Man, do I get a dinner break or anything? Arizona will hope to catch a big break here and hope that Steve Breaston can pick up the slack for injured Anquan Boldin. Weirder things have certainly happened (said Mr. 1-for-5 so far in this year's playoffs). Good luck, Kurt.
Kenny Albert with Moose and Goose on the game call. I thought the call of the first game by Gumbel and Dierdorf was great, though I have had to endure a lot of Matt Vasgersian this season, which may skew my viewpoint.
FIRST QUARTER
Moose quickly wins the Worst Dressed Announcer award, with a brown checked jacket, multistriped shirt and polka-dotted tie. Who's dressing him, Bozo the Clown?
Or worse, Craig Sager?
Cardinals kick off as Carolina won the toss. Mark Jones picks through traffic and isn't brought down till midfield. Nearly took it back all the way after getting a great block from Frank Omiyale.
Panthers only get one from DeAngelo Williams on first down, and a useless quick out to Steve Smith for two on 2nd down, but Brad Hoover takes a swing pass and fights through a couple of Cardinals for 7 and the first.
Williams breaks out with an inside handoff for 30 yards down to the 10. Classic counter play off a solid block by Hoover. Cards got caught with 8 in the box.
Jonathan Stewart charges up the middle for a 10-yard TD, and this game may already be over at the 11:56 mark. Nice defense, Arizona. 7-0 Panthers.
Smart play by JJ Arrington on Carolina's stupid kickoff, which rolls out of bounds.
Referee for this game is Gene Steratore.
Cards at their 40. Warner overthrows Fitzgerald on a deep corner route.
Big hole for Edgerrin James on the left side, but it closes quickly and he nets only 3.
3rd-7, Cards go 4 wide, Carolina rushes 4 and the Panthers leave Fitzgerald ALL ALONE over the middle and he takes a short pass all the way down to the Panther 26. 31 yards.
James loses at least one on a sweep left, shut down by Thomas Davis.
Big rush by Carolina on 2nd down, and beating Lyle Sendlein for a sack of Warner, it's.....
FREAKING D-LEW. 3rd and 16.
Stupid freaking screen to Arrington is blown up beautifully by Julius Peppers for a 7-yard loss. Peppers completely beat Mike Gandy on the play. Jones fair-catches the punt at the 9.
I would say this is already a must-stop for Arizona.
Draw to Williams loses a yard, stuffed by Darnell Dockett.
Williams up the middle for 7 makes it 3rd-and... 2? What kind of spot did he get last play?
Cards maintain a pulse and do a great job stacking up Williams on 3rd down. I think he lost yardage again(?). Punt scoots out of bounds at the AZ 43, so Kurt's still in business.
8 over the middle to Fitzgerald.
James gains maybe 1 on a handoff that was almost blown. I think Kurt expected him further outside.
3rd and 1. Plenty of time for Warner as he rolls out and hangs one up for Fitzgerald, a classic play where the QB just tosses it up and lets his WR go up and get it. Fitzgerald skies for the catch at the 10-yard line for 50 yards!
James bounces outside for 4. Literally. He bounced off a lineman and found an opening.
Off play action, Warner finds fullback Tim Castille at the 3. Probably Kurt's 4th read. 3rd-and-goal.
Cards passing all the way and Tim Hightower comes out of the backfield clean for a 3-yard TD reception to tie the game at 7. Jon Beason blows the coverage while Ken Lucas is uselessly six yards deep in the end zone in zone coverage. Poor, poor reactions by both of those guys.
And a super, super statement by the Cardinals in fighting back, because it looked like they were in danger of getting blown right out of the stadium right away.
Line drive kick through the end zone starts Carolina at their 20.
And the Cards come up with another big play. Delhomme gets FOREVER to throw but never gets rid of the ball, and Antonio Smith both whacks it out of his hand and pulls it in for the turnover. Another fucking brilliant playoff prediction by me. I'm going 1 for fucking 6.
From the Panther 13, Warner hits James with a screen pass he takes inside the 5, and James takes a draw play inside of a penetrating D-Lew for a 5-yard TD. Arizona 14, Carolina 7.
Honestly, I'm not retarded at this stuff. Week 10 this season, I went 14-0. I went 13-3 week 17. I finished high in all of the online football pools I was in, including the confidence pool at KPNT.com, which I either won or finished 2nd in for the season, darned if they're saying. I won our office pool twice. That I'm staring 1-for-6 in the fucking postseason in the face is the exception, not the rule. Trust me.
Panthers return the kickoff to the 23. Delhomme finds Muhsin Muhammed WIDE OPEN at the 38 for a sliding catch and a first down. Better throw there is a bigger gain. Stewart gets squat off left tackle.
Play action bomb for Steve Smith pays off in a clear DPI on Antrell Rolle inside the 15. Rolle tackled him before the ball arrived and never looked for the ball. Brutal, obvious call. Carolina can't get downfield quickly enough, though, and have to blow a timeout.
As in Tennessee, it's raining at tonight's game. From the 15, Stewart takes a pitch left for 1 as the first quarter runs out. Cards 14, Pants 7.
SECOND QUARTER
One thing I don't like about Carolina's offense is something they got wrong in Super Bowl 38 against the Patriots. They don't stick with the successful RB. Why are they using the bruising inside runner, Stewart on so many outside runs, when Williams would be far better suited for that? Use Williams more and Stewart less; Williams is clearly the better runner anyway. Just like in SB38, it didn't matter how many big runs DeShaun Foster got, Carolina was still handing it off to Stephen Davis most of the time with much less success.
That analysis has to wait as Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie picks off Delhomme at the goal line and returns it to the 20. Delhomme was trying to force a TD pass to Steve Smith. Panthers let Arizona score again, this game may be over.
Delay of game puts Arizona back at the 15, but a completion to Breaston for 13 and a run up the middle take care of that. James cuts a stretch handoff back up the middle for 6.
And guess who jumps offsides to give up the first down? D-Lew! THAT'S the D-Lew we know and love!
Draw play to James from the 41 gains 6, lucky for Carolina Davis got a piece of him, because he was the only guy on that side of the field. Well setup play.
Draw to Hightower for nothing. What was I just saying about Carolina using RBs wrong? Keep feeding James!
No matter; unsportsmanlike conduct on Richard Marshall gives Arizona 15. Stupid retaliation-type penalty in response to a late block by Early Doucet.
Where the hell has Early Doucet been all of 2008? I didn't even know he was a Cardinal! All you people who wanted him over Donnie Avery and others want to man up?
Warner scrambles for 3 and James goes over right guard for 3 more. 3rd-and-4.
With Tyler Brayton coming in unblocked, Warner has to throw it away deep. Saves a FG attempt for Neil Rackers. Rackers hits from 49 to put Arizona ahead 17-7.
Directional kick and good coverage hem Jones in at the 20. Carolina's in pretty sore need of a score here.
After a ridiculously long conference, the officials call Arizona for a neutral zone violation. 1st and 5.
Panthers pick up the blitz but Delhomme overthrows the deep corner for Muhammed.
Pitch left to Williams, who I was about to complain wasn't getting the ball enough, but Karlos Dansby slashes through to shut it down for a loss. 3rd-7.
Pass is knocked down by Bryan Robinson. Cardinals blitzed a couple out of a 3-4 look.
Breaston returns the punt to the 38.
It looks like only one team came to play tonight, and shockingly, it's the Cardinals. What the hell is Carolina's excuse? Where are all the fucking DeAngelo Williams TDs like the ones that killed my fantasy championship game? Why the hell aren't they getting the ball to Steve Smith? The flameout the Panthers are pulling off right now ranks as one of the biggest postseason CHOKES of recent years.
I apologize for the cussing, but it is royally pissing me off that I'm going 1-for-6 predicting playoff games because of things like an 8-0 team at home that destroyed me in FFL laying down and choking to the freaking Bidwill Cardinals. If the Eggles win tomorrow, which is HIGHLY possible, Bidwill is HOSTING THE NFC CHAMPIONSHIP!
Sweet play by the Cards, as Warner fakes a screen pass and hits Fitzgerald up the sideline for 25. They're at the Panther 42. More teams definitely need to run that play. Incomplete pass and a short James run set up 3rd-and-7. You can tell by the lessening detail that I'm struggling to keep up.
Fitzgerald WIDE OPEN again for 17. What the hell are the Panthers doing on defense? The Cards DON'T HAVE ANQUAN BOLDIN TONIGHT, how can you leave Fitzgerald open by five yards EVERY PLAY?
James left for a couple.
Warner hits Breaston, criss-crossing with Fitzgerald and ultimately covered by a LB, at the 13 to make it 3rd-and-1.
And Warner trips over his guard and barely gets the ball to fullback Terrelle Smith. The bad timing messes up the play and Carolina stuffs it. 4th down.
As Rackers hits from 30 to put Arizona ahead 20-7, Moose boldly assures us in hating the decision to kick the FG that "it'll be 21-20 quick". Based on what, the extreme poise and efficiency Delhomme is showing out there tonight?
Jones sprints right up the middle with the kick return to the 37. Oh, those NFC West special teams.
Yeah, Moose, it'll be 21-20 quick. Fucking stupid Delhomme throws the ball RIGHT TO Gerald Hayes to give the Cardinals the ball back at midfield. Second time tonight Delhomme hasn't even looked for the underneath coverage.
Can I ask again where Steve Smith's been all night?
Can I ask why DeAngelo Williams has touched the ball only six times?
Hightower blasts around right end for 14. This game is over, in most unexpected fashion.
Cards at the Panther 30. James bounces outside left for 1.
GAME OVER, as the Panthers continue to REFUSE to cover Fitzgerald. They fucking have a LINEBACKER covering him on a drag route as he catches it at the 10, outruns a safety and dives for the pylon. 29-yard TD, Fitzgerald, Arizona leads 27-7. This game is DONE, FINISHED, OVER.
Way to fucking show up, Carolina. Thanks for playing like a bunch of god damn morons on both sides of the ball and making me 0 FOR TWO today, 1 for 6 in the postseason.
Assholes. Great coaching job, John Fox. Moron.
Rackers kicks this one to the up man, and Carolina starts from their 26.
Delhomme to Duane Jarrett for 5. Whoopee!
False start. Way to have your team ready, Fox. 2nd-and-9.
Darnell Dockett beats Jordan Gross, who a lot of Rams Nation seems to want to sign this offseason, for a sack. Way to have your guys ready to play, Fox.
Delhomme gets FOREVER to throw on 3rd-and-12, and goes deep for Smith, but he's double-teamed and DRC breaks up the pass. Still no catches for Smith, and DRC is on the short list for MVP right now, along with Fitzgerald. Delhomme is in the clear lead for LVP, along with Carolina's whole coaching staff for an awful game plan on both sides of the ball and terrible preparation.
Assholes.
2:00 warning.
Cards have it at their 27 after the punt. James runs left for 4, then 2, as the Panthers cagily call timeouts after each run.
3rd-and-5. Bubble screen to Arrington; he gets out to the 40 with a first down. Panthers have a man down. Landon Johnson got a whiplash-inducing shot from one of his own teammates. Though he's sitting up, they're going to take him out on the court. Our prayers go with him.
Might as well do the halftime analysis now.
CAROLINA SUCKS.
Quit trying to zone-cover Fitzgerald, you idiots. Get the ball in Williams' hands, you idiots. Run some plays that'll get Steve Smith open, you idiots.
As for Arizona, don't get too conservative, keep mixing some Fitzgerald in with the running game and get ready to enjoy your appearance in the NFC Championship.
And the way I'm picking, your Super Bowl matchup with the Ravens.
Warner found Arrington at the 35 with :03 left to set up a long FG attempt for Rackers. How would this be for a coups de grace?
Not quite; Rackers is a little short from 53. The Panther fans boo their team off the field, down 27-7 at halftime.
I would normally rip home fans for booing their team during a playoff game but the Panthers deserve it. They have been unprepared and played like crap in every phase of the game except maybe kickoff returns. What the hell were John Fox and staff doing the last two weeks? Circle-jerking?
THIRD QUARTER
To put the frosting on his awful ensemble I described earlier, Moose has a green silk hankie in the pocket of his brown checked jacket. He IS being dressed by Craig Sager.
Everything went right in the first half for the Cardinals, who get the ball to start the second half, too. Arrington's return is to the 26.
James for 4-5 over the right side.
Play-action, Warner overthrows Fitzgerald on the side line as he's being hit. 3rd-5, more like 6.
Warner hits Jhereme Urban, whose first name the Carolina PA clearly pronounces as "Jermaine", for 8. It's "Jeremy", you dummy. The P.A. guy is as prepared tonight as the rest of the Panther organization.
Defensive holding on - guess who, D-Lew! - sets the Cards up at the 45.
Quick pass to Jermaine Urban loses 3.
Warner gets splattered by Chris Harris (America's Most Wanted?) on a huge blitz up the middle but got rid of the ball to preserve 3rd-and-13.
Big pressure from Brayton again from the outside forces a poor pass from Warner. Brayton got his arm as he threw. Rare defensive stop for the Panthers.
Jones fair catches the punt at the 10 despite having a little room.
Hey! It's DEANGELO WILLIAMS! Counter play for 15.
Quick screen to Muhammed for 4. Hell, he's only got two catches now.
Gerald Hayes hits the backfield unblocked and drops Williams for a loss. The Giants couldn't have done this ONCE the week I needed them to hold Williams under 16 fantasy points and they gave up 35 instead?
Antonio Smith stunts and belts Delhomme on 3rd down to force an awkward incompletion and a punt. Carolina looked like the Rams blocking that stunt. No, that's not a compliment.
Warner to Fitzgerald in the flat for 6. Puts the Cards at the 31.
And now a TERRIBLE play by Kurt, throwing it RIGHT TO Jon Beason at the 40 for an INT. That's just like Delhomme's second INT. C'mon, Kurt!
First down Panthers at the Arizona 31. Williams gets nothing up the middle. He's feast or famine tonight, isn't he?
ANOTHER lengthy conference by the Gene Steratore crew on a pre-snap penalty ends up as a false start on Carolina. 2nd and 16.
And Delhomme answers Warner's mistake with another colossal fuck-up. It's a screen for Steve Smith. Adrian Wilson is blitzing, gets a great leap and throws off the timing of the play. Delhomme pulls the ball down to avoid Wilson, then fires for Smith, who by now is blanketed by Cardinal DBs. It goes off one's hands and into Rolle's for an INT, and he returns it a long way, to about the Panther 32.
Good night, Panther fans! Drive safely.
DRC got the deflection on the INT a minute ago. He'll be hard to deny for game MVP.
James for 1.
Bubble screen to Fitzgerald for 10. Ridiculous.
Delhomme is sitting on the sideline with an expression like he's just been in a train wreck. Which he has.
False start on the fullback Smith, 1st-15.
Fitzgerald has 6 catches for 188. It's like he's playing the Rams out there! Also not a compliment for the Panthers.
No gain for James.
Warner to Breaston at the 15. 3rd-and-10.
TE Steve Spach illogically runs a poor pattern. Warner was looking for a lot flatter route to the sideline and fires it out there incomplete.
30-yard FG by Rackers puts Arizona up 30-7. Second half is going perfectly for the Cards so far. Their lead is in no danger whatsoever from worthless Delhomme and his worthless teammates.
Maybe those of us so sure the Cardinals would get wiped out on the east coast again should have considered their internal clocks might be in better tune for a night game on the east coast. This was like a 3:00 start in Arizona.
Panthers at their 33 after the kickoff, 4:32 left in the 3rd. Wow, Delhomme throws a pass that is NOT intercepted, to Jarrett across midfield. Don't go TOO soft on D, Cardinals.
6-yard comebacker to Muhammed.
Delhomme goes deep for Muhammed from the AZ 42, but he's well-covered by Roderick Hood and the pass is too far. 3rd-and-4.
DROP by Muhammed on 3rd down, coverage by Hood. Panthers will obviously go for it.
Muhammed appears to stumble and make a bad cut and Delhomme overthrows him badly. Cardinals ball.
Oh, and Steve who?
Hightower right for maybe 1. They're just grinding clock now, and thinking ahead to (if they know who I picked) the Eggles at home next week.
Pitch right to Hightower for 7. Stay in bounds next time, son.
They run a goofy-looking screen, more of a lateral handoff, to Doucet, who gets DESTROYED by Wildcat Chris Harris for a loss. Best hit of the postseason, I think. Punt goes into the end zone.
Inside handoff to Williams for 4.
Cards are late getting substitutions on the field, and only line up 2 d-linemen, allowing Delhomme to ACTUALLY FIND STEVE SMITH for a 36-yard catch-and-run. He hits Dante Rosario for 14 as the third quarter runs out with Arizona flexing a 23-point lead.
FOURTH QUARTER
Congratulations to the Punt Pass & Kick winners. Can any of you suit up at QB for the Panthers?
Panthers start the quarter at the Arizona 26.
Cards big blitz and Delhomme hits Rosario at the 14.
Draw to Williams for a couple. Panthers obviously in no-huddle.
Williams runs a wheel route into the end zone but Dansby has it covered for an incompletion.
Delhomme gets behind center with 8 seconds left on the play clock and STILL can't get the play off in time. Delay of game.
MORON.
3rd-and-13 at the 17. Cards rush 4, and dropping back into coverage, Ralph Brown intercepts the ball thrown RIGHT TO HIM intended for Steve Smith. Delhomme is a pile of crap, but every NFL team playing against Steve Smith in the future needs to save a copy of this game tape. The Cards have completely eliminated him.
Cards bang out ten on the ground before Spach goes down after taking a knee to the knee. I... will... always be... your friend... He's able to walk off the field, though. Live long and prosper.
Cardinals THROWING on first down and Warner throws it away into the flat. Carolina wants grounding there and appears to have a case. Kurt wasn't out of the pocket.
2nd-10 from the 30, James over the right side for 3.
OH NOOOOOOO, Spach is now being carted off as Warner's pass for Fitzgerald is behind him and incomplete.
Jones returns the punt to the 32. 11:30 left.
Stewart weaves his way with a screen pass for 12.
Out pattern for Jarrett is jumped by DRC, nearly for another interception.
With Wilson coming on a blitz, Delhomme throws his FIFTH interception now, to Hood at the 50.
Delhomme is so bad it isn't even funny.
I plan to ignore the rest of this game. Congratulations to Kurt Warner on his return to the NFC Championship game.
We are clearly headed for a Cardinals-Ravens Super Bowl. No one else in football is hotter, though the Eggles may have something to say about that tomorrow. The Cardinals certainly have to be taken 100% seriously at this point, and you certainly have to give them a chance if they're in the Meadowlands next Sunday, unless they're playing in an ice storm that day or something. Obviously, they're rooting for the Eggles tomorrow, but be careful what you wish for with that secondary. That would be a great matchup, Arizona's passing game vs. Philly's safeties. I'll really need to see tomorrow's game to decide how much I like Arizona's chances of
MVP of the game goes to Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, who had a pick, created another and smothered Steve Smith whenever Smith ventured over there. (A lot better rookie performance against Smith than say, oh, TYE HILL.) Cardinals DC Clancy Pendergast deserves part of the game ball for a terrific scheme that made Steve Smith as useless as Drew Bennett and made Delhomme look like Marc Bulger on a bender.
Carolina's coaching staff should be ashamed of themselves. They prepared horribly for this game, getting away from everything they do well on offense and not having any apparent plan to stop or slow down the things Arizona does best on offense. John Fox's coaching for this game was so bad as to make Scott Linehan look good. Their biggest offseason need looks like it's a playmaker in the secondary. This is a solid team - on paper - that should have played a LOT better than it did tonight. So somebody in their front office better be kicking butts on that coaching staff all offseason.
Well, let's see if I can miss both fucking games tomorrow, too. My apologies in advance to the Giants and Chargers.
Short FG for Rackers in garbage time makes it 33-7.
Meaningless TD for Smith with less than a minute left makes is 33-13 while the Fox crew natters on about what a great competitor he is. Where was it the first, oh, FIFTY-NINE minutes of the game? Carolina attempts a meaningless two-pointer and meaninglessly misses it.
Good riddance to bad Carolina rubbish.
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