Well, we'll see if the disappointing Rams can top themselves against the 2-7 Ravens in a couple of hours. Lineup changes galore: Robert Quinn is out. And with Jamon Brown's season ending last week, and Rob Havenstein out due to a calf injury, here's your starting offensive line: (Corrected from earlier)
LT - Greg "The Human Holding Penalty" Robinson
LG - Garrett Reynolds
C - Tim Barnes
RG - 6th-round rookie draft pick Cody Wichmann
RT - 4th-round rookie draft pick Andrew Donnal
Darrell Williams' season ended the SAME PLAY as Brown's did last week, with a wrist injury. That's how snakebitten the Rams are right now. Isaiah Battle was called up from the PS but is inactive, so the next lineman up is either Demetrius Rhaney or some guy the Rams just picked up this week.
And behind that group, Case Keenum. I wonder if Jeff Fisher would have changed QBs this week even if Nick Foles hadn't stunk up the Dome last week. This week's QB clearly is going to be on the run.
Update Chris Long is active; I don't know how fair it is to expect him to contribute a lot. Tre Mason is inactive. Don't tell me the Rams think they're going to get it done passing today?
The prediction: The Ravens have lost a lot of close games this season. This won't be one of them. The Rams have proven once and for all better at finding ways to lose than finding ways to win. Especially in DREADED NON-DIVISION games. 34-17 Baltimore. The Ram defense killed me in fantasy a few weeks ago with a huge game against Cleveland; they'll kill me this week by letting Joe Flacco go nuts.
For all my pessimism, one thing I will promise is a f-bomb-free live blog this week. My apologies for last week. Though I'm an amateur, that wasn't very professional.
The words "freaking" and "bloody" are still in play, though, and likely to be thoroughly used.
Kenny Albert and Moose Johnston will have the call for Fox today per 506 Sports.
And per Football Zebras, the game will be called by Tony Corrente's crew. Wow, actual decent refereeing for a Rams game! Maybe.
FIRST QUARTER
Rams win the toss, elect to receive and start from their 20. Play-action to Todd Gurley, good edge protection by the tackles, and Case Keenum hits Kenny Britt for 16. C.J. Mosley also appears to catch the ball but Britt won't let him take it away. Gurley burrows for a couple behind Andrew Donnal; Cody Wichmann didn't really budge his man. Very quick seeing-eye slant to Wes Welker for 9. No, 7, although Welker wasn't touched. 3rd-and-1. They try to go right up the middle behind Tim Barnes and Wichmann, who can't budge anybody. No gain. Another spectacular start by the Ram offense. Then again, last week's hot start didn't exactly matter. PENALTY #1 is a false start on the punt by up-men Chase Reynolds and Cody Davis. Bradley Marquez (!) makes a terrific sliding play to keep Johnny Hekker's punt in play, and Cody Davis makes a nice play to down it inside the 1. 61-yard net there.
The dreaded swing pass only gets 6 this week, to the Harvard fullback whose name I'm not going to worry about spelling right now. Let's just say Kyle J. And, hey, the Rams limited one of those to less than 80 yards!!! The Rams then play a handoff to Justin Forsett like a bunch of pansies. Brockers and Hayes are blocked out of the play and he drags Donald by his shirttail for about 10 yards. TruJo also whiffs. Awesome start, guys, way to keep them pinned in their end zone. EIGHTEEN MORE for Forsett off a simple off-tackle right run. It's a stupid Gregg Williams overshift, and he runs right through the gap after Hayes again gets taken out of the play. Brockers can't get there, Laurinaitis is blocked and useless. Barron also got blocked. His play's been a big reason teams have been able to run on the Rams lately. 5 to CHRIS GIVENS. Quick slant, covered by TruJo. 4 for Buck Allen; they're going to run at Hayes until he quits getting blocked 10 feet out of every play and until Brockers does anything to help him. Tackle by Donald. Forsett tears off for 26 around left end, but it comes back because of a ticky-tack tripping call on guard Ryan Jensen. A better call would have been holding on the TE who ripped T.J. McDonald down. I won't berate the Rams for that play. 3rd-and-6. 4-man rush, and Nick Fairley gets into Flacco's feet enough to affect his sideline throw for Kamar Aiken, which comes up short enough to look like a Nick Foles throw. The Rams have Tavon Austin AND Welker back to return the punt, which Welker brings to the 15.
Gurley for 6 off Austin motion left and a super driving block by Reynolds. Another 5 for Gurley inside a nice Wichmann block. So much for that momentum: PENALTY #2 false start because Barnes THE CENTER didn't know the snap count. FOCUS! Gurley left for 2 behind Cory Harkey. Keenum goes up top for Jared Cook, who's about as open as you or I would have been, though I'd like to think we would have at least stayed in bounds. Britt and Keenum are not on the same page or even the same book on the 3rd-down blitz adjustment. The throw would have been short of the 1st anyway. Poor 38-yard punt by Hekker starts the Ravens at their 39.
Play-action rollout to Crockett Gillmore for 20 to open the drive. McDonald bites as hard on this as he did the one to Jeremy Langford last week. Gillmore runs through his and Janoris Jenkins' poor tackling as it's abundantly clear the Ram defense did not come to play today. And what, Moose was talking about the TEs the RAMS can roll out? Does he actually ever watch Rams games? I don't think TE rollouts have worked for the Rams since Moose was still playing, and probably even before that. Donald swallows Forsett whole for a five-yard loss. The Ravens are idiots if they think they're pull-blocking Aaron Donald. Donald slammed Forsett down hard and the RB stays down. We're spared a graphic replay but it's apparent Forsett's arm is broken. Jeremy Butler (?) gets 7 back on a screen out of the slot. It's not a blitz down, but Williams brings 2 over RT and nearly gets burned. Flacco hits Butler in the flat, he runs through another pathetic TruJo tackle, but luckily, Laurinaitis stops him a yard short. James nearly stole the ball from Butler in bounds but the Ravens send out Justin Tucker. No, Jeff Fisher wants to challenge the play first. McLeod knocked the ball loose, but I tend to believe Butler was down with it before Laurinaitis took it. Well, I'm not quite right; it's going to be scored a fumble out of bounds. The play changed, so no timeout charged to Fisher. Tucker surprises me by missing the FG wide right.
Still no score, Rams at their 41. While Mike Pereira filibusters about why the Rams weren't charged a timeout, Keenum rolls right, pump fakes to avoid a sack, pulls it down and fires deep for Cook, who has a step and draws DPI when Jimmy Smith runs over him trying to come back to the underthrown ball. Put the Rams at the 10! Keenum stepped across the line of scrimmage as he threw but Corrente and crew called it correctly that it was not an illegal forward pass. Keenum's back foot stayed just behind the line. John Harbaugh wants to challenge that. Replay confirms the call, and Baltimore loses the TO. Gurley behind Harkey and Reynolds for 4. Gurley powers down to the 1, led by Harkey again, with Robinson and Reynolds doing great work to turn the Raven edge back inside. 3rd-goal. Gurley takes it in from the 1 to put the Rams on top. Rams 7, Ravens 0 That was inside another strong block by Reynolds, criss-crossing with a strong block delivered by Donnal.
Poor tackling by Cody Davis lets the kick returner out to the 28. Hayes finally makes a run play and stuffs Buck Allen for no gain. 9 over the middle to Gillmore, who the Rams are making look like Earl Campbell in their inability to tackle him. Aiken turns a very quick out into about 10, but Maxx Williams is flagged for OPI for blocking too early. 4-man rush on 3rd-11, TruJo completely gets away with interference covering Givens. Bumped into him way early on his break out. Austin takes this return and gains very little out to the 29. I'm not really thrilled with the idea of concussion-prone Welker blocking guys coming at him at full speed, ya know?
Gurley cuts back for another 5 behind more outstanding work by Harkey and a good block by Barnes. The Forsett injury has been a big momentum-changer. Rams have had control of the LOS since.
SECOND QUARTER
Gurley up the middle for 4 more, but FREAKING HOLDING ON BLOODY GREG BLEEDING ROBINSON. Seriously, is Jason Smith available? 2nd-15 at the 23. Keenum gets grabbed by the foot but manages to throw a short pass away. Donnal down after the play. Holy cats. Does this mean Rhaney in and kick Reynolds out to RT? Reynolds immediately gets beaten at RT by Elvis Dumervil, but he takes down Keenum way late and draws a roughing-the-passer penalty. That was a stupid gift first down, but thanks. Rams at their 38 now. Gurley eludes Timmy Jernigan and gets outside left for 4. We just found out that Tre Mason and brilliant supplemental pick Isaiah Battle are inactive for missing the team bus yesterday. I freaking said Battle was going to be another freaking Claude Wroten, and here we go. I think Wichmann has moved to LT with Rhaney at RT. 2nd-6. Gurley cuts back, can only get 1. No push by anyone there. Quick hitch to Britt for 9 and a 1st, and wait a minute, Mason and Battle actually missed the team flight yesterday? And Mason's been missing meetings and treatment sessions this year? Why the hell does Moose Johnston know this, when he covers about two Rams games a year, and none of the Rams' reporters do? How the hell is Mason still on the team? Gurley's getting buried again now, no gain at midfield. Reynolds gets blown off the ball and Kendricks completely misses his block on Dumervil. Good protection lets Keenum go deep for Austin, but as usual, he's not remotely open. Cignetti needs to kibosh these deep throws; Keenum is underthrowing everything and that should have been picked by Lardarius Webb. The Rams lose a big play on 3rd down because of a block in the back on Britt and unnecessary roughness on Reynolds. PENALTY #3, #4. It's offsetting because they charged C.J. Mosley for a late hit on Bradley Marquez that was really the refs' fault for a late whistle. Denied Marquez about a 30-yard gain on what I'll call a sluggo route. That's a B.S. call, btw; had NOTHING to do with all the yards Marquez gained. Came right at the end. I don't know why this isn't marked from the spot and the personal fouls offset. 3rd-10 again. Poor sideline pass for Britt incomplete, never had a chance. Horrible 30-yard punt by Hekker to "pin" Baltimore at their 19. COME ON!
Quick slant to Aiken for 6. Flacco looking for Kyle J. all the way but the sideline throw is quite poor. Looks like Nick Foles is QBing both teams right now. Blitz on 3rd-4; Jenkins breaks up a short sideline throw for Jenkins. Nice play; very Rams-like possession there for the Ravens. Austin takes a big hit right at the sideline on the return, drawing a flag. Not really dirty, but still late; I'll take the free 15. The Rams, ER, Ravens, already have 99 penalty yards.
Rams out at their 43. Gurley gets 4 off a nick-of-time pancake block from Wichmann. Gurley gets another, very entertaining 5; running over useless Kendricks and classically leg-pumping his way through 3-4 defenders. 3rd-1 is a disaster, though; the whole world knows Gurley's getting the ball and Wichmann and Robinson get blown up as Brandon Williams drops him for a loss back at midfield. Robinson looked hurt after the play. Webb fair-catches the punt at the 11. PENALTY #5, illegal man downfield on Daren Bates, makes it the 16.
Holding by the center on Fairley moves the Ravens back 8. Corrente is literally hoarse from calling all these penalties. NON-CLUTCH DEFENSE IMMEDIATELY GIVES ALLEN A 17_YARD RUN. Fairley got swept aside, Donald got spun around by a double-team, Laurinaitis was poor overrunning the running lane, and Allen ran over McLeod for a bonus 5. PATHETIC.
This is strictly a contest today to see which team is less ugly. They are both garbage.
Allen squirts for another 4 and a 1st. Speaking of ugly, Flacco rolls left and throws a TERRIBLE pass that misses wide open Gillmore by a mile and is picked off by McLeod. The Rams take over at the Baltimore 42. Will they make it inside the 40?
Not yet. Nothing for Gurley as Robinson and Barnes get pushed way back. Chris Canty and blitzing Jimmy Smith don't buy a fake end-around to Austin at all and force Keenum to fire out of bounds. Donnal done for the game with a knee injury. Injuries were a big problem for him in college, weren't they? Another awesome pick. 3rd-9, Robinson gets whipped immediately by Courtney Upshaw, forcing Keenum to go on an Archie Manning-like scramble before another throwaway, and NO, THE RAMS DID NOT EVEN CROSS THE 40. Sploosh goes Hekker's stupid punt in the stupid end zone.
The Ravens resume this complete farce of a football team from their 20. Laurinaitis holds Allen to a couple with a decent hit. Overshift WORKS this time as Brockers trips Allen up for no gain. Brockers stays down hurt, though. He looks OK as he walks off. 3rd-8. Laurinaitis on a dog blitz, little pressure but Flacco floats a flaccid pass to Aiken on the sideline and Joyner holds him a yard short.
THE CLOWN SHOW CONTINUES AS AUSTIN MISPLAYS THE PUNT LIKE A DAMN IDIOT AND MUFFS IT BACK TO BALTIMORE. He knelt and reached for it, and predictably, it clanged off his hands. Poor technique = poor results. Jackass.
And now the Ravens have their best field position of the day. Allen drags Barron like a fallen water-skier for 7. Fortunately, Aaron Donald is Aaron Donald, shooting past the center to stuff Allen for a loss, along with Barron. 3rd-5. Blitz gets in Flacco's face, but Maxx Williams is open on a rub route against Joyner and gets down inside the 15. PENALTY #6, Rams had 12 on the field. Ravens inside the 10 at the 2:00 warning. Swing pass to Kyle J, but Barron blows that up for a 2-yard loss; excellent open-field play. That play lost 4 but is somehow spotted as -2. Donald creates a bigger loss, though, splitting the LG and LT to SACK Flacco back at the 20. Obviously the Rams' first sack. Back-to-back clutch plays; the Rams need one more. Gillmore gets back inside the 10 on a bubble screen. No one's paying any attention to the clock whatsoever, and the Ravens are GOING FOR IT, 4th-and-3, as it ticks down to 5 seconds left in the half. Holy crap, TO Harbaugh with :02 left. I guess the Rams were ready enough to scare Harbaugh into going for the FG. Also, Baltimore gets the ball back after halftime. 7-3 Rams at the break
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
I'll make the first adjustment and hide all sharp implements in my house, BECAUSE THIS GAME MAKES ME WANT TO GOUGE OUT MY EYES.
It's been working that Gregg Williams hasn't blitzed a ton in the first half, so I hope he doesn't overcompensate in the 2nd and get the Rams burned with all kinds of short stuff again. Baltimore has no credible downfield passing game, so I hope Williams will see that and stuff the box. They have to stop getting run over in the 2nd half.
Cignetti, as usual, got away from play-action too early. Bring it back to life. Also, time to quit faking end-arounds to Austin and actually run one or two. And let's get back to Gurley running behind Harkey, which worked in the 1st and disappeared in the 2nd. That'll set up play-action and should get Baltimore on their heels enough to get a FG drive or two. I wouldn't count on much more.
THIRD QUARTER
Ravens at their 20; Brockers does a good job to beat his block and stop Allen after 2. But TruJo COMPLETELY BLOWS a shoulder tackle and lets Aiken spin away with a smoke pass for 18. WRAP. HIM. UP. CLOWN! Matt Longacre (!) swims through a 2-TE formation and just misses sacking Flacco, forcing a throwaway. Brockers barely trips up Allen on a draw and holds him to 3. But Williams unnecessarily blitzes all three LBs on 3rd-7, and Butler gets behind Joyner off a very quick slant for 25. Dammit, Williams, CUT IT OUT! Ravens in FG position now at the Ram 32. Sims is obviously held the next play on an effective 4-man rush, though, and Corrente catches it. 1st-20. Screen to Maxx Williams over leaping Chris Long; Ethan Westbrooks CLOCKS him after 8. Williams nearly lost the ball. Laurinaitis and Brockers play a draw to Allen well and hold him to 1. 3rd-11. 4-man rush, and Flacco's 2-yard out route to Aiken is poor anyway. WTF was with that call? The Ravens haven't, and possibly can't, try anything downfield at all. Oh, wait, it gets DUMBER from the Ravens; they GO FOR IT on 4th-and-11 and throw a FIVE-YARD DUMPOFF to Kyle J. Laurinaitis is all over it; Rams ball. Good 4-man rush there.
By this point, I'm not sure why Harbaugh hasn't both benched Flacco and fired his offensive coordinator Marc Trestman. Rams fans think WE have it bad! Rams ball at their 28. Bomb for Britt off a fake Austin end-around is A MILE SHORT. The flag flies for a grab by Webb, but is picked up because the pass was ruled uncatchable. Well, it is when the DB tackles the WR trying to come back for it. Hey, it's Todd Gurley, up the middle for 3. Let's not forget him. Keenum throws a pass to Austin on an out route that is so bad it looks like it was tipped but wasn't. He's 0-for-his-last-7. Jesus Christ, warm up Foles again. Or Sean Mannion. Or let Hekker have another try back there. Keenum's making Steve Walsh look like John Elway. Punt time!
Great punt, 63 yards, chases the returner inside the 5 and Bates hammers him at the 11. Bad pass out of Gillmore's reach on 1st down. Flacco bombs for Aiken, but TruJo has very tight and pretty physical coverage and knocks it down. Ravens waste a TO because they had 12 on the field. You know, sometimes you really are as good as your record says you are. That's a 2-7 football team. Still an open question if the Rams can finish them, but that's a 2-7 team. Long ball for Givens is way off for a 3-and-out. Pass rush was good, but mainly the Raven passing game sucks as much as the Rams' does. Fair catch by Austin at the STL40.
Flare route to Jared Cook off play-action for 7. A COMPLETED PASS!!!!!
AND SO MUCH FOR THAT MOMENTUM. Keenum trips coming out of center, tries to make a diving exchange with Gurley, the ball hits the ground, Albert McClellan falls right on it for Baltimore.
I AM FREAKING SERIOUS. GET NICK FOLES IN THE GAME NOW.
Ravens ball at the Ram 42 as the worst football game in the NFL this season rages on. Play action to Allen, Flacco then goes to him in the flat, Ayers blows the hell out of the tackle, 12-yard gain. Allen runs right into Donald and Longacre (!) for 1. And then the pathetic comedy of errors continues. It's a screen, but Maxx Williams doesn't seem to know he's the intended receiver. Hayes rushes Flacco into a floater that misses Williams by a mile and goes right to TruJo for a pick, and now the Rams have the ball across midfield.
I have seen more entertaining 4th quarters of preseason games than this fiasco.
I have seen more entertaining grade-school football games than this fiasco.
I have seen more entertaining Strat-o-matic football games than this fiasco.
Seriously, Corrente should just call this game right now. It is setting football back 100 years. Rams at their 48. TruJo naturally limped off after his pick. If either team had a competent QB, this game would be over by now, but the awful Keenum remains in for the Rams. Gurley gets a couple. They FINALLY actually run an end-around to Austin, and Kendricks leads him out for 16 with a decent block. And now Kendricks is ALL ALONE downfield for a 30-yard TD!!! This is a fake play-action rollout play. Instead of rolling out, though, Keenum pulled up and hit Kendricks wide open on the other side of the field. That's a win for Frank Cignetti, though now we're not sure if Kendricks actually made it in. Corrente says count it. 14-3 Rams
NO, 13-3 Rams, THEY GET THE DAMN EXTRA POINT BLOCKED. Zuerlein barely got it off the ground; it looked like it barely even cleared Robinson's head on the o-line. Looked like he shanked it. Freaking brilliant.
Baltimore starts at their 29; Fairley stuffs Allen for 1. Allen leaks out and runs through Jenkins for 8. Terrible call on 3rd-1, a toss right to Allen that Sims and Laurinaitis blow up and string out for a big loss. Looks like the Ravens are quitting on this one to me.
IDIOT AUSTIN signals fair catch and then attempts a return. PENALTY #7 That will bury them at the 13. He has as much mental focus today as Charlie Sheen at any porn star convention the past 30 years. 2 for Gurley with Barnes getting blown off the ball. 6 to the forgotten Wes Welker, who makes a nice grab. Excellent protection too. 3rd-2, with Reynolds getting pushed back into him, Keenum attempts a sideline lob for a well-covered Gurley. Corrente bails the Rams out with a DPI call on Webb away from the ball. Wait, there can be DPI away from the play? Wouldn't that be an uncatchable ball in most cases if it's not the intended receiver? Corrente's officiating this game about as well as it deserves to be. Mosley shoots unblocked behind Rhaney and buries Gurley for -1. Neither team distinguishing itself pull-blocking today. 2nd-11, BENNY misses a big cutback lane and gets stuffed. Nice gain if he bounces it left. 3rd-11, the Ravens successfully blitz a screen pass even though that ought to never happen. Benny got caught up, which left Will Hill a free run at Keenum, who had to lamely ground it while Hill took him down EXCESSIVELY late. No flag from Corrente this time. Moose also spots a missed personal foul on Upshaw shoving Welker down downfield. What the hell, Corrente?
There are a hilarious THREE penalties on Baltimore on the punt. Wasn't Harbaugh a special-teams coach? What a crisp-playing unit he has. Ravens at their 10. Screen to Allen gets 7. Allen knocks out another 5 with Fairley and Brockers getting moved. Gillmore's open in zone coverage but Flacco's pass is through his hands. It's like the Rams are playing a mirror image of themselves. Good 4-man pressure from Hayes and Sims, and Flacco misses a dumpoff to Kyle J. Good rush by Fairley, and Flacco underthrows Aiken's comeback route, looks like that was off his hands but a tough catch. Austin tries to sweep right with the punt but loses 4 back to the 30.
If the Rams can establish anything at all here in the 4th, you have to think this game is over. Let's put this one away.
FOURTH QUARTER
Quick screen to Kendricks, who shoots up the sideline for 13. And, so much for that. Rhaney gets smoked by Brandon Williams, who meets Gurley well behind the line and knocks the ball out. It bounces to Upshaw. The Rams are up 10 against a team playing the worst football I've seen any team play this season and are STILL trying to find ways to lose. GOD!
Ravens at their 42; McDonald THUMPS Allen in the hole; he maybe got 1. Donald hits Flacco as he throws, but he gets it off to Allen for 7. THE RAMS CONTINUE TO FAIL TO STOP SIMPLE DUMPOFFS OUT OF THE BACKFIELD as Allen gains 14 down to the 20. They can't get the ball downfield and have stopped even trying; WHY CAN THE RAMS NOT STOP THIS PLAY? Kyle J. up the middle for 1, stopped by Donald. Laurinaitis and Barron leave Gillmore open between them at the 10 and he carries them 5 yards down to the 3 with a 16-yard gain. Williams has turned the blitz spigot completely off, but I don't get what he thinks he's going to accomplish with soft zone coverage. Hayes stuffs Allen on 1st-and-goal. Now Williams blitzes, it doesn't get there, and Aiken beats a pretty clueless-looking MARCUS ROBERSON for the TD. What's Roberson even doing in there on the goal line? Roberson even held him and couldn't prevent the catch. He ran out of a stack/pick play that got McDonald into a big collision with Butler; my impression is McDonald might have been in position to prevent the catch otherwise.
Meanwhile, the Rams have let the Ravens play like complete sewage for over three quarters and still get back in the game. Rams 13, Ravens 10
Cook's wide open in the zone off play-action for 16. Another fake end-around; Keenum throws the screen pass away with Upshaw covering it well. No, they say Keenum actually threw a backward pass for a 7-yard loss. WHERE IS FOLES? This is an absolutely HORRID call by Corrente. Keenum threw from the 27, they're spotting it at the 29, how the HELL can it have been backward? 2nd-17. I still have no explanation how Keenum can throw a backward pass that traveled two yards forward. Incomplete pass behind Welker, 3rd-17. Good blitz pickup, but Keenum can only dump off to Cook for a few. Great, momentum is now turning in a game the Rams should have put away long ago.
Ravens at their 22, nice stop by Mo Alexander on the punt. Aiken WIDE OPEN down the seam for 17. What the hell has happened in coverage? Allen clangs out 8 with Brockers and Sims easily handled. From the BLT46, a blown coverage leaves Gillmore open in the flat for a FREAKING 46-YARD GAIN. GUESS WHAT GREGG WILLIAMS GOT CAUGHT IN. A BLITZ. Ayers should have been out covering Gillmore but blitzed instead and the Ravens caught them with a crossfield screen. Janoris Jenkins again gets blocked out of a big play. Gregg Williams has been more useless the past two weeks than a pine tree air freshener at a pig farm. Hayes stuffs Allen on 1st-and-goal at the 9. Barron prevents a TD for now by stopping an Aiken reception at the 1. The Rams are all over a rollout pass to Williams at the 1, though, to force 4th-and-goal. Good plays by Jenkins and McLeod. Harbaugh settles for a tie game with 5:12 left, which probably isn't a bad move given the incompetence of the Ram offense. 13-13
Way to blow the lead, clowns. Rams at their 20 and could use some plays by Welker and Cook to get in Zuerlein range. Gurley left for 6; good block by Robinson, effective lead-out by Kendricks. Draw to Gurley for another 7. I think Cignetti's catching Baltimore thinking pass. Gurley tries to follow Rhaney and drives for 3. Quick out to Cook gets 4 and leaves 3rd-3. Play-action this puppy, please. Well, that was weird, but it worked. Keenum rolled left out of shotgun, had nowhere to go, but threw a backside screen to Benny, who hustled off for a big 20 at the 2:00 warning. At the BLT39, they're on the fringe of FG position. About 15 more should do it. Gurley left for nothing; Rhaney got pushed back and Barnes got beaten inside. TO#2 for Harbaugh. Screen left to Austin off a fake screen right to Welker for 3-4. Third down and 5. 52-yard FG potentially, so don't get sacked whatever you do. Jimmy Smith holds the crap out of Austin on an attempted comeback and he can't get to the ball at the 25. What the hell, Corrente?
AND OF COURSE ZUERLEIN LEAVES THE FG WIDE RIGHT, putting Baltimore in beautiful field position with 1:42 still to go. 25 yards would give them the same FG Zuerlein just missed. They get most of that with the first pass, AND OF COURSE IT'S CHRIS GIVENS beating Jenkins for a 20-yard sideline catch. Kyle J. right for 3 to the STL35; timeout#1, Fisher. Good rush by Hayes forces a pass behind Givens that SHOULD have been intercepted by McDonald or McLeod on the deflection. Dammit, people, MAKE A PLAY! Allen up the middle for 3 to eat another Ram TO. 1:18 left, Tucker in to try from 51. Yeah, the kick Zuerlein just missed. And hey, remember that blocked PAT?
The Find Ways To Lose Bowl stays tied after Tucker leaves the kick wide right. Rams at THEIR 41 now with 1:13 left, and a timeout. And NOW we get a drop, by Austin near midfield. 2nd-10, Dumervil jumps into the neutral zone, and unabated to the QB, I'm expecting a whistle. No, Corrente lets 'em play. Maybe that's correct. It doesn't work out well for Keenum. Jernigan beats Barnes badly with a hand fight and slings Keenum to the ground, on his head. Keenum's immediately grasping his head after the play. Barnes tries to pick him up but he is basically a rag doll. Wait, are they letting him walk it off? What the hell? After a quick chat with sideline personnel, KEENUM REMAINS IN THE GAME?!?! HOW?!?!? Isn't it mandatory to pull him out of the game? 2nd-5 at the 46. Keenum overthrows Welker at the sideline. 3rd-5 with 1:00 left, and OH, FOR CHRIST's SAKE, IDIOT ROBINSON pushes Upshaw RIGHT INTO Keenum, who, holding the ball low, gets it knocked out at the Ram 41. Baltimore recovers as the Rams prove superior at finding the way to lose.
Jenkins breaks up a slant to Givens and just misses a pick. But on a HANDOFF to Allen, he gets 8 as Brockers and Laurinaitis get blocked. About 5 more yards and Baltimore's good for another FG try. This would be another 51-yard try from here. Allen runs over Brockers and Donald for about 5 more, while Givens is idiotically jawing with McLeod and not getting lined up for the spike. They'll spike at the 29 to give Tucker a 47-yard attempt.
Good night, Baltimore, and good riddance worthless Jeff Fisher, after the Rams BLOW IT in a loss to the worst team they'll play this season besides the one that looks back from the mirror.
I have had it with this team and need to leave now to blow off the 10,000 f-bombs I've been holding back during this pathetic spectacle. This season is over, stick a fork in the Rams and stick a fork in freaking Fisher. I have had it.
-$-
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Sunday, November 15, 2015
RamView game blog: Bears 37, Rams 13
The Rams are expecting their biggest crowd of the season today as they host the Bears, which probably means 25,000 Chicago fans. They've also got their shortest injury report of the season. Last week's players who were out - Robert Quinn, T.J. McDonald and Rob Havenstein - should all play. Among other things, that should help out a lot a pass rush that didn't accomplish enough last week. Late note: Wes Welker will be active.
(Updated) For the Bears, Eddie Royal and Matt Forte are out. Royal's absence ought to affect their screen game, and Forte's a very big missing piece on offense. Not that the Bears couldn't handle those injuries in San Diego, though. Alshon Jeffery is active but had a hamstring issue during the practice week. Won't hurt the Rams any if that slows him down. (2nd update) I also see Pernell McPhee on the inactive list, their leading sacker. That's a break.
Don't forget today's game has gotten the bizarre shift to CBS, so it'll be on ch. 4 locally. Announce team will be Andrew Catalon, Steve Beuerlein and Steve Tasker. I like Tasker; remember when he was announcing the Ravens-49ers Super Bowl all by himself during the power outage? I know Catalon best for an ill-advised ethnic joke during March Madness a couple of years ago. Um, especially calling a Chicago game, you'd best be careful with that...
Today's referee: FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS YEAR, JEFF FREAKING TRIPLETTE. Seriously? In nine f*cking games, we get the worst damn referee in the NFL TWICE?
The prediction: Triplette-officiated games tend not to go well for the Rams. They need to strike quickly to win the crowd noise battle, but quick strikes haven't been their specialty lately. Bears to at least cover the 7-point spread.
FIRST QUARTER
Away we go. The Bears win the coin toss and take the wind. That's quite the lack of respect for the Ram offense, though not completely unearned. Nick Foles will lead the Rams from their 20. OMG THE ROLLOUT PASS TO THE TE WORKED!!!! LB Willie Young ignored Jared to chase play-action left, and Cook slipped out all alone in the right flat and up the sideline for 29. Play-action again, Foles hangs in well but overthrows a very-open Brian Quick. Play-action yet again, and Todd Gurley slips out of the backfield all alone, cruises about 20 yards, HURDLES Antrell Rolle at the 25 and dives down to the 20 with a 31-yard gain! Big-play Rams! The play-action froze LB Christian Jones and he didn't slide over to pick up Gurley. Gurley cuts back for another 98 off blocks by Tim Barnes and a nifty cut block by Rob Havenstein. Gurley inside for another 5 behind mauling down-blocking left, especially Jamon Brown. First and goal, oh God, Nick, COME ON. It looks like a rollout right for Tavon Austin, who's well covered, but Lance Kendricks is open from the snap, wide open in the back of the end zone, and I swear Foles sees that but still throws the ball a mile over everyone's head out of bounds. He saw it and pump-faked instead. It would have been a cross-body throw, but really? The Rams signed a QB to an extended contract who can't make that throw? Major opportunity lost if the Rams don't punch this in.
Gurley and the line bail Foles out with a 6-yard TD. Rams 7, Bears 0 Greg Robinson flattened his man and Garrett Reynolds plowed his guy to make the draw to Foles look pretty easy. The Rams needed that fast start with a home stadium full of Bears fans.
80 yards in less than 3:00 with the Bears coming in saying they were determined not to let Gurley beat them. You cannot start much better than that. Tip of the cap to Frank Cignetti for recognizing that and burying the Bears in play-action. Cody Davis dives and trips Marc Mariani at the 10 - dumb idea to return that - and Jay Cutler will start at his 14. Jeremy Langford tries to bounce a middle run outside but Akeem Ayers gets him for a loss of 1. Michael Brockers stuffed up the middle to give the impatient rookie nowhere to go.
And, so much for that. The Rams INEXCUSABLY give up an 87-yard TD to someone named Zack Miller on a simple god damn flare route. Gregg Williams got caught blitzing. Ayers got on skates and slipped on Miller's cut back inside. Alshon Jeffery got a key block on Janoris Jenkins to spring him. Rodney McLeod also slipped and missed the tackle badly - what the HELL is with all the slipping out there? - Trumaine Johnson loafed getting there, expecting a tackle, and got surprised when Miller took off. He caught up with him at the Ram 40 but Miller felt him coming and cut away. TruJo couldn't grab him. Bye-bye!
Congratulations to the Rams for following their best start on offense this season with their shittiest single play all season. Clowns. 7-7
Starting over, then. Rams at their 20. Play-action drag to Austin gets only 1. We can quit trying that play already. Gurley gets stuffed for 1 after no one blocks Shea McClellin. No idea wtf Kendricks is doing back there if he's not going to lead Gurley into the hole. Foles hits Bradley Marquez on a 7-yard, 9-inch out route on 3rd-and-8. He ran the right route; Foles' throw made him come back a tick. The first official marks it short, but, viva Jeff Triplette, the ball's at the 30 by the time the refs put it in the middle of a field for a first down. No challenge by John Fox. Kendricks, Brown and Havenstein get Gurley a pretty big hole for 5. Bounce that outside and it hits big. Gurley stopped for 1 on 2nd down. Havenstein and Brown got pushed backwards and Kendricks couldn't clear the charging McClellin out of the hole. 3rd-4 brings in Wes Welker. He's open on a little dig route out of the slot but Foles well overthrew him. From everyone's reaction, Foles was expecting Welker to take that upfield instead of sitting down.
Just a 42-yard punt by Hekker, but Mariani continues an idiotic day by trying to field it and getting crunched by Marquez after the catch, and there should be no way that is not Mo Alexander's ball. It came right to him and he caught it. Yes, Mo comes out of the scrum. Turnover!
Rams at the CHI17. A nifty true reverse, Foles to Gurley to Austin, goes for a TD but is called back for a hold on Greg Robinson, who leads the league in holding penalties. Yeah, he held Young, for probably a millisecond. If eagle eyes Triplette is going to call that, we should be here all day. Back to the 27 we go. Now they end-around right to Austin off play-action. He beats Sam Acho around the corner and Kendricks leads him out for 12. Cignetti is emptying the playbook today. Overpursuit leaves the left side wide open for Gurley but Young saves a big play with a diving tackle. 3rd-and-7 at the 14. I don't know if Foles is underthrowing these or what, but Foles runs a 7-yard out and then comes back a yard for the catch to leave 4th-and-1. Maybe the Rams should start running these a yard PAST the marker? The Rams settle for 3 from Zuerlein instead. Steve Beuerlein explains Foles actually overthrew that toward the sideline and Welker had to sell out to get to it. Rams 10, Bears 7
Now let's maybe try to NOT give up a 90-yard TD. Davis and Chase Reynolds bury Mariani at the 12 as shorter kicks by Zuerlein are paying off so far. Langford pushes for 5 while Aaron Donald gets held by more than Robinson held earlier to cost the Rams four points. Call it, Eagle Eyes. Lots of time for Cutler to dump off to Langford, who beats James Laurinaitis for a 1st. Langford FALSE STARTS RIGHT IN FRONT OF FUCKING TRIPLETTE AND NO CALL, but Eugene Sims stays with the play and beats his block to stuff Langford for 1. Which reminds me, Robert Quinn did not start and I doubt he's been on the field yet. Good rush but Cutler hangs tough and hits Jeffery hitching in front of Jenkins for 11. Nick Fairley beats his man and trips Langford up for 1. Cutler rolls left and hits Miller, WHO PUSHED OFF McDonald to get open, for 7. CMON EAGLE EYES. 3rd-2 at the 42. Chicago's throwing, Laurinaitis gets close enough on the blitz to make Cutler change his arm angle and he overthrows Langford's out route. 4th down, Austin fair-catches the punt at the Ram 16.
Foles audibles to a handoff to Tre Mason, and that goes completely to shit when Mason fumbles trying to get extra yards. McClellin on top of it for the Bears at the 19.
The Rams are completely in find-ways-to-lose mode again.
McClellin got the strip and the fumble. Langford runs into Sims for a couple with Brockers again stacking up the line well. 4-man rush gets to Cutler late, and Cutler does his common chuck-it-up-for-Jeffery throw, which Jenkins undercuts to break up the pass with a near INT. 3rd-8. 3-man rush does not get there, Cutler scrambles, pulls up with plenty of running room and fires incomplete for Marquess Wilson in the end zone, covered by TruJo. Cutler was very close to crossing the LOS but I think he was just barely ok, with his back foot. Beuerlein disagrees with me and Triplette. Whoa, I'm on the wrong end of that argument. Robby Gould ties the game. 10-10
If every quarter is this eventful, the regular RamView recap won't be out till Thanksgiving. In Canada. Benny Cunningham is apparently under orders to fair catch everything today, Rams at their 20. Austin gets 10 off a pitchback counter, but it comes back for a blindside block on Jamon Brown. I didn't even know that was a penalty. I get how it might be a safety issue, but it's not like Brown lit up the guy. Great field position for the Rams to start the 2nd, 1st-20 from their 10.
SECOND QUARTER
Gurley runs into two Bears for 2. One of them shed Brown; the other tossed Barnes to the ground. 2nd down, Brown completely misses his assignment on a delayed ILB blitz, and Foles' Jeff Georgian run of awful passes under pressure continues as he chucks a ridiculous lob that misses a wide-open Marquez by a mile. I get it, Foles is under pressure on these throws. I also firmly believe half the QBs in the league at least would make these throws. No idea why, but the Rams call timeout before 3rd-and-18. What, to set up the inevitable draw play? Here's the awesome play they called timeout for: THREE Bears beat the Rams line on a 4-man rush and flush Foles into yet another wild throwaway. Brown lost a hand fight badly to give up inside pressure. Reynolds and Robinson gave up big inside pressure, with Robinson also getting beaten by a delayed stunt. Hekker blasts a 58-yard moonshot and the Rams hold Mariani to 3 despite Marcus Roberson getting blocked from behind. How 'bout that one, Eagle Eyes? No.
Bears at their 33. Cutler gets all day to throw an 8-yard slant to Martellus Bennett. 11 more to Jeffery on a smoke route. Kadeem Carey up the middle for 8 as Brockers got blasted out of the way. Jenkins gets off an outside block nicely and trips up Wilson on a smoke route short of the 1st. 3rd-inches. Hey, the CBS guys are not only on Lamarcus Joyner's side regarding the hit on Teddy Bridgewater last week, they say Teddy slid too late. Langford plunges but is held short by a hard hit by Ayers and I believe Will Hayes. The Bears go for it on 4th down, and with McDonald sucked in by play-action, the rollout pass to Langford works to perfection for 11. Sims fires in way too hard as the d-line gets walled off at LT to release Carey for 5. Miller's very open in the flat on a play-action rollout left; Jenkins trips him up a yard short. Not clutch D here as Carey cracks off another 6. Hayes was lined up inside, got double-teamed, and Gregg Williams had no one lined up at LDE. Gee. Guess where Carey went. Bears at the Ram 12. Chicago has to spend a TO to avoid a delay of game. Langford weaves for 3 on a draw. Cutler steps up from a 3-man rush and hits Langford at the 5. 3rd-2. Nick Fairley appears to save a TD by pressuring Cutler into a throwaway, but after the throw, Mark Barron makes his first play today one to forget by hitting Cutler helmet-first. That's a penalty all day long; naturally, Eagle Eyes does not miss this one. First-and-goal Bears at the freaking 3. No, somehow from the 5-yard line, half the distance = the 2.
Play-action, Daren Bates bites, and it's a TD to future f*cking Hall of Fame TE Zack Miller to put the Bears ahead. Bears 17, Rams 10
This is easily the Rams' most frustrating game of the season so far. They're killing themselves with find-a-way-to-lose stupidity against a team they should be beating like a pinata. Penalties and turnovers.
Cutler threw that TD pass back-pedaling with a Ram right in his face. Foles would have chucked the same throw 12 rows deep into the stands. Among other intolerable issues today, our QB is getting out-gutted by Jay Cutler.
Rams again at their 20 with 6:56 till halftime. Tracy Porter breaks up a pass for Kenny Britt. Porter breaks up an out route for Austin, and FUCKING ROBINSON WAS CALLED FOR FUCKING HOLDING ANYWAY. The guy was falling down on his own, why the hell are you yanking him down by his jersey? This is a technique issue for Robinson going back to his rookie season. Screen to Gurley picks up 11. Foles gets time on 3rd-9 and fires for Britt, who has to go down for it and lets it into his body and through his hands. Hekker pops it for 53, and a penalty by Chicago after the play will set them back. That was the Bears' FIRST penalty. I forgot to count the Rams' this week; I'm thinking eight.
Bears at their 14. Sims tackles Langford on an inside handoff for 3.
It is at this point that I am officially done with this god damn season. Gregg Williams brings 6. Cutler hits a simple screen pass to Langford. AND HE'S FUCKING GONE. 83 YARD FUCKING TOUCHDOWN. TruJo flattened out front by a nicely-done cut block at the 20. Jenkins pinned uselessly on the sideline by Jeffery at the 30. McLeod blocked downfield by Wilson for a good ten yards, then Langford embarrasses the shit out of him by faking him inside out and taking off untouched 50 yards down the middle of the field.
The Rams couldn't have shown up shittier this week if they were trying to throw the damn game. Screw this god damn team. Bears 24, Rams 10
I've had it. Gregg Williams is getting played like a fiddle by Marc Freaking Trestman. (NO, Adam Freaking Gase. Trestman is NEXT week in Baltimore.) The Rams are shooting themselves in the foot with so many penalties that Jeff Fisher HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING ABOUT HIS ENTIRE TIME HERE that they have no leg left below their knees. This is not now, never was, and NEVER WILL BE a team built not even to win, but to even god damn play well, on a consistent basis. Screw this god damn team.
Still 5:00 to go. Sweep right to Austin for 3. Rams go no-huddle; Foles dumps to Gurley for 2 under heavy pressure. 3rd-5, just man coverage all over the field, no one remotely open and Foles fires a bad pass in Welker's direction. Well, Wes was the most open WR, but it's not like he was. Rams don't even hold the ball a god damn minute and a half without punting again. The only Rams who's shown up this week is Hekker, who hits it about 60, returned to the 20.
Good pressure by Hayes forces a quick pass; even better, Fairley drew an obvious hold. Make it 1st-19 from the 9. Carey left for 5. Donald nearly blows up a draw play but Carey escapes his grasp for another 6. MAYBE WATCH OUT FOR THE FUCKING SCREEN OR THE FUCKING PASS IN THE FLAT. Ha, they finally did. McLeod faked a blitz and floated out to take away Cutler's screen option. By the time he got off a play-fake to Langford, Cutler was already getting buried by unblocked Donald and Hayes. Austin brilliantly loses FIVE trying to sweep left with the punt return.
1:48, Rams at their 34. Will they cross the 40? Will they hold the ball more than 15 seconds? First, Austin limps off with a foot or ankle injury. Foles gets a lot of time on 1st but can only dump off to Cook, who can't get out of bounds, for a few. About a 3-yard pass to Britt. First down, but they're not getting a lot done. Foles floats another sideline pass too high, for Brian Quick this time. Could we maybe start calling some routes Foles CAN ACTUALLY THROW? Plenty of time again, but Marquez is blanketed. While that falls incomplete, FOLES IS HIT HELMET-FIRST BY YOUNG WITH NO CALL. Austin returns, but on 3rd-10, it's ANOTHER SIDELINE ROUTE, and Foles fires a fastball that Kendricks lets leak through his breadbasket incomplete. I have so had it with this whole fucking team.
The Rams are 1-FOR-SEVEN on 3rd down. 3 for their last 23. Obviously exhausted, Hekker shanks the punt but gets a lucky roll. Bears still have 0:42. They help the Rams out big-time by taking a knee instead of throwing a screen pass for an 86-yard TD.
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
GET.
YOUR.
HEADS.
OUT.
OF.
YOUR.
ASSES!!!!
It's time to declare a national emergency at Rams Park. I'm pulling Foles for at least a series and letting Case Keenum try to run some no-huddle. Foles has been beyond useless, with Beuerlein pointing out almost all of his sideline throws are coming out late. The Rams are not going to get anything open downfield without keeping Gurley involved. His disappearance and Chicago's 2nd-quarter run are not coincidences. Gurley HAS to stay involved to set up play-action. And how about calling some damn routes over the middle of the damn field? The Bears have shut down the sideline.
What did last week's RamView say Gregg Williams had to stop last week? The inside handoff and the fucking quick screen. The Bears are mixing up their plays well, but Williams hasn't stopped either of those, and has gotten caught blitzing to give up two 80-plus-yard TDs. It's quite a contest for most useless Ram today; Williams is neck-and-neck with the leaders. Maybe he'll stop blitzing himself out of Chicago's favorite play in the 2nd half.
THIRD QUARTER
Just when you thought Ronda Rousey's coach did the worst coaching job of the weekend, the Rams show up. Touchback, then Ayers and Hayes start the half strong by stuffing a run. False start by Chicago NOT CALLED, but it's OK; Aaron Donald Aaron Donalds a draw play attempt for a loss. The man is insanely quick around the center. 3rd-10, WATCH THE SCREEN! No, Cutler has to rush a circle route that Langford doesn't know is coming. 3-and-out! Pressure by Donald again. Williams got a brain and did not blitz there. Austin returns the punt 9 to the STL45.
66 yards in 24 plays since the opening TD drive. Good, there's Gurley, left for 3 off a strong Robinson block. AND NO HOLDING! Kendricks is HELD on the dreaded rollout pass; Foles tries to chuck deep for Cook and it's out of bounds. Beuerlein says Cook was open a lot earlier and Foles missed him. 3rd down, great blitz pickup by Benny and a first down to Austin?................. No, it's HOLDING ON ROBINSON, which I would complain about more profanely if I could see it. Looks like Young, who is a BACKUP, btw, faked his ass out and he grabbed the middle of his shirt on the way by and turned him. The Rams don't have a credible move to make at tackle here. They need to bench Robinson's butt and they can't. But somehow I doubt the kid from Jamaica could be any worse, if he's even active today. Triplette has missed some highly visible infractions today to be seeing all these quickie holds by Robinson, btw. Foles hits Welker wide open over the middle for 15, but thanks to Robinson, that's still well short, and send in Hekker. Maybe he can pin the Bears inside the 10 and the Rams can give up a 90-yard TD today, too.
Decent kick starts the Bears at their 9. Quick out to Miller vs. Barron for 7. One of the most embarrassing defensive performances in St. Louis in many years rages on as CUTLER takes off for at least 25 on a keeper. Trestman (GASE) caught the Rams completely asleep with a read option and Sims chomped hard on the play fake. Carey rips off another 9 as Brockers and Laurinaitis get blocked out of the play without much of a fight, and it's time to start wondering if this team has quit. Another inside handoff to Carey gets the 1st down. Bears at the STL47. Screen to Langford, but the Rams were NOT blitzing and Brockers and Barron blew it up for a loss. 4-man rush flushes Cutler; Barron holds Langford to a short gain to set up 3rd-9. WATCH THE SCREEN! Jeffery false-starts to make 3rd-14. WATCH! THE! SCREEN! Ha, the Rams get Cutler with a 3-man rush. Donald joins Hekker as the only Rams to show up this week, beating the center again and sneaking behind the LG for the Rams' second sack.
Another 10-yard return by Austin starts the Rams at their 17. Gurley led out well by Havenstein and Brown for 9 off RT. Foles tries a weird back-shoulder bomb for Quick deep down the middle that Rolle breaks up. Beuerlein's basically, what the hell is Foles doing, at this point. Me too. KENDRICKS FALSE START ON 3rd AND 1. 14 TO WELKER, on a drag route out of trips with pick help. Gurley dodges a couple of tackles and has to fight just to get 1. Brown couldn't get to his man off the snap and Kendricks didn't really move his man on the edge. Gurley up the middle for 4; good chip by Kendricks on Acho. 3rd-5, Foles fires a fastball too high for Quick on a quick slant, but Brian makes an impressive full-extension grab on the run and takes off through the secondary for 36. Hey, Frank Cignetti has discovered pass routes that use the middle of the field!!! Flip to Austin, who breaks a tackle for 3. Rams at the CHI20. Foles throws a wobbler WELL over Quick's head at the goal line. The passing game looks so awful now it's hard to guess if these are bad throws or bad routes. Let's say both. 3rd-7. Foles hits Austin for what should have been a first down, but he bobbled the ball trying to put it away and lost it on Bryce Callahan's hit for yet ANOTHER DROPPED PASS. Fisher OF COURSE settles for 3. 24-13 'Cause the Rams are so likely to put together another two scoring drives.
Bears at their 20; WATCH THE SCREEN. First down on dumpoffs to Langford and Bennett. With confusion in the secondary before the snap, Langford streaks around right end for 23. Hayes got dominated and sealed by Kyle Long (!), and neither McDonald nor Lamarcus Joyner, the confused DBs, were where they were supposed to be to make a play. Donald and Joyner stuff Langford near midfield to force a 3rd-and-long to start the 4th.
FOURTH QUARTER
THE BEARS PITCH LEFT TO LANKFORD ON THIRD AND TEN AND THE RAMS GIVE UP 12 YARDS. 3/4 of the d-line can't even get past the center to pursue. Laurinaitis gets picked off but good by Bennett. Fairley gets out there but gets punked to the ground like a little bitch by Vladimir Ducasse, who sent him flying 6-8 yards, and then picked off Joyner.
I am so sick of this team.
Carey bursts for 7 off a backup TE dominating Sims, down to the 23. Fairley does a Donald impression to blow up a Langford run. Blitz on 2nd-10, TruJo breaks up an attempted out pass to Wilson. Not under a lot of pressure, Cutler settles for a checkdown at the 19 anyway. Light pressure there by somebody wearing #94. Not sure I know that number. Chippie FG for Gould. 27-13
Huh, is Andrew Catalon a St. Louisan? He was sure dropping the Steamers trivia just now. Speaking of steaming things, here comes the Ram offense. They get called for a false start that looks like the same play that the Ram DEFENSE got called for last week. Beuerlein points out the Bears didn't cross the neutral zone. Still looks like an induced false start to me. Bubble screen to Austin off play-action for 4. Foles is hit late by a blitzer and overthrows a well-covered Quick near the far sideline. A stunt on the left side gets by Brown and Foles ends up scrambling and throwing a 4-yard pass to Kendricks.
And to turn this game into a complete clusterfuck, Hekker blows it on the fake punt. He had Marquez open off motion, pumped, and didn't throw, then went crossfield for Cody Davis but threw it poorly and too low for him to catch. Catalon proclaims the Bears were not fooled on the fake. No, that's a first down if Hekker makes the damn throw. McClellin was beaten, fooled by the action toward Marquez. Davis had a chance to run for a long way, given a decent throw. Tasker, the special teams guy, eventually straightens the other two out. Well drawn-up play and well-executed. Until the throw.
I am still so sick of this team.
Bears at the STL23. Barron stuffs a run, and on 3rd-8, TruJo thumps Jeffery on a quick slant to hold him to a couple. Hekker only gives up 3 with his lousy throw. 30-13
I still hate this team.
Ha, the Jamaican kid is in, except for Havenstein, who leaves with a calf injury. And, immediately, Foles gets sacked by THREE Bears. Blame useless Robinson first, who lost a hand fight to Lamarr Houston on the edge. Darrell Williams (the Jamaican) and Brown didn't handle a stunt properly at all on their side, so BOTH those guys piled onto Foles, too. That was at least the first sack they've given up. Skinny post to Marquez out of the slot for about 11 leaves 4th-and-6, which they're going for from their own 24. THEY RUN A GOD DAMN SQUARE IN TO QUICK THAT Porter breaks up anyway. IT WAS FOURTH AND SIX! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING, OR THROWING, A GOD DAMN THREE YARD ROUTE? Sure wasn't anything else open, I can say that.
Langford bursts for 12 or so down to the Ram 8 with no Rams getting off their blocks. Laurinaitis, Ayers, Hayes, all stoned at the line. I wish I was stoned right now. Donald gets Langford for a loss, and now here's Fisher adding to all our misery by starting to spend his timeouts. Langford scores EASILY from the 6 on 3rd-and-goal, cutting back a stretch handoff while Donald and Fairley get dominated up front and Laurinaitis can't even fight off a ONE-armed block of Matt Slauson. 37-13
Words cannot express how much I hate this team. I'm done here. Start your Ravens players in fantasy next week.
Cherry on top of the shit sundae. Foles gets picked off by Hall of Famer Young, who fools him by dropping back in coverage, a play I am hard-pressed to remember the Rams EVER fooling another team on. On the return, Jamon Brown gets his leg broken hideously enough that CBS won't replay the play. (Thank you.) Who the hell does that even put at guard now? I disappoint myself by having to go to the Rams online roster to remember Demetrious Rhaney. Much luck to you.
McLeod forces a late Carey fumble with a big hit, and Donald scoops it and returns it across midfield. Case Keenum enters the game about two quarters too late to usher this game to a deserving grave.
-$-
(Updated) For the Bears, Eddie Royal and Matt Forte are out. Royal's absence ought to affect their screen game, and Forte's a very big missing piece on offense. Not that the Bears couldn't handle those injuries in San Diego, though. Alshon Jeffery is active but had a hamstring issue during the practice week. Won't hurt the Rams any if that slows him down. (2nd update) I also see Pernell McPhee on the inactive list, their leading sacker. That's a break.
Don't forget today's game has gotten the bizarre shift to CBS, so it'll be on ch. 4 locally. Announce team will be Andrew Catalon, Steve Beuerlein and Steve Tasker. I like Tasker; remember when he was announcing the Ravens-49ers Super Bowl all by himself during the power outage? I know Catalon best for an ill-advised ethnic joke during March Madness a couple of years ago. Um, especially calling a Chicago game, you'd best be careful with that...
Today's referee: FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS YEAR, JEFF FREAKING TRIPLETTE. Seriously? In nine f*cking games, we get the worst damn referee in the NFL TWICE?
The prediction: Triplette-officiated games tend not to go well for the Rams. They need to strike quickly to win the crowd noise battle, but quick strikes haven't been their specialty lately. Bears to at least cover the 7-point spread.
FIRST QUARTER
Away we go. The Bears win the coin toss and take the wind. That's quite the lack of respect for the Ram offense, though not completely unearned. Nick Foles will lead the Rams from their 20. OMG THE ROLLOUT PASS TO THE TE WORKED!!!! LB Willie Young ignored Jared to chase play-action left, and Cook slipped out all alone in the right flat and up the sideline for 29. Play-action again, Foles hangs in well but overthrows a very-open Brian Quick. Play-action yet again, and Todd Gurley slips out of the backfield all alone, cruises about 20 yards, HURDLES Antrell Rolle at the 25 and dives down to the 20 with a 31-yard gain! Big-play Rams! The play-action froze LB Christian Jones and he didn't slide over to pick up Gurley. Gurley cuts back for another 98 off blocks by Tim Barnes and a nifty cut block by Rob Havenstein. Gurley inside for another 5 behind mauling down-blocking left, especially Jamon Brown. First and goal, oh God, Nick, COME ON. It looks like a rollout right for Tavon Austin, who's well covered, but Lance Kendricks is open from the snap, wide open in the back of the end zone, and I swear Foles sees that but still throws the ball a mile over everyone's head out of bounds. He saw it and pump-faked instead. It would have been a cross-body throw, but really? The Rams signed a QB to an extended contract who can't make that throw? Major opportunity lost if the Rams don't punch this in.
Gurley and the line bail Foles out with a 6-yard TD. Rams 7, Bears 0 Greg Robinson flattened his man and Garrett Reynolds plowed his guy to make the draw to Foles look pretty easy. The Rams needed that fast start with a home stadium full of Bears fans.
80 yards in less than 3:00 with the Bears coming in saying they were determined not to let Gurley beat them. You cannot start much better than that. Tip of the cap to Frank Cignetti for recognizing that and burying the Bears in play-action. Cody Davis dives and trips Marc Mariani at the 10 - dumb idea to return that - and Jay Cutler will start at his 14. Jeremy Langford tries to bounce a middle run outside but Akeem Ayers gets him for a loss of 1. Michael Brockers stuffed up the middle to give the impatient rookie nowhere to go.
And, so much for that. The Rams INEXCUSABLY give up an 87-yard TD to someone named Zack Miller on a simple god damn flare route. Gregg Williams got caught blitzing. Ayers got on skates and slipped on Miller's cut back inside. Alshon Jeffery got a key block on Janoris Jenkins to spring him. Rodney McLeod also slipped and missed the tackle badly - what the HELL is with all the slipping out there? - Trumaine Johnson loafed getting there, expecting a tackle, and got surprised when Miller took off. He caught up with him at the Ram 40 but Miller felt him coming and cut away. TruJo couldn't grab him. Bye-bye!
Congratulations to the Rams for following their best start on offense this season with their shittiest single play all season. Clowns. 7-7
Starting over, then. Rams at their 20. Play-action drag to Austin gets only 1. We can quit trying that play already. Gurley gets stuffed for 1 after no one blocks Shea McClellin. No idea wtf Kendricks is doing back there if he's not going to lead Gurley into the hole. Foles hits Bradley Marquez on a 7-yard, 9-inch out route on 3rd-and-8. He ran the right route; Foles' throw made him come back a tick. The first official marks it short, but, viva Jeff Triplette, the ball's at the 30 by the time the refs put it in the middle of a field for a first down. No challenge by John Fox. Kendricks, Brown and Havenstein get Gurley a pretty big hole for 5. Bounce that outside and it hits big. Gurley stopped for 1 on 2nd down. Havenstein and Brown got pushed backwards and Kendricks couldn't clear the charging McClellin out of the hole. 3rd-4 brings in Wes Welker. He's open on a little dig route out of the slot but Foles well overthrew him. From everyone's reaction, Foles was expecting Welker to take that upfield instead of sitting down.
Just a 42-yard punt by Hekker, but Mariani continues an idiotic day by trying to field it and getting crunched by Marquez after the catch, and there should be no way that is not Mo Alexander's ball. It came right to him and he caught it. Yes, Mo comes out of the scrum. Turnover!
Rams at the CHI17. A nifty true reverse, Foles to Gurley to Austin, goes for a TD but is called back for a hold on Greg Robinson, who leads the league in holding penalties. Yeah, he held Young, for probably a millisecond. If eagle eyes Triplette is going to call that, we should be here all day. Back to the 27 we go. Now they end-around right to Austin off play-action. He beats Sam Acho around the corner and Kendricks leads him out for 12. Cignetti is emptying the playbook today. Overpursuit leaves the left side wide open for Gurley but Young saves a big play with a diving tackle. 3rd-and-7 at the 14. I don't know if Foles is underthrowing these or what, but Foles runs a 7-yard out and then comes back a yard for the catch to leave 4th-and-1. Maybe the Rams should start running these a yard PAST the marker? The Rams settle for 3 from Zuerlein instead. Steve Beuerlein explains Foles actually overthrew that toward the sideline and Welker had to sell out to get to it. Rams 10, Bears 7
Now let's maybe try to NOT give up a 90-yard TD. Davis and Chase Reynolds bury Mariani at the 12 as shorter kicks by Zuerlein are paying off so far. Langford pushes for 5 while Aaron Donald gets held by more than Robinson held earlier to cost the Rams four points. Call it, Eagle Eyes. Lots of time for Cutler to dump off to Langford, who beats James Laurinaitis for a 1st. Langford FALSE STARTS RIGHT IN FRONT OF FUCKING TRIPLETTE AND NO CALL, but Eugene Sims stays with the play and beats his block to stuff Langford for 1. Which reminds me, Robert Quinn did not start and I doubt he's been on the field yet. Good rush but Cutler hangs tough and hits Jeffery hitching in front of Jenkins for 11. Nick Fairley beats his man and trips Langford up for 1. Cutler rolls left and hits Miller, WHO PUSHED OFF McDonald to get open, for 7. CMON EAGLE EYES. 3rd-2 at the 42. Chicago's throwing, Laurinaitis gets close enough on the blitz to make Cutler change his arm angle and he overthrows Langford's out route. 4th down, Austin fair-catches the punt at the Ram 16.
Foles audibles to a handoff to Tre Mason, and that goes completely to shit when Mason fumbles trying to get extra yards. McClellin on top of it for the Bears at the 19.
The Rams are completely in find-ways-to-lose mode again.
McClellin got the strip and the fumble. Langford runs into Sims for a couple with Brockers again stacking up the line well. 4-man rush gets to Cutler late, and Cutler does his common chuck-it-up-for-Jeffery throw, which Jenkins undercuts to break up the pass with a near INT. 3rd-8. 3-man rush does not get there, Cutler scrambles, pulls up with plenty of running room and fires incomplete for Marquess Wilson in the end zone, covered by TruJo. Cutler was very close to crossing the LOS but I think he was just barely ok, with his back foot. Beuerlein disagrees with me and Triplette. Whoa, I'm on the wrong end of that argument. Robby Gould ties the game. 10-10
If every quarter is this eventful, the regular RamView recap won't be out till Thanksgiving. In Canada. Benny Cunningham is apparently under orders to fair catch everything today, Rams at their 20. Austin gets 10 off a pitchback counter, but it comes back for a blindside block on Jamon Brown. I didn't even know that was a penalty. I get how it might be a safety issue, but it's not like Brown lit up the guy. Great field position for the Rams to start the 2nd, 1st-20 from their 10.
SECOND QUARTER
Gurley runs into two Bears for 2. One of them shed Brown; the other tossed Barnes to the ground. 2nd down, Brown completely misses his assignment on a delayed ILB blitz, and Foles' Jeff Georgian run of awful passes under pressure continues as he chucks a ridiculous lob that misses a wide-open Marquez by a mile. I get it, Foles is under pressure on these throws. I also firmly believe half the QBs in the league at least would make these throws. No idea why, but the Rams call timeout before 3rd-and-18. What, to set up the inevitable draw play? Here's the awesome play they called timeout for: THREE Bears beat the Rams line on a 4-man rush and flush Foles into yet another wild throwaway. Brown lost a hand fight badly to give up inside pressure. Reynolds and Robinson gave up big inside pressure, with Robinson also getting beaten by a delayed stunt. Hekker blasts a 58-yard moonshot and the Rams hold Mariani to 3 despite Marcus Roberson getting blocked from behind. How 'bout that one, Eagle Eyes? No.
Bears at their 33. Cutler gets all day to throw an 8-yard slant to Martellus Bennett. 11 more to Jeffery on a smoke route. Kadeem Carey up the middle for 8 as Brockers got blasted out of the way. Jenkins gets off an outside block nicely and trips up Wilson on a smoke route short of the 1st. 3rd-inches. Hey, the CBS guys are not only on Lamarcus Joyner's side regarding the hit on Teddy Bridgewater last week, they say Teddy slid too late. Langford plunges but is held short by a hard hit by Ayers and I believe Will Hayes. The Bears go for it on 4th down, and with McDonald sucked in by play-action, the rollout pass to Langford works to perfection for 11. Sims fires in way too hard as the d-line gets walled off at LT to release Carey for 5. Miller's very open in the flat on a play-action rollout left; Jenkins trips him up a yard short. Not clutch D here as Carey cracks off another 6. Hayes was lined up inside, got double-teamed, and Gregg Williams had no one lined up at LDE. Gee. Guess where Carey went. Bears at the Ram 12. Chicago has to spend a TO to avoid a delay of game. Langford weaves for 3 on a draw. Cutler steps up from a 3-man rush and hits Langford at the 5. 3rd-2. Nick Fairley appears to save a TD by pressuring Cutler into a throwaway, but after the throw, Mark Barron makes his first play today one to forget by hitting Cutler helmet-first. That's a penalty all day long; naturally, Eagle Eyes does not miss this one. First-and-goal Bears at the freaking 3. No, somehow from the 5-yard line, half the distance = the 2.
Play-action, Daren Bates bites, and it's a TD to future f*cking Hall of Fame TE Zack Miller to put the Bears ahead. Bears 17, Rams 10
This is easily the Rams' most frustrating game of the season so far. They're killing themselves with find-a-way-to-lose stupidity against a team they should be beating like a pinata. Penalties and turnovers.
Cutler threw that TD pass back-pedaling with a Ram right in his face. Foles would have chucked the same throw 12 rows deep into the stands. Among other intolerable issues today, our QB is getting out-gutted by Jay Cutler.
Rams again at their 20 with 6:56 till halftime. Tracy Porter breaks up a pass for Kenny Britt. Porter breaks up an out route for Austin, and FUCKING ROBINSON WAS CALLED FOR FUCKING HOLDING ANYWAY. The guy was falling down on his own, why the hell are you yanking him down by his jersey? This is a technique issue for Robinson going back to his rookie season. Screen to Gurley picks up 11. Foles gets time on 3rd-9 and fires for Britt, who has to go down for it and lets it into his body and through his hands. Hekker pops it for 53, and a penalty by Chicago after the play will set them back. That was the Bears' FIRST penalty. I forgot to count the Rams' this week; I'm thinking eight.
Bears at their 14. Sims tackles Langford on an inside handoff for 3.
It is at this point that I am officially done with this god damn season. Gregg Williams brings 6. Cutler hits a simple screen pass to Langford. AND HE'S FUCKING GONE. 83 YARD FUCKING TOUCHDOWN. TruJo flattened out front by a nicely-done cut block at the 20. Jenkins pinned uselessly on the sideline by Jeffery at the 30. McLeod blocked downfield by Wilson for a good ten yards, then Langford embarrasses the shit out of him by faking him inside out and taking off untouched 50 yards down the middle of the field.
The Rams couldn't have shown up shittier this week if they were trying to throw the damn game. Screw this god damn team. Bears 24, Rams 10
I've had it. Gregg Williams is getting played like a fiddle by Marc Freaking Trestman. (NO, Adam Freaking Gase. Trestman is NEXT week in Baltimore.) The Rams are shooting themselves in the foot with so many penalties that Jeff Fisher HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING ABOUT HIS ENTIRE TIME HERE that they have no leg left below their knees. This is not now, never was, and NEVER WILL BE a team built not even to win, but to even god damn play well, on a consistent basis. Screw this god damn team.
Still 5:00 to go. Sweep right to Austin for 3. Rams go no-huddle; Foles dumps to Gurley for 2 under heavy pressure. 3rd-5, just man coverage all over the field, no one remotely open and Foles fires a bad pass in Welker's direction. Well, Wes was the most open WR, but it's not like he was. Rams don't even hold the ball a god damn minute and a half without punting again. The only Rams who's shown up this week is Hekker, who hits it about 60, returned to the 20.
Good pressure by Hayes forces a quick pass; even better, Fairley drew an obvious hold. Make it 1st-19 from the 9. Carey left for 5. Donald nearly blows up a draw play but Carey escapes his grasp for another 6. MAYBE WATCH OUT FOR THE FUCKING SCREEN OR THE FUCKING PASS IN THE FLAT. Ha, they finally did. McLeod faked a blitz and floated out to take away Cutler's screen option. By the time he got off a play-fake to Langford, Cutler was already getting buried by unblocked Donald and Hayes. Austin brilliantly loses FIVE trying to sweep left with the punt return.
1:48, Rams at their 34. Will they cross the 40? Will they hold the ball more than 15 seconds? First, Austin limps off with a foot or ankle injury. Foles gets a lot of time on 1st but can only dump off to Cook, who can't get out of bounds, for a few. About a 3-yard pass to Britt. First down, but they're not getting a lot done. Foles floats another sideline pass too high, for Brian Quick this time. Could we maybe start calling some routes Foles CAN ACTUALLY THROW? Plenty of time again, but Marquez is blanketed. While that falls incomplete, FOLES IS HIT HELMET-FIRST BY YOUNG WITH NO CALL. Austin returns, but on 3rd-10, it's ANOTHER SIDELINE ROUTE, and Foles fires a fastball that Kendricks lets leak through his breadbasket incomplete. I have so had it with this whole fucking team.
The Rams are 1-FOR-SEVEN on 3rd down. 3 for their last 23. Obviously exhausted, Hekker shanks the punt but gets a lucky roll. Bears still have 0:42. They help the Rams out big-time by taking a knee instead of throwing a screen pass for an 86-yard TD.
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
GET.
YOUR.
HEADS.
OUT.
OF.
YOUR.
ASSES!!!!
It's time to declare a national emergency at Rams Park. I'm pulling Foles for at least a series and letting Case Keenum try to run some no-huddle. Foles has been beyond useless, with Beuerlein pointing out almost all of his sideline throws are coming out late. The Rams are not going to get anything open downfield without keeping Gurley involved. His disappearance and Chicago's 2nd-quarter run are not coincidences. Gurley HAS to stay involved to set up play-action. And how about calling some damn routes over the middle of the damn field? The Bears have shut down the sideline.
What did last week's RamView say Gregg Williams had to stop last week? The inside handoff and the fucking quick screen. The Bears are mixing up their plays well, but Williams hasn't stopped either of those, and has gotten caught blitzing to give up two 80-plus-yard TDs. It's quite a contest for most useless Ram today; Williams is neck-and-neck with the leaders. Maybe he'll stop blitzing himself out of Chicago's favorite play in the 2nd half.
THIRD QUARTER
Just when you thought Ronda Rousey's coach did the worst coaching job of the weekend, the Rams show up. Touchback, then Ayers and Hayes start the half strong by stuffing a run. False start by Chicago NOT CALLED, but it's OK; Aaron Donald Aaron Donalds a draw play attempt for a loss. The man is insanely quick around the center. 3rd-10, WATCH THE SCREEN! No, Cutler has to rush a circle route that Langford doesn't know is coming. 3-and-out! Pressure by Donald again. Williams got a brain and did not blitz there. Austin returns the punt 9 to the STL45.
66 yards in 24 plays since the opening TD drive. Good, there's Gurley, left for 3 off a strong Robinson block. AND NO HOLDING! Kendricks is HELD on the dreaded rollout pass; Foles tries to chuck deep for Cook and it's out of bounds. Beuerlein says Cook was open a lot earlier and Foles missed him. 3rd down, great blitz pickup by Benny and a first down to Austin?................. No, it's HOLDING ON ROBINSON, which I would complain about more profanely if I could see it. Looks like Young, who is a BACKUP, btw, faked his ass out and he grabbed the middle of his shirt on the way by and turned him. The Rams don't have a credible move to make at tackle here. They need to bench Robinson's butt and they can't. But somehow I doubt the kid from Jamaica could be any worse, if he's even active today. Triplette has missed some highly visible infractions today to be seeing all these quickie holds by Robinson, btw. Foles hits Welker wide open over the middle for 15, but thanks to Robinson, that's still well short, and send in Hekker. Maybe he can pin the Bears inside the 10 and the Rams can give up a 90-yard TD today, too.
Decent kick starts the Bears at their 9. Quick out to Miller vs. Barron for 7. One of the most embarrassing defensive performances in St. Louis in many years rages on as CUTLER takes off for at least 25 on a keeper. Trestman (GASE) caught the Rams completely asleep with a read option and Sims chomped hard on the play fake. Carey rips off another 9 as Brockers and Laurinaitis get blocked out of the play without much of a fight, and it's time to start wondering if this team has quit. Another inside handoff to Carey gets the 1st down. Bears at the STL47. Screen to Langford, but the Rams were NOT blitzing and Brockers and Barron blew it up for a loss. 4-man rush flushes Cutler; Barron holds Langford to a short gain to set up 3rd-9. WATCH THE SCREEN! Jeffery false-starts to make 3rd-14. WATCH! THE! SCREEN! Ha, the Rams get Cutler with a 3-man rush. Donald joins Hekker as the only Rams to show up this week, beating the center again and sneaking behind the LG for the Rams' second sack.
Another 10-yard return by Austin starts the Rams at their 17. Gurley led out well by Havenstein and Brown for 9 off RT. Foles tries a weird back-shoulder bomb for Quick deep down the middle that Rolle breaks up. Beuerlein's basically, what the hell is Foles doing, at this point. Me too. KENDRICKS FALSE START ON 3rd AND 1. 14 TO WELKER, on a drag route out of trips with pick help. Gurley dodges a couple of tackles and has to fight just to get 1. Brown couldn't get to his man off the snap and Kendricks didn't really move his man on the edge. Gurley up the middle for 4; good chip by Kendricks on Acho. 3rd-5, Foles fires a fastball too high for Quick on a quick slant, but Brian makes an impressive full-extension grab on the run and takes off through the secondary for 36. Hey, Frank Cignetti has discovered pass routes that use the middle of the field!!! Flip to Austin, who breaks a tackle for 3. Rams at the CHI20. Foles throws a wobbler WELL over Quick's head at the goal line. The passing game looks so awful now it's hard to guess if these are bad throws or bad routes. Let's say both. 3rd-7. Foles hits Austin for what should have been a first down, but he bobbled the ball trying to put it away and lost it on Bryce Callahan's hit for yet ANOTHER DROPPED PASS. Fisher OF COURSE settles for 3. 24-13 'Cause the Rams are so likely to put together another two scoring drives.
Bears at their 20; WATCH THE SCREEN. First down on dumpoffs to Langford and Bennett. With confusion in the secondary before the snap, Langford streaks around right end for 23. Hayes got dominated and sealed by Kyle Long (!), and neither McDonald nor Lamarcus Joyner, the confused DBs, were where they were supposed to be to make a play. Donald and Joyner stuff Langford near midfield to force a 3rd-and-long to start the 4th.
FOURTH QUARTER
THE BEARS PITCH LEFT TO LANKFORD ON THIRD AND TEN AND THE RAMS GIVE UP 12 YARDS. 3/4 of the d-line can't even get past the center to pursue. Laurinaitis gets picked off but good by Bennett. Fairley gets out there but gets punked to the ground like a little bitch by Vladimir Ducasse, who sent him flying 6-8 yards, and then picked off Joyner.
I am so sick of this team.
Carey bursts for 7 off a backup TE dominating Sims, down to the 23. Fairley does a Donald impression to blow up a Langford run. Blitz on 2nd-10, TruJo breaks up an attempted out pass to Wilson. Not under a lot of pressure, Cutler settles for a checkdown at the 19 anyway. Light pressure there by somebody wearing #94. Not sure I know that number. Chippie FG for Gould. 27-13
Huh, is Andrew Catalon a St. Louisan? He was sure dropping the Steamers trivia just now. Speaking of steaming things, here comes the Ram offense. They get called for a false start that looks like the same play that the Ram DEFENSE got called for last week. Beuerlein points out the Bears didn't cross the neutral zone. Still looks like an induced false start to me. Bubble screen to Austin off play-action for 4. Foles is hit late by a blitzer and overthrows a well-covered Quick near the far sideline. A stunt on the left side gets by Brown and Foles ends up scrambling and throwing a 4-yard pass to Kendricks.
And to turn this game into a complete clusterfuck, Hekker blows it on the fake punt. He had Marquez open off motion, pumped, and didn't throw, then went crossfield for Cody Davis but threw it poorly and too low for him to catch. Catalon proclaims the Bears were not fooled on the fake. No, that's a first down if Hekker makes the damn throw. McClellin was beaten, fooled by the action toward Marquez. Davis had a chance to run for a long way, given a decent throw. Tasker, the special teams guy, eventually straightens the other two out. Well drawn-up play and well-executed. Until the throw.
I am still so sick of this team.
Bears at the STL23. Barron stuffs a run, and on 3rd-8, TruJo thumps Jeffery on a quick slant to hold him to a couple. Hekker only gives up 3 with his lousy throw. 30-13
I still hate this team.
Ha, the Jamaican kid is in, except for Havenstein, who leaves with a calf injury. And, immediately, Foles gets sacked by THREE Bears. Blame useless Robinson first, who lost a hand fight to Lamarr Houston on the edge. Darrell Williams (the Jamaican) and Brown didn't handle a stunt properly at all on their side, so BOTH those guys piled onto Foles, too. That was at least the first sack they've given up. Skinny post to Marquez out of the slot for about 11 leaves 4th-and-6, which they're going for from their own 24. THEY RUN A GOD DAMN SQUARE IN TO QUICK THAT Porter breaks up anyway. IT WAS FOURTH AND SIX! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING, OR THROWING, A GOD DAMN THREE YARD ROUTE? Sure wasn't anything else open, I can say that.
Langford bursts for 12 or so down to the Ram 8 with no Rams getting off their blocks. Laurinaitis, Ayers, Hayes, all stoned at the line. I wish I was stoned right now. Donald gets Langford for a loss, and now here's Fisher adding to all our misery by starting to spend his timeouts. Langford scores EASILY from the 6 on 3rd-and-goal, cutting back a stretch handoff while Donald and Fairley get dominated up front and Laurinaitis can't even fight off a ONE-armed block of Matt Slauson. 37-13
Words cannot express how much I hate this team. I'm done here. Start your Ravens players in fantasy next week.
Cherry on top of the shit sundae. Foles gets picked off by Hall of Famer Young, who fools him by dropping back in coverage, a play I am hard-pressed to remember the Rams EVER fooling another team on. On the return, Jamon Brown gets his leg broken hideously enough that CBS won't replay the play. (Thank you.) Who the hell does that even put at guard now? I disappoint myself by having to go to the Rams online roster to remember Demetrious Rhaney. Much luck to you.
McLeod forces a late Carey fumble with a big hit, and Donald scoops it and returns it across midfield. Case Keenum enters the game about two quarters too late to usher this game to a deserving grave.
-$-
Sunday, November 8, 2015
RamView game blog: Vikings 21, Rams 18 (OT)
(Updated) The 4-3 Rams will face the 5-2 Vikings today in a game with playoff implications that could be affected a lot by injury implications. Robert Quinn, T.J. McDonald and Rob Havenstein are all inactive. Eugene Sims will start for Quinn. Maurice Alexander replaces McDonald. Garrett Reynolds will kick out to RT to replace Havenstein; rookie Andrew Donnal will start at RG. Hoo boy. Sharrif Floyd and Eric Kendricks out for the Vikings on defense; this will be a war of attrition today.
The prediction: Todd Gurley will be difficult for the depleted Vikings to stop. Adrian Peterson will be harder for the similarly-depleted Rams to stop. Vikings 24-13
Today's referee: Ron Torbert. Rookie head referee last year, called two Rams road division losses, wasn't very good in either one.
Today's broadcasters: Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis for Fox.
KICKOFF AT HIGH NOON
Vikings win the toss and defer. Touchback starts Rams at their 20. Foles gets FOREVER to throw off double-play action, finds nothing and fires a sloppy, dangerous pass to Tavon Austin at the 20 that luckily hits the ground instead of a Viking defender. Charles Davis points out Foles had Kenny Britt streaking open deep. So why didn't he throw it? He had plenty of time for it. 1 for Gurley up the middle; no one blocked Anthony Barr. We're off to a typical Rams offensive start. 3rd-9. Foles has to rush a throwwith Garrett Reynolds getting beaten on the edge late; Austin is open for a 5-yard out but Foles fires it into the ground nowhere close. Johnny Hekker's punt is absolute crap, 25 yards, didn't even get the ball out of Rams territory!
The Rams are off to yet another amazingly shitty start. Play action rollout from Teddy Bridgewater to Rhett Ellison for 5. Brennaman says the Rams left Stefon Diggs wide open deep. It takes TWO snaps for the Rams to jump offsides. PENALTY #1 1st down Minn at the STL36. Ron Torbert took his sweet time making that call. Aaron Donald and Eugene Sims collapse AP's middle running lane; he has to bounce outside right for no gain. Teddy scrambles out of trouble and goes deep for Mike Wallace, who beat Mo Alexander by at least a step, but overthrew him. 3rd-10. 4-man rush doesn't get there, Teddy stands tall and drills one to Jarius Wright between Lamarcus Joyner and James Laurinaitis for 12. That's good coverage; the Rams have to take advantage of Teddy's risk-taking ways today. Ethan Westbrooks badly overshoots the 1st down handoff; AP follows G Mike Harris through the hole for 7 to the STL17. Teddy audibles to a handoff, but Laurinaitis fills the gap perfectly and flushes AP outside for a yard. Akeem Ayers tackle. 3rd-2. Vikings bizarrely go shotgun; AP does not appear to be on the field. Trumaine Johnson expertly jams Charles Johnson's slant route. Not only does Charles not get there, TruJo nearly picks it off. Blair Walsh puts the Vikings ahead. Vikings 3, Rams 0
The Ram offense needs to get their damn heads out of their damn asses. They start at their 20 again. Will they cross the 22? Foles drops the snap but still gets the handoff to Gurley, who goes off RT for 10. Good blocks by Reynolds and Corey Harkey among others. Foles has to throw a swing pass for Gurley high to get it over a blitzer and it's incomplete. Play-action to Gurley, and Brian Quick is open on an out route, but Foles misses him by 10 feet. Brian Robison was coming at him, but that throw shouldn't have been THAT far off. Foles' wheels aren't coming off; I think he drove to the stadium with four flats. 3rd-10, Barr shuts off the dumpoff to Gurley for 4. NICE tackle by Stedman Bailey holds Marcus Sherels to zip on the punt return. 49 net for Hekker that time.
I've spent most of the season blaming the Ram receivers for the anemic passing game, but Foles has CLEARLY been the problem so far this week. He's missing open receivers and spraying passes all over the place.
Vikings at their 20. Jenkins opens the drive with PENALTY #2 a DPI on Stefon Diggs. Held him all the way through a quick slant. Then PENALTY #3 A BULLSHIT offsides call on Brockers, who got back well before the Viking lineman reacted, but the idiot referees still claim he "made" the Viking player jump. BULL. SHIT. This is a stupid rule that needs to be reviewed. The D should have a chance to get back onside. AP false starts to even things out. 1st-10 at the 28. AP takes a draw left for 6, with Sims, Mark Barron and Brockers all failing to get off blocks. Soft zone does not go well when your DB stumbles, and CharJo beats a stumbling Jenkins for 25 to the Ram 41. I doubt Gregg Williams should wait much longer to start bringing more serious heat. Pretty simple cut by CharJo had Jenkins lurching drunkenly around. Rollout pass right to AP for 8, off a fake jet sweep to Cordarrelle Patterson, who disappeared off the face of the earth after scorching the Rams on that play last opening day. ANOTHER rollout pass right - you know, the play the Rams have NEVER run successfully, AGAIN beats the Rams D. Kyle Rudolph for 13. The whole Ram D bit on play action, Rudolph dragged and Barron was way late getting to him. Bridgewater hard-counts Nick Fairley offside PENALTY #4 offside by a mile, and the Rams are as composed right now as Bill Clinton at a cheerleader cosplay convention. From the 12, ANOTHER rollout pass right, to St. Louisan Mycole Pruitt down to the 5. Um, Gregg Williams, any thoughts? Nope. EASY TD, PETERSON sweeping right. Barron can't get there, and Harris pulls again and pancakes I believe Alexander. It's hard to tell because he's just a stain on the field after that. 10-0 Vikings
This game looks every bit the blowout right now. The Rams are doing NOTHING (except jumping offside) on either side of the ball.
Here's something new, the Rams starting at their 20. And now the 19 after Gurley loses a yard. Austin didn't even get in the safety's way and he shot the gap. I wonder if Gurley should have taken that right instead of left, though. Swing pass right to Gurley for about 5. AND HOLY COW A THIRD DOWN CONVERSION on a comeback route to Austin, who was split wide left, for 10. Good protection, good throw by Foles. 3rd-6, they were 7 yards off him. Throw that all day, please. Brilliant Torberg next tries to call Donnal for a false start on what's a legal maneuver for a guard pre-snap. At least he reversed the call. Gurley sweeps right for 3. Brian Schottenheimer returns to the booth and calls a handoff up the middle for Austin for 2. 3rd-5. Cignetti kicks out Schotty and tries the first play of the game again, a bomb for Britt off double-play-action, and Britt makes an EXCELLENT catch with Terence Newman smacking him in the helmet prior to the ball arriving. The ball goes through his arms but he pins it to his hip for a 54-yard gain to the Viking 6. The Rams have to use a timeout because Foles' headset stopped working. THE VIKINGS JUMP OFFSIDE WITH NO CALL, but Gurley plows down to the 1 off a Kendricks block and behind the mauling company of Tim Barnes and Jamon Brown. 2nd-goal, Gurley IS IN for the TD. He hurdled Cory Harkey's block, stuck the ball out dangerously and got slammed in midair, but bounced back and basically got shoved in by Brown, with Barnes also escorting him in.
The wind is apparently so much in Jeff Fisher's and our kicking team's heads that the Rams actually go for two after the TD, and fail miserably, with Gurley getting stuck by two Vikings at the 2. Is there a f*cking sharknado blowing in Minnesota today that the Rams aren't even trying god damn PATs? Donnal was on the ground for the 2nd straight play there, I'm sure he was supposed to be pull-blocking there. Vikings 10, Rams 6
The sharknado has apparently taken a full FIFTEEN YARDS off Greg Zuerlein's kickoffs; Patterson takes it at the 5. Good coverage by Cameron Lynch stops him at the 21. Good rush by Westbrooks flushes Teddy to dump off to Jerrick McKinnon for a couple. Quick out to Diggs defended well by Jenkins for a short gain to end the quarter.
SECOND QUARTER
FOX IS LATE coming back from commercial as Joyner draws PENALTY #5 DPI trying to breakup a quick pass to Wallace on a pivot route out of trips. 1st-10 at the 31. Donald's quick burst forces AP outside and AP lets Jenkins put him down with a no-wrap shoulder tackle for a loss. Matt Longacre (!) also there on the stop. Teddy gets forever off play-action and eventually slides for 5. That was Longacre (!) flushing him with an inside move on Matt Kalil. The Rams blitz on 3rd-4 out of an amoeba-look and Teddy overthrows Wright deep, with Davis and Brennaman calling Joyner for holding in the first 5 yards. Not Torbert, though, so send in the punt team. Austin brings the punt back 11 to set the Rams up nicely at their 35.
The sharknado is currently at the Rams' back, and that last Viking punt was a little short. Tre Mason carries the ball like a loaf of bread and cuts back for 2. Foles barely beats a safety blitz and lobs a back-shoulder throw to Britt, who wasn't expecting that kind of throw but neatly pirouettes at the sideline with a 22-yard catch. Brennaman somehow knows Foles is having headset problems again; the next play barely gets off, and Mason gets buried for a loss on a bubble screen. I swear this team is UNABLE to put together a decent play after any gain over 15 yards. 2nd-14. Mason gets 1 on a draw after Linval Joseph sheds Barnes. Foles beats a blitz and targets Jared Cook for the first time today down the right seam. Captain Munnerlyn hits Cook early and the ball's off Cook's hand. What a terrible place to hit a receiver, in one of his hands! Admittedly, though, Cook's plea for a penalty was valid, since he couldn't get his other arm up. And now... here's Zuerlein to try a 61-yard kick, because those have gone so well this year. What the f*ck is this? We'll try this but are too chicken-shit to even try a PAT on the other end?
...
...
Go go go go go go go.
We're all going to win with the sharknado.
FG bombs will flow, flow, flow.
Legatron and the sharknado.
Zuerlein drills it from 61, right down the heart of the uprights. It would have been good from 70. That's a team record! Vikings 10, Rams 9
Zuerlein then gets away with shanking a bouncing kickoff that Patterson has to kneel with anyway. So much for momentum, as Barron tries to run around one side of a double-team on Brockers but AP busts through the other side for 12. 2 more for AP; diving stop by Fairley. AP for another couple; Brockers stopped that by knocking the center down in the hole. 3rd-6. The Rams fake a big blitz over RT, only bringing 1 of 3, coaxing an early throw out of Teddy; Wallace is open for a quick out, but the throw isn't quite there. Neither was Wallace's route-running or effort. He dogged that. Dangerous return attempt by Austin, brought down immediately at the Ram 26.
Stupid handoff to Austin loses 1, with Joseph beating Donnal badly. If Austin is not on the move, he should not be getting the ball, OK? Bubble screen to Stedman Bailey for about 4, and Munnerlyn facemasks him for another 15. Put the Rams at their 43. Gurley off RT for a couple; Kenrick Ellis blew up Barnes or that might have been something. Gurley bobs and weaves and plunges for 6 off a fake Austin end-around. Good block upfield by Harkey. 3rd-2. AUSTIN DOES NOT GET THERE on a bubble screen. He bobbled the catch, which let Barr get there to stop him short. Roughly a 64-yarder if Fisher wants to try it. 4th-and-6-inches, Fisher goes for it instead. Tony Siragusa argues for trying to pin the Vikings with a punt. The Rams distract the Vikings by putting Austin in motion and Foles sneaks across for the 1st. Nice. Play-action, Foles pulls down a bomb attempt and hits Gurley on a wheel route up the sideline for 10. Too bad that throw was lofted high and behind him, he had room to run. Fox also shows Brian Quick screamingly open on a deep cross. No idea why Foles didn't throw that. He meant to. The Rams pull out a play I haven't seen since training camp for another 11. Fake handoff, Austin comes on an end-around and takes a backward pass. Wide open. Rams now at the MIN23. Gurley left for 1, stopped by Barr. Gurley up the middle for 5 more, bent awkwardly backward by Chad Greenway. 3rd-4. Nothing to like about the next play, a stupid 4-yard arrow route by Cook. Foles underthrows it, the Viking defender jumps it, incomplete. Play never had much of a chance. Zuerlein puts the Rams ahead from 35. Rams 12, Vikings 10
The sharknado now makes Zuerlein kick off with Rodney McLeod holding, and it's another crappy kick, fielded by Patterson at the 1, but here's Lynch again to shut him down at the 20. With the offensive line lined up clearly illegally - I've seen flocks of geese keep straighter lines - AP takes off for 15, off a Donald double-team and Barron whiffing in the hole. AP up the middle for 2 more, grabbed by Hayes and Donald. 4-man rush flushes Teddy - I guess I'll give the credit to Donald but I think Teddy panicked - and he fires a ball at wide-open Wallace's feet incomplete. The Rams get away with a 3rd-and-long blitz when McLeod shuts down Wallace on a drag route for a short gain. Vikings will punt at the 2:00 warning.
Vikings down the punt at the Ram 15. End-around right to Austin for 13 behind a sweet block by Lance Kendricks. Sweep to Gurley goes nowhere, though, with Griffen getting away from Kendricks and Greg Robinson. TO#1 Minnesota. Thanks for stopping the clock. Austin motions left, then doubles back for another end-around, cuts it inside, breaks a tackle at the 40 and gains 22 out to midfield. TO#2 Rams. Play-action to Gurley, fake end-around to Quick (!), and Kendricks is open over the middle for 20. Foles clocks it at 0:53. Frank Cignetti is running circles around Mike Zimmer right now. Actually, he's faking circles and running squares around him. Xavier Rhodes breaks up an ill-advised TD bomb for Britt. Too well-covered; Foles should know not to throw that. 3rd-10 at the MIN30, bubble screen to Bradley Marquez (!) (?) only gets 3. The Rams bleed the clock to :03 and bring Zuerlein in for a 45-yarder. He hits it. Halftime score: Rams 15, Vikings 10
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
The Rams have done it again, fighting through a lousy start to actually take control of the game by halftime. The Vikings have shut down Gurley but the Rams have adjusted with all the misdirection to Austin. I'm not looking for a lot of change in the 2nd half. Stick with the power running game. The short passing game should open up with Minnesota concerned about Austin. They did not blitz much in the 1st half, so the Rams will get some shots at beating those with big plays.
Gregg Williams didn't blitz much in the 1st half, either; I expect him to turn that dial up and get Bridgewater in trouble with it. He hasn't been accurate or read the field very well today.
I'm curious to see if the Vikings defer after the half to take the wind in the 4th quarter. The Minnesota sharknado has been a big factor so far.
THIRD QUARTER
Nope, Minnesota takes the ball - sharknado will be behind them in the 3rd - and Patterson shoots up the sideline with ANOTHER crappy Zuerlein kickoff all the way to the 47. Good blocking sealed off Barron and Cody Davis and Marquez missed a diving tackle.
Play-action flare to Rudolph nets 14 after a Jenkins whiff. Play-action bomb next for Diggs in the end zone, but TruJo outwrestles him for the ball. They announce a flag has been thrown; I have no idea where it is. Is this an interception? After a long conference, Torbert calls DPI on TruJo, but it's barely out before he gets a tap on the shoulder from another official. Back to the staff meeting. In a much shorter amount of time, Charles Davis makes a strong case for a no-call. It's a ball they both have a right to. I thought TruJo grabbed Diggs' jersey before the ball arrived, but if you're not calling that, there's nothing about his catch that's pass interference at all. Ha! Torbert reverses the call to offensive pass interference. But then says first down Minnesota? No! It's an interception! Now he gets that right, Rams ball, super play, Trumaine Johnson.
After all that, Rams ball at their 20. Gurley loses 2 up the middle with Kendricks and Barnes getting beaten badly. Another flying start on offense. Play action on 2nd-12, no one picks up Andrew Sendejo's safety blitz until Harkey makes a diving block, but Barnes gets whipped by Joseph anyway to get Foles flattened for the first sack of the game for either team. 3rd-20. Somebody said Minnesota was going to bring more blitzing in the 2nd half... Foles hits Bailey at the 20 to send Hekker out into the DREADED WIND. Super punt by Hekker, though, he kept it low and lined it 52 yards. And never mind, PENALTY #6 on Jake McQuaide for holding will force Hekker to kick from his goal line, and replay showed him taking a real wallop on the previous play. Hekker gets a BIG bounce for a 57-yard punt, though, with a short return by Sherels to the 40. Two very big kicks by Hekker there.
AP churns out 4 through a hole Donald and Westbrooks originally closed. Jenkins continues to not be sharp, beaten by Diggs' out-and-up move for 35. Put those Hawaii tickets on hold. AP cuts a pitch back inside for 13 - that's his move! Be ready for it! - with Brockers blocked aside and Donald way overpursuing. They're at the Ram 14. McLeod temporarily saved a TD with an ankle tackle. AP sweeps right but Laurinaitis stops that for a loss. McKinnon all alone out of the backfield for 8 as the Rams are really putting no pressure on Teddy this half. That continues on 3rd-and-2 as Teddy runs a 7-yard TD in himself. Barron does not get there on the blitz, and when Sims is pushed deep and Matt Kalil flattens Donald, he has all the running room he needs. The Ram defense continues to disgrace itself as Westbrooks and Donald whiff while Teddy runs around right end and dives at the pylon to convert the 2-pointer. Vikings 18, Rams 15 That was one of the worst drives of Aaron Donald's young career.
Rams start again at their 20. Tons of time left, still over 8:00 to go in the 3rd. Gurley leaps Newman on a 90-flip to the ahhs of the Minnesota crowd but only gets 2. Davis pointing out Minnesota is blitzing every play now. UM, CALLED IT. 5 to Kendricks, immediately tackled by Barr. 3rd-3. The Rams fall to TWO FOR TEN on third down as Britt slips or trips trying to run an out route with Trae Waynes all over him. Clutch 3-and-out there, buddy. How do the Rams not know the Vikings will be blitzing when the clown blogger in Illinois could guess it?
Vikings at their 28 after the punt. Longacre holds AP to 2 on a play that was opening up for a lot more. Quick hitter to Diggs leaves 3rd-1. Bridgewater, a SECOND-year player, hard-counts William Hayes, an EIGHTH-year player, offside. PENALTY#7 First down Vikings at their 42. The Rams had stuffed the run. AP tries to bounce a run outside but Jenkins shut it down rapidly; another tackle for Longacre (!). 2nd-8. Donald whips past Brandon Fusco with a swipe move and just misses a sack of Teddy, who I assume had a receiver in the area of his obvious throwaway. Double-dog blitz on 3rd down has Teddy dumping off to Rudolph, who's stopped short by Akeem Ayers. Donald draws a hold, and the Rams take the penalty instead of the punt. Teddy can't do anything with the extra opportunity; Hayes nearly tracks him down a couple of times and forces a wild throw out of bounds. Also looked like Hayes took Teddy down late with a low hit, to the crowd's displeasure. Their outrage seems justified. Teddy's slow getting up and limps to the sideline. I don't know at what point he's considered a runner. It happened well out of the pocket but was still late. Austin returns the punt to the Ram 20.
STILL no running room for Gurley, 2 up the middle behind Brown and Harkey. AND FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, TAVON AUSTIN IDIOTICALLY DROPS A LONG BALL. Foles play-faked to Gurley, who made a nice block on Joseph to save a sack. Foles went long, Austin's beaten the safety by two steps, but the throw brings him back inside, he has to wait on it, then stupidly jumps for it when he doesn't have to, and misplays it for as stupid and as bad a drop as you'll see all year. Foles has a tendency to put way too much air under these, and did here. He completely underthrew it. Austin still has no excuse not to catch it. How much more of this garbage do we have to take?
Hilariously, the Vikings get a roughing-the-passer call for a late hit to Foles. Wasn't he out of the pocket? More great news, Austin limps off after the play. I'll hope that's just a second-degree sprain of his pride. 1st-10 at the 37. Again no room for Gurley, held to 2. Tackler got of Reynolds' block. Gurley stuffed again, with Joseph beating Brown to blow things up. The Vikings are now treating the Rams like the Rams treated the 49ers last week, jumping all over a woeful bubble screen attempt to Quick for a loss. The Rams can't run and Minnesota no longer has to believe they can. Hekker at least pins the Vikings at their 11 with a sweet 50-yard punt into the teeth of the sharknado.
Fairley nearly blows up the handoff; AP bounces it outside but I think Fairley drew a hold. 1st-15 at the 5. Barron takes AP down for a loss with a run blitz. That ends what seemed like a very long third quarter.
FOURTH QUARTER
Austin is apparently out due to cramps. PENALTY#8 on TruJo lets the Vikings out of 3rd-and-long at their goal line with a holding penalty that neither Charles Davis nor I can see on camera. BRIDGEWATER HARDCOUNTS HAYES OFFSIDE AGAIN. PENALTY#9 This is getting downright idiotic now. AP up the middle for 4, caught by Sims. 2nd-1, the Rams give Bridgewater FOREVER to throw again, he scrambles for the 1st down, slides, and gets literally knocked out by Joyner, who's going to deserve all 15 yards of that PENALTY#10 and the fine probably already in the mail from the league as we speak. Every angle of every replay of that play, it looks like Joyner's trying to hit Bridgewater even though he's already well into his slide. Bridgewater enters the league concussion protocol, and OMG I JUST REALIZED THE MINNESOTA BACKUP QB IS SHAUN HILL, AND IF THE RAMS FIND A WAY TO LOSE TO SHAUN MOTHER F*CKING HILL, I AM GOING TO GIVE UP FOOTBALL. Yet what has Hill done his whole career? Torch the Rams. Including when he played for them.
And immediately, here comes EFFING Hill, hitting AP for 10. Ayers pokes the ball out! And Mo Alexander IGNORES IT TO GO HIT AP! What the effing eff?!?!? Diggs recovers at the MIN 49. AP fumbles AGAIN on a handoff but falls on it in the backfield. 3rd-3. Hill throws it away with Barron coming on a blitz. Nice rush by Longacre (!) again there. Austin's back for the punt, which the sharknado knocks down at the 26.
Austin looks OK now, squirting off for 20 with another end-around right. Kendricks and Britt got him blocks, but it looks like Britt might have gotten rolled up on. He comes out for Quick, but now here comes Gurley. Donnal and Barnes lead him out through the left side for 14. Gurley middle for only a couple - the Rams just can't budge the Vikings up front. Joseph beats Barnes again and hits Foles as he throws for a wild incomplete. Foles' headset is not working AGAIN. 3rd-8, Griffen smokes Robinson but good with a spin move and panics Foles into a dumb grounding penalty PENALTY #11. Promising drive blows up on offensive line breakdowns. Hekker pins the Vikings at the 10 again. This is becoming a broken record.
Peterson immediately sweeps left for 12. Sims got blocked; Alexander whiffed in the hole. He hits a huge gap right for another 13 as Hayes and Brockers both got turned.
I appreciate Thom Brennaman defending St. Louis as a football city, but any time the Rams have done something like Joyner's hit on Bridgewater in games he's called in the past, he is nanoseconds-quick to call it a dirty play, and he clings to saying the Rams are dirty the rest of the game like a junkyard dog clinging to a tough steak. Neither Brennaman nor I know if Joyner made a dirty play or just a stupid play. I tend to think stupid is likelier. Take that burr out from under your saddle for future Rams games, Thom.
Brockers holds Peterson to 3. Hill throws a dying duck way over his receiver's head at the sideline. LOL. McLeod comes on the blitz; Sims hits Hill's arm as he throws to force an even duckier throw by Shaun than usual. Crowd wants DPI on Joyner against Wallace. I have fallen so far behind I can't rewind the TiVo, sorry.
Gurley bounces outside for 3 and loses a big gain to Rhodes' lucky shoestring tackle. He was on his way there. 2nd-7 after Viking LB Audie Cole is carted off with a knee injury. Quick screen to Austin for 4. Gurley splits wide on 3rd-3 but Waynes strips him on a quick hitch. Illegal formation on the Rams anyway. They're about 2-for-13 on third down now, and this is getting f*cking ridiculous.
Vikings at their 30, 6:48 left. Peterson sweeps right, cuts back for 5 as Fairley and Brockers can't get off blocks to pursue well. Quick slant on 3rd-4 is broken up by Jenkins. Davis acts like that was uncalled DPI on Jenkins when it absolutely wasn't.
Rams take over at their 35 as Brennaman continues to bang on the Joyner hit to Bridgewater and suggests there will be acrimony between the head coaches in the post-game handshake. Let. It. Go. Robison stays home well and trips up Austin for a loss on an end-around. Gurley sweeps left for 16 to midfield, mainly off a great block outside by Cook and one downfield by Austin. Save the next one for the highlight reel, as he goes right for 9, breaking a Joseph tackle in the backfield and running through a couple more. Gurley's wearing 'em down now, bulldozing left for 7 off a Harkey block. He gets a rest for Tre Mason, who gets nothing up the middle as Reynolds can't budge you know who, Linval Joseph. 2nd-9 at the MIN33 at the 2:00 warning. Barr blows up ANOTHER attempted end-around to Austin, who's lucky to lose only 1 when it could have been 6. THEY'RE RUNNING ON THIRD AND TEN, and Gurley goes up the middle for 4 to set Zuerlein up for a 48-yarder.
Zuerlein's kick inexplicably slices right and stays wide by a couple of feet. Siragusa says the wind caught it. Yeah, I know, no NFL kicker has ever had to make such a difficult kick with a wind at his damn back. Zuerlein's been hitting them straight and true all game - what the hell happened here?
The Vikings are insanely trying to roll out pass, but Alexander buries Hill for an 11-yard loss. TO#1, Rams. Then Donald nearly tackles Hill before he can hand off to AP. Sims and Ayers string it out well and Hayes tackles him for a loss. 3rd-22, TO#2 and the Rams have a good shot at getting the ball back. They just hand off to Matt Asiata, who gets a couple on a sweep, and the Rams will get the ball back with about 1:20 left. Austin gets near the Ram 40 with the punt. Here we go. 1:14.
Comeback to Britt for 9, well in bounds, clock runs. Foles goes to him again for a back-shoulder throw and Waynes interferes with him with a push at the MIN35. Nice pocket but Foles fires a very wobbly ball out of bounds. Foles vs. Hill is no quarterback clinic, that's for sure. Danielle (that's a MAN's name?) Hunter beats Reynolds to flush Foles out of bounds for a throwaway; worse yet, PENALTY #FREAKING 12 is on Reynolds for holding, backing the Rams up to the 45. Foles goes to Cook over the middle to get the 10 back. Quick has no clue what's going on as Foles throws an out route in hurry up mode, sending Zuerlein in to try from 53 this time. 0:17 left. Zimmer with the cheeseball freeze-the-kicker TO as Zuerlein hits his first try. The try that counts floats right down the middle to tie the game. Rams 18, Vikings 18
Alexander stuffs Sherels at the 17 on the kickoff, and we'll head to overtime.
OVERTIME
Both offenses look so bad right now they should consider just kneeling on the ball every play like Red Beaulieu tried that time in the Bourbon Bowl. Minnesota wins the toss and takes the wind, which shocks the Fox booth a lot more than it should. The new overtime rules encourage that decision in this kind of offensively-challenged game; I'd hope Jeff Fisher would have made the same call.
No running room right for Gurley, who tries a couple of cutbacks but loses SIX. Brennaman, whose wife apparently left him for Jeff Fisher, continues to harp on the Joyner hit and criticize Fisher for going for the 2-pointer early in the game. I'm not sure that had the effect he thinks it does. The Vikings stuff a screen to Austin and Foles overthrows Bailey on 3rd down - I think Bailey ran the route wrong - for an insta-punt. Hekker blasts it about 60 yards, but he shoots up the sideline off an uncalled block in the back on Harkey, who Davis keeps calling "Mike", for about 25 yards out to midfield.
Minnesota doesn't need much yardage from here to get Blair Walsh in FG range now. The rush nearly buries Hill, but Ellison beats Ayers to make it 3rd-1. Brockers gets manhandled in the hole to spring AP down to the 31. Need to start trying to strip the ball, guys. AP sweeps right for 5. Asiata gets to the 21 on a sweep left nearly again blown up by Donald off the snap. It sets Walsh up for a 40-yard game-winner.
Daren Bates makes a game run at it up the middle, but Walsh sends the fans home happy as Brennaman can continue to kiss my black ass.
Final: Vikings 21, Rams 18 (OT)
OK, Brennaman's right about that weird early decision by Fisher to go for two. Instead of kicking for an 18-18 tie late in the game, the Rams could have been kicking for a 19-17 lead. That second-guessing does not account for what the Vikings might have done differently on defense when a FG could have beaten them, but it's not unreasonable.
I say no need to sound the alarm in Rams Park just yet. That was a pretty competitive road game by a Rams team missing some very key pieces on defense. And yes, the offense was awful yet again, but the Viking defense isn't the Little Sisters of the Poor, you know.
We're on to Chicago.
-$-
The prediction: Todd Gurley will be difficult for the depleted Vikings to stop. Adrian Peterson will be harder for the similarly-depleted Rams to stop. Vikings 24-13
Today's referee: Ron Torbert. Rookie head referee last year, called two Rams road division losses, wasn't very good in either one.
Today's broadcasters: Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis for Fox.
KICKOFF AT HIGH NOON
Vikings win the toss and defer. Touchback starts Rams at their 20. Foles gets FOREVER to throw off double-play action, finds nothing and fires a sloppy, dangerous pass to Tavon Austin at the 20 that luckily hits the ground instead of a Viking defender. Charles Davis points out Foles had Kenny Britt streaking open deep. So why didn't he throw it? He had plenty of time for it. 1 for Gurley up the middle; no one blocked Anthony Barr. We're off to a typical Rams offensive start. 3rd-9. Foles has to rush a throwwith Garrett Reynolds getting beaten on the edge late; Austin is open for a 5-yard out but Foles fires it into the ground nowhere close. Johnny Hekker's punt is absolute crap, 25 yards, didn't even get the ball out of Rams territory!
The Rams are off to yet another amazingly shitty start. Play action rollout from Teddy Bridgewater to Rhett Ellison for 5. Brennaman says the Rams left Stefon Diggs wide open deep. It takes TWO snaps for the Rams to jump offsides. PENALTY #1 1st down Minn at the STL36. Ron Torbert took his sweet time making that call. Aaron Donald and Eugene Sims collapse AP's middle running lane; he has to bounce outside right for no gain. Teddy scrambles out of trouble and goes deep for Mike Wallace, who beat Mo Alexander by at least a step, but overthrew him. 3rd-10. 4-man rush doesn't get there, Teddy stands tall and drills one to Jarius Wright between Lamarcus Joyner and James Laurinaitis for 12. That's good coverage; the Rams have to take advantage of Teddy's risk-taking ways today. Ethan Westbrooks badly overshoots the 1st down handoff; AP follows G Mike Harris through the hole for 7 to the STL17. Teddy audibles to a handoff, but Laurinaitis fills the gap perfectly and flushes AP outside for a yard. Akeem Ayers tackle. 3rd-2. Vikings bizarrely go shotgun; AP does not appear to be on the field. Trumaine Johnson expertly jams Charles Johnson's slant route. Not only does Charles not get there, TruJo nearly picks it off. Blair Walsh puts the Vikings ahead. Vikings 3, Rams 0
The Ram offense needs to get their damn heads out of their damn asses. They start at their 20 again. Will they cross the 22? Foles drops the snap but still gets the handoff to Gurley, who goes off RT for 10. Good blocks by Reynolds and Corey Harkey among others. Foles has to throw a swing pass for Gurley high to get it over a blitzer and it's incomplete. Play-action to Gurley, and Brian Quick is open on an out route, but Foles misses him by 10 feet. Brian Robison was coming at him, but that throw shouldn't have been THAT far off. Foles' wheels aren't coming off; I think he drove to the stadium with four flats. 3rd-10, Barr shuts off the dumpoff to Gurley for 4. NICE tackle by Stedman Bailey holds Marcus Sherels to zip on the punt return. 49 net for Hekker that time.
I've spent most of the season blaming the Ram receivers for the anemic passing game, but Foles has CLEARLY been the problem so far this week. He's missing open receivers and spraying passes all over the place.
Vikings at their 20. Jenkins opens the drive with PENALTY #2 a DPI on Stefon Diggs. Held him all the way through a quick slant. Then PENALTY #3 A BULLSHIT offsides call on Brockers, who got back well before the Viking lineman reacted, but the idiot referees still claim he "made" the Viking player jump. BULL. SHIT. This is a stupid rule that needs to be reviewed. The D should have a chance to get back onside. AP false starts to even things out. 1st-10 at the 28. AP takes a draw left for 6, with Sims, Mark Barron and Brockers all failing to get off blocks. Soft zone does not go well when your DB stumbles, and CharJo beats a stumbling Jenkins for 25 to the Ram 41. I doubt Gregg Williams should wait much longer to start bringing more serious heat. Pretty simple cut by CharJo had Jenkins lurching drunkenly around. Rollout pass right to AP for 8, off a fake jet sweep to Cordarrelle Patterson, who disappeared off the face of the earth after scorching the Rams on that play last opening day. ANOTHER rollout pass right - you know, the play the Rams have NEVER run successfully, AGAIN beats the Rams D. Kyle Rudolph for 13. The whole Ram D bit on play action, Rudolph dragged and Barron was way late getting to him. Bridgewater hard-counts Nick Fairley offside PENALTY #4 offside by a mile, and the Rams are as composed right now as Bill Clinton at a cheerleader cosplay convention. From the 12, ANOTHER rollout pass right, to St. Louisan Mycole Pruitt down to the 5. Um, Gregg Williams, any thoughts? Nope. EASY TD, PETERSON sweeping right. Barron can't get there, and Harris pulls again and pancakes I believe Alexander. It's hard to tell because he's just a stain on the field after that. 10-0 Vikings
This game looks every bit the blowout right now. The Rams are doing NOTHING (except jumping offside) on either side of the ball.
Here's something new, the Rams starting at their 20. And now the 19 after Gurley loses a yard. Austin didn't even get in the safety's way and he shot the gap. I wonder if Gurley should have taken that right instead of left, though. Swing pass right to Gurley for about 5. AND HOLY COW A THIRD DOWN CONVERSION on a comeback route to Austin, who was split wide left, for 10. Good protection, good throw by Foles. 3rd-6, they were 7 yards off him. Throw that all day, please. Brilliant Torberg next tries to call Donnal for a false start on what's a legal maneuver for a guard pre-snap. At least he reversed the call. Gurley sweeps right for 3. Brian Schottenheimer returns to the booth and calls a handoff up the middle for Austin for 2. 3rd-5. Cignetti kicks out Schotty and tries the first play of the game again, a bomb for Britt off double-play-action, and Britt makes an EXCELLENT catch with Terence Newman smacking him in the helmet prior to the ball arriving. The ball goes through his arms but he pins it to his hip for a 54-yard gain to the Viking 6. The Rams have to use a timeout because Foles' headset stopped working. THE VIKINGS JUMP OFFSIDE WITH NO CALL, but Gurley plows down to the 1 off a Kendricks block and behind the mauling company of Tim Barnes and Jamon Brown. 2nd-goal, Gurley IS IN for the TD. He hurdled Cory Harkey's block, stuck the ball out dangerously and got slammed in midair, but bounced back and basically got shoved in by Brown, with Barnes also escorting him in.
The wind is apparently so much in Jeff Fisher's and our kicking team's heads that the Rams actually go for two after the TD, and fail miserably, with Gurley getting stuck by two Vikings at the 2. Is there a f*cking sharknado blowing in Minnesota today that the Rams aren't even trying god damn PATs? Donnal was on the ground for the 2nd straight play there, I'm sure he was supposed to be pull-blocking there. Vikings 10, Rams 6
The sharknado has apparently taken a full FIFTEEN YARDS off Greg Zuerlein's kickoffs; Patterson takes it at the 5. Good coverage by Cameron Lynch stops him at the 21. Good rush by Westbrooks flushes Teddy to dump off to Jerrick McKinnon for a couple. Quick out to Diggs defended well by Jenkins for a short gain to end the quarter.
SECOND QUARTER
FOX IS LATE coming back from commercial as Joyner draws PENALTY #5 DPI trying to breakup a quick pass to Wallace on a pivot route out of trips. 1st-10 at the 31. Donald's quick burst forces AP outside and AP lets Jenkins put him down with a no-wrap shoulder tackle for a loss. Matt Longacre (!) also there on the stop. Teddy gets forever off play-action and eventually slides for 5. That was Longacre (!) flushing him with an inside move on Matt Kalil. The Rams blitz on 3rd-4 out of an amoeba-look and Teddy overthrows Wright deep, with Davis and Brennaman calling Joyner for holding in the first 5 yards. Not Torbert, though, so send in the punt team. Austin brings the punt back 11 to set the Rams up nicely at their 35.
The sharknado is currently at the Rams' back, and that last Viking punt was a little short. Tre Mason carries the ball like a loaf of bread and cuts back for 2. Foles barely beats a safety blitz and lobs a back-shoulder throw to Britt, who wasn't expecting that kind of throw but neatly pirouettes at the sideline with a 22-yard catch. Brennaman somehow knows Foles is having headset problems again; the next play barely gets off, and Mason gets buried for a loss on a bubble screen. I swear this team is UNABLE to put together a decent play after any gain over 15 yards. 2nd-14. Mason gets 1 on a draw after Linval Joseph sheds Barnes. Foles beats a blitz and targets Jared Cook for the first time today down the right seam. Captain Munnerlyn hits Cook early and the ball's off Cook's hand. What a terrible place to hit a receiver, in one of his hands! Admittedly, though, Cook's plea for a penalty was valid, since he couldn't get his other arm up. And now... here's Zuerlein to try a 61-yard kick, because those have gone so well this year. What the f*ck is this? We'll try this but are too chicken-shit to even try a PAT on the other end?
...
...
Go go go go go go go.
We're all going to win with the sharknado.
FG bombs will flow, flow, flow.
Legatron and the sharknado.
Zuerlein drills it from 61, right down the heart of the uprights. It would have been good from 70. That's a team record! Vikings 10, Rams 9
Zuerlein then gets away with shanking a bouncing kickoff that Patterson has to kneel with anyway. So much for momentum, as Barron tries to run around one side of a double-team on Brockers but AP busts through the other side for 12. 2 more for AP; diving stop by Fairley. AP for another couple; Brockers stopped that by knocking the center down in the hole. 3rd-6. The Rams fake a big blitz over RT, only bringing 1 of 3, coaxing an early throw out of Teddy; Wallace is open for a quick out, but the throw isn't quite there. Neither was Wallace's route-running or effort. He dogged that. Dangerous return attempt by Austin, brought down immediately at the Ram 26.
Stupid handoff to Austin loses 1, with Joseph beating Donnal badly. If Austin is not on the move, he should not be getting the ball, OK? Bubble screen to Stedman Bailey for about 4, and Munnerlyn facemasks him for another 15. Put the Rams at their 43. Gurley off RT for a couple; Kenrick Ellis blew up Barnes or that might have been something. Gurley bobs and weaves and plunges for 6 off a fake Austin end-around. Good block upfield by Harkey. 3rd-2. AUSTIN DOES NOT GET THERE on a bubble screen. He bobbled the catch, which let Barr get there to stop him short. Roughly a 64-yarder if Fisher wants to try it. 4th-and-6-inches, Fisher goes for it instead. Tony Siragusa argues for trying to pin the Vikings with a punt. The Rams distract the Vikings by putting Austin in motion and Foles sneaks across for the 1st. Nice. Play-action, Foles pulls down a bomb attempt and hits Gurley on a wheel route up the sideline for 10. Too bad that throw was lofted high and behind him, he had room to run. Fox also shows Brian Quick screamingly open on a deep cross. No idea why Foles didn't throw that. He meant to. The Rams pull out a play I haven't seen since training camp for another 11. Fake handoff, Austin comes on an end-around and takes a backward pass. Wide open. Rams now at the MIN23. Gurley left for 1, stopped by Barr. Gurley up the middle for 5 more, bent awkwardly backward by Chad Greenway. 3rd-4. Nothing to like about the next play, a stupid 4-yard arrow route by Cook. Foles underthrows it, the Viking defender jumps it, incomplete. Play never had much of a chance. Zuerlein puts the Rams ahead from 35. Rams 12, Vikings 10
The sharknado now makes Zuerlein kick off with Rodney McLeod holding, and it's another crappy kick, fielded by Patterson at the 1, but here's Lynch again to shut him down at the 20. With the offensive line lined up clearly illegally - I've seen flocks of geese keep straighter lines - AP takes off for 15, off a Donald double-team and Barron whiffing in the hole. AP up the middle for 2 more, grabbed by Hayes and Donald. 4-man rush flushes Teddy - I guess I'll give the credit to Donald but I think Teddy panicked - and he fires a ball at wide-open Wallace's feet incomplete. The Rams get away with a 3rd-and-long blitz when McLeod shuts down Wallace on a drag route for a short gain. Vikings will punt at the 2:00 warning.
Vikings down the punt at the Ram 15. End-around right to Austin for 13 behind a sweet block by Lance Kendricks. Sweep to Gurley goes nowhere, though, with Griffen getting away from Kendricks and Greg Robinson. TO#1 Minnesota. Thanks for stopping the clock. Austin motions left, then doubles back for another end-around, cuts it inside, breaks a tackle at the 40 and gains 22 out to midfield. TO#2 Rams. Play-action to Gurley, fake end-around to Quick (!), and Kendricks is open over the middle for 20. Foles clocks it at 0:53. Frank Cignetti is running circles around Mike Zimmer right now. Actually, he's faking circles and running squares around him. Xavier Rhodes breaks up an ill-advised TD bomb for Britt. Too well-covered; Foles should know not to throw that. 3rd-10 at the MIN30, bubble screen to Bradley Marquez (!) (?) only gets 3. The Rams bleed the clock to :03 and bring Zuerlein in for a 45-yarder. He hits it. Halftime score: Rams 15, Vikings 10
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
The Rams have done it again, fighting through a lousy start to actually take control of the game by halftime. The Vikings have shut down Gurley but the Rams have adjusted with all the misdirection to Austin. I'm not looking for a lot of change in the 2nd half. Stick with the power running game. The short passing game should open up with Minnesota concerned about Austin. They did not blitz much in the 1st half, so the Rams will get some shots at beating those with big plays.
Gregg Williams didn't blitz much in the 1st half, either; I expect him to turn that dial up and get Bridgewater in trouble with it. He hasn't been accurate or read the field very well today.
I'm curious to see if the Vikings defer after the half to take the wind in the 4th quarter. The Minnesota sharknado has been a big factor so far.
THIRD QUARTER
Nope, Minnesota takes the ball - sharknado will be behind them in the 3rd - and Patterson shoots up the sideline with ANOTHER crappy Zuerlein kickoff all the way to the 47. Good blocking sealed off Barron and Cody Davis and Marquez missed a diving tackle.
Play-action flare to Rudolph nets 14 after a Jenkins whiff. Play-action bomb next for Diggs in the end zone, but TruJo outwrestles him for the ball. They announce a flag has been thrown; I have no idea where it is. Is this an interception? After a long conference, Torbert calls DPI on TruJo, but it's barely out before he gets a tap on the shoulder from another official. Back to the staff meeting. In a much shorter amount of time, Charles Davis makes a strong case for a no-call. It's a ball they both have a right to. I thought TruJo grabbed Diggs' jersey before the ball arrived, but if you're not calling that, there's nothing about his catch that's pass interference at all. Ha! Torbert reverses the call to offensive pass interference. But then says first down Minnesota? No! It's an interception! Now he gets that right, Rams ball, super play, Trumaine Johnson.
After all that, Rams ball at their 20. Gurley loses 2 up the middle with Kendricks and Barnes getting beaten badly. Another flying start on offense. Play action on 2nd-12, no one picks up Andrew Sendejo's safety blitz until Harkey makes a diving block, but Barnes gets whipped by Joseph anyway to get Foles flattened for the first sack of the game for either team. 3rd-20. Somebody said Minnesota was going to bring more blitzing in the 2nd half... Foles hits Bailey at the 20 to send Hekker out into the DREADED WIND. Super punt by Hekker, though, he kept it low and lined it 52 yards. And never mind, PENALTY #6 on Jake McQuaide for holding will force Hekker to kick from his goal line, and replay showed him taking a real wallop on the previous play. Hekker gets a BIG bounce for a 57-yard punt, though, with a short return by Sherels to the 40. Two very big kicks by Hekker there.
AP churns out 4 through a hole Donald and Westbrooks originally closed. Jenkins continues to not be sharp, beaten by Diggs' out-and-up move for 35. Put those Hawaii tickets on hold. AP cuts a pitch back inside for 13 - that's his move! Be ready for it! - with Brockers blocked aside and Donald way overpursuing. They're at the Ram 14. McLeod temporarily saved a TD with an ankle tackle. AP sweeps right but Laurinaitis stops that for a loss. McKinnon all alone out of the backfield for 8 as the Rams are really putting no pressure on Teddy this half. That continues on 3rd-and-2 as Teddy runs a 7-yard TD in himself. Barron does not get there on the blitz, and when Sims is pushed deep and Matt Kalil flattens Donald, he has all the running room he needs. The Ram defense continues to disgrace itself as Westbrooks and Donald whiff while Teddy runs around right end and dives at the pylon to convert the 2-pointer. Vikings 18, Rams 15 That was one of the worst drives of Aaron Donald's young career.
Rams start again at their 20. Tons of time left, still over 8:00 to go in the 3rd. Gurley leaps Newman on a 90-flip to the ahhs of the Minnesota crowd but only gets 2. Davis pointing out Minnesota is blitzing every play now. UM, CALLED IT. 5 to Kendricks, immediately tackled by Barr. 3rd-3. The Rams fall to TWO FOR TEN on third down as Britt slips or trips trying to run an out route with Trae Waynes all over him. Clutch 3-and-out there, buddy. How do the Rams not know the Vikings will be blitzing when the clown blogger in Illinois could guess it?
Vikings at their 28 after the punt. Longacre holds AP to 2 on a play that was opening up for a lot more. Quick hitter to Diggs leaves 3rd-1. Bridgewater, a SECOND-year player, hard-counts William Hayes, an EIGHTH-year player, offside. PENALTY#7 First down Vikings at their 42. The Rams had stuffed the run. AP tries to bounce a run outside but Jenkins shut it down rapidly; another tackle for Longacre (!). 2nd-8. Donald whips past Brandon Fusco with a swipe move and just misses a sack of Teddy, who I assume had a receiver in the area of his obvious throwaway. Double-dog blitz on 3rd down has Teddy dumping off to Rudolph, who's stopped short by Akeem Ayers. Donald draws a hold, and the Rams take the penalty instead of the punt. Teddy can't do anything with the extra opportunity; Hayes nearly tracks him down a couple of times and forces a wild throw out of bounds. Also looked like Hayes took Teddy down late with a low hit, to the crowd's displeasure. Their outrage seems justified. Teddy's slow getting up and limps to the sideline. I don't know at what point he's considered a runner. It happened well out of the pocket but was still late. Austin returns the punt to the Ram 20.
STILL no running room for Gurley, 2 up the middle behind Brown and Harkey. AND FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, TAVON AUSTIN IDIOTICALLY DROPS A LONG BALL. Foles play-faked to Gurley, who made a nice block on Joseph to save a sack. Foles went long, Austin's beaten the safety by two steps, but the throw brings him back inside, he has to wait on it, then stupidly jumps for it when he doesn't have to, and misplays it for as stupid and as bad a drop as you'll see all year. Foles has a tendency to put way too much air under these, and did here. He completely underthrew it. Austin still has no excuse not to catch it. How much more of this garbage do we have to take?
Hilariously, the Vikings get a roughing-the-passer call for a late hit to Foles. Wasn't he out of the pocket? More great news, Austin limps off after the play. I'll hope that's just a second-degree sprain of his pride. 1st-10 at the 37. Again no room for Gurley, held to 2. Tackler got of Reynolds' block. Gurley stuffed again, with Joseph beating Brown to blow things up. The Vikings are now treating the Rams like the Rams treated the 49ers last week, jumping all over a woeful bubble screen attempt to Quick for a loss. The Rams can't run and Minnesota no longer has to believe they can. Hekker at least pins the Vikings at their 11 with a sweet 50-yard punt into the teeth of the sharknado.
Fairley nearly blows up the handoff; AP bounces it outside but I think Fairley drew a hold. 1st-15 at the 5. Barron takes AP down for a loss with a run blitz. That ends what seemed like a very long third quarter.
FOURTH QUARTER
Austin is apparently out due to cramps. PENALTY#8 on TruJo lets the Vikings out of 3rd-and-long at their goal line with a holding penalty that neither Charles Davis nor I can see on camera. BRIDGEWATER HARDCOUNTS HAYES OFFSIDE AGAIN. PENALTY#9 This is getting downright idiotic now. AP up the middle for 4, caught by Sims. 2nd-1, the Rams give Bridgewater FOREVER to throw again, he scrambles for the 1st down, slides, and gets literally knocked out by Joyner, who's going to deserve all 15 yards of that PENALTY#10 and the fine probably already in the mail from the league as we speak. Every angle of every replay of that play, it looks like Joyner's trying to hit Bridgewater even though he's already well into his slide. Bridgewater enters the league concussion protocol, and OMG I JUST REALIZED THE MINNESOTA BACKUP QB IS SHAUN HILL, AND IF THE RAMS FIND A WAY TO LOSE TO SHAUN MOTHER F*CKING HILL, I AM GOING TO GIVE UP FOOTBALL. Yet what has Hill done his whole career? Torch the Rams. Including when he played for them.
And immediately, here comes EFFING Hill, hitting AP for 10. Ayers pokes the ball out! And Mo Alexander IGNORES IT TO GO HIT AP! What the effing eff?!?!? Diggs recovers at the MIN 49. AP fumbles AGAIN on a handoff but falls on it in the backfield. 3rd-3. Hill throws it away with Barron coming on a blitz. Nice rush by Longacre (!) again there. Austin's back for the punt, which the sharknado knocks down at the 26.
Austin looks OK now, squirting off for 20 with another end-around right. Kendricks and Britt got him blocks, but it looks like Britt might have gotten rolled up on. He comes out for Quick, but now here comes Gurley. Donnal and Barnes lead him out through the left side for 14. Gurley middle for only a couple - the Rams just can't budge the Vikings up front. Joseph beats Barnes again and hits Foles as he throws for a wild incomplete. Foles' headset is not working AGAIN. 3rd-8, Griffen smokes Robinson but good with a spin move and panics Foles into a dumb grounding penalty PENALTY #11. Promising drive blows up on offensive line breakdowns. Hekker pins the Vikings at the 10 again. This is becoming a broken record.
Peterson immediately sweeps left for 12. Sims got blocked; Alexander whiffed in the hole. He hits a huge gap right for another 13 as Hayes and Brockers both got turned.
I appreciate Thom Brennaman defending St. Louis as a football city, but any time the Rams have done something like Joyner's hit on Bridgewater in games he's called in the past, he is nanoseconds-quick to call it a dirty play, and he clings to saying the Rams are dirty the rest of the game like a junkyard dog clinging to a tough steak. Neither Brennaman nor I know if Joyner made a dirty play or just a stupid play. I tend to think stupid is likelier. Take that burr out from under your saddle for future Rams games, Thom.
Brockers holds Peterson to 3. Hill throws a dying duck way over his receiver's head at the sideline. LOL. McLeod comes on the blitz; Sims hits Hill's arm as he throws to force an even duckier throw by Shaun than usual. Crowd wants DPI on Joyner against Wallace. I have fallen so far behind I can't rewind the TiVo, sorry.
Gurley bounces outside for 3 and loses a big gain to Rhodes' lucky shoestring tackle. He was on his way there. 2nd-7 after Viking LB Audie Cole is carted off with a knee injury. Quick screen to Austin for 4. Gurley splits wide on 3rd-3 but Waynes strips him on a quick hitch. Illegal formation on the Rams anyway. They're about 2-for-13 on third down now, and this is getting f*cking ridiculous.
Vikings at their 30, 6:48 left. Peterson sweeps right, cuts back for 5 as Fairley and Brockers can't get off blocks to pursue well. Quick slant on 3rd-4 is broken up by Jenkins. Davis acts like that was uncalled DPI on Jenkins when it absolutely wasn't.
Rams take over at their 35 as Brennaman continues to bang on the Joyner hit to Bridgewater and suggests there will be acrimony between the head coaches in the post-game handshake. Let. It. Go. Robison stays home well and trips up Austin for a loss on an end-around. Gurley sweeps left for 16 to midfield, mainly off a great block outside by Cook and one downfield by Austin. Save the next one for the highlight reel, as he goes right for 9, breaking a Joseph tackle in the backfield and running through a couple more. Gurley's wearing 'em down now, bulldozing left for 7 off a Harkey block. He gets a rest for Tre Mason, who gets nothing up the middle as Reynolds can't budge you know who, Linval Joseph. 2nd-9 at the MIN33 at the 2:00 warning. Barr blows up ANOTHER attempted end-around to Austin, who's lucky to lose only 1 when it could have been 6. THEY'RE RUNNING ON THIRD AND TEN, and Gurley goes up the middle for 4 to set Zuerlein up for a 48-yarder.
Zuerlein's kick inexplicably slices right and stays wide by a couple of feet. Siragusa says the wind caught it. Yeah, I know, no NFL kicker has ever had to make such a difficult kick with a wind at his damn back. Zuerlein's been hitting them straight and true all game - what the hell happened here?
The Vikings are insanely trying to roll out pass, but Alexander buries Hill for an 11-yard loss. TO#1, Rams. Then Donald nearly tackles Hill before he can hand off to AP. Sims and Ayers string it out well and Hayes tackles him for a loss. 3rd-22, TO#2 and the Rams have a good shot at getting the ball back. They just hand off to Matt Asiata, who gets a couple on a sweep, and the Rams will get the ball back with about 1:20 left. Austin gets near the Ram 40 with the punt. Here we go. 1:14.
Comeback to Britt for 9, well in bounds, clock runs. Foles goes to him again for a back-shoulder throw and Waynes interferes with him with a push at the MIN35. Nice pocket but Foles fires a very wobbly ball out of bounds. Foles vs. Hill is no quarterback clinic, that's for sure. Danielle (that's a MAN's name?) Hunter beats Reynolds to flush Foles out of bounds for a throwaway; worse yet, PENALTY #FREAKING 12 is on Reynolds for holding, backing the Rams up to the 45. Foles goes to Cook over the middle to get the 10 back. Quick has no clue what's going on as Foles throws an out route in hurry up mode, sending Zuerlein in to try from 53 this time. 0:17 left. Zimmer with the cheeseball freeze-the-kicker TO as Zuerlein hits his first try. The try that counts floats right down the middle to tie the game. Rams 18, Vikings 18
Alexander stuffs Sherels at the 17 on the kickoff, and we'll head to overtime.
OVERTIME
Both offenses look so bad right now they should consider just kneeling on the ball every play like Red Beaulieu tried that time in the Bourbon Bowl. Minnesota wins the toss and takes the wind, which shocks the Fox booth a lot more than it should. The new overtime rules encourage that decision in this kind of offensively-challenged game; I'd hope Jeff Fisher would have made the same call.
No running room right for Gurley, who tries a couple of cutbacks but loses SIX. Brennaman, whose wife apparently left him for Jeff Fisher, continues to harp on the Joyner hit and criticize Fisher for going for the 2-pointer early in the game. I'm not sure that had the effect he thinks it does. The Vikings stuff a screen to Austin and Foles overthrows Bailey on 3rd down - I think Bailey ran the route wrong - for an insta-punt. Hekker blasts it about 60 yards, but he shoots up the sideline off an uncalled block in the back on Harkey, who Davis keeps calling "Mike", for about 25 yards out to midfield.
Minnesota doesn't need much yardage from here to get Blair Walsh in FG range now. The rush nearly buries Hill, but Ellison beats Ayers to make it 3rd-1. Brockers gets manhandled in the hole to spring AP down to the 31. Need to start trying to strip the ball, guys. AP sweeps right for 5. Asiata gets to the 21 on a sweep left nearly again blown up by Donald off the snap. It sets Walsh up for a 40-yard game-winner.
Daren Bates makes a game run at it up the middle, but Walsh sends the fans home happy as Brennaman can continue to kiss my black ass.
Final: Vikings 21, Rams 18 (OT)
OK, Brennaman's right about that weird early decision by Fisher to go for two. Instead of kicking for an 18-18 tie late in the game, the Rams could have been kicking for a 19-17 lead. That second-guessing does not account for what the Vikings might have done differently on defense when a FG could have beaten them, but it's not unreasonable.
I say no need to sound the alarm in Rams Park just yet. That was a pretty competitive road game by a Rams team missing some very key pieces on defense. And yes, the offense was awful yet again, but the Viking defense isn't the Little Sisters of the Poor, you know.
We're on to Chicago.
-$-
Sunday, November 1, 2015
RamView game blog: Rams 27, 49ers 6
The Rams can go over .500 today with a win over the 49ers. And not only are the 49ers off to a 2-5 start after getting gutted as an organization in the offseason, they're without leading rusher Carlos Hyde (foot) for this game and leading receiver Anquan Boldin (hamstring) is questionable. I mean, Boldin's 95 years old and slow anyway. The Rams may be able to cover him by dropping Aaron Donald back in coverage. The 49ers also lost another of their best defensive players, Antoine Bethea, for the season last week.
Update: Boldin is inactive. No surprise inactives for the Rams, with get Lance Kendricks and Tre Mason back from last week's list.
Having said all that, have we been able to trust the Rams, who are favored by a whopping 8 1/2, with this kind of game in the past? If the tables were reversed, would we not be calling the Rams a dangerous wounded animal? Sure, the Rams "should" win, but as usual, I'm about as confident right now as a Jeb Bush supporter.
With so much of their power game missing, what the 49ers ought to be doing this week is letting it all hang out and play a wide-open, speed game. Go no-huddle to blunt the Ram pass rush. Stretch the field with their fast receivers (Smith, Ellington, Patton), take deep shots, open up the LOS for delay handoffs, draws and sweeps for Reggie Bush, and especially, get Colin Kaepernick on the move. To have any chance of salvaging this season, and probably Kaepernick's career, they absolutely have to reverse their 2015 form. They have to get him constantly on the move and let him run when it's there for the taking. Will the Rams be ready for such a bold change in approach? I say San Francisco's best chance to win today is with Kaepernick as their leading rusher.
Also, even if the 49ers do what they always do, what about the Rams offense this season, even with Todd Gurley exploding into rookie stud-dom, tells us this game should be a blowout? What's keeping the 49ers from putting 9 in the box every play? Not much.
The prediction: Unless the Rams get a pick-six or a scoop-and-score, the 49ers cover.
The biggest reason to worry this week: Today's referee? JEROME BOGER. The over/under on combined penalties today should be 24.5. On blown calls? Probably 9.5. Boger's as bad a referee as the NFL has ever had. The league gave three crews the week off who are all better, and it's B.S. he got stuck on this game instead of a crap game like Tennessee-Houston.
Fox announcers will be Dick Stockton and David Diehl. The first time Stockton says "St. LOUIE" today, I am driving to the Dome and personally whacking him upside the head.
FIRST QUARTER
Rams win the toss and defer. Greg Zuerlein bombs it 80 yards for a touchback. Play-action rollout and Vance McDonald is all alone in front of Trumaine Johnson on the sideline for 12. Um, we don't need ridiculous soft zones today, Gregg Williams. Another half-roll, and the Rams don't even bother covering Torrey Smith, for another 12. 49ers come out playing it smart by moving the pocket; Rams are completely obsessed with Kaepernick running. Quick screen to Bruce Ellington for 4. Read option inside handoff to Reggie Bush stuffed by William Hayes and Michael Brockers, who got superb penetration. Rams blitz on 3rd-6, and Eugene Sims burns the overrated Joe Staley to flush Kaepernick, but he escaped around the blitz and through Lamarcus Joyner for about 10. Kaepernick keeps the read option this time, but Rodney McLeod and Janoris Jenkins shut him down rapidly. Big hit by Jenkins. Rams at least look ready for read option, which I'm pretty sure the 49ers haven't been running much. Somebody named Mike Davis gets 5 off left guard with Mark Barron a step slow filling. 3rd-3. Jerome Boger and crew let Joyner get very physical with Quinton Patton on a drag route and he never gets to Kaepernick's incomplete throw. Even within 5 yards, that was probable DPI. Send in the pun... no, Phil Dawson is out to try from 54, and he nails it. Huh. 3-0 49ers
49ers have come out doing exactly what I said they should, moving the pocket and using no-huddle. If I can think of all that, it seems like Gregg Williams should have, too. Better defense on the rollouts, please.
No return for Benny Cunningham; start the Rams at the 20. Todd Gurley left for 5 behind Greg Robinson, a strong block by Garrett Reynolds and a tough block downfield by Stedman Bailey. The Rams are in no-huddle now, too. Gurley runs smack into Ian Williams, who shed Jamon Brown. 3rd-4. KENNY BRITT DROPS A BOMB THAT WAS RIGHT IN HIS HANDS. One of the refs threw a flag, then the whole crew uses 2 minutes to tell us there was no penalty. Typical Rams start on offense. Perfect 54-yard punt by Johnny Hekker to pin the returner on the sideline.
49ers at their 21. Somebody called Kendall Gaskins loses two after Aaron Donald nearly blows up the handoff. This was I formation, and Donald got to the play quicker than the up back, Bruce Miller, could get to him. Gaskins tripped over Miller diving trying to get any piece of Donald. Bubble screen to M. Davis gets about 10 back, though. He got behind Ethan Westbrooks. 3rd-1? Davis NEVER got that far up the field. Should be 3rd-2. Nick Fairley wins inside, and Donald hits Staley with a spin move to DRILL Kaepnerick after the throw, which is incomplete and a mile over Bush's head. Flag flew at the snap, but all the Rams were onside for a change... give Boger a minute... illegal formation, SF. Punt time. Beautiful bomb Tavon Austin can only fair catch on the sideline at the 18.
Gurley left for 2; Quentin Dial beat a Reynolds-Tim Barnes double team. Nick Foles hard-counts Ahmad Brooks offside. They tried a free-play bomb to Britt again but it was broken up. 2nd-3. Fake jet sweep left and arrow route right to Lance Kendricks for 4. Draw to Gurley gets nothing after Jamon Brown badly loses a hand fight with the great Glenn Dorsey. Shallow drag to Bradley Marquez (?) (!) gets about 4. 3rd-5, DROP, STEDMAN BAILEY, hearing Eric Reid's footsteps on a crossing route. MY GOD the Rams have GOT to get some receivers next year. Between the draft and free agency I'd say they need to acquire about FIVE. Hekker hits a 53-yard punt; Bush runs backwards about ten yards, sweeps and gets most of it back, then slips on the concrete way behind his bench and stays down. The Turf Monster, er, Cement Monster, has made a couple of nasty plays the past couple of weeks.
Flag on the return leads to another seminar for Boger and crew, and Boger appears halfway to cracking up while announcing THREE 49er penalties: two blocks in the back and a bench foul for an "assistant coach" coming off the sidelines, apparently to get into a post-play scrum. Shouldn't that coach be ejected? Also, the crew voted for pepperoni pizza after the game.
That wasn't a coach; it was ANQUAN BOLDIN! Eject his ass! Not done.
49ers at their 3 after two half-the-distances. TruJo gets Davis' feet on a run blitz, and Mark Barron finishes it off at the 2. Barron and McLeod blitz over LT on 2nd down and Davis barely gets out of the end zone. Brockers was there to blow it up, too. 3rd-12 at the 1 - SAFETY. It's an idiotic, slow-developing handoff, and James Laurinaitis shot the A gap, and Brockers trucked lightweight center Marcus Martin, to drop Davis in the end zone. What a numb-nut call by the 49ers.
And on the two-run homer by Matt Holliday, it's now a 3-2 ballgame. 49ers 3, Rams 2
It's pretty much been the 1st quarter we've expected, hasn't it? Pretty short free kick, returned 6 by Austin to the STL38. Gurley gets a couple left; the DE shed Robinson. The Ram o-line has left a d-lineman free for a tackle every run so far. Pass pro has been fine, though; Foles gets plenty of time for Austin to beat soft zone on a square out for 10.
And, WHAT THE HELL? Off play-action, Austin's wide open at the 25 for a crossfield throw, and then appears to just throw the ball away for a fumble. OK, Jaquiski Tartt punched it loose when he tried to put it away. Austin kicked it, then lost it again trying to pick it up. Had his eye on an oncoming 49er instead of the loose ball. Just what the Rams freaking needed, a turnover. Wasted a great throw by Foles. Oh, and PENALTY #1 on Tim Barnes for a late hit. GOD I AM SICK OF THIS OFFENSE.
Also, what the hell kind of name is "Jaquiski" and why the unholy **** would I ever pronounce it "Jaquoski"? Shouldn't mom and dad have spelled it "Jaquoski" if it's going to be pronounced that way? Oh, no, OK, my name is "Mike", but you should pronounce it "Edgar".
49ers take over at the Ram 47 after a lengthy review. The right guard flinches to make it 1st-15. Smoke route to Ellington is wild with a heavy blitz coming. Fisher challenges the play, saying the pass was backward. Looked forward to me. Just what we need, another Boger delay.
The pass was OBVIOUSLY forward, which you'd think the coach who pulled off The Music City Miracle would know. Timeout and challenge wasted! What would they have gotten from it any way? A yard? Idiotic move by Fisher.
NICE pass breakup downfield by Ayers to save a big gainer to Jerome Simpson (what, he's out of jail?). Nearly a pick. 3rd-15, Williams idiotically blitzes Barron and Joyner, but Quinn hits Kaepernick on the throw, it's short and Simpson can't make a shoestring catch. Nearly muffed it right to TruJo, in fact. Simpson is begging for DPI but doesn't get it. I'd argue that TruJo had a right to the ball. Austin gambles right on the punt, which barely rolls into the end zone, and the 49ers HELD TWICE on the play; start the Rams at their 30. Will they make it to the 35?
Play-action bomb for Austin knocked away by Reid. Reid gets away with DPI, grabbing Austin and not turning at all for the ball. This crew ain't calling anything today. Gurley left for 4, again behind Reynolds and Barnes. 3rd-6, blitzing LB beats Rod Havenstein with an inside move and Foles well overthrows Jared Cook on an out route. ANOTHER 3-AND-OUT FOR THE RAMS. And, no, they did NOT make it to the 35.
49ers at their 11 after another great Hekker punt in the 53-54 yard range. Fairley turns Alex Boone into his personal bitc... um, blocking sled and Davis runs smack into Boone for a 3-yard loss. Field vision! 49ers can't set up the screen on 2nd down with Donald getting a free run at Kaepernick. 3rd-13 at the 8, Kaepernick gets 6 on a draw. The 49ers let the clock run out so they can punt with the wind in the 2nd.
I should add somewhere that Bush had to be carted to the locker room after that slip on the concrete earlier. Knee injury, return questionable.
SECOND QUARTER
Austin lets the short and low punt bounce down to the Ram 34. Will they make the 35? Tre Mason lucky to get 1 with the Ram left side getting shoved backward. The Rams then lose 5 PENALTY #2 for having too many in the huddle. Jesus H. Christ. Austin gets it all back on a bubble screen, but PENALTY #3 it comes back for a "block in the back" on Barnes THAT WAS NO SUCH THING. Barnes shoved Bowman ON THE ARM right as he dove trying to tackle Austin. Classic incompetent refereeing. I'll throw a flag because something looks wrong. 2nd-24 now even though Fox says it is 2nd-14. Screen to Mason for 6. Foles overthrows Bailey, who was double-teamed and at least 5 yards short of the first down anyway. The Ram offense is absolute garbage YET AGAIN. Two Rams whiff on Ellington on the return and let him out to the 32.
Sims stays with Kaepernick on a rollout and appears to tip a pass that Patton catches for no gain. Kaepernick rolls right on 2nd down and fires a FAST ball that Smith can't come up with at all. No biggie, PENALTY #4 holding on Joyner. Jesus. H. Christ. Kaepernick gets Vernon Davis isolated on Barron outside, but Barron breaks up the deep throw with his helmet. And Barron again, burying Davis for a loss, sneaking behind the lead block for a nifty play. How is it 3rd-and-10? Davis clearly lost at least a yard. OK, that was Fox's fault, not Boger's. 3rd-11, PENALTY #5 Donald reacts to Martin's head bob and gives S.F. a free 5. Here comes the blitz on 3rd-and-6; Simpson beats TruJo deep, TruJo gets away with contact downfield and Simpson lets the ball into his body and incomplete. The punt looks like a shank and is downed around the Ram 29.
Will the Rams cross the 30? OH HELL YES THEY WILL. Todd Gurley cuts inside Rod Havenstein's block and a sweet pull block by Reynolds AND HITS THE JETS for a 71-yard TD. Gurley took off so fast, the safety, probably Tartt, ended up with such a bad angle, all he could do was fall down, and Gurley outran Reid for 45 yards; no contest. And, miraculously, no flags.
I wouldn't, but the Rams go for two, and it works, on a nice play by Foles and Cook. Foles rolls right, Gurley goes out that way, Foles hangs with the play forever, and hits Cook, WHO MAKES A NICE HANDS CATCH, in a crowd for the conversion. Rams 10, 49ers 3.
And 10 looks like a lot of points today, just sayin'.
Here's Mark Barron AGAIN, stopping Ellington at the 16 on about a 20-yard return. Holding on the return sends the 49ers back to their 8. They must be in double-digit penalties already. Kaepernick throws the 1st-down pass right into Ayers' body for a batdown. On 2nd down, William Hayes doesn't buy the play-fake for a second (and why? the 49ers haven't run at all), blowing up the naked bootleg attempt, and Brockers beats Erik Pears for the Rams' first sack. Brockers is definitely having his best season to date. 3rd-13. Barron defends a quick flare to Vernon Davis for a couple; send in the punter. It's another poor one that bounces backwards. SF only downs it at their 44, even with an illegal man downfield for penalty #ONE MILLION this half.
Rams at the SF39. Ohh, Gurley missed a big lane to his right and went left for 3. A rare miss by Todd there. Nobody covers him on a swing pass on 2nd down, though, and he brushes off a tackler and goes up the sideline for 15. Rams go no-huddle, but Tartt limits a near-repeat of the last play for no gain. Mason goes left for maybe 1 as Cook and Reynolds can't budge anyone on their side. On 3rd-9, Foles breaks the pocket and unwisely tries to force a pass to Britt in the back of the end zone, defended well and nearly intercepted by Tramaine Brock. Greg Zuerlein hits from 38 with the Rams losing all offensive credibility with Gurley getting rested. Rams 13-3
49ers at their 20, 6:52 till halftime. Draw to Davis, who makes a wrong move inside and gets only 2. Boone gets away with ridiculous movement pre-snap but Fairley, having his best game of the season, beats his man and thumps Davis down for maybe 1. Arguably not a blitz down, but Williams brings the house and Kaepernick beats it with a classic slant to V. Davis for 11. And now a 4-man rush gives Kaepernick way too much time to throw, and Patton beats the deep zone with a 32-yard sliding catch between 3 Rams. Put them at the STL34. M. Davis spins out of a Barron tackle for 3. The TE rollout pass that has never worked in Rams history gets 8 for V.Davis after a miss by Jenkins. The next play is an idiot clown show; Barron makes a nice play to tip a ball but then McLeod, TruJo and Laurinaitis all blow the INT by all going for it and knocking each other out of the play. McLeod idiotically is behind TruJo and still tries to make the pick by going through him. What are you thinking? TruJo leaves with what appears to be a hand injury. Swing pass to M.Davis is held to 1 by a nice play by Barron, but Ayers thumps him helmet-to-helmet out of bounds. PENALTY #6 A proper call, I think, though the home crowd doesn't. Ayers' stupid move makes it 1st-and-goal at the 9. Kaepernick rolls left, and V.Davis looks wide open in the flat, but Maurice Alexander closes rapidly to shut him down at the 8. It is ludicrously spotted at the 6 though Davis was never within two yards of that. Similar play to the other side is shut down by the same guy, Alexander, at the 8 again, though I suppose it'll be spotted at the 1. Good job, Mo. 3rd-goal at the 7 at the 2:00 warning. Miller gets open for a likely TD on a circle route but DROPS the pass. Not like him to hear footsteps, but TruJo was on the way. Dawson chips on another 3 that could have been much worse. Rams 13-6
Rams at their 20, 1:53 till the half, 2 TOs left. Brooks nearly blows up an end-around to Austin off play-action left to Gurley, but Austin outran him for 6. Brock gets a VERY ticky-tack foul for barely shoving Austin out of bounds, putting them at the 41. ANOTHER handoff, up the middle to Gurley, for 4. ARE THEY HUDDLING in 2:00 offense? ANOTHER handoff, Gurley up the middle for 5 behind Brown's pull block. Penalty #ONE BILLION - Boger is literally hoarse from calling all these penalties - on SF puts the Rams at the 45. ANOTHER HANDOFF TO GURLEY for no gain. And PENALTY #7 on Robinson for holding. The only winner so far in this game is Jerome Boger. 1st-20 at the STL45 as the worst 2:00 drive in NFL history stumbles on. 8 to Cook, exploiting very soft zone. 0:44 left, Acker runs Austin's deep route better than he does and breaks the pass up. PENALTY #8 ON THE RAMS for illegal formation. Jesus. H. CHRIST! 2nd-17 at the STL48. Cook gets a completely clean release, Foles hits him at the 25, and Cook miraculously makes the routine catch, splits two tackles, miraculously does not fumble and gets all the way down to the 3. 49-yard play! Rams call timeout with 0:28 to go. Benny Cunningham helped make that play with one of several nice blitz pickups today. 49ers have to take an injury timeout for Kenneth Acker, one of the DBs who collided with each other and missed Cook. Rams go double-TE right and screen to Gurley, but Brooks, as good an edge setter as there is in the league, shuts him down for a 3-yard loss. Diehl tries to call Gurley for a facemask on his stiffarm, which would have been a terrible wrong call; Boger does call Brooks for horse-collaring Gurley. 1st-goal outside the 2. Jet sweep right for Austin, who races around Brooks and DIVES for the pylon for a TD!!! The worst 2:00 drive in NFL history ends with a Rams TD. Rams 20, 49ers 6
T.J. McDonald absolutely CLOBBERS Ellington at the 22 on the return as the 49ers end the half in defeat formation.
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
The 49er offense made me sweat a little early, but the Rams don't need to change much on defense. They have shut down the running game and can jump on just about any attempts to get Kaepernick on the move as a result. I honestly do not see the 49ers making any kind of comeback given what's left around Kaepernick right now.
The Ram passing game continues to be absolute shit, but with a nice lead, no need to get crazy taking chances. The play-action game should be there, though, and should keep the Rams from 1-2-3-kicking like the cheerleaders in the 2nd half.
This thing should be over, given no stupid turnovers or bad plays by the Rams on special teams. And they start the 2nd half with the ball.
THIRD QUARTER
Man, I hope Jerome Boger got intravenous fluids and maybe gargled with salt water at halftime. He's had quite the game so far. He has not been his usual terrible, but sure as hell has kept busy.
The kickoff takes a high bounce at the 5 and Benny can only get it to the 17. Gurley cuts back for 8 on a wrap right behind Robinson/Reynolds/Barnes, then gets the 1st down with 3 off right tackle. That puts him over 100 for the FOURTH straight week. Gurley left for 3. Hey, let's not wear him out. Foles gets forever off play-action but flings it way out of bounds over an open Austin's head. Niners blitz on 3rd-and-7 and Austin can't stay in bounds on an out route. 0-FOR-7 on third down today. Another great punt by Hekker, 55 with no return to pin SF at their 17.
Today's stars: Gurley, Hekker, the Rams D and Boger. EIGHTEEN accepted penalties in the 1st half. Big rush by Barron and Jenkins hits Patton to break up a 1-yard flare route. Hayes does not buy play-action at all (why should he?) and his big rush leads to a similar play, with Laurinaitis blowing up V.Davis for no gain. Kaepernick hits Simpson at the marker on 3rd down, though I doubt the ball was ever across the marker. Boger's letting Fisher challenge, so it's not a forward-progress thing. Well, this game needed another lengthy officiating delay anyway. Does a Boger game ever end in under 4 hours? Good challenge by Fisher here. Boger calls Simpson short, and though he announces "2nd-and-1", the 49ers send in the punt team.
PENALTY #9, illegal block by Cameron Lynch on the punt, pins the Rams at their 8. Gurley right for 2. Out of pistol formation, Austin BURSTS up the middle for 13 off a pad-cracker of a block by Lance Kendricks. A decent recapper would have mentioned the Rams have used a lot of pistol today by now. Gurley breaks a tackle and pumps out 7, with good work by both blocking TEs. Gurley cuts back left out of trouble in the backfield and wriggles out another 7. Quick out for 5. No, literally, to Brian Quick. Gurley loses it back, though, unable to sweep left with Aaron Lynch manhandling Kendricks at the edge. Very quiet game for Lynch, btw. Foles bails out of the pocket on 3rd-9 WELL before he had to, scrambles right and chucks the ball into the stands. There may have been nothing open, but Foles easily could have hung in better than that.
The Ram offense continues to go exactly as far as Gurley takes them and not a yard farther. Co-team MVP Hekker, though, gets the roll down to the 2 with a 61-yard kick, almost blown but downed by Cody Davis. Mike Davis is out with a hand injury and the 49ers are down to Gaskins. Robert Quinn (also quiet today) stops for 1; McDonald then holds him to 2. Quinn bats down the 3rd down pass. Fine play, but unfortunately, Jenkins had that route totally jumped for a pick-six. Excellent 3-and-out by the D anyway.
Austin loses six like a jackass on a punt he caught near midfield. Rams at their 44. Play-action rollout TE pass sort of works; amazing 1-handed catch by Kendricks for 3. He can make that catch but couldn't catch that long TD against Pittsburgh, huh? Mason off left tackle to midfield, leaving 3rd-4. The 3rd-4 play looks terrible. Benny tries to sweep right (STUPID CALL), but Brooks as usual has that pinched off and a 49er lunges through and pops the ball out of Benny's hands. Brooks scoops and scores with it, but blatantly facemasks Benny, which allows him to get to the ball. The flag flew and should save Benny's ass here. Well, we wouldn't have drama without Boger calling another staff meeting. The United Nations doesn't have as many meetings, or flags, as this crew. They get the call exactly right, though; instead of a 49ers TD, it's 1st down Rams at the SF35. Epically stupid call by Frank Cignetti there. We get another long wait because every member of the 49er organization wants, and gets, an audience with Boger. Just call Mike Pereira next time; he's got it right. Mason runs left through NaVorro Bowman for 7, then cuts back inside off another fake Austin end-around for a 1st down at the 25. Cook and Robinson completely fail to block Eli Harold and Mason gets pinned for -3. Mason left for 5, down to the 23, with Jamon Brown starting to punish some 49ers now. ANOTHER THIRD DOWN SWEEP ATTEMPT, shut off nicely by Brock, sends Zuerlein in. His 40-yard attempt is, of course, blocked. Three 49ers got through, and the last one, Dial, ran through Havenstein to get a hand on it. Well, at least the Rams burned up 5 minutes with their generally worthless offense.
Niners at their 30. Barron blitzes, is ridiculously held by Miller with no flag, and still forces Kaepernick up into trouble. He tries to bounce outside but Quinn and Laurinaitis get him for sack #2. Hustle play by Quinn, who Staley drove well behind the pocket for starters. But TruJo's at least 10 yards off Simpson the next play and gives up 15 on a slant. I expect we'll see a lot of soft zone the rest of the way. Kaepernick wants Simpson deep down the Ram sideline, but Jenkins has him blanketed. The Rams are 15 minutes away from going over .500.
FOURTH QUARTER
Kaepernick dodges Hayes and scrambles for 5 to the SF46. Nothing open on 3rd-5, and Quinn coming on a stunt, Kaepernick fires a sideline pass into the ground. Austin fair catches the punt at the 10; Jenkins commits PENALTY #9 a facemask to send them back to the 5. Gurley runs twice for 7 and gets stuffed on 3rd down, I believe making the Rams 0 FOR NINE on 3rd down today. How the hell are they winning this game?
57-yard bomb by Hekker and ANOTHER 49er special teams penalty start them at their 20. This may not be the worst game a Ram opponent has ever played in St. Louis (Oakland, last year), but the 49ers are getting close. PENALTY #10 Kaepernick long-counts Brockers offsides. Ayers holds Gaskins to 2, then Donald slips Boone and charges Kaepernick into a wild throwaway. Bubble screen to Simpson gets 10 as Jenkins is blocked out on the edge. Ethan Westbrooks gets sack #3 after Donald beats Pears late to make Kaepernick step up. 2nd-13. Shovel pass to Gaskins would have beaten the blitz but he dropped it. Hayes flushes Kaepernick on 3rd down, and he fires too high and too hard for Smith a couple of yards short.
This whole game is setting offensive football back at least 50 years. Both punters are about to be sidelined with repetitive stress injuries. From the 27, Mason up the middle for a tough 4. 10 minutes to go. Mason off right tackle for another 3.
The Rams finally convert a third-down, and then some, with a 66-yard TD from Foles to Austin. No, not a bomb, but a bubble screen that is dead-perfectly blocked. First off, play-action has the whole d-line thinking run and most of the o-line gets free runs to get ahead of the play. Whoever #18 is - is that Ken Brett again? - blocks both DBs on the edge to get Austin running room. Robinson gets out nicely and has no one to block. Barnes pancakes the first DB Britt blocked. Havenstein's ten yards downfield blocking two guys out of the play. Austin sprints through that and slips Tartt at midfield to run away for the TD! Stick a fork in the Niners. Rams 27-6.
I'm in garbage mode from here unless something really notable happens. The Rams get another 3-and-out with Quinn chasing Kaepernick out of bounds on 2nd down and Joyner holds Ellington short on a 3rd-down short hitch. Hilariously, right after I talk about the punters having repetitive stress injuries, Dawson in fact comes in to replace 49er punter Bradley Pinion and hits a pretty nice one. PENALTY #11 holding on Bailey on the return puts the Rams on their 15 with 6:30 to go. Dawson has possibly been the 49ers' best player today!
Robinson gets beaten by Eli Harold to get Mason stuffed on 2nd down, and a 3rd down inside handoff is nowhere close. 1-2-3-kick!
50-yard punt by Hekker is returned 27 across midfield by Ellington, with a block in the back not called at the outset and McQuaide missing a diving tackle. Short passes get them down to the STL24. On 3rd-2, Jenkins breaks up a quick slant to Simpson; on 4th down, he does it again. Perfect defense and Rams ball with 3:03 left. The Ram defense is going to go two straight weeks without allowing a TD.
Mason follows Kendricks up the middle for 9. Fox then throws up a graphic saying this is the Rams' first game with two 60+ yard TDs since 1961. What the? It takes me about 5 seconds to verify Torry Holt's game at Atlanta in 2000 where he had 80- and 85-yard TD receptions. Nice work, Fox. Diehl even questions the stat. You're right, David. 2:00 warning, the only drama left is to see if Fox corrects that brutally wrong "fact"oid.
My favorite two minutes in sports, the Rams in Victory Formation. Fox does not correct the TD stat from earlier. 4-3 marks the Rams' best record after 7 games since 2006. They're going to need a lot better offensive effort in Minnesota next week, but give them credit for getting this far in good shape and winning two straight games they were supposed to win.
Final score: Rams 27, 49ers 6
-$-
Update: Boldin is inactive. No surprise inactives for the Rams, with get Lance Kendricks and Tre Mason back from last week's list.
Having said all that, have we been able to trust the Rams, who are favored by a whopping 8 1/2, with this kind of game in the past? If the tables were reversed, would we not be calling the Rams a dangerous wounded animal? Sure, the Rams "should" win, but as usual, I'm about as confident right now as a Jeb Bush supporter.
With so much of their power game missing, what the 49ers ought to be doing this week is letting it all hang out and play a wide-open, speed game. Go no-huddle to blunt the Ram pass rush. Stretch the field with their fast receivers (Smith, Ellington, Patton), take deep shots, open up the LOS for delay handoffs, draws and sweeps for Reggie Bush, and especially, get Colin Kaepernick on the move. To have any chance of salvaging this season, and probably Kaepernick's career, they absolutely have to reverse their 2015 form. They have to get him constantly on the move and let him run when it's there for the taking. Will the Rams be ready for such a bold change in approach? I say San Francisco's best chance to win today is with Kaepernick as their leading rusher.
Also, even if the 49ers do what they always do, what about the Rams offense this season, even with Todd Gurley exploding into rookie stud-dom, tells us this game should be a blowout? What's keeping the 49ers from putting 9 in the box every play? Not much.
The prediction: Unless the Rams get a pick-six or a scoop-and-score, the 49ers cover.
The biggest reason to worry this week: Today's referee? JEROME BOGER. The over/under on combined penalties today should be 24.5. On blown calls? Probably 9.5. Boger's as bad a referee as the NFL has ever had. The league gave three crews the week off who are all better, and it's B.S. he got stuck on this game instead of a crap game like Tennessee-Houston.
Fox announcers will be Dick Stockton and David Diehl. The first time Stockton says "St. LOUIE" today, I am driving to the Dome and personally whacking him upside the head.
FIRST QUARTER
Rams win the toss and defer. Greg Zuerlein bombs it 80 yards for a touchback. Play-action rollout and Vance McDonald is all alone in front of Trumaine Johnson on the sideline for 12. Um, we don't need ridiculous soft zones today, Gregg Williams. Another half-roll, and the Rams don't even bother covering Torrey Smith, for another 12. 49ers come out playing it smart by moving the pocket; Rams are completely obsessed with Kaepernick running. Quick screen to Bruce Ellington for 4. Read option inside handoff to Reggie Bush stuffed by William Hayes and Michael Brockers, who got superb penetration. Rams blitz on 3rd-6, and Eugene Sims burns the overrated Joe Staley to flush Kaepernick, but he escaped around the blitz and through Lamarcus Joyner for about 10. Kaepernick keeps the read option this time, but Rodney McLeod and Janoris Jenkins shut him down rapidly. Big hit by Jenkins. Rams at least look ready for read option, which I'm pretty sure the 49ers haven't been running much. Somebody named Mike Davis gets 5 off left guard with Mark Barron a step slow filling. 3rd-3. Jerome Boger and crew let Joyner get very physical with Quinton Patton on a drag route and he never gets to Kaepernick's incomplete throw. Even within 5 yards, that was probable DPI. Send in the pun... no, Phil Dawson is out to try from 54, and he nails it. Huh. 3-0 49ers
49ers have come out doing exactly what I said they should, moving the pocket and using no-huddle. If I can think of all that, it seems like Gregg Williams should have, too. Better defense on the rollouts, please.
No return for Benny Cunningham; start the Rams at the 20. Todd Gurley left for 5 behind Greg Robinson, a strong block by Garrett Reynolds and a tough block downfield by Stedman Bailey. The Rams are in no-huddle now, too. Gurley runs smack into Ian Williams, who shed Jamon Brown. 3rd-4. KENNY BRITT DROPS A BOMB THAT WAS RIGHT IN HIS HANDS. One of the refs threw a flag, then the whole crew uses 2 minutes to tell us there was no penalty. Typical Rams start on offense. Perfect 54-yard punt by Johnny Hekker to pin the returner on the sideline.
49ers at their 21. Somebody called Kendall Gaskins loses two after Aaron Donald nearly blows up the handoff. This was I formation, and Donald got to the play quicker than the up back, Bruce Miller, could get to him. Gaskins tripped over Miller diving trying to get any piece of Donald. Bubble screen to M. Davis gets about 10 back, though. He got behind Ethan Westbrooks. 3rd-1? Davis NEVER got that far up the field. Should be 3rd-2. Nick Fairley wins inside, and Donald hits Staley with a spin move to DRILL Kaepnerick after the throw, which is incomplete and a mile over Bush's head. Flag flew at the snap, but all the Rams were onside for a change... give Boger a minute... illegal formation, SF. Punt time. Beautiful bomb Tavon Austin can only fair catch on the sideline at the 18.
Gurley left for 2; Quentin Dial beat a Reynolds-Tim Barnes double team. Nick Foles hard-counts Ahmad Brooks offside. They tried a free-play bomb to Britt again but it was broken up. 2nd-3. Fake jet sweep left and arrow route right to Lance Kendricks for 4. Draw to Gurley gets nothing after Jamon Brown badly loses a hand fight with the great Glenn Dorsey. Shallow drag to Bradley Marquez (?) (!) gets about 4. 3rd-5, DROP, STEDMAN BAILEY, hearing Eric Reid's footsteps on a crossing route. MY GOD the Rams have GOT to get some receivers next year. Between the draft and free agency I'd say they need to acquire about FIVE. Hekker hits a 53-yard punt; Bush runs backwards about ten yards, sweeps and gets most of it back, then slips on the concrete way behind his bench and stays down. The Turf Monster, er, Cement Monster, has made a couple of nasty plays the past couple of weeks.
Flag on the return leads to another seminar for Boger and crew, and Boger appears halfway to cracking up while announcing THREE 49er penalties: two blocks in the back and a bench foul for an "assistant coach" coming off the sidelines, apparently to get into a post-play scrum. Shouldn't that coach be ejected? Also, the crew voted for pepperoni pizza after the game.
That wasn't a coach; it was ANQUAN BOLDIN! Eject his ass! Not done.
49ers at their 3 after two half-the-distances. TruJo gets Davis' feet on a run blitz, and Mark Barron finishes it off at the 2. Barron and McLeod blitz over LT on 2nd down and Davis barely gets out of the end zone. Brockers was there to blow it up, too. 3rd-12 at the 1 - SAFETY. It's an idiotic, slow-developing handoff, and James Laurinaitis shot the A gap, and Brockers trucked lightweight center Marcus Martin, to drop Davis in the end zone. What a numb-nut call by the 49ers.
And on the two-run homer by Matt Holliday, it's now a 3-2 ballgame. 49ers 3, Rams 2
It's pretty much been the 1st quarter we've expected, hasn't it? Pretty short free kick, returned 6 by Austin to the STL38. Gurley gets a couple left; the DE shed Robinson. The Ram o-line has left a d-lineman free for a tackle every run so far. Pass pro has been fine, though; Foles gets plenty of time for Austin to beat soft zone on a square out for 10.
And, WHAT THE HELL? Off play-action, Austin's wide open at the 25 for a crossfield throw, and then appears to just throw the ball away for a fumble. OK, Jaquiski Tartt punched it loose when he tried to put it away. Austin kicked it, then lost it again trying to pick it up. Had his eye on an oncoming 49er instead of the loose ball. Just what the Rams freaking needed, a turnover. Wasted a great throw by Foles. Oh, and PENALTY #1 on Tim Barnes for a late hit. GOD I AM SICK OF THIS OFFENSE.
Also, what the hell kind of name is "Jaquiski" and why the unholy **** would I ever pronounce it "Jaquoski"? Shouldn't mom and dad have spelled it "Jaquoski" if it's going to be pronounced that way? Oh, no, OK, my name is "Mike", but you should pronounce it "Edgar".
49ers take over at the Ram 47 after a lengthy review. The right guard flinches to make it 1st-15. Smoke route to Ellington is wild with a heavy blitz coming. Fisher challenges the play, saying the pass was backward. Looked forward to me. Just what we need, another Boger delay.
The pass was OBVIOUSLY forward, which you'd think the coach who pulled off The Music City Miracle would know. Timeout and challenge wasted! What would they have gotten from it any way? A yard? Idiotic move by Fisher.
NICE pass breakup downfield by Ayers to save a big gainer to Jerome Simpson (what, he's out of jail?). Nearly a pick. 3rd-15, Williams idiotically blitzes Barron and Joyner, but Quinn hits Kaepernick on the throw, it's short and Simpson can't make a shoestring catch. Nearly muffed it right to TruJo, in fact. Simpson is begging for DPI but doesn't get it. I'd argue that TruJo had a right to the ball. Austin gambles right on the punt, which barely rolls into the end zone, and the 49ers HELD TWICE on the play; start the Rams at their 30. Will they make it to the 35?
Play-action bomb for Austin knocked away by Reid. Reid gets away with DPI, grabbing Austin and not turning at all for the ball. This crew ain't calling anything today. Gurley left for 4, again behind Reynolds and Barnes. 3rd-6, blitzing LB beats Rod Havenstein with an inside move and Foles well overthrows Jared Cook on an out route. ANOTHER 3-AND-OUT FOR THE RAMS. And, no, they did NOT make it to the 35.
49ers at their 11 after another great Hekker punt in the 53-54 yard range. Fairley turns Alex Boone into his personal bitc... um, blocking sled and Davis runs smack into Boone for a 3-yard loss. Field vision! 49ers can't set up the screen on 2nd down with Donald getting a free run at Kaepernick. 3rd-13 at the 8, Kaepernick gets 6 on a draw. The 49ers let the clock run out so they can punt with the wind in the 2nd.
I should add somewhere that Bush had to be carted to the locker room after that slip on the concrete earlier. Knee injury, return questionable.
SECOND QUARTER
Austin lets the short and low punt bounce down to the Ram 34. Will they make the 35? Tre Mason lucky to get 1 with the Ram left side getting shoved backward. The Rams then lose 5 PENALTY #2 for having too many in the huddle. Jesus H. Christ. Austin gets it all back on a bubble screen, but PENALTY #3 it comes back for a "block in the back" on Barnes THAT WAS NO SUCH THING. Barnes shoved Bowman ON THE ARM right as he dove trying to tackle Austin. Classic incompetent refereeing. I'll throw a flag because something looks wrong. 2nd-24 now even though Fox says it is 2nd-14. Screen to Mason for 6. Foles overthrows Bailey, who was double-teamed and at least 5 yards short of the first down anyway. The Ram offense is absolute garbage YET AGAIN. Two Rams whiff on Ellington on the return and let him out to the 32.
Sims stays with Kaepernick on a rollout and appears to tip a pass that Patton catches for no gain. Kaepernick rolls right on 2nd down and fires a FAST ball that Smith can't come up with at all. No biggie, PENALTY #4 holding on Joyner. Jesus. H. Christ. Kaepernick gets Vernon Davis isolated on Barron outside, but Barron breaks up the deep throw with his helmet. And Barron again, burying Davis for a loss, sneaking behind the lead block for a nifty play. How is it 3rd-and-10? Davis clearly lost at least a yard. OK, that was Fox's fault, not Boger's. 3rd-11, PENALTY #5 Donald reacts to Martin's head bob and gives S.F. a free 5. Here comes the blitz on 3rd-and-6; Simpson beats TruJo deep, TruJo gets away with contact downfield and Simpson lets the ball into his body and incomplete. The punt looks like a shank and is downed around the Ram 29.
Will the Rams cross the 30? OH HELL YES THEY WILL. Todd Gurley cuts inside Rod Havenstein's block and a sweet pull block by Reynolds AND HITS THE JETS for a 71-yard TD. Gurley took off so fast, the safety, probably Tartt, ended up with such a bad angle, all he could do was fall down, and Gurley outran Reid for 45 yards; no contest. And, miraculously, no flags.
I wouldn't, but the Rams go for two, and it works, on a nice play by Foles and Cook. Foles rolls right, Gurley goes out that way, Foles hangs with the play forever, and hits Cook, WHO MAKES A NICE HANDS CATCH, in a crowd for the conversion. Rams 10, 49ers 3.
And 10 looks like a lot of points today, just sayin'.
Here's Mark Barron AGAIN, stopping Ellington at the 16 on about a 20-yard return. Holding on the return sends the 49ers back to their 8. They must be in double-digit penalties already. Kaepernick throws the 1st-down pass right into Ayers' body for a batdown. On 2nd down, William Hayes doesn't buy the play-fake for a second (and why? the 49ers haven't run at all), blowing up the naked bootleg attempt, and Brockers beats Erik Pears for the Rams' first sack. Brockers is definitely having his best season to date. 3rd-13. Barron defends a quick flare to Vernon Davis for a couple; send in the punter. It's another poor one that bounces backwards. SF only downs it at their 44, even with an illegal man downfield for penalty #ONE MILLION this half.
Rams at the SF39. Ohh, Gurley missed a big lane to his right and went left for 3. A rare miss by Todd there. Nobody covers him on a swing pass on 2nd down, though, and he brushes off a tackler and goes up the sideline for 15. Rams go no-huddle, but Tartt limits a near-repeat of the last play for no gain. Mason goes left for maybe 1 as Cook and Reynolds can't budge anyone on their side. On 3rd-9, Foles breaks the pocket and unwisely tries to force a pass to Britt in the back of the end zone, defended well and nearly intercepted by Tramaine Brock. Greg Zuerlein hits from 38 with the Rams losing all offensive credibility with Gurley getting rested. Rams 13-3
49ers at their 20, 6:52 till halftime. Draw to Davis, who makes a wrong move inside and gets only 2. Boone gets away with ridiculous movement pre-snap but Fairley, having his best game of the season, beats his man and thumps Davis down for maybe 1. Arguably not a blitz down, but Williams brings the house and Kaepernick beats it with a classic slant to V. Davis for 11. And now a 4-man rush gives Kaepernick way too much time to throw, and Patton beats the deep zone with a 32-yard sliding catch between 3 Rams. Put them at the STL34. M. Davis spins out of a Barron tackle for 3. The TE rollout pass that has never worked in Rams history gets 8 for V.Davis after a miss by Jenkins. The next play is an idiot clown show; Barron makes a nice play to tip a ball but then McLeod, TruJo and Laurinaitis all blow the INT by all going for it and knocking each other out of the play. McLeod idiotically is behind TruJo and still tries to make the pick by going through him. What are you thinking? TruJo leaves with what appears to be a hand injury. Swing pass to M.Davis is held to 1 by a nice play by Barron, but Ayers thumps him helmet-to-helmet out of bounds. PENALTY #6 A proper call, I think, though the home crowd doesn't. Ayers' stupid move makes it 1st-and-goal at the 9. Kaepernick rolls left, and V.Davis looks wide open in the flat, but Maurice Alexander closes rapidly to shut him down at the 8. It is ludicrously spotted at the 6 though Davis was never within two yards of that. Similar play to the other side is shut down by the same guy, Alexander, at the 8 again, though I suppose it'll be spotted at the 1. Good job, Mo. 3rd-goal at the 7 at the 2:00 warning. Miller gets open for a likely TD on a circle route but DROPS the pass. Not like him to hear footsteps, but TruJo was on the way. Dawson chips on another 3 that could have been much worse. Rams 13-6
Rams at their 20, 1:53 till the half, 2 TOs left. Brooks nearly blows up an end-around to Austin off play-action left to Gurley, but Austin outran him for 6. Brock gets a VERY ticky-tack foul for barely shoving Austin out of bounds, putting them at the 41. ANOTHER handoff, up the middle to Gurley, for 4. ARE THEY HUDDLING in 2:00 offense? ANOTHER handoff, Gurley up the middle for 5 behind Brown's pull block. Penalty #ONE BILLION - Boger is literally hoarse from calling all these penalties - on SF puts the Rams at the 45. ANOTHER HANDOFF TO GURLEY for no gain. And PENALTY #7 on Robinson for holding. The only winner so far in this game is Jerome Boger. 1st-20 at the STL45 as the worst 2:00 drive in NFL history stumbles on. 8 to Cook, exploiting very soft zone. 0:44 left, Acker runs Austin's deep route better than he does and breaks the pass up. PENALTY #8 ON THE RAMS for illegal formation. Jesus. H. CHRIST! 2nd-17 at the STL48. Cook gets a completely clean release, Foles hits him at the 25, and Cook miraculously makes the routine catch, splits two tackles, miraculously does not fumble and gets all the way down to the 3. 49-yard play! Rams call timeout with 0:28 to go. Benny Cunningham helped make that play with one of several nice blitz pickups today. 49ers have to take an injury timeout for Kenneth Acker, one of the DBs who collided with each other and missed Cook. Rams go double-TE right and screen to Gurley, but Brooks, as good an edge setter as there is in the league, shuts him down for a 3-yard loss. Diehl tries to call Gurley for a facemask on his stiffarm, which would have been a terrible wrong call; Boger does call Brooks for horse-collaring Gurley. 1st-goal outside the 2. Jet sweep right for Austin, who races around Brooks and DIVES for the pylon for a TD!!! The worst 2:00 drive in NFL history ends with a Rams TD. Rams 20, 49ers 6
T.J. McDonald absolutely CLOBBERS Ellington at the 22 on the return as the 49ers end the half in defeat formation.
HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
The 49er offense made me sweat a little early, but the Rams don't need to change much on defense. They have shut down the running game and can jump on just about any attempts to get Kaepernick on the move as a result. I honestly do not see the 49ers making any kind of comeback given what's left around Kaepernick right now.
The Ram passing game continues to be absolute shit, but with a nice lead, no need to get crazy taking chances. The play-action game should be there, though, and should keep the Rams from 1-2-3-kicking like the cheerleaders in the 2nd half.
This thing should be over, given no stupid turnovers or bad plays by the Rams on special teams. And they start the 2nd half with the ball.
THIRD QUARTER
Man, I hope Jerome Boger got intravenous fluids and maybe gargled with salt water at halftime. He's had quite the game so far. He has not been his usual terrible, but sure as hell has kept busy.
The kickoff takes a high bounce at the 5 and Benny can only get it to the 17. Gurley cuts back for 8 on a wrap right behind Robinson/Reynolds/Barnes, then gets the 1st down with 3 off right tackle. That puts him over 100 for the FOURTH straight week. Gurley left for 3. Hey, let's not wear him out. Foles gets forever off play-action but flings it way out of bounds over an open Austin's head. Niners blitz on 3rd-and-7 and Austin can't stay in bounds on an out route. 0-FOR-7 on third down today. Another great punt by Hekker, 55 with no return to pin SF at their 17.
Today's stars: Gurley, Hekker, the Rams D and Boger. EIGHTEEN accepted penalties in the 1st half. Big rush by Barron and Jenkins hits Patton to break up a 1-yard flare route. Hayes does not buy play-action at all (why should he?) and his big rush leads to a similar play, with Laurinaitis blowing up V.Davis for no gain. Kaepernick hits Simpson at the marker on 3rd down, though I doubt the ball was ever across the marker. Boger's letting Fisher challenge, so it's not a forward-progress thing. Well, this game needed another lengthy officiating delay anyway. Does a Boger game ever end in under 4 hours? Good challenge by Fisher here. Boger calls Simpson short, and though he announces "2nd-and-1", the 49ers send in the punt team.
PENALTY #9, illegal block by Cameron Lynch on the punt, pins the Rams at their 8. Gurley right for 2. Out of pistol formation, Austin BURSTS up the middle for 13 off a pad-cracker of a block by Lance Kendricks. A decent recapper would have mentioned the Rams have used a lot of pistol today by now. Gurley breaks a tackle and pumps out 7, with good work by both blocking TEs. Gurley cuts back left out of trouble in the backfield and wriggles out another 7. Quick out for 5. No, literally, to Brian Quick. Gurley loses it back, though, unable to sweep left with Aaron Lynch manhandling Kendricks at the edge. Very quiet game for Lynch, btw. Foles bails out of the pocket on 3rd-9 WELL before he had to, scrambles right and chucks the ball into the stands. There may have been nothing open, but Foles easily could have hung in better than that.
The Ram offense continues to go exactly as far as Gurley takes them and not a yard farther. Co-team MVP Hekker, though, gets the roll down to the 2 with a 61-yard kick, almost blown but downed by Cody Davis. Mike Davis is out with a hand injury and the 49ers are down to Gaskins. Robert Quinn (also quiet today) stops for 1; McDonald then holds him to 2. Quinn bats down the 3rd down pass. Fine play, but unfortunately, Jenkins had that route totally jumped for a pick-six. Excellent 3-and-out by the D anyway.
Austin loses six like a jackass on a punt he caught near midfield. Rams at their 44. Play-action rollout TE pass sort of works; amazing 1-handed catch by Kendricks for 3. He can make that catch but couldn't catch that long TD against Pittsburgh, huh? Mason off left tackle to midfield, leaving 3rd-4. The 3rd-4 play looks terrible. Benny tries to sweep right (STUPID CALL), but Brooks as usual has that pinched off and a 49er lunges through and pops the ball out of Benny's hands. Brooks scoops and scores with it, but blatantly facemasks Benny, which allows him to get to the ball. The flag flew and should save Benny's ass here. Well, we wouldn't have drama without Boger calling another staff meeting. The United Nations doesn't have as many meetings, or flags, as this crew. They get the call exactly right, though; instead of a 49ers TD, it's 1st down Rams at the SF35. Epically stupid call by Frank Cignetti there. We get another long wait because every member of the 49er organization wants, and gets, an audience with Boger. Just call Mike Pereira next time; he's got it right. Mason runs left through NaVorro Bowman for 7, then cuts back inside off another fake Austin end-around for a 1st down at the 25. Cook and Robinson completely fail to block Eli Harold and Mason gets pinned for -3. Mason left for 5, down to the 23, with Jamon Brown starting to punish some 49ers now. ANOTHER THIRD DOWN SWEEP ATTEMPT, shut off nicely by Brock, sends Zuerlein in. His 40-yard attempt is, of course, blocked. Three 49ers got through, and the last one, Dial, ran through Havenstein to get a hand on it. Well, at least the Rams burned up 5 minutes with their generally worthless offense.
Niners at their 30. Barron blitzes, is ridiculously held by Miller with no flag, and still forces Kaepernick up into trouble. He tries to bounce outside but Quinn and Laurinaitis get him for sack #2. Hustle play by Quinn, who Staley drove well behind the pocket for starters. But TruJo's at least 10 yards off Simpson the next play and gives up 15 on a slant. I expect we'll see a lot of soft zone the rest of the way. Kaepernick wants Simpson deep down the Ram sideline, but Jenkins has him blanketed. The Rams are 15 minutes away from going over .500.
FOURTH QUARTER
Kaepernick dodges Hayes and scrambles for 5 to the SF46. Nothing open on 3rd-5, and Quinn coming on a stunt, Kaepernick fires a sideline pass into the ground. Austin fair catches the punt at the 10; Jenkins commits PENALTY #9 a facemask to send them back to the 5. Gurley runs twice for 7 and gets stuffed on 3rd down, I believe making the Rams 0 FOR NINE on 3rd down today. How the hell are they winning this game?
57-yard bomb by Hekker and ANOTHER 49er special teams penalty start them at their 20. This may not be the worst game a Ram opponent has ever played in St. Louis (Oakland, last year), but the 49ers are getting close. PENALTY #10 Kaepernick long-counts Brockers offsides. Ayers holds Gaskins to 2, then Donald slips Boone and charges Kaepernick into a wild throwaway. Bubble screen to Simpson gets 10 as Jenkins is blocked out on the edge. Ethan Westbrooks gets sack #3 after Donald beats Pears late to make Kaepernick step up. 2nd-13. Shovel pass to Gaskins would have beaten the blitz but he dropped it. Hayes flushes Kaepernick on 3rd down, and he fires too high and too hard for Smith a couple of yards short.
This whole game is setting offensive football back at least 50 years. Both punters are about to be sidelined with repetitive stress injuries. From the 27, Mason up the middle for a tough 4. 10 minutes to go. Mason off right tackle for another 3.
The Rams finally convert a third-down, and then some, with a 66-yard TD from Foles to Austin. No, not a bomb, but a bubble screen that is dead-perfectly blocked. First off, play-action has the whole d-line thinking run and most of the o-line gets free runs to get ahead of the play. Whoever #18 is - is that Ken Brett again? - blocks both DBs on the edge to get Austin running room. Robinson gets out nicely and has no one to block. Barnes pancakes the first DB Britt blocked. Havenstein's ten yards downfield blocking two guys out of the play. Austin sprints through that and slips Tartt at midfield to run away for the TD! Stick a fork in the Niners. Rams 27-6.
I'm in garbage mode from here unless something really notable happens. The Rams get another 3-and-out with Quinn chasing Kaepernick out of bounds on 2nd down and Joyner holds Ellington short on a 3rd-down short hitch. Hilariously, right after I talk about the punters having repetitive stress injuries, Dawson in fact comes in to replace 49er punter Bradley Pinion and hits a pretty nice one. PENALTY #11 holding on Bailey on the return puts the Rams on their 15 with 6:30 to go. Dawson has possibly been the 49ers' best player today!
Robinson gets beaten by Eli Harold to get Mason stuffed on 2nd down, and a 3rd down inside handoff is nowhere close. 1-2-3-kick!
50-yard punt by Hekker is returned 27 across midfield by Ellington, with a block in the back not called at the outset and McQuaide missing a diving tackle. Short passes get them down to the STL24. On 3rd-2, Jenkins breaks up a quick slant to Simpson; on 4th down, he does it again. Perfect defense and Rams ball with 3:03 left. The Ram defense is going to go two straight weeks without allowing a TD.
Mason follows Kendricks up the middle for 9. Fox then throws up a graphic saying this is the Rams' first game with two 60+ yard TDs since 1961. What the? It takes me about 5 seconds to verify Torry Holt's game at Atlanta in 2000 where he had 80- and 85-yard TD receptions. Nice work, Fox. Diehl even questions the stat. You're right, David. 2:00 warning, the only drama left is to see if Fox corrects that brutally wrong "fact"oid.
My favorite two minutes in sports, the Rams in Victory Formation. Fox does not correct the TD stat from earlier. 4-3 marks the Rams' best record after 7 games since 2006. They're going to need a lot better offensive effort in Minnesota next week, but give them credit for getting this far in good shape and winning two straight games they were supposed to win.
Final score: Rams 27, 49ers 6
-$-
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