can go for another pick-six. HA! A Lions fan in the stands just offered Walt Anderson a beer. He waved it off, but brilliant move. Darryl Tapp nearly ruins a jet sweep to Austin for a huge loss, but he got around right end for 7. Good protection; Keenum to Marquez for 13. Ansah jumps offside to put the Rams at their 45. Keenum audibles to a run left, to this apparently new guy Gurley they just got, and he blows up for a 49-yard run. Lance Kendricks got Tapp turned on the right edge - the DE didn't even know the play was coming his way - and COOK got an excellent kickout block to give Gurley a ton of running room. He hurdled a DB at the 35 and flew down inside the 10! 1st-and-goal now at the 6, so of course the first thing is PENALTY #3, another poor call by Anderson. He claimed Austin and Gurley were in motion at the snap when Gurley was clearly set. Makeup call for the chop block earlier? This has not been a challenging game for Anderson and crew; they really should not be butchering clear-cut plays like these. One thing Boras has gotten right today is to run LEFT; Gurley goes behind Barnes and Reynolds for 6 down to the 5. 2nd-and-goal, Keenum audibles to a pitch to Gurley, who gets a block from Cory Harkey and leaps over Glover Quin and at the pylon for the TD! Rams 14, Lions 7 The Rams are reversing the pattern of the past 5 games and are actually finding ways to win! Hopefully I didn't speak too soon there.
Myers lets us know that was the Rams' first offensive TD in 9 quarters and 14 points is their high water mark the past 5 games. The Lions open with a DROP by WORTHLESS Calvin Johnson. It's gotten pretty legendary that somebody on my team's got to crap all over my FFL playoff hopes every year, congratulations to Gagatron for this year's honor among my scarce healthy players. I think it's Brockers who gets pushed 5 yards out of the hole, pancaked AND flipped, to open up a big hole for Bell for 9. Stafford play-actions on 3rd-and-1, and fullback Michael Burton beats Barron in the flat and gets up the sideline for 12. Nice run stuff by Fairley, who spends way too much time celebrating his first play of the game against his old team. Play-action on 2nd-8, and Roberson nearly beats the throw to Tate, tackling him for a big loss. His game today has bordered on terrific; see what happens when you let your DBs play man? Donald and Hayes flush Stafford on 3rd-12 to force a throwaway. 1:04 left in the 3rd, and dare I say it, the Rams are in control of this game. Tavon returns the punt 83 yards to the end zone, but Myers announced the flag on the Rams right away, and naturally, PENALTY #4 is a holding call on Benny Cunningham. I guess they're saying he grabbed the defenders' right arm while clearing him out of the lane that Austin took. Barber and Myers say it's a very ticky-tack call, and I have to agree given some of the brutal holding I've seen opponents get away with vs. the Rams on returns. And if not for Anderson's call here, this game would probably be over.
Instead, here are the Rams at their 9. On a bizarre-looking play, the Lions jump, Keenum stutter steps to get the secondary thinking run and throws a crazy lob up the sideline for Britt, who brings it down at the 34! OK, Keenum wasn't faking there, he was realizing he had a free play. All the Lions had kind of stopped, and they are cleanly beating the Rams today in the finding-ways-to-lose department. That new guy Gurley breaks a bad tackle in the hole and explodes off RT for 25! Hey, he may have a future here! Nice outside block by Rob Havenstein and inside block by Cody Wichmann. Let's see if the Rams can put a game away for once.
FOURTH QUARTER
So, of course, as soon as I say that, the Rams get Gurley buried for a 4-yard loss on a toss left. Robinson and Kendrick swung out wide and blocked no one while Gurley got buried under three Lions, and I suspect I'm not the only person wondering what the hell went on there. Hey, there's Wes Welker, beating Abdul-Quddus on a quick slant for 11. Why'd it take 45 minutes to remember him? 3rd-3, another quick slant, to Britt, who breaks a tackle and picks up a first down. There's a play that eluded Frank Cignetti in his brief tenure here. Every time Keenum has audibled today, it's been to a handoff, but the still-clueless Lions let Gurley get away for 10. James Ihedigbo blows a tackle in the hole while Havenstein makes a blocking-sled of a block to clear the way. He just rag-dolled the awful Tapp there, and I cannot comprehend why Tapp is getting so many snaps for Detroit. He stinks on ice. Bah, they gave Gurley 9.98 yards, leaving 2nd-and-.02. No matter as Gurley bounces outside FOR ANOTHER TD! Barnes turned Thornton, Reynolds pancaked and big-splashed a guy, Ansah pretty much quit on the play, and Gurley popped through and outran Quin to the pylon again after getting him off-balance with a wicked Marshall Faulkian jump cut. I'll shut my mouth and listen, for they are chanting Gurley's name. 21-7 Rams
I'm happy the Rams are pulling out a rare win for the long-suffering St. Louis home crowd but have to acknowledge that, even with a couple of extra days of rest, the Lions are really mailing this one in. Detroit fans are definitely in screw-this mode as Abdullah gets tripped by the Turf Monster at the 13 on the kick return. Chris Long nearly blows up a delay handoff to Abdullah but he gets away for 4. Westbrooks jumps but gets back, but we still get the BULLSHIT offsides penalty because a lineman stands up and points several seconds later. COME ON. Penalty #5, but Walt Anderson is NOT getting a good grade this week. Play action on 2nd-1, and Abdullah gets out to the 37 off a dumpoff. Play-action, and after Eugene Sims beats Riley Reiff to make Stafford step up, Donald beats Laken Tomlinson for his 2nd sack, and the Rams' 3rd. Replay shows Megatron had TruJo burned with a double move but Stafford didn't get the time to see him. Hey, Gregg Williams, don't go soft on Mega now. Barron and TruJo are ALL OVER a screen on 3rd down as the Rams are winning the Clusterbleep Bowl in a blowout. Short cross to Tate on 3rd-21 sends the punt team back out. I'm calling for a high dose of Gurley from here. The punt lands roughly in Kiener Plaza and sets the Rams up at their 29.
Mason immediately gets buried for minus-4 after no one blocks the LB Tulloch. This happens all the time! Get a hat on the damn LB! Keenum gets plenty of time and hits Mason short for 3, with Detroit declining an unannounced holding penalty. Want to bet that was on Robinson? Naw, Tivo says it was probably on Reynolds. 3rd-11. Naturally, for both teams, Benny nearly picks it up on a draw play but is stopped a yard short. Tim Barnes is having a career day at center; he has been mauling Lions all game long. Haloti who? But, no first down, and the Rams only got a couple of minutes off the clock. AND waste a timeout in punt formation. Just take the penalty and burn off a few more seconds! Jeez. The Rams down the punt at the 14. 6:18 to play.
And here we go with the announcers talking about the potential move to L.A. Myers says the Rams have enjoyed A LOT OF successful seasons here? Try FIVE, out of 20, and that's counting the year they made the playoffs at 8-8. 6 to Ebron as Barron pops him. Here in the 2nd half, Williams has had TruJo laying off Megatron a ton but has been disguising and rolling coverages fiendishly. Here, Stafford has to run after wanting to throw to Mega because Joyner jumped up on his slant route. WHERE WAS THIS DEFENSIVE COACHING BRILLIANCE LAST WEEK WHEN I HAD NO FANTASY FOOTBALL INTEREST AT STAKE?!?!?!? A 2-foot screen pass to Riddick gets 16 after Barron gets wiped out at the point of attack. Lions at their 42. ANOTHER screen to Riddick, but TruJo closes rapidly and holds him to 2. Joyner blitzes and whiffs on a sack, but Donald splits a RG/C double-team and cleans up for his THIRD sack of the game. Hello Pro Bowl. Donald nearly gets there again on 3rd down but Tate's open underneath the zone for 16 and a 1st down at the Ram 45. Stafford tries to go deep for Mega, who runs a pretty weak double-move route and runs right into TruJo's arms to abort the route. Stafford wants a hold, but Gagatron pretty much ran into TruJo and quit. No hold to be found. But the Rams next get burned by a SCREEN to Ebron, with Alexander unable to get out to the edge on him. After lots of audibles on both sides, Stafford throws behind an open Jones down the seam and incomplete. 10 more off ANOTHER FREAKING DUMPOFF, to Bell. No, make it 9. 3rd-1. Bell gets a huge hole up the middle for 7, down to the Ram 18. Brockers couldn't get off the center and ended up on the ground. Donald's getting his arm wrapped on the sideline; honestly, they need Donald on the field enough, that would have been worth a timeout. Stafford fires for Tate in the end zone but he's double-teamed and it's incomplete. The good news here is that this drive is taking forever; we're down to 2:30 left. WOW, MEGATRON MAKES A FREAKING CATCH nearly 58 minutes into the game at the 2, getting behind Barron and surviving a big hit from McLeod. 1st-goal. He's double-teamed on the left edge, and Tate scores his SECOND TD off another pick that Roberson can't get around. Jones blocked Joyner into Roberson, and it was before Stafford threw, so it's a clean play that maybe the Rams secondary would like to learn how to defend someday? Rams 21, Lions 14
So help me God if this game goes to overtime. AND OF COURSE Marquez badly misplays the onside kick AND IT'S RECOVERED BY DETROIT. The Rams are now rapidly scrambling for ways to try to lose this one. Lions at their 47. Sims somehow manages not to sack Stafford (find a way to lose!), Stafford rolls out and throws a terrible pass (find a way to lose!), TruJo DROPS it on a tough diving play (find a way to lose, advantage, Rams!) 2:00 warning. Anybody seen my Zantac? Quick throw to Jones gets 7. Quick slant on 3rd down is off Jones' hands, with Roberson right there to push him out of getting the rebound. Ball game here on 4th-and-3.
And the Lions win the Find-Ways-To-Lose Bowl. Hilariously, the snap is wild, Stafford runs back 10 yards to track it down, rolls and fires for Ebron, right about the time he's tripped down by McLeod by what's ruled incidental contact - Rams ball! Barron blitzing helped rush that throw.
Gurley's counter run behind mauling downblocking by Robinson and Reynolds, and through a poor tackle by Ansah, gets him 20 to salt the game away.
Woo-hoo, the Rams still have a chance at .500!
Final: Rams 21, Lions 14
-$-
Actually, I should say the Lions are playing what's left of the Rams. Robert Quinn needs back surgery and his season is over. T.J. McDonald finally injured himself while maiming his own teammates to the extent that he's done for the season. Shoulder surgery. (The rest of the Ram defense breathes a sigh of relief.) Trumaine Johnson, back after missing two weeks for a thigh injury, draws the task of defending Calvin Johnson because Janoris Jenkins (McDonald's latest victim) is still in the concussion protocol. Those are just the new injuries, and I probably forgot some, besides the how many? five? offensive linemen the Rams have already lost this year and Chris Long playing about 1/3 as well as his normal self and the mentally wounded QB who is forcing Case Keenum back into action today. Just shoot me.
The main good news I have to offer: the Lions are as good at finding ways to lose as the Rams, and Megatron is in my fantasy playoff lineup, so he's due for a massive choke. Doesn't mean Golden Tate won't go off for 100 yards and 3 TDs, but it's something. The Lions are playing a lot better right now, but neither of these teams can win a game to save their lives. This'll go to overtime and be won by whoever loses the coin flip.
On TV, Fox will give us Chris Myers and three hours of Ronde Barber telling us how great he is again; in stripes, it will be Walt Anderson's crew, whose last Rams game was a 12-6 home loss to Arizona last December.
FIRST QUARTER
Lions won the toss and smartly make the Rams take the ball first. Keenum on the Case at QB, from his 20. Hey, new OC Rob Boras remembers you're allowed to throw to the RB! Keenum rolls and hits Todd Gurley for 7. Gurley for the first down off a nice block by Tim Barnes at center. Rams go five-wide - I'm not sure about all these empty backfields so far - but Keenum quickly hits Tavon Austin on a quick hitch for 3. Gurley middle left for another 4. 3rd-3, they run about a 1-yard flare to Austin out of trips. He dives for the marker.... and comes up short, forcing a punt. Brilliant play-calling by Boras right out of the box, a damn 1-yard pass on 3rd-and-3. Genius! Only a 42-yard punt by Hekker, fair-caught by Golden Tate at the DET19. Way to pin them! Oh, and PENALTY #1 on Christian Bryant, a 15-yard facemask! Brilliant! Way to pin them, idiots!
Lions at their 34, assuming the Rams are done handing them penalty yards. Awful non-edge-setting by Will Hayes and Mark Barron, but Trumaine Johnson holds Ameer Abdullah's bounce outside to 3. That's a rookie play; he stays in with that, he has a big gain. Hayes is much better on 2nd down, steering Abdullah's draw handoff back into Aaron Donald for no gain. Gregg Williams wins on 3rd down. TruJo is man-up tight on Megatron, and Matthew Stafford wants to go there, but can't because Mark Barron fake-blitzed and dropped back in coverage. Stafford pulls it down, plenty of time for Aaron Donald to get there for sack #1 (his ninth). 3-and-out - sweet defensive call; Williams also blitzed a couple. In fact, Laurinaitis' blitz up the middle helped free up Donald to the QB. Won't be a punting clinic today; about a 39-yarder fair-caught by Austin at the Ram 27.
Gurley's too slow to the corner and a LB knocks him down for a loss. I'd blame Garrett Reynolds for not getting there in time, but Gurley didn't even get there in time. The Rams empty the backfield AGAIN but Devin Taylor smokes Greg Robinson and scares Keenum into a weak throwaway. Awesome, 3rd-11 already. Keenum gets a load of time, though, and hits Bradley Marquez (!) for 14 on a square out from the slot. Corey Harkey opens a big hole for Gurley but an OLB closes it quickly and holds him to a couple. Keenum audibles to another handoff to Gurley, who goes behind Barnes and Robinson for 4. 3rd-3. Let's throw a pass FARTHER than 1 yard here, please. Not very convincing play-action at all, Detroit is all over Keenum on a rollout - think they're expecting those, Coach Boras - and Case dishes a floater that gets Kenny Britt killed downfield for an incomplete. I'm going to give Quandre Diggs credit for a nice hit there and give Britt some benefit of the doubt. Play blew up when Barnes and Cody Wichmann let Josh Bynes get loose between them. A thrilling under way in the Dome! But team MVP Hekker pulls out the pitching wedge and pins the Lions at their 4.
4-yard quick route to T.J. Jones out of the slot. Gregg Williams continuing to throw man coverage looks on Megatron. So, wait a minute here. We're TEN YARDS off EVERY Cardinal receiver last week, but we're going to be in the face of one of the best WRs in the game all this week? That SOB Gregg Williams knows I have Megatron on my FFL team, doesn't he? Nick Fairley stuffs Abdullah after a yard. 3rd-5. TruJo in Mega's face but Marcus Roberson 8 yards off Golden Tate. Stafford hits Brandon Pettigrew for 6 over the middle. They let the TE get pretty physical with Mo Alexander there. Mega was wide open on a double-move but just as Stafford threw. Mega in motion to chip-block for Abdullah, but the Rams stayed in zone and Roberson cut off the sweep right nicely for a couple. Smoke route to Tate out of 4-wide, but here's Roberson again to blow that up. Nice! 3rd-9. Loose coverage on everybody this time, but Mega is just blocking for another bubble screen to Tate, who makes some moves but gets stopped a yard short. Big kick drives Austin back to his 17; he returns it for about 10 and runs right into Corey Fuller.
WILDCAT TIME! Great handoff by Gurley to Austin on a jet sweep right sucks in the RDE, Austin sweeps around that side off a solid Robinson block, spins out of a tackle and gets out to the Ram 48 for 20 yards!
FFL update: if you're reading this, you know someone who has both Andy Dalton and Thomas Rawls in their playoff lineup, and whose season is now DEADER THAN A DOORNAIL because both have been knocked out of their respective games. I was the 2nd-highest scoring team in our league and I'm going to get wiped out by our league's equivalent of the NFC East champions. Seriously, SCREW YOU, FANTASY FOOTBALL.
OK, back to the Rams. Tre Mason sweeps left for about 6, and gets taken down A MILE OUT OF BOUNDS WITHOUT A PENALTY. Mason gets stuffed on 2nd down; Lance Kendricks unsurprisingly didn't block his guy so he could run a route instead. Keenum gets drilled by Haloti Ngata on a stunt as he throws a pass that it looks like Austin should have caught on a pivot route. The Rams get a gift defensive holding call on Jason Jones, who I guess held Tim Barnes? I didn't see anything, tbh. Rams at the DET42. Diggs jumps a screen to Mason for a 3-yard loss. Austin gets the Rams a first down, though, stutter-stepping through a big hole cleared by Barnes and Reynolds.
SECOND QUARTER
Chris Myers points out Austin already has more touches than he did all of last week. Rams at the Lion 32. Keenum goes deep for Austin split left, but the throw's out of bounds and Austin wasn't very open anyway. Mason cuts an inside handoff back left, picks up a block outside by Brian Quick and gets 5. And, these are the Rams, so they next get sacked out of FG position. Benny Cunningham gets in Robinson's way trying to chip Ziggy Ansah, leaving himself 1-on-1 with Freak 2.0, which was not destined to end well. Reynolds got beaten to the inside by Ngata and gave Keenum nowhere to bail. More thrilling punting, please! The crowd, who booed Jeff Fisher during intros per Jim Thomas, is now booing the decision to punt on 4th-and-15. Greg Zuerlein's back on the active roster, but I doubt he's up to trying to jack a 55-yard attempt today. The crowd's equally unhappy with the ensuing delay of game, since it's more important to get Hekker positioned for the punt, than, you know, to go for points. I feel ya, crowd, but I think the Rams were forced to punt here. Detroit declined the delay of game, and Bryant made a nice play at the goal line to tip the ball back in play. Lions have to start inside their 5 again.
Detroit at their 2. James Laurinaitis stuffs Joique Bell. Great crowd noise making it hard for Stafford to audible; he misses a very-open Megatron by 6 feet on a wide open pass up the sideline. Good job crowd, but while Gregg Williams continues to keep a DB in my FFL WR's face, he leaves the immortal T.J. Jones wide open in the zone for 15. I'm still a little bitter about my FFL team being dead 45 minutes into Sunday's games; you'll need to put up with me a bit longer. Draw to Bell, who runs through SHODDY tackling for 13, diving misses by Roberson and Alexander. No pressure on Stafford, who gets 9 after a dumpoff when Theo Riddick jukes Lamarcus Joyner and Laurinaitis whiffs. Ram D looking just a little less than great this series.
FFL update: wait a minute, Thomas Rawls walked off the field with a game-ending ankle injury? Sorry, but how does that work? I can only figure the NFL has decided to conspire against my fantasy team.
Back to the real game; Bell gets the first down at the 40. Drive started at the 2, D. Delay blitz does nothing but Stafford misses Jones by a mile. This game has been every bit the non-clinic I thought it would be. Stafford audibles to a quick slant to Jones, but Joyner breaks it up nicely. 3rd-10. Brandon Pettigrew has to be helped off after a knee injury that didn't look very pretty on slo-mo. Stafford audibles again, throws a hitch to Tate, but Roberson, playing a ton better than last week so far, holds Tate to 8. This game has had the non-stop thrills of a WWE contract signing.
Just when I say that, the Rams pull out the Mountaineer play again. Everyone falls for it again, too: the Lions, me, the cameraman... everything's great except it's Cody Davis fielding the punt, not Stedman Bailey, and he muffs it at the 12 but luckily recovers and gets to the 17. Austin didn't sell that anything close to how he sold it last year against Seattle, which really helped Detroit re-direct their focus when they had to.
Keenum rolls right and has plenty of time to fire deep, but Britt is not remotely open and the pass is out of bounds. Gurley's back in but Barnes completely whiffs on Khyri Thornton, who buries him for -2. I didn't have room to include Thornton in last week's preview but he's a load. Wichmann really butchers a stunt pickup that leaves Devin Taylor free to chase Keenum into scrambling, and he gets no gain up the sideline. Might be a sack, I'm not sure. More spine-tingling punting, please! Hekker blasts a 58-yard punt but also has to force Tate out of bounds after he swept left and escaped a couple of poor diving tackles. Illegal block on Detroit anyway, so this drive will probably start around their 10.
Seriously, this game may end in a scoreless tie. Well set-up screen to Bell gets 17 after Barron gets taken out by the lead blocker. Lions at the 32. Alexander whiffs on a swing pass to Abdullah that gets 8. Abdullah cuts back right for another 5; none of the d-line got off their block there.
AND THUS ENDETH OUR SCORELESS TIE, about the only way anyone's scoring today, a PICK SIX. TruJo was laid well off Mega for about the first time all day, which Stafford saw and immediately tried to go after, but TruJo was sandbagging, jumped the pass, got a key block by Akeem Ayers on Stafford inside the Detroit 20, then got bottled up just as the whole crowd is going, you HAVE to score, TruJo, our offense sure won't, but Rodney McLeod took out a lineman to free up the rest of the trip. Awesome play by TruJo! Rams 7, Lions 0
Lions start again from their 20 after a Zuerlein touchback. Dumpoff to Riddick for 6; Donald was about in Stafford's lap there. Riddick runs through Ethan Westbrooks for the 1st. Lions go no-huddle. Eric Ebron over the middle for 11. Rams are either in REALLY soft nickel coverage or only have 10 on the field as Riddick bounces left for 16, with Westbrooks getting tied up at RDE and no one behind to help him. Bad angle by Joyner if he was supposed to be in support. Light pressure at best now as Tate burns Roberson for a long sideline catch AND breaks a tackle to get inside the 10 with about a 38-yard gain. Good news, though: Walt Anderson is on the Rams' side today, taking it all back for a chop block call on Theo Riddick that wasn't a chop block at all. Let me get that Christmas bottle of Jack for Walt in the mail. When you are the Detroit Lions, ways to lose games find YOU. 52-yard change in field position puts them at their 41, and a frustrated Riddick now drops a screen to make it 2nd-25. Michael Brockers stunts with the Rams blitzing Joyner off the left edge and buries Stafford for SACK #2 at the 2:00 warning. 3rd-33. Quick slant for Riddick gets about 9, and send in the punter. Fisher takes a while to figure out the clock is still running and calls timeout #1 at about 1:20. In classic find-a-way-to-lose fashion, Detroit butchers downing the punt inside the 1, the up man drags his foot in the end zone to set the Rams up at the 20.
Really, Boras? A draw to Gurley gets 3 and the clock keeps running. Keenum next appears to throw a screen pass into Reynolds' back and Gurley can't make a catch. Nice protection on 3rd-7 and Keenum hits Jared Cook for 11. Timeout #2 at 0:39. Ansah whips Robinson after a hand fight and DRILLS Keenum as he throws for an incomplete. Detroit blitzes, and Barnes gets beaten to get Keenum drilled again, but he hits Marquez for 5. The Rams have used 40 seconds and 2 timeouts to move about 15 yards. Austin makes a stumbling catch across midfield, stumbling because he was held. Sweet cut by Tavon there; Rams at the Lion 48. That's all the prosperity the Ram offense can stand, though; Keenum gets blindsided by Isa Abdul-Quddus on a safety blitz and floats a pass to the sideline that Darius Slay fair catches. No missed block there, but I'm guessing Benny should have stayed back to block instead of going into the line. Nobody read that safety blitz.
Good rush and a Joyner blitz scare Stafford into a throwaway at :09, and it was properly called as grounding. He wasn't in the pocket and there wasn't a receiver in the area. Barber guesses the Lions will now kneel it out, which they do, while Myers literally begs them to get us to the end of the half. I feel ya, Chris; this hasn't exactly been an instant classic.
But the Rams are winning! 7-0 at halftime
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
Both offensive coordinators need to seriously consider the Red Beaulieu Gambit at halftime, meaning just kneel three times and punt the rest of the game. Hell, they're practically doing it anyway. Jim Bob Cooter has been as idiotic as his name sounds that he can't even figure out a way to get Megatron open against the depleted Ram secondary. Gregg Williams has been every bit as good this week as he was awful last week. Stafford's showing he can't handle the blitz so I'm expecting more of it in the 2nd half, and I wouldn't mind tighter coverage on the legendary T.J. Jones than there has been. Pretty flawless half by Williams, though.
I have seen no improvement over Frank Cignetti by Rob Boras other than he's remembered the Rams have Tavon Austin, and he could always forget that next game like Cignetti seemed to forget every other game. I'd prefer to hit Detroit with more of a power game than all the spread formations Boras threw out in the 1st half. With that Lion d-line, let's be more careful about protecting the QB. Let's get Gurley and Austin to the edge, run some play-action to get Cook open some and let's get out of here.
THIRD QUARTER
Fisher does not yell at anyone to "catch the freaking ball" in the sideline huddle. He does want the defense to get the ball back, with Detroit receiving to start the half. Abdullah gets 6 after Donald and Hayes can't get to him. Good pressure by Hayes on 2nd down forces a poor dumpoff incomplete. The Rams blitz a screen attempt on 3rd-and-4, but Laurinaitis gets away with holding up Riddick, and gets a big blast from Donald, who absolutely whipped RT Michael Ola with a swim move from DE. Donald bent time and space there he was so fast. I don't think Ola ever knew Donald was behind him even though he started the play out in front of him.
Rams at their 29. Hey, look, it's play-action to Cook in the flat and up the sideline for about 25.... NO, PENALTY #2, ON GREG ROBINSON, for a chop block. Is this one really a chop block? Yes, good call by Anderson. 1st-24 at the 15. Steven Tulloch breaks up a short middle pass for Lance Kendricks, then trips up Austin for no gain on a middle handoff. Boy, it's a shame the Rams don't have a feature stud RB on the roster or anything. WHERE THE HELL IS GURLEY? 3rd-and-a-mile, of course it's a dumpoff to Benny for a few. 7. God, this offense. 50-yard punt by Hekker; Tate returns it to the 35.
Highly predictable bubble screen to Tate, stacked behind Megatron split right, still gets 12. Barron wipes out Riddick with a flying play. MONSTER HOLE for Bell on a quick handoff gets him room to run for 18. Chris Long way overshot that, Donald also got caught in deep, and Ayers dived in the hole and missed. Good protection lets Stafford hit Jones at the Ram 29. 2nd-3. Tate gets 15 on an end-around after Barron whiffs in the backfield. A lot of shoddy tackling in blue and gold this week. Bubble screen to Riddick for another 5 gets them to the Ram 9. And, as ever, Golden Tate beats the Rams for a TD. He came from wide right and Roberson couldn't get around the pick route by the slot receiver. A tie game is something we DO NOT need to see between these two teams. 7-7
The Rams need to kneel on it three times quickly here and get the Lions the ball back so they can go for another pick-six. HA! A Lions fan in the stands just offered Walt Anderson a beer. He waved it off, but brilliant move. Darryl Tapp nearly ruins a jet sweep to Austin for a huge loss, but he got around right end for 7. Good protection; Keenum to Marquez for 13. Ansah jumps offside to put the Rams at their 45. Keenum audibles to a run left, to this apparently new guy Gurley they just got, and he blows up for a 49-yard run. Lance Kendricks got Tapp turned on the right edge - the DE didn't even know the play was coming his way - and COOK got an excellent kickout block to give Gurley a ton of running room. He hurdled a DB at the 35 and flew down inside the 10! 1st-and-goal now at the 6, so of course the first thing is PENALTY #3, another poor call by Anderson. He claimed Austin and Gurley were in motion at the snap when Gurley was clearly set. Makeup call for the chop block earlier? This has not been a challenging game for Anderson and crew; they really should not be butchering clear-cut plays like these. One thing Boras has gotten right today is to run LEFT; Gurley goes behind Barnes and Reynolds for 6 down to the 5. 2nd-and-goal, Keenum audibles to a pitch to Gurley, who gets a block from Cory Harkey and leaps over Glover Quin and at the pylon for the TD! Rams 14, Lions 7 The Rams are reversing the pattern of the past 5 games and are actually finding ways to win! Hopefully I didn't speak too soon there.
Myers lets us know that was the Rams' first offensive TD in 9 quarters and 14 points is their high water mark the past 5 games. The Lions open with a DROP by WORTHLESS Calvin Johnson. It's gotten pretty legendary that somebody on my team's got to crap all over my FFL playoff hopes every year, congratulations to Gagatron for this year's honor among my scarce healthy players. I think it's Brockers who gets pushed 5 yards out of the hole, pancaked AND flipped, to open up a big hole for Bell for 9. Stafford play-actions on 3rd-and-1, and fullback Michael Burton beats Barron in the flat and gets up the sideline for 12. Nice run stuff by Fairley, who spends way too much time celebrating his first play of the game against his old team. Play-action on 2nd-8, and Roberson nearly beats the throw to Tate, tackling him for a big loss. His game today has bordered on terrific; see what happens when you let your DBs play man? Donald and Hayes flush Stafford on 3rd-12 to force a throwaway. 1:04 left in the 3rd, and dare I say it, the Rams are in control of this game. Tavon returns the punt 83 yards to the end zone, but Myers announced the flag on the Rams right away, and naturally, PENALTY #4 is a holding call on Benny Cunningham. I guess they're saying he grabbed the defenders' right arm while clearing him out of the lane that Austin took. Barber and Myers say it's a very ticky-tack call, and I have to agree given some of the brutal holding I've seen opponents get away with vs. the Rams on returns. And if not for Anderson's call here, this game would probably be over.
Instead, here are the Rams at their 9. On a bizarre-looking play, the Lions jump, Keenum stutter steps to get the secondary thinking run and throws a crazy lob up the sideline for Britt, who brings it down at the 34! OK, Keenum wasn't faking there, he was realizing he had a free play. All the Lions had kind of stopped, and they are cleanly beating the Rams today in the finding-ways-to-lose department. That new guy Gurley breaks a bad tackle in the hole and explodes off RT for 25! Hey, he may have a future here! Nice outside block by Rob Havenstein and inside block by Cody Wichmann. Let's see if the Rams can put a game away for once.
FOURTH QUARTER
So, of course, as soon as I say that, the Rams get Gurley buried for a 4-yard loss on a toss left. Robinson and Kendrick swung out wide and blocked no one while Gurley got buried under three Lions, and I suspect I'm not the only person wondering what the hell went on there. Hey, there's Wes Welker, beating Abdul-Quddus on a quick slant for 11. Why'd it take 45 minutes to remember him? 3rd-3, another quick slant, to Britt, who breaks a tackle and picks up a first down. There's a play that eluded Frank Cignetti in his brief tenure here. Every time Keenum has audibled today, it's been to a handoff, but the still-clueless Lions let Gurley get away for 10. James Ihedigbo blows a tackle in the hole while Havenstein makes a blocking-sled of a block to clear the way. He just rag-dolled the awful Tapp there, and I cannot comprehend why Tapp is getting so many snaps for Detroit. He stinks on ice. Bah, they gave Gurley 9.98 yards, leaving 2nd-and-.02. No matter as Gurley bounces outside FOR ANOTHER TD! Barnes turned Thornton, Reynolds pancaked and big-splashed a guy, Ansah pretty much quit on the play, and Gurley popped through and outran Quin to the pylon again after getting him off-balance with a wicked Marshall Faulkian jump cut. I'll shut my mouth and listen, for they are chanting Gurley's name. 21-7 Rams
I'm happy the Rams are pulling out a rare win for the long-suffering St. Louis home crowd but have to acknowledge that, even with a couple of extra days of rest, the Lions are really mailing this one in. Detroit fans are definitely in screw-this mode as Abdullah gets tripped by the Turf Monster at the 13 on the kick return. Chris Long nearly blows up a delay handoff to Abdullah but he gets away for 4. Westbrooks jumps but gets back, but we still get the BULLSHIT offsides penalty because a lineman stands up and points several seconds later. COME ON. Penalty #5, but Walt Anderson is NOT getting a good grade this week. Play action on 2nd-1, and Abdullah gets out to the 37 off a dumpoff. Play-action, and after Eugene Sims beats Riley Reiff to make Stafford step up, Donald beats Laken Tomlinson for his 2nd sack, and the Rams' 3rd. Replay shows Megatron had TruJo burned with a double move but Stafford didn't get the time to see him. Hey, Gregg Williams, don't go soft on Mega now. Barron and TruJo are ALL OVER a screen on 3rd down as the Rams are winning the Clusterbleep Bowl in a blowout. Short cross to Tate on 3rd-21 sends the punt team back out. I'm calling for a high dose of Gurley from here. The punt lands roughly in Kiener Plaza and sets the Rams up at their 29.
Mason immediately gets buried for minus-4 after no one blocks the LB Tulloch. This happens all the time! Get a hat on the damn LB! Keenum gets plenty of time and hits Mason short for 3, with Detroit declining an unannounced holding penalty. Want to bet that was on Robinson? Naw, Tivo says it was probably on Reynolds. 3rd-11. Naturally, for both teams, Benny nearly picks it up on a draw play but is stopped a yard short. Tim Barnes is having a career day at center; he has been mauling Lions all game long. Haloti who? But, no first down, and the Rams only got a couple of minutes off the clock. AND waste a timeout in punt formation. Just take the penalty and burn off a few more seconds! Jeez. The Rams down the punt at the 14. 6:18 to play.
And here we go with the announcers talking about the potential move to L.A. Myers says the Rams have enjoyed A LOT OF successful seasons here? Try FIVE, out of 20, and that's counting the year they made the playoffs at 8-8. 6 to Ebron as Barron pops him. Here in the 2nd half, Williams has had TruJo laying off Megatron a ton but has been disguising and rolling coverages fiendishly. Here, Stafford has to run after wanting to throw to Mega because Joyner jumped up on his slant route. WHERE WAS THIS DEFENSIVE COACHING BRILLIANCE LAST WEEK WHEN I HAD NO FANTASY FOOTBALL INTEREST AT STAKE?!?!?!? A 2-foot screen pass to Riddick gets 16 after Barron gets wiped out at the point of attack. Lions at their 42. ANOTHER screen to Riddick, but TruJo closes rapidly and holds him to 2. Joyner blitzes and whiffs on a sack, but Donald splits a RG/C double-team and cleans up for his THIRD sack of the game. Hello Pro Bowl. Donald nearly gets there again on 3rd down but Tate's open underneath the zone for 16 and a 1st down at the Ram 45. Stafford tries to go deep for Mega, who runs a pretty weak double-move route and runs right into TruJo's arms to abort the route. Stafford wants a hold, but Gagatron pretty much ran into TruJo and quit. No hold to be found. But the Rams next get burned by a SCREEN to Ebron, with Alexander unable to get out to the edge on him. After lots of audibles on both sides, Stafford throws behind an open Jones down the seam and incomplete. 10 more off ANOTHER FREAKING DUMPOFF, to Bell. No, make it 9. 3rd-1. Bell gets a huge hole up the middle for 7, down to the Ram 18. Brockers couldn't get off the center and ended up on the ground. Donald's getting his arm wrapped on the sideline; honestly, they need Donald on the field enough, that would have been worth a timeout. Stafford fires for Tate in the end zone but he's double-teamed and it's incomplete. The good news here is that this drive is taking forever; we're down to 2:30 left. WOW, MEGATRON MAKES A FREAKING CATCH nearly 58 minutes into the game at the 2, getting behind Barron and surviving a big hit from McLeod. 1st-goal. He's double-teamed on the left edge, and Tate scores his SECOND TD off another pick that Roberson can't get around. Jones blocked Joyner into Roberson, and it was before Stafford threw, so it's a clean play that maybe the Rams secondary would like to learn how to defend someday? Rams 21, Lions 14
So help me God if this game goes to overtime. AND OF COURSE Marquez badly misplays the onside kick AND IT'S RECOVERED BY DETROIT. The Rams are now rapidly scrambling for ways to try to lose this one. Lions at their 47. Sims somehow manages not to sack Stafford (find a way to lose!), Stafford rolls out and throws a terrible pass (find a way to lose!), TruJo DROPS it on a tough diving play (find a way to lose, advantage, Rams!) 2:00 warning. Anybody seen my Zantac? Quick throw to Jones gets 7. Quick slant on 3rd down is off Jones' hands, with Roberson right there to push him out of getting the rebound. Ball game here on 4th-and-3.
And the Lions win the Find-Ways-To-Lose Bowl. Hilariously, the snap is wild, Stafford runs back 10 yards to track it down, rolls and fires for Ebron, right about the time he's tripped down by McLeod by what's ruled incidental contact - Rams ball! Barron blitzing helped rush that throw.
Gurley's counter run behind mauling downblocking by Robinson and Reynolds, and through a poor tackle by Ansah, gets him 20 to salt the game away.
Woo-hoo, the Rams still have a chance at .500!
Final: Rams 21, Lions 14
-$-
Sunday, December 6, 2015
RamView game blog: Cardinals 27, Rams 3
The Rams look overmatched in the trenches again this week as 4.5-point home underdogs to Arizona. Nick Foles remains starting QB, as Jeff Fisher continues to look BRILLIANT for letting the concussed Case Keenum finish the Baltimore game. And in an injury that has transformed the season for the entire team, it doesn't look good for Robert Quinn to play again. They're going to have to find a way to get Todd Gurley going; I would go with a lot of old-fashioned I-formation with Cory Harkey lead-blocking. Please do what Cincinnati did a couple of weeks ago. Double-team the guy next to Calais Campbell and run on that side. They need as many bodies in Campbell's way as possible. They have to strongly consider using a lot of no-huddle to get Foles comfortable. Defensively, I can't see them getting much pressure on Carson Palmer without doing a lot of blitzing. So if the secondary doesn't have its act together any better than last week, I hope you at least have Larry Fitzgerald on your fantasy team. I wish the Rams had more going for them here than hoping Arizona is looking ahead to their Thursday night game against Minnesota, but here we are.
Injury updates: Besides Quinn, it also looks pretty sure that Greg Zuerlein will miss another game. Surprise #1 just came in: Keenum has passed the concussion protocol and is active, backing up Foles. Over/under for time he takes the field is halftime. Zuerlein and Quinn are officially inactive, and, uh-oh, so is Trumaine Johnson again this week. Yeah, start your Cardinal fantasy receivers. That means Rob Havenstein will dress, but that meant absolutely nothing last week.
Andre Ellington (turf toe) is inactive for Arizona, who's already missing starting RB Chris Johnson, so the Rams will have a shot at hacking some fumbles loose from rookie David Johnson. The Rams will also not be able to further pad Frostee Rucker's (ankle) Hall-of-Fame resume as he is inactive today. (Inactives courtesy of Jim Thomas' Twitter feed)
506 Sports says today's game call will by by Chris Myers and Ronde Barber for Fox, though if Ronde really wanted to golf or something this weekend, who'd know if it was really Tiki in the booth? Football Zebras says Bill Vinovich is refereeing the game; if referees got a championship belt, he'd be wearing it as the ref who worked the last Super Bowl. He has been dreadful in past Rams games, though not the one he worked last year, so anything could happen here.
FIRST QUARTER
JOHNNY HEKKER kicks off for the Rams - why? Zach Hocker blasted both his kicks last week through the end zone. It's a touchback because the Cardinals don't field it cleanly at the goal line. Quick 6 yards for David Johnson, running through a STUPID overshift. T.J. McDonald nearly blows up Carson Palmer on a blitz the next play, but, NATURALLY, Palmer gets away, the Rams leave TE Darren Fells WIDE OPEN, and he runs through at least three Rams for a TWENTY-TWO yard gain, and it took me exactly two plays to get sick of this team again this week. What the hell was Laurinaitis doing on that play, besides leaving Fells open by 5 yards? 3 more for Johnson past a double-teamed Aaron Donald. Good rush, good deep coverage by Janoris Jenkins on a deep pass out-of-bounds. 3rd-7. And what doesn't go wrong this next play? Gregg Williams LUDICROUSLY has every DB TEN YARDS off the receivers on 3rd-and-7. Here's a big surprise - Michael Floyd open downfield for 20. And that's not even the half of it.
T.J. McDonald has got to go. I have had enough of this bullshit with him. If they can flip him for a draft pick in the offseason, even a 7th-rounder, they should do it. I am completely sick of this idiot. Trying to jack Floyd up, he puts his head down, misses him by four feet and absolutely destroys his teammate, Jenkins, with a helmet-to-helmet blast. T.J. McDonald would have to be worth eight Pro Bowls to be worth the damage he has done TO HIS OWN TEAM the past two seasons. E.J. Gaines last year, Alec Ogletree and now Jenkins this year all taken out of action by this god damn idiot. THEIR TEAMMATE. All of McDonald's biggest hits the last three years have been against his own damn team. The Rams are the only team in the league that needs to fear him as a hitter. I would cut his ass right now. Cody Davis at least won't KILL HIS OWN TEAMMATES.
3 for Johnson, tripped up by Akeem Ayers. Michael Brockers and Mark Barron shut down the middle on 2nd-7, but Johnson bounces outside, where there's no resistance because Gregg Williams called a blitz, and when the Rams get to Johnson, it's idiot clown McDonald tackling him forward five yards for a 1st down. 9 yards. Nick Fairley way overcelebrates the Rams' first run stop of the game. Nice pass breakup by Lamarcus Joyner vs. John Brown in the end zone. 3rd-10 at the 17, now 3rd-15 as the Cardinals help the Rams out with a delay of game. Barber points out AZ's red zone problems in the first meeting.
And, so much for that. Brockers gets close on pass rush, but Palmer hits J.J. Nelson in the back of the end zone for a 22-yard TD. Arizona decided very quickly to pick on Joyner, but this isn't his fault; he correctly gave Nelson up to Mo Alexander and Alexander took a terrible angle picking Nelson up, probably biting on a move. 7-0 Arizona We're off to a long day in St. Louis.
No, Alexander was just in poor position; Nelson didn't do anything special. It doesn't take anything special to embarrass the Rams these days. Benny Cunningham brings it out from 7 deep and wastes all our time by not making it to the 20. Rob Havenstein has returned at RT, btw, moving Garrett Reynolds back to LG, which should help the running game a ton. Or not, Todd Gurley loses three on his first @#$%^ touch; Ed Stinson, the LDE, the ONE GUY YOU SHOULD GET BLOCKED ON A RIGHT SWEEP, rubs off Havenstein, Cody Wichmann doesn't pick him up, tackle. Wow, Frank Cignetti remembered the slant route! Nick Foles play-actions, still gets it out in about a second and hits Brian Quick (!) for 14. Gurley gets the right edge for 5; superb block by Havenstein, with Lance Kendricks double-teaming effectively. I should note they're running away from Campbell so far. THE WILDCAT IS BACK; Gurley fakes a jet sweep to Tavon Austin and keeps it for 3. Barber has mentioned that Patrick Peterson will shadow Austin this week, btw. 3rd-2. Of all the plays Cignetti can call here, another run right for Gurley?!?!? The crowd is booing this before Foles even gets it handed off, which is awesome. Gurley had to cut back because Reynolds got overwhelmed by somebody named Rodney Gunter, and the Rams again LOSE yardage in a short-yardage situation. The right run was never going to work there anyway, and YET ANOTHER superb opening possession by the Rams on offense.
In the physical embodiment of getting too cute, Hekker moves up into shotgun, then, faking a fake, punts out of it. The Rams did catch Arizona with no deep man because of the fake look. And Hekker's punt rolled into the end zone.
I hate this team.
Laurinaitis stops Johnson after a couple, and much to my wondering eyes should appear, Jenkins is back on the field. Well, we all know Rams concussion protocols are notoriously hard to pass! Another McDonald blitz forces a rushed incomplete by Palmer. McDonald still yet to damage someone not on his team. But Jenkins makes a nice stop of Jenkins on a quick slant to get the 3-and-out. Austin gets a lot of room to return the punt; 9 yards to the Ram 35. Let's get fired up for more right-side handoffs!
Veteran WR Kenny Britt flinches before the snap to cost the Rams 5. I hate this team. Long count by Foles, great blitz pickup by Gurley, and Foles goes deep for Britt down the far sideline. He has Justin Bethel beaten by a step but Rashad Johnson does a nice job to come over and pick the pass off around the AZ45. Pretty sure Foles is at fault here for leaving the throw too far inside. That needed to be out toward the sideline; Johnson actually caught it off Britt's inside shoulder. More precision offense from your St. Louis Rams.
I hate this team.
What are Foles and Britt high-fiving one another for on the sideline? They each have the Arizona D on their fantasy teams? Cardinals brilliantly have to take a timeout with the clock stopped. They're at their 36. Palmer hits Johnson over the middle for 10. Gregg Williams, btw, is an idiot. They're apparently going to lay ten yards off the receivers ALL DAY. The only tight coverage on that play was Nick Fairley dropping back in coverage on the TE. Nick Fairley, shutdown DT. Seriously, when can we start firing people around here? Will Hayes makes an outstanding inside move and bears down on Palmer, but he escapes to his right, and with Williams idiotically leaving everything open downfield with soft coverage, Palmer easily hits John Brown at the Ram 40 for another first down. Barron and Matt Longacre (!) hold Johnson to a couple. Fells gets wide open for another 1st down, but this should totally be OPI on John Brown for blocking Barron early. Excellent call by Bill Vinovich and crew. Make it 2nd-18. Joyner's all over a quick screen to Fitzgerald at midfield and stops him for a loss. 3rd-20. Barber modestly compares Joyner to himself. Ok then. Palmer and Floyd are not on the same page at all and Palmer's sideline pass falls harmlessly incomplete. Austin gambles right and lets the punt roll into the end zone.
Well, at least the Ram defense has gotten it together after that first possession, despite Williams' awful scheme. Markus Golden does a great job staying home, limiting an Austin jet sweep to a couple. Foles airs another deep throw, a back-shoulder that Britt gets to this time, beating Justin Bethel for 30. Uncharacteristic of Cignetti to actually do something smart and pick on whoever's not Patrick Peterson. Just when I say that, ANOTHER PITCH RIGHT to Gurley is blown up for -3. CAN WE RUN FREAKING LEFT FREAKING ONCE? The legendary GUNTER ran right over Reynolds, who is usually a lot better than this garbage today, to blow it up from the backside. Havenstein didn't get anything done on the edge, and Harkey led and didn't block anybody. God, at least hit somebody on a double-team if you can't find your block.
SECOND QUARTER
Jared Cook's heard from for the first time all day, with a false start. PENALTY #2. I hate this team. 2nd-18. Foles throws from a collapsing pocket and hits Cook on a crossing route for 9. Stupid of Arizona to blitz here, and Honey Badger doesn't disguise it at all, but it still works. Greg Robinson gets very little of him. The Rams were in a 31 formation left, so he badgered Foles away from 3 of his receivers and Nick ended up throwing it away. How can you do anything but hate this team?
Hekker's punt at least dies at the 4 this time. I wish this led me to believe Arizona will still not score. And how the hell this ball is spotted at the 5 when it clearly died at the 4, I have no idea. The Rams avoid a 95-yard TD by inches. Williams foolishly called a double-A-gap blitz. Palmer hit John Brown on a quick slant. Jenkins got caught flat-footed, foolishly dived for Brown's feet and missed. Had Ayers not gotten off a Fells block at the 19, Brown easily could have been gone. Gregg Williams obviously has Carson Palmer on his fantasy team. BRUTAL DPI by Marcus Roberson, running into and grabbing Brown. Put Arizona across midfield. Johnson runs through Joyner for another 6. Draw to Johnson for another 10. It's another run right through ANOTHER STUPID OVERSHIFT, with Fitzgerald keeping Joyner out of the hole and Bobby Freaking Massie embarrassing the crap out of Aaron Donald, driving him 5 yards downfield and wiping him out. The Rams get to Palmer late, but he still gets off a nice deep sideline pass for Floyd. Luckily, Jenkins is there to break it up. Great play. And, hey, a blitz works. Joyner and Barron come off each edge and Joyner makes a sweet move on guard Ted Larsen to get Palmer for sack #1. That will probably be split with Donald, who blew up and beat center Lyle Sendlein. Barber again modestly praises Joyner by saying how much he looks like him. That act's wearing a little thin. Bring in Tiki. 3rd-14, Roberson actually breaks up an out route to Fitzgerald to force a punt. Well, that stop was pretty unexpected, as the Rams continue to outplay their DC's awful play-calling. Arizona butchers downing the punt inside the 5, then Darren Bates makes a MUCH too dangerous play by scooping the ball around the 10. Damn lucky to avoid a turnover there, and a damn stupid play; it was going to get spotted at no worse than the 10 without any Ram having to touch it.
TRE MASON IS IMMEDIATELY BURIED FOR A 2 YARD LOSS as Garrett Reynolds GETS BURNED AGAIN. When the Rams stupidly overshift, Arizona runs for 10 yards. When the Cardinals do it, THIS. I hate this team. THE RAMS HAVE RUSHED FOR TWO NET YARDS. I'm surprised it's that much! Rams line up 31 left again; nothing open but Foles finds Mason underneath for 7. Wes Welker sighting in trips left; Foles is looking for him all the way and hits him for 9 on an out route. FIRST DOWN! Quick screen to... Harkey?!?!? for 4. The dreaded TE rollout pass works as well as it ever does - Cook gets 3, nearly fumbling it away. 3rd-3. Run right, right? Trips left, Foles looking for Austin all the way, pumps twice, scrambles and can't hit Britt on the sideline with a desperation throw. The first pump by Foles looked like the right move - Arizona had Austin covered there - but he should have thrown to Tavon the 2nd time, would have been an easy first. The Rams will punt yet again. Great coverage by Cody Davis forces Patrick Peterson to let the ball bounce and gains the Rams 5-6 yards field position.
Arizona at their 12. SIMPLE BUBBLE SCREEN TO FITZGERALD FOR 21. Jenkins, as usual, couldn't get off a block (by Jermaine Gresham). Sendlein got out and not only completely dominated Joyner, but pushed him into McDonald for a 2-for-1. Johnson off right tackle for another 18, THROUGH ANOTHER STUPID GOD DAMN OVERSHIFT and Fitzgerald expertly cut-blocking Ayers in the hole. Johnson is averaging 5.8 yards a carry; the Rams have run for 2 yards all game. I hate this team. Pitch left to Johnson, following a convoy for 7. You know, the kind of play Cignetti should have tried AT LEAST ONCE BY NOW. Johnson up the middle for 2.98, leaving 3rd-and-inches. I'd play-action for the TD here. Arizona does throw, and the Rams do pick up Johnson well out of the backfield, but Roberson lets Brown beat him with a simple comeback route for 8. Awesome. I do think Fisher owes us a challenge here. I'll assume the head linesman had a good look at his feet, but I think a juggled catch ruling is possible. No. No replay, no challenge. We don't even get a good replay from Fox because Arizona has wisely rushed the next play and handed off to Johnson. Jeff Fisher's ass just got outcoached here yet again. Ayers at least stops Johnson for a loss. 2nd-11 at the Ram 31. Delay shotgun handoff to Johnson seemed ill-advised, and Barron is all over him for another stuff. The blitz seems a stupid idea here but works to perfection as Mo Alexander (!) is in around Massie before the RT can figure out what's going on for the Rams' 2nd sack. Credit to the Ram coaching staff for bouncing back these last two plays and pushing Arizona back out of FG position. Arizona attempts to tip a bouncing punt back across the goal line, with JENKINS crazily grabbing the ricochet and trying to return it, but only making the 5. What is going on with punt returns this week? Also, PENALTY #3, holding, JENKINS. That was committed at the 20 and would spot the ball at the 10, but Arizona logically takes the result of the play to start the Rams at the 5. In other words, Jenkins screwed the pooch on that play every way he possibly could.
To vindicate Jenkins a little bit, and Bates earlier, according to Barber, Arizona touching both of those punts first means they weren't risking anything attempting to return them. I assume, then, a lost fumble would have been returned to the spot of the Arizona touch? No wonder so many referees are ex-lawyers.
Rams ball at their 5 with 1:59 left, not that I'm expecting them to get anywhere. Havenstein lines up jumbo left and the Rams STILL RUN RIGHT, but Gurley gets 5 off a strong seal block by Wichmann. DROP BY QUICK on a quick slant; Foles did not appear to get the ball cleanly from center and the timing could easily have been off. Trips left and Foles goes deep right for Quick, broken up by Bethel. Hekker blasts the punt about 65 yards but Peterson returns it to the 40. 1:00 to halftime.
Safety blitz gets to Palmer late but Fitzgerald beats Jenkins' soft coverage for 15. TO#2 by Arizona. Delayed blitz does nothing and Palmer hits Floyd in front of Roberson for another 16. Palmer spikes to kill the clock at 0:39. Another blitz fails and the Cardinals have TWO receivers open at the 18 on the sideline. Nelson beat Roberson and Johnson beat Ayers. Nelson makes the catch. Coverage couldn't be more screwed up today if Gregg Williams tried. Williams wins me over with this next play, though, and why the hell hasn't he been running this all year? 3-man rush ***with Aaron Donald at end***, and he whips Massie, flushes Palmer into a scramble, and draws a hold. Ha, Will Hayes was the nose tackle on the play. Arizona at the 27 with 0:28 left. BARRON BLOWS AN INT. RIGHT IN HIS DAMN HANDS as Williams fooled Arizona again dropping guys off the line into coverage and bringing 3 again. Worked in Arizona, working here. Quick slant to Floyd for about 11, and Bruce Arians uses his last TO. 3rd-and-8. 3-man rush again, Roberson breaks up a sideline pass for Floyd. That drive was the game in Arizona redux. Gregg Williams didn't look like he had a clue for 80 yards of the field but locked things down in the red zone with 3-man rush. There's a key to beating Arizona if (many) better teams than the Rams are paying attention. Chippie FG for Chandler Catanzaro as Barber votes Kurt Warner for HoF. 10-0 Arizona
The Ram offense gets to come out for a kneeldown so the home fans can boo them off the field. Kudos to Barber for saying they should be booed off the field.
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
The Rams are almost right in a game they deserve to be getting blown out of. I hate the hell out of Williams' coverage scheme today, but he's continued to stymie Arizona in the red zone. Jenkins is luckily still alive after that blast from McDonald and has kept Fitzgerald quiet in shadow coverage. I'll compromise and say Williams can keep his daffy coverages if he'll get rid of the damn stupid overshifts. Don't let Arizona just have big runs, huh?
The Rams need to fire Ted Cruz as their OC at halftime and hire Bernie Sanders. Can we run SOMETHING left today? Please? Let's get some pitches going and test their secondary in run support a little. Let's get the ball to Tavon Austin! How does Cignetti manage to forget him every other week? (Granted, Patrick Peterson may have a lot to do with that) I think they've been smart to pick on Bethel. They haven't been smart not to have Cook involved. And I'm going to keep calling for no-huddle. Dump off a lot if you want, but something's got to loosen up. The risk is quick 3-and-outs, but they have to try it a while, nothing else is happening. I wouldn't switch to Keenum because I don't think the deep-ball approach is a bad idea and he doesn't have the arm for it.
THIRD QUARTER
Fisher yells at his team before the kickoff to "catch the freaking ball", ha! Benny breaks a tackle on a 31-yard return to the 27. Play-action to Gurley, Foles goes left to Cook, he's open but a high pass is off BOTH HIS HANDS. CATCH THE FREAKING BALL! Double play-action, Foles gets surprised by the rush and fires deep for a double-covered Quick. Peterson just barely misses the INT. Good blitz pickup, Foles back-foots a throw over the middle Austin can't get to, and there's the quick 3-and-out I was afraid could happen if the Rams tried to get more aggressive offensively. I don't know what else to do. Things are completely different if stinking Cook catches that ball.
Nice punt by Hekker to pin Arizona at the 15. Great run clogging by Donald and Brockers, and Sims stops Johnson for no gain. Hayes then knifes inside a pull block and blows up Johnson on the edge for a 2-yard loss. Nice play. Donald gets to Palmer as he tries a dumpoff and gets a 3-and-out, backing up over Sendlein and spinning off him. That was another 3-man rush, and Williams appears to have found his play-calling groove.
And I'll be damned, Arizona outkicks coverage, Austin gets a huge hole at midfield and cruises off with a 65+yard return inside the Arizona 5. And I'll be double-damned, never mind, I think Daren Bates pretty obviously held Sean Weatherspoon at midfield and this @#$%#$ing thing is going to come all the way back to the 20. That hold was completely unnecessary to the play. No, wait, Chase Reynolds gets called for it, also an obvious hold, and a big reason for Austin's big lane. (PENALTY #4)
I hate this team.
Reynolds' hold was a spot foul, so the Rams do take over at their 49, their best field position of the day. AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RUN LEFT FOR ONCE. Gurley pops through a big downblock by Tim Barnes for 34. Ha, Barber agrees with my halftime adjustments, at least the quick passing game. Gurley gets buried after Wichmann can't get a block on the MLB. Foles' fade route attempt for Britt isn't even in bounds. Havenstein pushes a hot rush past Foles but Nick trips while stepping up and flubs a dumpoff attempt to Gurley. Boo, says the home crowd. Zach Hocker from 36 to put the Rams on the board. Arizona 10, Rams 3
Another knuckleball kickoff by Hekker, and Ask Kerwynn Williams again not only can't field it cleanly, he flubs it out of bounds at the 2. Momentum? Johnson gets the right edge but Ayers trips him up after a couple. Lots of time for Palmer on 2nd down; he hits Fitzgerald at the 9. That was a straight 4-man rush. 3rd-3, Donald buries Palmer as he throws, but he still gets off a deep, back-breaking sideline bomb to Floyd for 31. Jenkins was right there but couldn't locate the ball and turned the wrong way. AUUUUUGH! Confirming that the air has been let out of the D, Johnson runs through about 23 yards of shoddy defense. Barron overran him, Laurinaitis whiffed, he dragged both safeties 5 yards. The Rams are going to need some more red zone magic, because Arizona's going to be there pretty quickly. 6 more for Johnson as Hayes struggles getting off a Massie block. Quick screen to Fitzgerald gets another 1st, only just. More garbage defense as Kerwynn Freaking Williams takes off for 15 down to the 12. The Rams got caught blitzing Roberson, who got blocked, none of the linemen got off their blocks, and McDonald, since he wasn't clobbering one of his own teammates into oblivion, whiffed in the hole to turn him loose. I hate this team. Roberson gets a great jump and cuts off a sweep to Johnson, and Barron hits him and forces the ball out, but NATURALLY, can't recover the fumble, as Brockers slides out of bounds, barely, before he corrals it. And, naturally, though this is pretty obvious on replay, here comes the challenge flag from Fisher now. I give up with this guy. Refs got this one right. The call stands, though, with the explanation given, I don't know why Vinovich didn't say "confirmed". The home crowd is unhappy. Fisher is 1-for-5 on challenges this year. I hate this team. Smoke route to Brown, out of bounds at the 10.
Palmer fires to Johnson between Barron and Jenkins, who brilliantly crash into one another, for a 10-yard TD. Jenkins got wiped out again and stays down. I would say Jenknis was attempting to jump the route, but at the same time, Barron tried to leap over to try to knock the ball down, and the only place he could come down was on top of Jenkins. 17-3 Williams' coverage scheme didn't work that time.
Pretty sure this game has entered screw-this mode. From what Chris Myers just said, Arizona has had the ball for 27 of the 40 minutes played so far. Awesome, Barron's getting checked on the sideline for what looks like a shoulder injury. Bubble screen to Marquez for 5 off a fake jet sweep to Austin. Jenkins and Kendricks are out now due to concussions, not that we'll notice Kendricks is missing. Actually, we do right away; Gurley gets stuffed up the middle after Cook can't block Golden at all. Arizona blitzes off both edges on 3rd down, and Welker is wide open for a 7-yard out route, so, of course, Foles air mails a pass five yards out of bounds to the boos of the home fans. Yeah, it's Keenum Time. Another 65-yard punt or so by today's only Rams star, Hekker, and the crowd acknowledges it sarcastically. Arizona starts around their 20 thanks to nice coverage downfield by Marquez.
Another huge god damn hole for god Kerwynn damn Williams for 15. Jared Veldheer turned Eugene Sims and Laurinaitis got blocked and never got close to the lane. Very solid pocket for Palmer, 12-yard out to Gresham beats McDonald. Barber is not wrong that the Ram D looks very uncompetitive right now. Could be tired, though. Barron seems OK, though, blowing up a screen to Fitzgerald. Roberson makes a nice play to break up a sideline pass to Floyd. Brockers injured on the play. He had a beeline at Palmer but pulled up on the play and gets help limping off. Well, there's what the Rams need. They also need more cotton candy-soft coverage on 3rd-and-12, as Floyd beats Roberson yet again for 15, though I would swear he's obviously bobbling the ball. Hell yeah, he is; there's NO WAY he was in bounds with control of that ball. Another great NON-challenge by Fisher. Quick snap by Arizona, and away we go. Freaking Kerwynn God Damn Williams bolts off with a 35-yard TD, and you can commence booing this worthless piece of garbage Rams team NOW. Fairley gets mauled and turned inside. Longacre gets buried by a pull-block on the outside. Idiot Gregg Williams is blitzing, so Barron runs out of the play and Ayers is well behind it. The bitterly disappointing Laurinaitis is YET AGAIN blocked out of a play by the tight end. McLeod whiffs badly downfield, Roberson and Joyner don't appear all that interested in chasing him down, and not just this game, but this whole damn worthless season, are definitely now in screw-this mode.
Any argument that this team hasn't quit on Jeff Fisher at this point is clueless, and oblivious, and if he says I and others like me can kiss his ass for saying that this week, he can kiss my ass. And for 31 of the other 32 NFL owners, I'd happily be saying he could kiss his own ass goodbye after this season. Naturally, St. Louis has got the one.
I. HATE. THIS. TEAM.
Oh, Cardinals 24-3, btw
Benny gets a 41-42 yard return out to the 34, but PENALTY #5, holding, Cody Davis, takes it back, of course. Costs the Rams 19 yards of field position. I hate this team. Flip to Austin on an end-around only gets 12 because he doesn't really turn on the jets despite getting an acre of open space. Barber points out that's his SECOND touch on offense. Another LEFT run gets about 15 for Mason. Good blocking by Greg Robinson there. Glad I haven't called his name a lot today, actually. Myers and Barron are somehow surprised the Fisherball offense is not in a hurry down 21. Do you ever watch this team?
FOURTH QUARTER
The Rams fake a bubble screen to Mason and Foles goes deep to Cook, WHO IS OBVIOUSLY INTERFERED WITH by Bethel, who pushed him to prevent the catch, but somehow Vinovich, who had been having an excellent game, picks the flag up. Myers and Barber just as idiotically confirm the call - sure, it's completely OK to two-handed SHOVE a receiver downfield with the ball in the air, that's NEVER flagged, guys - but Barber does make a good point that Foles hung the damn long throw up again. Mason works very hard for 3 after Foles is pressured into a dumpoff. Blitz is picked up, but nothing's open, Foles scrambles right and throws for Cook, but Cook had brilliantly been out of bounds and couldn't legally make the catch. And of course the Rams are punting from midfield here. Screw this whole team.
Arizon at their 11. Smoke route to Fitzgerald for 4 and his 999th career catch. And a quick out to him for 7 more and his 1,000th. Congratulations, but that mark is surely cheapened because about 950 of those catches have come against the worthless Rams. The Rams actually hold #$#%^&#$ Williams under 30 yards on a carry; McDonald gets him for a loss on a run blitz. Joyner thumps Brown on a quick hitch for 3. Rams get away with a stupid blitz on 3rd-and-7 when Joyner breaks up a pass for Floyd. Punt is way short and fair-caught by Austin at the 39.
Slow release, but Foles hits Britt across midfield on a quick slant as they FINALLY GO TO NO-HUDDLE. Austin's open on the far sideline for 24 more on a corner route. Huh, no-huddle and they move the ball. WHO EVER COULD HAVE GUESSED THAT? Next, of course, DROP BY COOK. Marquez fights hard for 6 on a quick hitch to beat a blitz. Bethel has Quick covered tightly, and probably a little too physically, as an end zone pass falls incomplete. On 4th-4, hear the jeers from the crowd as Cook finally catches a damn ball at the 9 for a 1st. 1st-goal, Golden whips Havenstein to flush Foles, who spots Britt in the back of the end zone but puts it up way too high. Foles got Britt drilled by Bethel there instead of getting him the wide open TD he should have. Foles beats another blitz with an end zone throw for Cook, who beat Deone Bucannon with a double-move, but, as usual, if there's a contested ball, Cook's going to lose the contest, and he fails to come down with a poor underthrow. Timing was there, play-calling was there, execution on both ends was not. 3rd-and-goal, Foles throws to the back of the end zone for Austin, who, well, is at the 3, and I have no god damn idea what this team is trying to do any more, besides NEVER SCORE. And, of course, on 4th-and-goal, with another blitz coming, Foles settles for a 5-yard pass to Marquez, who doesn't get in.
I think Donald clotheslines Stepfan Taylor down at the 7. Freaking Taylor gets away for another 9. Brockers is back to whiff at the line, Hayes got blocked 10 feet out of the play, Taylor faked Roberson out of his jock. I hate this team. Donald seems to be the only defender playing now, dropping Taylor for 1. I think McLeod trips him on 2nd down after a couple more. Let's blitz and give up 40 on a stupid screen pass; it would make my day complete. 176 rushing yards for Arizona. No, just as good. With all the secondary injuries, the Rams end up with McLeod trying to cover John Brown out of a stack formation, and John Brown burns him deep for 68. Just a mismatch from the get-go. Also, FUCK YOU, BRUCE ARIANS. Jeff Fisher's ass deserves to get the score run up on him, but damned if I'm going to be collateral damage. Somebody needs to go for Palmer's knees here. TO for Arizona at 5:03. Why is he still in the game anyway? Floyd beats Joyner pretty badly on a fade route but can't make the catch in the end zone. David Johnson's back from fumble exile; Barron stops him for 2. 3rd-8 at the Ram 11. Stupidly, it's a blitz, and Palmer could have run it in but makes a bad flip toward Johnson anyway, incomplete. Surprised Arians doesn't go for it, but Catanzaro makes it 27-3.
Narrating what this worthless football team does feels like standing over the remains of a burned-out building. There's nothing to talk about. At least grass growing or paint drying is something making progress.
Benny out to the 36 with the kickoff, making him one of today's few decent Rams players. Him, Barron, maybe Hekker, who else? Quick out to Hekker for 5 as we're now talking about Barber's high-school track career. Seriously? And here's another ball off Quick's god damn hands. Seriously? Poor throw behind him, but seriously? Jared Cook SHOCKINGLY cuts off a route in traffic so he can't get hit and Foles nearly throws a pick on 3rd down expecting him to run it out. For Christ's sake. What's the reason to keep more than about 10 people from this entire organization after the season?
Arians empties the bench with 3:44 left, putting Drew Stanton in. Joyner whiffs a tackle on Floyd, and, yes, I actually just got joy from McLeod injuring McDonald with a reckless hit and am starting to think I should really find a new team, if not a new sport. Joyner gets a flag for a massive hold of Nelson. For God's sake, they're not even going to stop the Cardinal scrubs. Now they draw a DPI on Roberson with another classless deep throw. Arians' hate for Jeff Fisher is real. I still don't know why Williams isn't sending every player at somebody's knees. Cardinals at the Ram 35. Johnson for 4 at the 2:00 warning, and they actually kneel it out from there instead of going deep again.
Much respect to Larry Fitzgerald, but I have no intention of rooting for the classless swill on the Arizona sideline. Go Carolina Panthers.
Ha, only one F-bomb through all this garbage, not bad. The road to 4-12 rolls on.
-$-
Injury updates: Besides Quinn, it also looks pretty sure that Greg Zuerlein will miss another game. Surprise #1 just came in: Keenum has passed the concussion protocol and is active, backing up Foles. Over/under for time he takes the field is halftime. Zuerlein and Quinn are officially inactive, and, uh-oh, so is Trumaine Johnson again this week. Yeah, start your Cardinal fantasy receivers. That means Rob Havenstein will dress, but that meant absolutely nothing last week.
Andre Ellington (turf toe) is inactive for Arizona, who's already missing starting RB Chris Johnson, so the Rams will have a shot at hacking some fumbles loose from rookie David Johnson. The Rams will also not be able to further pad Frostee Rucker's (ankle) Hall-of-Fame resume as he is inactive today. (Inactives courtesy of Jim Thomas' Twitter feed)
506 Sports says today's game call will by by Chris Myers and Ronde Barber for Fox, though if Ronde really wanted to golf or something this weekend, who'd know if it was really Tiki in the booth? Football Zebras says Bill Vinovich is refereeing the game; if referees got a championship belt, he'd be wearing it as the ref who worked the last Super Bowl. He has been dreadful in past Rams games, though not the one he worked last year, so anything could happen here.
FIRST QUARTER
JOHNNY HEKKER kicks off for the Rams - why? Zach Hocker blasted both his kicks last week through the end zone. It's a touchback because the Cardinals don't field it cleanly at the goal line. Quick 6 yards for David Johnson, running through a STUPID overshift. T.J. McDonald nearly blows up Carson Palmer on a blitz the next play, but, NATURALLY, Palmer gets away, the Rams leave TE Darren Fells WIDE OPEN, and he runs through at least three Rams for a TWENTY-TWO yard gain, and it took me exactly two plays to get sick of this team again this week. What the hell was Laurinaitis doing on that play, besides leaving Fells open by 5 yards? 3 more for Johnson past a double-teamed Aaron Donald. Good rush, good deep coverage by Janoris Jenkins on a deep pass out-of-bounds. 3rd-7. And what doesn't go wrong this next play? Gregg Williams LUDICROUSLY has every DB TEN YARDS off the receivers on 3rd-and-7. Here's a big surprise - Michael Floyd open downfield for 20. And that's not even the half of it.
T.J. McDonald has got to go. I have had enough of this bullshit with him. If they can flip him for a draft pick in the offseason, even a 7th-rounder, they should do it. I am completely sick of this idiot. Trying to jack Floyd up, he puts his head down, misses him by four feet and absolutely destroys his teammate, Jenkins, with a helmet-to-helmet blast. T.J. McDonald would have to be worth eight Pro Bowls to be worth the damage he has done TO HIS OWN TEAM the past two seasons. E.J. Gaines last year, Alec Ogletree and now Jenkins this year all taken out of action by this god damn idiot. THEIR TEAMMATE. All of McDonald's biggest hits the last three years have been against his own damn team. The Rams are the only team in the league that needs to fear him as a hitter. I would cut his ass right now. Cody Davis at least won't KILL HIS OWN TEAMMATES.
3 for Johnson, tripped up by Akeem Ayers. Michael Brockers and Mark Barron shut down the middle on 2nd-7, but Johnson bounces outside, where there's no resistance because Gregg Williams called a blitz, and when the Rams get to Johnson, it's idiot clown McDonald tackling him forward five yards for a 1st down. 9 yards. Nick Fairley way overcelebrates the Rams' first run stop of the game. Nice pass breakup by Lamarcus Joyner vs. John Brown in the end zone. 3rd-10 at the 17, now 3rd-15 as the Cardinals help the Rams out with a delay of game. Barber points out AZ's red zone problems in the first meeting.
And, so much for that. Brockers gets close on pass rush, but Palmer hits J.J. Nelson in the back of the end zone for a 22-yard TD. Arizona decided very quickly to pick on Joyner, but this isn't his fault; he correctly gave Nelson up to Mo Alexander and Alexander took a terrible angle picking Nelson up, probably biting on a move. 7-0 Arizona We're off to a long day in St. Louis.
No, Alexander was just in poor position; Nelson didn't do anything special. It doesn't take anything special to embarrass the Rams these days. Benny Cunningham brings it out from 7 deep and wastes all our time by not making it to the 20. Rob Havenstein has returned at RT, btw, moving Garrett Reynolds back to LG, which should help the running game a ton. Or not, Todd Gurley loses three on his first @#$%^ touch; Ed Stinson, the LDE, the ONE GUY YOU SHOULD GET BLOCKED ON A RIGHT SWEEP, rubs off Havenstein, Cody Wichmann doesn't pick him up, tackle. Wow, Frank Cignetti remembered the slant route! Nick Foles play-actions, still gets it out in about a second and hits Brian Quick (!) for 14. Gurley gets the right edge for 5; superb block by Havenstein, with Lance Kendricks double-teaming effectively. I should note they're running away from Campbell so far. THE WILDCAT IS BACK; Gurley fakes a jet sweep to Tavon Austin and keeps it for 3. Barber has mentioned that Patrick Peterson will shadow Austin this week, btw. 3rd-2. Of all the plays Cignetti can call here, another run right for Gurley?!?!? The crowd is booing this before Foles even gets it handed off, which is awesome. Gurley had to cut back because Reynolds got overwhelmed by somebody named Rodney Gunter, and the Rams again LOSE yardage in a short-yardage situation. The right run was never going to work there anyway, and YET ANOTHER superb opening possession by the Rams on offense.
In the physical embodiment of getting too cute, Hekker moves up into shotgun, then, faking a fake, punts out of it. The Rams did catch Arizona with no deep man because of the fake look. And Hekker's punt rolled into the end zone.
I hate this team.
Laurinaitis stops Johnson after a couple, and much to my wondering eyes should appear, Jenkins is back on the field. Well, we all know Rams concussion protocols are notoriously hard to pass! Another McDonald blitz forces a rushed incomplete by Palmer. McDonald still yet to damage someone not on his team. But Jenkins makes a nice stop of Jenkins on a quick slant to get the 3-and-out. Austin gets a lot of room to return the punt; 9 yards to the Ram 35. Let's get fired up for more right-side handoffs!
Veteran WR Kenny Britt flinches before the snap to cost the Rams 5. I hate this team. Long count by Foles, great blitz pickup by Gurley, and Foles goes deep for Britt down the far sideline. He has Justin Bethel beaten by a step but Rashad Johnson does a nice job to come over and pick the pass off around the AZ45. Pretty sure Foles is at fault here for leaving the throw too far inside. That needed to be out toward the sideline; Johnson actually caught it off Britt's inside shoulder. More precision offense from your St. Louis Rams.
I hate this team.
What are Foles and Britt high-fiving one another for on the sideline? They each have the Arizona D on their fantasy teams? Cardinals brilliantly have to take a timeout with the clock stopped. They're at their 36. Palmer hits Johnson over the middle for 10. Gregg Williams, btw, is an idiot. They're apparently going to lay ten yards off the receivers ALL DAY. The only tight coverage on that play was Nick Fairley dropping back in coverage on the TE. Nick Fairley, shutdown DT. Seriously, when can we start firing people around here? Will Hayes makes an outstanding inside move and bears down on Palmer, but he escapes to his right, and with Williams idiotically leaving everything open downfield with soft coverage, Palmer easily hits John Brown at the Ram 40 for another first down. Barron and Matt Longacre (!) hold Johnson to a couple. Fells gets wide open for another 1st down, but this should totally be OPI on John Brown for blocking Barron early. Excellent call by Bill Vinovich and crew. Make it 2nd-18. Joyner's all over a quick screen to Fitzgerald at midfield and stops him for a loss. 3rd-20. Barber modestly compares Joyner to himself. Ok then. Palmer and Floyd are not on the same page at all and Palmer's sideline pass falls harmlessly incomplete. Austin gambles right and lets the punt roll into the end zone.
Well, at least the Ram defense has gotten it together after that first possession, despite Williams' awful scheme. Markus Golden does a great job staying home, limiting an Austin jet sweep to a couple. Foles airs another deep throw, a back-shoulder that Britt gets to this time, beating Justin Bethel for 30. Uncharacteristic of Cignetti to actually do something smart and pick on whoever's not Patrick Peterson. Just when I say that, ANOTHER PITCH RIGHT to Gurley is blown up for -3. CAN WE RUN FREAKING LEFT FREAKING ONCE? The legendary GUNTER ran right over Reynolds, who is usually a lot better than this garbage today, to blow it up from the backside. Havenstein didn't get anything done on the edge, and Harkey led and didn't block anybody. God, at least hit somebody on a double-team if you can't find your block.
SECOND QUARTER
Jared Cook's heard from for the first time all day, with a false start. PENALTY #2. I hate this team. 2nd-18. Foles throws from a collapsing pocket and hits Cook on a crossing route for 9. Stupid of Arizona to blitz here, and Honey Badger doesn't disguise it at all, but it still works. Greg Robinson gets very little of him. The Rams were in a 31 formation left, so he badgered Foles away from 3 of his receivers and Nick ended up throwing it away. How can you do anything but hate this team?
Hekker's punt at least dies at the 4 this time. I wish this led me to believe Arizona will still not score. And how the hell this ball is spotted at the 5 when it clearly died at the 4, I have no idea. The Rams avoid a 95-yard TD by inches. Williams foolishly called a double-A-gap blitz. Palmer hit John Brown on a quick slant. Jenkins got caught flat-footed, foolishly dived for Brown's feet and missed. Had Ayers not gotten off a Fells block at the 19, Brown easily could have been gone. Gregg Williams obviously has Carson Palmer on his fantasy team. BRUTAL DPI by Marcus Roberson, running into and grabbing Brown. Put Arizona across midfield. Johnson runs through Joyner for another 6. Draw to Johnson for another 10. It's another run right through ANOTHER STUPID OVERSHIFT, with Fitzgerald keeping Joyner out of the hole and Bobby Freaking Massie embarrassing the crap out of Aaron Donald, driving him 5 yards downfield and wiping him out. The Rams get to Palmer late, but he still gets off a nice deep sideline pass for Floyd. Luckily, Jenkins is there to break it up. Great play. And, hey, a blitz works. Joyner and Barron come off each edge and Joyner makes a sweet move on guard Ted Larsen to get Palmer for sack #1. That will probably be split with Donald, who blew up and beat center Lyle Sendlein. Barber again modestly praises Joyner by saying how much he looks like him. That act's wearing a little thin. Bring in Tiki. 3rd-14, Roberson actually breaks up an out route to Fitzgerald to force a punt. Well, that stop was pretty unexpected, as the Rams continue to outplay their DC's awful play-calling. Arizona butchers downing the punt inside the 5, then Darren Bates makes a MUCH too dangerous play by scooping the ball around the 10. Damn lucky to avoid a turnover there, and a damn stupid play; it was going to get spotted at no worse than the 10 without any Ram having to touch it.
TRE MASON IS IMMEDIATELY BURIED FOR A 2 YARD LOSS as Garrett Reynolds GETS BURNED AGAIN. When the Rams stupidly overshift, Arizona runs for 10 yards. When the Cardinals do it, THIS. I hate this team. THE RAMS HAVE RUSHED FOR TWO NET YARDS. I'm surprised it's that much! Rams line up 31 left again; nothing open but Foles finds Mason underneath for 7. Wes Welker sighting in trips left; Foles is looking for him all the way and hits him for 9 on an out route. FIRST DOWN! Quick screen to... Harkey?!?!? for 4. The dreaded TE rollout pass works as well as it ever does - Cook gets 3, nearly fumbling it away. 3rd-3. Run right, right? Trips left, Foles looking for Austin all the way, pumps twice, scrambles and can't hit Britt on the sideline with a desperation throw. The first pump by Foles looked like the right move - Arizona had Austin covered there - but he should have thrown to Tavon the 2nd time, would have been an easy first. The Rams will punt yet again. Great coverage by Cody Davis forces Patrick Peterson to let the ball bounce and gains the Rams 5-6 yards field position.
Arizona at their 12. SIMPLE BUBBLE SCREEN TO FITZGERALD FOR 21. Jenkins, as usual, couldn't get off a block (by Jermaine Gresham). Sendlein got out and not only completely dominated Joyner, but pushed him into McDonald for a 2-for-1. Johnson off right tackle for another 18, THROUGH ANOTHER STUPID GOD DAMN OVERSHIFT and Fitzgerald expertly cut-blocking Ayers in the hole. Johnson is averaging 5.8 yards a carry; the Rams have run for 2 yards all game. I hate this team. Pitch left to Johnson, following a convoy for 7. You know, the kind of play Cignetti should have tried AT LEAST ONCE BY NOW. Johnson up the middle for 2.98, leaving 3rd-and-inches. I'd play-action for the TD here. Arizona does throw, and the Rams do pick up Johnson well out of the backfield, but Roberson lets Brown beat him with a simple comeback route for 8. Awesome. I do think Fisher owes us a challenge here. I'll assume the head linesman had a good look at his feet, but I think a juggled catch ruling is possible. No. No replay, no challenge. We don't even get a good replay from Fox because Arizona has wisely rushed the next play and handed off to Johnson. Jeff Fisher's ass just got outcoached here yet again. Ayers at least stops Johnson for a loss. 2nd-11 at the Ram 31. Delay shotgun handoff to Johnson seemed ill-advised, and Barron is all over him for another stuff. The blitz seems a stupid idea here but works to perfection as Mo Alexander (!) is in around Massie before the RT can figure out what's going on for the Rams' 2nd sack. Credit to the Ram coaching staff for bouncing back these last two plays and pushing Arizona back out of FG position. Arizona attempts to tip a bouncing punt back across the goal line, with JENKINS crazily grabbing the ricochet and trying to return it, but only making the 5. What is going on with punt returns this week? Also, PENALTY #3, holding, JENKINS. That was committed at the 20 and would spot the ball at the 10, but Arizona logically takes the result of the play to start the Rams at the 5. In other words, Jenkins screwed the pooch on that play every way he possibly could.
To vindicate Jenkins a little bit, and Bates earlier, according to Barber, Arizona touching both of those punts first means they weren't risking anything attempting to return them. I assume, then, a lost fumble would have been returned to the spot of the Arizona touch? No wonder so many referees are ex-lawyers.
Rams ball at their 5 with 1:59 left, not that I'm expecting them to get anywhere. Havenstein lines up jumbo left and the Rams STILL RUN RIGHT, but Gurley gets 5 off a strong seal block by Wichmann. DROP BY QUICK on a quick slant; Foles did not appear to get the ball cleanly from center and the timing could easily have been off. Trips left and Foles goes deep right for Quick, broken up by Bethel. Hekker blasts the punt about 65 yards but Peterson returns it to the 40. 1:00 to halftime.
Safety blitz gets to Palmer late but Fitzgerald beats Jenkins' soft coverage for 15. TO#2 by Arizona. Delayed blitz does nothing and Palmer hits Floyd in front of Roberson for another 16. Palmer spikes to kill the clock at 0:39. Another blitz fails and the Cardinals have TWO receivers open at the 18 on the sideline. Nelson beat Roberson and Johnson beat Ayers. Nelson makes the catch. Coverage couldn't be more screwed up today if Gregg Williams tried. Williams wins me over with this next play, though, and why the hell hasn't he been running this all year? 3-man rush ***with Aaron Donald at end***, and he whips Massie, flushes Palmer into a scramble, and draws a hold. Ha, Will Hayes was the nose tackle on the play. Arizona at the 27 with 0:28 left. BARRON BLOWS AN INT. RIGHT IN HIS DAMN HANDS as Williams fooled Arizona again dropping guys off the line into coverage and bringing 3 again. Worked in Arizona, working here. Quick slant to Floyd for about 11, and Bruce Arians uses his last TO. 3rd-and-8. 3-man rush again, Roberson breaks up a sideline pass for Floyd. That drive was the game in Arizona redux. Gregg Williams didn't look like he had a clue for 80 yards of the field but locked things down in the red zone with 3-man rush. There's a key to beating Arizona if (many) better teams than the Rams are paying attention. Chippie FG for Chandler Catanzaro as Barber votes Kurt Warner for HoF. 10-0 Arizona
The Ram offense gets to come out for a kneeldown so the home fans can boo them off the field. Kudos to Barber for saying they should be booed off the field.
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
The Rams are almost right in a game they deserve to be getting blown out of. I hate the hell out of Williams' coverage scheme today, but he's continued to stymie Arizona in the red zone. Jenkins is luckily still alive after that blast from McDonald and has kept Fitzgerald quiet in shadow coverage. I'll compromise and say Williams can keep his daffy coverages if he'll get rid of the damn stupid overshifts. Don't let Arizona just have big runs, huh?
The Rams need to fire Ted Cruz as their OC at halftime and hire Bernie Sanders. Can we run SOMETHING left today? Please? Let's get some pitches going and test their secondary in run support a little. Let's get the ball to Tavon Austin! How does Cignetti manage to forget him every other week? (Granted, Patrick Peterson may have a lot to do with that) I think they've been smart to pick on Bethel. They haven't been smart not to have Cook involved. And I'm going to keep calling for no-huddle. Dump off a lot if you want, but something's got to loosen up. The risk is quick 3-and-outs, but they have to try it a while, nothing else is happening. I wouldn't switch to Keenum because I don't think the deep-ball approach is a bad idea and he doesn't have the arm for it.
THIRD QUARTER
Fisher yells at his team before the kickoff to "catch the freaking ball", ha! Benny breaks a tackle on a 31-yard return to the 27. Play-action to Gurley, Foles goes left to Cook, he's open but a high pass is off BOTH HIS HANDS. CATCH THE FREAKING BALL! Double play-action, Foles gets surprised by the rush and fires deep for a double-covered Quick. Peterson just barely misses the INT. Good blitz pickup, Foles back-foots a throw over the middle Austin can't get to, and there's the quick 3-and-out I was afraid could happen if the Rams tried to get more aggressive offensively. I don't know what else to do. Things are completely different if stinking Cook catches that ball.
Nice punt by Hekker to pin Arizona at the 15. Great run clogging by Donald and Brockers, and Sims stops Johnson for no gain. Hayes then knifes inside a pull block and blows up Johnson on the edge for a 2-yard loss. Nice play. Donald gets to Palmer as he tries a dumpoff and gets a 3-and-out, backing up over Sendlein and spinning off him. That was another 3-man rush, and Williams appears to have found his play-calling groove.
And I'll be damned, Arizona outkicks coverage, Austin gets a huge hole at midfield and cruises off with a 65+yard return inside the Arizona 5. And I'll be double-damned, never mind, I think Daren Bates pretty obviously held Sean Weatherspoon at midfield and this @#$%#$ing thing is going to come all the way back to the 20. That hold was completely unnecessary to the play. No, wait, Chase Reynolds gets called for it, also an obvious hold, and a big reason for Austin's big lane. (PENALTY #4)
I hate this team.
Reynolds' hold was a spot foul, so the Rams do take over at their 49, their best field position of the day. AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RUN LEFT FOR ONCE. Gurley pops through a big downblock by Tim Barnes for 34. Ha, Barber agrees with my halftime adjustments, at least the quick passing game. Gurley gets buried after Wichmann can't get a block on the MLB. Foles' fade route attempt for Britt isn't even in bounds. Havenstein pushes a hot rush past Foles but Nick trips while stepping up and flubs a dumpoff attempt to Gurley. Boo, says the home crowd. Zach Hocker from 36 to put the Rams on the board. Arizona 10, Rams 3
Another knuckleball kickoff by Hekker, and Ask Kerwynn Williams again not only can't field it cleanly, he flubs it out of bounds at the 2. Momentum? Johnson gets the right edge but Ayers trips him up after a couple. Lots of time for Palmer on 2nd down; he hits Fitzgerald at the 9. That was a straight 4-man rush. 3rd-3, Donald buries Palmer as he throws, but he still gets off a deep, back-breaking sideline bomb to Floyd for 31. Jenkins was right there but couldn't locate the ball and turned the wrong way. AUUUUUGH! Confirming that the air has been let out of the D, Johnson runs through about 23 yards of shoddy defense. Barron overran him, Laurinaitis whiffed, he dragged both safeties 5 yards. The Rams are going to need some more red zone magic, because Arizona's going to be there pretty quickly. 6 more for Johnson as Hayes struggles getting off a Massie block. Quick screen to Fitzgerald gets another 1st, only just. More garbage defense as Kerwynn Freaking Williams takes off for 15 down to the 12. The Rams got caught blitzing Roberson, who got blocked, none of the linemen got off their blocks, and McDonald, since he wasn't clobbering one of his own teammates into oblivion, whiffed in the hole to turn him loose. I hate this team. Roberson gets a great jump and cuts off a sweep to Johnson, and Barron hits him and forces the ball out, but NATURALLY, can't recover the fumble, as Brockers slides out of bounds, barely, before he corrals it. And, naturally, though this is pretty obvious on replay, here comes the challenge flag from Fisher now. I give up with this guy. Refs got this one right. The call stands, though, with the explanation given, I don't know why Vinovich didn't say "confirmed". The home crowd is unhappy. Fisher is 1-for-5 on challenges this year. I hate this team. Smoke route to Brown, out of bounds at the 10.
Palmer fires to Johnson between Barron and Jenkins, who brilliantly crash into one another, for a 10-yard TD. Jenkins got wiped out again and stays down. I would say Jenknis was attempting to jump the route, but at the same time, Barron tried to leap over to try to knock the ball down, and the only place he could come down was on top of Jenkins. 17-3 Williams' coverage scheme didn't work that time.
Pretty sure this game has entered screw-this mode. From what Chris Myers just said, Arizona has had the ball for 27 of the 40 minutes played so far. Awesome, Barron's getting checked on the sideline for what looks like a shoulder injury. Bubble screen to Marquez for 5 off a fake jet sweep to Austin. Jenkins and Kendricks are out now due to concussions, not that we'll notice Kendricks is missing. Actually, we do right away; Gurley gets stuffed up the middle after Cook can't block Golden at all. Arizona blitzes off both edges on 3rd down, and Welker is wide open for a 7-yard out route, so, of course, Foles air mails a pass five yards out of bounds to the boos of the home fans. Yeah, it's Keenum Time. Another 65-yard punt or so by today's only Rams star, Hekker, and the crowd acknowledges it sarcastically. Arizona starts around their 20 thanks to nice coverage downfield by Marquez.
Another huge god damn hole for god Kerwynn damn Williams for 15. Jared Veldheer turned Eugene Sims and Laurinaitis got blocked and never got close to the lane. Very solid pocket for Palmer, 12-yard out to Gresham beats McDonald. Barber is not wrong that the Ram D looks very uncompetitive right now. Could be tired, though. Barron seems OK, though, blowing up a screen to Fitzgerald. Roberson makes a nice play to break up a sideline pass to Floyd. Brockers injured on the play. He had a beeline at Palmer but pulled up on the play and gets help limping off. Well, there's what the Rams need. They also need more cotton candy-soft coverage on 3rd-and-12, as Floyd beats Roberson yet again for 15, though I would swear he's obviously bobbling the ball. Hell yeah, he is; there's NO WAY he was in bounds with control of that ball. Another great NON-challenge by Fisher. Quick snap by Arizona, and away we go. Freaking Kerwynn God Damn Williams bolts off with a 35-yard TD, and you can commence booing this worthless piece of garbage Rams team NOW. Fairley gets mauled and turned inside. Longacre gets buried by a pull-block on the outside. Idiot Gregg Williams is blitzing, so Barron runs out of the play and Ayers is well behind it. The bitterly disappointing Laurinaitis is YET AGAIN blocked out of a play by the tight end. McLeod whiffs badly downfield, Roberson and Joyner don't appear all that interested in chasing him down, and not just this game, but this whole damn worthless season, are definitely now in screw-this mode.
Any argument that this team hasn't quit on Jeff Fisher at this point is clueless, and oblivious, and if he says I and others like me can kiss his ass for saying that this week, he can kiss my ass. And for 31 of the other 32 NFL owners, I'd happily be saying he could kiss his own ass goodbye after this season. Naturally, St. Louis has got the one.
I. HATE. THIS. TEAM.
Oh, Cardinals 24-3, btw
Benny gets a 41-42 yard return out to the 34, but PENALTY #5, holding, Cody Davis, takes it back, of course. Costs the Rams 19 yards of field position. I hate this team. Flip to Austin on an end-around only gets 12 because he doesn't really turn on the jets despite getting an acre of open space. Barber points out that's his SECOND touch on offense. Another LEFT run gets about 15 for Mason. Good blocking by Greg Robinson there. Glad I haven't called his name a lot today, actually. Myers and Barron are somehow surprised the Fisherball offense is not in a hurry down 21. Do you ever watch this team?
FOURTH QUARTER
The Rams fake a bubble screen to Mason and Foles goes deep to Cook, WHO IS OBVIOUSLY INTERFERED WITH by Bethel, who pushed him to prevent the catch, but somehow Vinovich, who had been having an excellent game, picks the flag up. Myers and Barber just as idiotically confirm the call - sure, it's completely OK to two-handed SHOVE a receiver downfield with the ball in the air, that's NEVER flagged, guys - but Barber does make a good point that Foles hung the damn long throw up again. Mason works very hard for 3 after Foles is pressured into a dumpoff. Blitz is picked up, but nothing's open, Foles scrambles right and throws for Cook, but Cook had brilliantly been out of bounds and couldn't legally make the catch. And of course the Rams are punting from midfield here. Screw this whole team.
Arizon at their 11. Smoke route to Fitzgerald for 4 and his 999th career catch. And a quick out to him for 7 more and his 1,000th. Congratulations, but that mark is surely cheapened because about 950 of those catches have come against the worthless Rams. The Rams actually hold #$#%^&#$ Williams under 30 yards on a carry; McDonald gets him for a loss on a run blitz. Joyner thumps Brown on a quick hitch for 3. Rams get away with a stupid blitz on 3rd-and-7 when Joyner breaks up a pass for Floyd. Punt is way short and fair-caught by Austin at the 39.
Slow release, but Foles hits Britt across midfield on a quick slant as they FINALLY GO TO NO-HUDDLE. Austin's open on the far sideline for 24 more on a corner route. Huh, no-huddle and they move the ball. WHO EVER COULD HAVE GUESSED THAT? Next, of course, DROP BY COOK. Marquez fights hard for 6 on a quick hitch to beat a blitz. Bethel has Quick covered tightly, and probably a little too physically, as an end zone pass falls incomplete. On 4th-4, hear the jeers from the crowd as Cook finally catches a damn ball at the 9 for a 1st. 1st-goal, Golden whips Havenstein to flush Foles, who spots Britt in the back of the end zone but puts it up way too high. Foles got Britt drilled by Bethel there instead of getting him the wide open TD he should have. Foles beats another blitz with an end zone throw for Cook, who beat Deone Bucannon with a double-move, but, as usual, if there's a contested ball, Cook's going to lose the contest, and he fails to come down with a poor underthrow. Timing was there, play-calling was there, execution on both ends was not. 3rd-and-goal, Foles throws to the back of the end zone for Austin, who, well, is at the 3, and I have no god damn idea what this team is trying to do any more, besides NEVER SCORE. And, of course, on 4th-and-goal, with another blitz coming, Foles settles for a 5-yard pass to Marquez, who doesn't get in.
I think Donald clotheslines Stepfan Taylor down at the 7. Freaking Taylor gets away for another 9. Brockers is back to whiff at the line, Hayes got blocked 10 feet out of the play, Taylor faked Roberson out of his jock. I hate this team. Donald seems to be the only defender playing now, dropping Taylor for 1. I think McLeod trips him on 2nd down after a couple more. Let's blitz and give up 40 on a stupid screen pass; it would make my day complete. 176 rushing yards for Arizona. No, just as good. With all the secondary injuries, the Rams end up with McLeod trying to cover John Brown out of a stack formation, and John Brown burns him deep for 68. Just a mismatch from the get-go. Also, FUCK YOU, BRUCE ARIANS. Jeff Fisher's ass deserves to get the score run up on him, but damned if I'm going to be collateral damage. Somebody needs to go for Palmer's knees here. TO for Arizona at 5:03. Why is he still in the game anyway? Floyd beats Joyner pretty badly on a fade route but can't make the catch in the end zone. David Johnson's back from fumble exile; Barron stops him for 2. 3rd-8 at the Ram 11. Stupidly, it's a blitz, and Palmer could have run it in but makes a bad flip toward Johnson anyway, incomplete. Surprised Arians doesn't go for it, but Catanzaro makes it 27-3.
Narrating what this worthless football team does feels like standing over the remains of a burned-out building. There's nothing to talk about. At least grass growing or paint drying is something making progress.
Benny out to the 36 with the kickoff, making him one of today's few decent Rams players. Him, Barron, maybe Hekker, who else? Quick out to Hekker for 5 as we're now talking about Barber's high-school track career. Seriously? And here's another ball off Quick's god damn hands. Seriously? Poor throw behind him, but seriously? Jared Cook SHOCKINGLY cuts off a route in traffic so he can't get hit and Foles nearly throws a pick on 3rd down expecting him to run it out. For Christ's sake. What's the reason to keep more than about 10 people from this entire organization after the season?
Arians empties the bench with 3:44 left, putting Drew Stanton in. Joyner whiffs a tackle on Floyd, and, yes, I actually just got joy from McLeod injuring McDonald with a reckless hit and am starting to think I should really find a new team, if not a new sport. Joyner gets a flag for a massive hold of Nelson. For God's sake, they're not even going to stop the Cardinal scrubs. Now they draw a DPI on Roberson with another classless deep throw. Arians' hate for Jeff Fisher is real. I still don't know why Williams isn't sending every player at somebody's knees. Cardinals at the Ram 35. Johnson for 4 at the 2:00 warning, and they actually kneel it out from there instead of going deep again.
Much respect to Larry Fitzgerald, but I have no intention of rooting for the classless swill on the Arizona sideline. Go Carolina Panthers.
Ha, only one F-bomb through all this garbage, not bad. The road to 4-12 rolls on.
-$-
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