Sam Bradford deal is done

Finally. First-overall draft pick Sam Bradford and the Rams have agreed to a 6-year contract billed as $78 million. $50 million guaranteed. The contract has a "max value" of $86 million, which I assume Bradford would reach via incentives. It's the richest rookie contract in NFL history and the most expensive player contract in Rams history, breaking the contract Marc Bulger didn't get to play out here by over $15 million.

The top 5 contracts in team history, best as I can tell:
1. Bradford, 6 years, $78 million;
2. Bulger, 6 years, $62.5 million;
3. Jason Smith, 6 years, $61.775 million;
4. Chris Long, 6 years, $56.5 million;
5. Orlando Pace's last Rams contract, 7 years, $52.8 million.

Bradford didn't make tonight's first team meeting but it should be safe to expect him at tomorrow's practice, making Saturday the first day of the Summer of Sam in St. Louis.

Photo: Sam Bradford in April, touring the facility he now pretty much owns (picapp.com)

Camp news: 7/30

(from local media reports)

Three sessions skipped now by Sam Bradford, though Brian Stull believes his deal should be wrapped up in time for him to attend team meetings tonight, and that he will be at practice tomorrow. 14 first-round picks have been signed around the league as of right now, the highest being Trent Williams (left) with Washington, signed today, and Eric Berry in Kansas City. None of the top 3 picks have been signed. The other QB drafted in the first round was signed to a 5-year, $33 million deal yesterday. Yeah, you may have heard of him. The 49ers have both of their first-round picks signed. Let's get on the stick, people.

Injuries have been blessedly light so far compared to the hospital ward this team looked like during OTAs. Jason Smith continues to be limited due to his toe. Rookie free agent safety Darian Stewart hurt a shoulder at the end of today's practice. (Hmm... better speed up my profile on him.) Mardy Gilyard is playing with what Steve Spagnuolo describes as a "banged-up wrist". First time I heard anything about Gilyard being injured. None of the current round of camp injuries are considered serious or long-term.

Further updates as events dictate.

Rookie free agent preview: Cardia Jackson, LB, Louisiana-Monroe

Cardia Jackson, 6'2" 240

LB, Louisiana-Monroe

Rankings: Jackson's rankings are, well, all over the place. NFLDraftScout ranked him 51st at OLB at the end of the season after ranking him 33rd there to start the season. CollegeFootballNews.com ranked him #22 at the beginning of the 2009 season at ILB. Consensus Draft Services (CDS), on the other hand, projected Jackson as a 5th-6th round draft pick. Pro Football Weekly, on the other other hand, didn't have Jackson anywhere in their 2010 Draft Guide. YMMV, indeed.

Biography/Honors:

Sun Belt Conference all-time leader in total tackles. Ended his career tied for first among active NCAA players in solo tackles (228) and in third place in total tackles (381). Three-year starter.

2009: Sun Belt Conference co-Defensive Player of the Year and all-Sun Belt 1st team. Led conference with 117 tackles. Had 8 tackles and forced a fumble against Texas.

2008: All-Sun Belt 1st team. Eighth in nation in tackles with 127 (10.6/game). 8 tackles-for-loss, 4 sacks, 2 fumble recoveries and 2 INTs. 18 tackles against Ole Miss.

2007: All-Sun Belt 2nd team. Led ULM in tackles with 79. 9 TFL, 0.5 sack and 2 pass breakups in 12 games, starting 8.

2006: 58 tackles, 2.5 TFL, 2 fumble recoveries in 12 games.

Major: general studies.

Injuries: none reported.

Pro Day stats: CDS reported Jackson's 40 time unofficially at 4.75. No other data is available for Jackson even though there were plenty of reports about ULM's pro day.

Positives: Tackling machine who carried ULM's defense. Moves well from sideline to sideline. Closes well on ballcarrier. Comes in angry and makes the tackle. Quick read-and-react LB; doesn't get fooled by misdirection plays. Nice at wading through traffic and accelerating to the ball. Good at pass drops. Looks good covering quick passes and screens.

Negatives: Not a thumper, seems more like a drag-down tackler who can get run over. Doesn't make the big play. Would like to see better hands from him when he has the chance to make the interception. Lacks the size and athleticism the NFL wants out of its ILBs these days. His productivity seemed to drop his senior year even though the defense was changed to free him up to make plays.

Compares to: David Vobora. Similar size and they did a lot of the same things well in college at lesser football programs.

Fun facts: In the human body, the cardia is the opening into the stomach and the part of the stomach connected to the esophagus. Tachycardia is the medical term for rapid heartbeat, or possibly now, a rookie Rams LB with poor fashion sense. NFL alumni of Louisiana-Monroe include new Rams safety Kevin Payne, Marty Booker and former NFL QBs Stan Humphries and BUBBY BRISTER.

RamView: The Rams have had modest success recently with LBs who rang up lots of tackles in college though they weren't exactly playing at football factories. Tim McGarigle (Northwestern) lasted a couple of years here. Chris Chamberlain's (Tulsa) entering his third year here and is making a mark on special teams. Vobora's (Idaho) the success story, going from last player drafted in 2008 to borderline starter here. Most of the footage I saw of Jackson, he played from the MLB position, but I assume he's in the mix for an OLB backup spot here, along with Chamberlain, Larry Grant and 7th-round pick Josh Hull. Grant has never really impressed me much, and I wouldn't mind seeing him get beaten out. The inside experience should be a plus for Jackson, provided he can show he can play outside (same story for Hull), and far be it from me to vote against a guy who's practically named for heart. I think Jackson's a good pickup by the Rams and he's got a fighting chance to make the roster.

Sources: St. Louis Post-Dispatch, ULM athletics site, Wikipedia, NFLDraftScout.com, Scout.com, CDSDraft.com, New York Times, Multisource Sports Management, Princeton University WordNet

Photo: Scout.com

Camp news: 7/29

(from local media reports)

Camp opened yesterday for rookies not named Sam Bradford and select veterans.
Notable items:

* Jason Smith isn't doing much of anything yet as he recovers from a broken toe. Rodger Saffold actually drilled at left tackle. Smith was "limited" in the first practice and played on the right side, while only drilling on the sideline the second. Steve Spagnuolo is calling Smith and Saffold "interchangeable" at RT and LT right now, which is certainly an eye-opener. It may not be a big deal if Saffold starts the season at LT and Smith's the RT, but it would mean the Rams spent the second pick overall in the 2008 draft on a right tackle.

* Brian Burwell seems pretty ticked in his column this morning that Bradford isn't in camp yet. He certainly has a point. Bradford's agents have been more occupied with extending Antonio Gates and getting other first-rounders signed? Bull shit! Bradford and the Rams should be their first concern! Unfortunately, what I'd also perceive as a lack of urgency from the Rams front office in the matter is just telling me that they've been planning to start A.J. Freaking Feeley most of this season all along. Or, as Spagnuolo, I believe infamously, said at a press conference earlier this week, don't forget about Keith Null.

* Closing with the bad news: with my primary transportation in the shop until at least Wednesday, I'm going to miss chances to cover training camp practices this weekend and next Tuesday night. I'll have to set my sights now on the team scrimmage at Lindenwood University next Saturday night.

Hopefully Sam Bradford will beat me to camp.

Photo: picapp.com, Mardy Gilyard from April rookie camp

Setterstrom to IR: update

Mark Setterstrom, who tore his left triceps during OTAs, is reportedly going to be placed on injured reserve, ending his 2010 season, when and if the Rams ever finish Sam Bradford's contract. (Not to panic or anything, but Bradford is missing his second practice RIGHT NOW.) Reportedly, the Rams have to clear a spot on their roster when they do sign Bradford.

Well, their damn online roster is screwed up, then. Like I just said this morning, it had 81 on it, including Rodger Saffold and Bradford. Subtract Brandon Joyce, cut yesterday, and you. Have. 80! They shouldn't need to cut anybody.

Go to their website right now! They've updated it by removing Joyce, and it now has EIGHTY names on it, INCLUDING BRADFORD.

Why do they have to cut anybody to sign Bradford?
Who is this "extra" person?
This kind of thing MATTERS to me!

Stay tuned for updates.

Update: The extra player's Joe Gibbs, #69, witnessed at practice yesterday. He's a "camp body" who dropped off the online roster at the end of June, leading me to assume he'd been officially cut, though no transaction was announced. I now expect he'll be the player who officially makes way for Bradford.

Good and bad secondary news: update

The good news: Bradley Fletcher will be good to go for the start of training camp on Friday. He got full medical clearance from team doctors this past Friday. Nothing but good news there. Fletcher's play had been showing solid improvement up until his knee blew out at the end of October against the Colts. Assuming he's at full speed, Fletcher's definitely in the mix to start at corner opposite Ron Bartell, probably even the guy to beat, since he had gained the job during last season.

Let's also make sure to give Fletcher some guts and character points for coming back ahead of schedule from a wicked knee injury that took two surgeries to repair.

In the not-so-good department, third-round pick Jerome Murphy, also believed to be in the starting cornerback mix, was arrested in St. Petersburg, Florida Saturday for driving without a valid license. Now, that's a very minor deal in the big scheme of things, but it's still a distraction and it's still a failure by a player to stay out of trouble off the field. May Murphy learn from that and be wise enough to make that his worst infraction for a very long time.

I am curious to know, though, what got Murphy pulled over in the first place if the license violation was all he was charged with. Was he let off the hook for a more serious violation? Or was he guilty of "driving while black"?

We're missing an important detail somewhere in this story.

Update: Murphy was pulled over for having his music on too loud, which he disputes. He's from New Jersey, his license there had expired, and he was "waiting for [his] Social Security card" so he could get a Florida license, which he now has. Like I said, a very minor deal in the big scheme of things.

Rookie free agent preview: Brandon McRae, WR, Mississippi State

Brandon McRae, 6'4" 205
WR, Mississippi State

Rankings: 98th-ranked WR by Pro Football Weekly. Rated as possibility to make an NFL training camp but likely needing time in a developmental league.
140th-ranked WR by NFLDraftScout.
103rd-ranked WR by Scouts Inc. Lacks NFL skills/measurables and is not expected to be a solid contributor as a training camp body.

Biography/Honors:
McRae played for Morehead State (I-AA) in 2005 and sat out 2006 to transfer to Mississippi State, where he finished his career.

2009: 14 catches for 114 yards (8.3 ypc). Three catches against Auburn was his high for the season.
2008: 51 catches for 518 yards (10.2 ypc) and 3 TD in 12 games, starting 10. Had 100-yard game against Georgia Tech and finished sixth in the SEC in receptions.
2007: 2 catches for 50 yards. One start in 13 games.
2005: 28 catches for 361 yards (12.9 ypc) and a TD. Led team in receptions.

Major: sociology.

Injuries: Serious leg fracture in final game of 2008. Played hurt most of his senior season.

Pro Day stats: SI.com reports McRae's 40 time as 4.61.

Positives: Nice-sized possession receiver. Good route-runner with impressive hands and good game speed for his size. Gets in and out of breaks quickly and has explosive burst running away from defenders. Comes back to the ball off of breaks and offers the QB a nice target. Catches away from his body and adjusts well to the ball in the air. Hard worker in practice and the film room. Loves the game. Familiar with Rams RB coach Sylvester Croom from Mississippi State. Played in a spread offense there and could blossom in a pro-style offense.

Negatives: Drops some very catchable throws. Doesn't make the difficult catch. Doesn't have strong enough hands to grab and bring down high, hard throws. Must check out medically and produce quickly this summer to make it out of camp. His leg fracture was exceptionally bad - his tibula and fibula broke in several places as he made a cut. (He had been playing with a stress fracture in that leg without realizing it.)

Compares to: McRae calls himself a cross between Randy Moss and Chad JOHNSON on YouTube. Well, we can hope. He's pretty similar size-, speed- and skill-wise to 2010 third-round draft pick Brandon LaFell or fifth-round pick Riley Cooper. LaFell is often compared to fellow LSU alumnus Dwayne Bowe.

Fun facts: A lifelong dog lover, former MSU Bulldog McRae currently owns... a bulldog. No word whether he plans to get a sheepdog if he makes the Rams roster. McRae wore #80 in high school in honor of Isaac Bruce and actually wore it in mini-camp here before giving it back to Isaac for his retirement.

RamView: Who knows where Brandon McRae's career was headed before his broken leg at the end of 2008? Had that not happened, he was poised to enter 2009 as one of the top wideouts in the top football conference in the country. Factor in his NFL-desirable height, and he would have had reasonably high draft prospects. If (a big if) he can come all the way back from that devastating injury and make the team, the Rams will have gotten a third- or fourth-round value player for free. Current Rams like Brandon Gibson and Brooks Foster will certainly have their say in this matter, but if McRae can shine in red zone drills in camp, he's got a shot. Nice pickup by the Rams either way.

Sources: Pro Football Weekly 2010 Draft Guide, Stlouisrams.com, Mississippi State athletics site, Scout.com, ESPN.com, YouTube.com, Alton (IL) Telegraph, Jackson (MI) Free Press, SI.com, DraftCountdown.com

Photo from scout.com

Rodger Saffold signed: update

The Rams and second-round pick Rodger Saffold agreed to a 4-year deal Wednesday.

Update: the deal is for $3.9 million guaranteed, could go as high as $6.3 - 6.6 million.

Now only Sam Bradford to go. Not to panic or anything, but he's already missing his first practice.

Rookie free agent Brandon Joyce was released after Saffold was signed. He and veteran DT Chris Hovan were apparently added to the Rams roster online since the last time I counted there and got 79. (I'm blaming the Rams that my count was wrong because Hovan should have been on the roster at that time.) The Rams website this morning lists 81 players, which includes Joyce (for now), Saffold and Bradford. I assume when they do sign Bradford, they will not have to make a corresponding cut, and the roster will be set at 80.

Rookie free agent preview: Dominique Curry, WR, Cheyney

Dominique Curry, 6'2" 227
WR, Cheyney

Rankings: 83rd-ranked WR by Pro Football Weekly. Expected to have a chance to be in an NFL training camp.
97th-ranked WR by NFLDraftScout.
117th-ranked WR by Scouts Inc. Lacks NFL skills; not expected to make a solid contribution as a camp body.

Biography/Honors:
Here's a shocker! Curry played in the 2010.... CACTUS BOWL, the college all-star game the Rams are single-handedly trying to make relevant by signing every player who appears in it. He had one catch for 8 yards.

Curry played at Cheyney from 2005-07. He graduated in 2009 with a year of football eligibility left and played at California University of Pennsylvania in 2009.

2009: Role player with 4 catches for 64 yards and 2 blocked punts.
2007: All-Pennsylvania State Athletic Conference 1st team. 38 catches for 583 yards (15.3 ypc).
2006: All-PSAC 1st team. 63 catches for 1,035 yards (16.4 ypc) and 7 TDs.
2005: PSAC Rookie of the Year and 2nd-team all-conference. 33 catches for 584 yards (17.7 ypc) and 4 TDs in 11 games.

Major: Geographical information systems, with a 3.5 GPA.

Injuries: None reported.

Pro day stats: (per his YouTube highlight video)
* 4.52 40
* 17 bench presses
* 10'1" broad jump

Positives: Three-sport (football, basketball, track) athlete. Receiver with good size and timed speed, sticky hands and good concentration. Can go up and get it; frequently successful outleaping Division-II DBs for deep jump balls. Decent runner after the catch and looked difficult to tackle, for his level of competition. Seems to have good sideline awareness and ability to adjust to the pass. Seems competent with WCO-style routes. Headhunter on special teams who can throw a good block on kickoffs. Competer.

Negatives: Even at the Division-II level, he didn't look especially hard to cover. Does not appear to be an elusive route-runner and does not appear to have elite speed as a route-runner.

Compares to: Texans 7th-round pick Dorin Dickerson. Considered too small for TE, heavy for their size for WR. Dickerson is significantly faster.

Fun facts: Curry is the closest thing to a geek you're probably going to find in the NFL. He's a computer major who played at a school (CalPa) whose athletic teams are called... the Vulcans. I mean, come on, every geek wants to be a Vulcan, don't they? Please tell me the vets will force him to sing the Vulcan fight song in camp, and that it involves frequent use of the word "Kroy-kah".

RamView: RamView wishes Curry the best, but he's a player who had just four teams at his Pro Day, and they were likely there to see another player, receiver A.J. Jackson. I don't see that he has NFL-level skills as a receiver, though he certainly has the athletic background and physical attributes to be polished into one. His best chance to contribute quickly to the Rams appears to be on special teams, but he'd probably have to beat out veteran Jordan Kent, and Kent's teams play is top-notch. Curry looks like the longest of long shots from here, but this is the time of year great stories are made, or at least begin.

Sources: Pro Football Weekly 2010 Draft Preview, Cheyney University athletics site, ESPN.com, CDSDraft.com, InsidePittsburghSports.com, NFLDraftScout.com, YouTube.com

photo from Cheyney athletics website

Forget T.O., how about signing A.O.?

The upside of the Rams' abortive toe-dip into the Terrell Owens derby is that they've shown they've still got their checkbooks out. They're not standing pat, they're still hustling for players who might possibly help win them games in 2010.

And there are still free agents available right now that would help the Rams out, imo. The biggest surprise of free agency is that no one has signed Adewale Ogunleye. Like T.O., he's a Drew Rosenhaus client, so maybe he's priced himself out of the market all this time. And as I warned about him back before free agency started, the bulk of his production last year came against lousy teams and really lousy offensive lines.

But the Ram pass rush was poor last year no matter who they played; if they added Ogunleye and he only performed against bad teams, they'd still show big improvement. I have to wonder why the Rams haven't at least talked to the guy by now. Seriously, they're going to start James Hall? Four sacks would be a monster year for him. And it's going to be a lot harder for Chris Long to achieve a breakout season if opponents will never have to double team the benign Hall down the line from him. Long may get double-teamed right into oblivion. And there's squaddoosh behind them. You've got Victor Adeyanju, who never sacks anybody, and a bunch of seventh-round and undrafted types. With Leonard Little apparently hanging up his spikes, an already anemic pass rush impossibly got worse, and the Rams have to do better there than hoping George Selvie pans out. Signing someone like Ogunleye, to a responsible contract, mind you, would go a good distance toward strengthening one of the Rams' weakest areas.

Update: 30-second T.O.

The Terrell Owens Era in St. Louis ended almost as quickly as it got started, much sound and fury signifying nothing. The Rams announced today that they are not going to bring Owens into camp. Sure, he would have been the Rams' best receiver heading into camp, but gambling on T.O. having a lot left is still a pretty high risk for a young team such as this. I wouldn't be surprised to see Seattle stick their beaks back into the T.O. Derby.

In other big news, the team is officially going to name its new hunk of foam rubber "Rampage". Thinking that one over again, I'm surprised they didn't go for the commercial tie-in and call it "Ramada".

Now that we've got the important stuff out of the way, could we maybe get to signing Sam Freaking Bradford?

Rams taking a T.O.?

If they can tear themselves away from the exciting announcement of the naming of the Rams' mascot Monday morning, the Rams braintrust is reportedly getting together to decide whether or not to seriously pursue Terrell Owens. The Owens-to-the-Rams rumor really picked up steam this weekend, with the Bengals also considered in the running for the still-free agent WR.

Like with the Michael Vick rumors last year, local press doesn't seem to care whether or not signing T.O. would be a good move for the team as much as they do that he'll be a story. Unlike Vick, though, I don't necessarily see an Owens pickup as a bad move. Then again, I don't really see it as a good move, either.

Owens' 55 receptions and 829 yards in Buffalo last season bested anything any Rams receiver did. His average per catch of 15.1 was a little better than his career average, and certainly better than Donnie Avery's weak 12.5. At 6'3", 226 he'd bring the Rams receiving corps needed size, especially in the red zone, and with 14 seasons and 6 Pro Bowls under his belt, he'd bring them some badly-needed experience, too. He'd be pretty much a perfect fit for the Ram offense. He's earned a career reputation as a showboater, me-first player and locker room poison, but he seemed to behave himself in Buffalo last season. If that means he's finally matured, it's hard to see Owens doing much harm to the Rams this season.

Though he likely wouldn't do much harm to the Rams playing against them, either. He'll be 37 by the end of the season. I don't believe he's all that fast any more, or all that hard to cover. You're not going to stretch the field much with him (not that the Rams try that much these days). And he sure does drop a lot of balls (and always has) for a guy you're thinking about using in a WCO.
At 37, he's not much of a candidate to stay around more than a season, and if he does, the odds increase he becomes a disrupting influence in the locker room. It's his career pattern.

And seriously, if the Rams have been so keen on finding a veteran WR who could play in this system, mentor the young receivers, catch 50 balls or so and charge the fan base up a little bit, why didn't they just sign Torry Holt when the Jagwires cut him after last season? There was at least a two-month period they could have signed Holt, so I don't get the perceived rush to bring in T.O. now. Why not bring back a long-time franchise hero instead of a long-time enemy?

Ultimately, I don't think Terrell Owens is going to be a Ram. The Rams didn't have to wait this long to sign a WR to bring what they think Owens could bring to this team. They could have signed Holt, or one of many other veteran receivers out there this spring. I'm not going to threaten to tear up my season tickets if the Rams do sign T.O., but I just don't think he's going to make a lot of difference here, either, if he does come.

Gameday changes, and foam rubber

The Rams will have yet another new P.A. announcer for games at the Edward Jones Dome this year, KTVI news reporter Andy Banker. Banker's the fourth or fifth P.A. announcer the Rams have had now (though Jim Holder's the only other one I can name at the moment). He replaces Randy Wright, who's leaving to work at the University of Florida. Wright did a good job keeping the fans engaged last year without being too plain a homer. Banker's on-air style makes me think he can also walk that line successfully; let's hope he picks up where Wright left off.

And there'll be BIG news later Monday when the Rams announce what we all get to call their new hunk of foam rubber, er, mascot. The clubhouse favorite is "Rampager". Fine name, though my preference wasn't even an option to vote for: Rambo. I also would have insisted the mascot wear the Rambo headband and be armed with a machine gun.

In reality, I could give a frak about the Rams having a foam rubber mascot. It's been cooler all these years not to have one. Save the money and use it instead on a real ram. That would be cool. Or buy the cheerleaders some damn Halloween costumes.

But the Rams haven't done a bad job with their new mascot, though I can't come up with a picture of it to reproduce here. He's certainly an improvement over many of the soul-sucking, corporate, malignantly-kid-friendly hunks of foam rubber (dis)gracing other sidelines around the league. Rampager's got that kind-of-mean look the team logo has. That already makes him a good bet to kick most of the other NFL mascots' asses. I mean, look at these guys.

The Raven looks like a penguin suffering from a glandular condition. And indigestion. The feline mascots look like they were all up all night smoking weed. That Buccaneer is the least scary pirate since Patchy the Pirate on SpongeBob, and Valhalla must be in an uproar over that Viking thing in the back row. (So, the concept is a Viking will be less scary to kids if he looks more like Sasquatch?) The Eagle next to him is certainly scary, but because he looks like a child molester. And I'm sorry, but there is nothing tough about a dolphin or a cow or a smiling white Happy Pony or a hypoxic buffalo. C'mon, people, can't our mascots at least look more intimidating than Mister Rogers? Don't get me started on the creepy gay Cowboy, either. The Teletubbies and Davey and Goliath all laugh at him and call him a pussy, though. Trivia fact: Jerry Jones and the Cowboys mascot use the same plastic surgeon!

The new Ram mascot's got all of those licked, plus he's got others licked because he makes sense. The team is the Rams. He's a Ram. Doesn't seem like a difficult concept. Many teams get this right. Then again, the Kansas City Chiefs mascot is a wolf that wears Zubaz. Yeah, that makes sense. And though he gets points for running over other teams' players with his ATV, the Tennessee Titans' mascot T-Rac, the beloved, adorable, garbage-eating, rabies-infested raccoon, is still a piece of roadkill. What, nobody in Nashville could figure out how to make a possum costume? And what the hell is that Colt mascot supposed to be? A Milk Dud? A California Raisin? A horse dropping? I vote horse dropping, since that is at least horse-related, like a COLT. Oh, it's a football. Those are horsehide, right? But, really? Nobody in Indianapolis thought of a horse? Jim Irsay can't afford a horse costume?

Well, as long as the new Rams mascot doesn't suck more than any of those, and that is an extremely low hurdle to clear, it'll be a positive addition to the stadium. Though unlike the Patriots' mascot, he won't be able to sit in for Jay Leno on The Tonight Show.

Rams sign Onobun

The Onobun Project at Rams Park is all systems go... the University of Houston TE and sixth-round pick has agreed to a 4-year contract.

That leaves the top two picks, Sam Bradford and Rodger Saffold, to be signed by the time rookies report to training camp in nine days. (Good grief, is camp that close already?)

Talks with Bradford's representatives appear to be going well so far; at least, no evidence of discord has leaked out.

Photo: Houston Chronicle

The infinite jest of RamView

I write like
David Foster Wallace

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Curious to find out if I have an actual literary style, I fed an old RamView to the recently highly-publicized I Write Like site, and it came back telling me I write like David Foster Wallace. Though I was expecting a sportswriter, briefly, I thought, oh, I get it. Wallace wrote Infinite Jest, which I know nothing about, other than it's like 1,200 pages long. I needed a website to tell me RamView is wordy?

So I picked a small piece of the same RamView for analysis. Result: David Foster Wallace.
I picked part of a different RamView, the end of the last one from last year. Result: David Foster Wallace. I picked one of my RamBlog entries. Result: David Foster Wallace! Apparently, I am the second coming of David Foster Wallace!

Then again, the same website says Kim Kardashian writes like James Joyce. And that Wallace, and I, apparently, write like a personal ad seeking a gym partner.

Having read none of his writing, I relied on Wikipedia to figure out why I might be considered the next David Foster Wallace (or gym partner-seeking want ad). It mentions his uses of many forms of irony. I'd be impressed with a computer algorithm that can detect that. (Is sarcasm a form of irony? It's definitely my specialty.) More likely, the site's keying on use of long multi-clause sentences, use of acronyms and abbreviations, and maybe use of jargon and vocabulary from a variety of fields. Who knew that using complex language structures like "TD" and "FG" would put me right up there with the author of one of Time's 100 Greatest Novels ever? Or one of the most influential and innovative writers of the last 20 years? (Irony! Or sarcasm! Or both!)

Wikipedia also describes Wallace as a "hysterical realist". That's a perfect description of my experience as a Rams fan. Wallace and I are kindred spirits.

Actually, I hope not. He lost a 20-year battle with depression and committed suicide in 2008. Fortunately, the Rams have only been depressing for about five years now.

(Though this footnote should really make my "style" like Wallace's, when I submitted this post to I Write Like, it told me I write like sci-fi writer and blogger Cory Doctorow now. Huh, a blog post that looks like it was written by a blogger.)

(Also, whatever the hell this font is will be the new font of RamBlog from now on, because I am SICK of setting the font to Verdana like I want and having stupid Blogger ignore me nine times out of ten.)

Site updates: best/worst players

There will be some movement on this year's RamView all-time worst roster. And believe me, I'm showing some restraint in the moves I did make.

At tight end, Joe Klopfenstein has been promoted to starter and therefore worst TE in St. Louis Rams history. Randy McMichael also joins the roster at this position, replacing Brandon Manumaleuna.

Alex Barron and Richie Incognito join the all-worst offensive line, largely thanks to their penalty-prone ways. They replace center Dave Wohlabaugh and LB Brian Allen, neither of whom will be remembered much around here, certainly not as much as the two flag magnets who replace them. In these cases, notoriety, though deserved, makes some players look worse than others who are actually worse.

A lot of other guys are worthy of the all-worst team. Can we ever really say Kyle Boller or Keith Null last year outplayed Scott Covington in 2002? No. Covington's failure is just too funny to keep him off, though. Samkon Gado's easily worse than several RBs on my list. But June Henley's always going to be there for weirdly leading the team in 1998 with a whopping 313 rushing yards. And for all his talent, Trung Canidate's always going to be there for being the first of many dumb Mike Martz draft picks. Many positions have become a matter of, Who do you drop off? Some of these guys were just too craptastic to think they'll ever be off such a team as this.

James Butler was close to replacing Kim Herring, but I'm holding off that one for now. Herring's coming off the page soon; though he may not have been great here, he wasn't epically bad like so many others on the page.

My other near-transaction was to make Pat Shurmur the OC, but as a rookie coordinator last year, he gets a pass (though probably a two-yard smoke pass on 3rd-and-8) for now in favor of incumbent Jerry Rhome, who'd been around a lot longer and just should have known better. But it's damn close, Shurmur, so pull it up out of the ditch this season.

Still have to relive fond memories by going over the best-players page. The only change I foresee is James Laurinaitis bumping Ron Bartell off the practice squad.

Site updates: best/worst games

Well, it's that overdue time of year where I finally try to get the website cleaned up for the upcoming season. Here's the thoughts behind my very-halting efforts so far.

* Best/worst games pages. Obviously, 2009's 1-15 Rams season wasn't exactly going to create a lot of candidates for the best game in St. Louis Rams history, so the best games page remains intact for (another) year, even as I yearn to update it again someday.

The mild surprise is that the worst games list also remains intact, even though the Rams just completed their worst season and are mired in one of the worst runs in NFL history. There were definitely candidates for worst game. The Colts barely worked up even a scrimmage-worthy sweat in handing the Rams a 42-6 home loss. The Whiners ripped the Rams in Frisco 35-0. The Seahawks opened the Steve Spagnuolo era with a 28-0 drubbing, and extended their winning streak over the Rams even though they themselves haven't been any good for two years. And Tennessee put a 47-7 pounding on the Rams in Music City, a game in which Keith Null threw 5 INTs and was still the Rams' best offensive player.

So how did NONE of these games make the cut? Hey, this is subjective. There's no science to it; I may even go back and change my mind someday. Lowered expectations going into last year were certainly a mitigating factor. Nobody expected the Rams to beat the Colts for a minute, so though big, that loss wasn't as embarrassing as other big losses. The team almost never showed signs of quitting on Spagnuolo, either, unlike some of the brutal Linehan losses that do make the list. Losing 35-0 to the Whiners sucks as much as anything, but the team played hard as always, and the defense, belying the score, had a very good game. The reset of the whole franchise going into the season also left an air of hope instead of the lingering air of failure created when Linehan was kept aboard for the 2008 season. Getting pounded Opening Day in Seattle with a team we expected to be bad didn't feel as bad as getting pounded Opening Day in Philadelphia with a team we expected results out of. As for the loss at Tennessee: it probably is one of the ten worst games in St. Louis Rams history, but Jeff Fisher is an asshole and was trying to run up the score that day. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of putting his game on this list.

My precautionary message to Coach Spagnuolo, though: one season in, and you've already had a scad of candidates for worst game in St. Louis Rams history. You got a lot of goodwill in 2009. A LOT, from the press and the fans. And we know we're breaking in a rookie QB in 2010, so again this year, you're lucking out a little and we're not expecting a lot.

We're expecting better than last year, though. Show us some tangible progress in 2010.