Oh, that lucky dawg pound...

...Pat Shurmur announced at the press conference introducing him as Cleveland's new head coach that HE'd be in charge of calling the offensive plays for the Browns. Well, such a potent playbook shouldn't be trusted in the hands of just ANYBODY, I guess.

Think Shurmur will continue to script his offense's first 15 plays? Here's how I expect the Browns to start next season.

1. Hillis, middle run. 1 yard.
2. Hillis, middle run. 1 yard.
3. 3-yard out to Cribbs. Punt.
4. Bubble screen to Robiskie. 1 yard.
5. Hillis, middle run. No gain.
6. Rollout right, 5-yard pass to Watson. Punt.
7. Hillis, middle run. -1.
8. Quick slant to Massaquoi. 2-yard pass incomplete.
9. Hillis, draw. -4. Punt.
10. 2-yard out to Cribbs.
11. Hillis, draw. -6.
12. Bubble screen to Cribbs. 3 yards. Punt.
13. Hillis, middle run. 12 yards.
14-16. Three incomplete short passes, because once you are running successfully, you NEVER want to go back to it.
17. Mike Humgrum replaces Shurmur with himself since it's what he wanted to do all along anyway.

Meanwhile, failed Broncos HC but wildly successful Patriots OC Josh McDaniels is interviewing for Shurmur's spot this weekend, and fliers are going up in the Rams Park neighborhood that failed Vikings HC but successful Eggles OC Brad Childress will interview here early next week.

* This week's picks: Repeating the everything-is-upside-down theme, this weekend's best game comes right away, and the NFL's saving the worst one for last. Thought Goodell had a better sense of theater than that.
- Polamalu's playing, and so is Big Ben, so I'll go with the Steelers over Baltimore, 27-17.
- Packers-Falcons looks extremely even, just like the regular-season meeting. I mainly like the Falcons because they're rested and at home. 24-21.
- Not betting against Tom Brady at home. I know the Ravens got them in last year's playoff, but the Jets just don't bring anything like that to the table. 35-14 Pats.
- Bears 35-10 over Seattle. I don't know what the blue hell happened to Gregg Williams and the Saints D last week, but it won't happen again in Chicago. Bears will also bring a much better run game than New Orleans with their #5 RB, and Seattle still can't stop the run.

Since I went 1-3 last week, my apologies in advance to the home teams this weekend.

-$-