Sunday, November 29, 2015

RamView game blog: Bengals 31, Rams 7

The Rams are 9-point underdogs to the Cincinnati Bengals. That seems generous after watching this team play the worst game of the season last week in Baltimore. I wish the Rams had more than "any given Sunday" going for them here, but I don't know what it is. The d-line is banged up. The o-line is banged up and badly outmatched. Todd Gurley is all the offense has since the OC seems to have forgotten he has Tavon Austin. They can't defend quick screens any more and Andy Dalton will be happy to throw those all day. Hell, even the stupid kicker is hurt; they cut Justice Cunningham before the trip to Cinci so they could bring an emergency kicker.

Injury updates/inactives: We already know Nick Foles will return at QB after a 1-week absence. Case Keenum was good to finish the game with a concussion last week but still can't play because of it a week later. Brilliant job, Rams.

Update: Greg Zuerlein is in fact OUT for today's game. His replacement is Zach Hocker, who missed 4 FGs in 6 weeks before getting cut by the Saints in October. Hoo boy.

More unpleasant surprises: Trumaine Johnson is out, and I brilliantly benched Marvin Jones this week in fantasy. Robert Quinn is also out. So far, Rob Havenstein is at least active, so that could help, assuming he can play.

The prediction: The Rams are mainly helped by Andy Dalton being on my fantasy team. They'll attack the Bengals like the Texans did a couple of weeks ago and keep this game surprisingly close. Cinci hasn't looked good at putting teams away when I've watched them. Bengals 24, Rams 16

Dirty hit alert, anti-Jeff Fisher crusader Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis cover the game today for Fox per 506 Sports. Should take about 5 seconds for Brennaman to mention the Lamarcus Joyner hit on Teddy Bridgewater. Great, now I know what's going to happen to Dalton, who runs pretty often for a QB, today.


Football Zebras says the ref for today's game will be Craig Wrolstead. He called the Rams' home loss to the 49ers last year, which turned on a poor OPI call against Jared Cook.

FIRST QUARTER
The Rams win the coin toss and surprisingly elect to receive. Nick Foles leads them out from the 20. Garrett Reynolds at RT, Cody Wichmann at RG, Demetrius Rhaney at LG. Gurley up the middle for two with absolutely NO ONE blocking Carlos Dunlap. Um... Bubble screen to Tavon Austin, who puts on a hesitation move that should never work and gets 7 out of it. On 3rd-and-1, not only does NO ONE BLOCK DUNLAP AGAIN, that same player, NO ONE, blocks safety George Iloka, who blows up a 90-flip to Gurley for a 3-yard LOSS. Reynolds does not appear to know what he's doing down there yet, I'm sure Iloka was supposed to be his block. ANOTHER AWESOME START FOR THE RAM OFFENSE. AND OH HORRORS WE'RE KICKING OUTSIDE TODAY, so naturally, Johnny Hekker's first kick STINKS. 36 yards or so. AWESOME START!

Bengals at their 37. They haven't been able to run lately, so of course Jeremy Hill bolts right up the middle for 15. No penetration at all by the DTs. Cincy led with a TE (you know, like the Rams stopped doing weeks ago), and he took James Laurinaitis out. THIS IS GOING TO BE AN AWESOME GAME! Akeem Ayers trips Giovani Bernard up after a couple. Andy Dalton shovels to Tyler Eifert against a RT-side blitz - perfectly called by Hue Jackson - for 15. 4 more for Bernard; I think Ayers got in there again. Quick hitch to Jones for 3. He's knocked down a tiny bit late, which gives Brennaman all the excuse he needs to start pontificating about those dirty Rams. The Bengals use an early timeout; I have no idea why. Dalton must have seen something he didn't like. The Rams are in a pretty tight zone but still let A.J. Green drag underneath them and down to the 10 with a 14-yard gain. Mohammed Sanu was flanked right way behind the LOS and the gadget play look was a distraction.

From the 10, the Rams do my fantasy team a solid AND COMPLETELY BLOW COVERAGE, leaving A.J. Green open by FIVE YARDS for Cincy's opening TD. FOR SOME IDIOTIC REASON, THREE GUYS ALL JUMP ON A CROSSING ROUTE BY FREAKING SANU, AND THEY ALL LEAVE GREEN WIDE OPEN. This was to Jenkins' side and has nothing to do with TruJo being out, either. Complete screwjob by Jenkins and Rodney McLeod. Bengals 7, Rams 0

Six minutes into this game and I've already HAD IT with this team. Rams will start at the 20. Will they cross the 25? Here's a shock - THE ROLLOUT PASS TO THE TE FAILS. Thrown behind Jared Cook, would have gained ONE at most. Foles next throws an AWFUL pass behind Kenny Britt on a quick slant. MANNION TIME! Whoa, on 3rd-and-10, Cincy inexplicably leaves Cook open over the middle for 16. End around to Austin for 2; Lance Kendricks not blocking very hard up front, so not much room. Another 6 to Austin on a quick screen. Good call, away from a blitz, but Greg Robinson didn't block Michael Robinson at all. Why do Rams blockers go to the 2nd level so often when they don't have the 1st level taken care of? The Bengals burn their 2nd timeout on 3rd-and-1, anybody seen Mike Martz? Double-TE right, Foles rolls out again, nothing open so he keeps running and backs over A.J. Hawk for the 1st. The Rams get so few plays from their QB using his feet, this is a good omen. Gurley is pinned by a couple of Bengals behind the LOS but still surges across midfield for 4. Apparently part of the game plan today is to not block the Bengals at all. Kendricks whiffed horribly; Rhaney on the pull let a LB run right by him. Gurley made that play 7 yards better than it was executed. Gurley loses 3 up the middle; Geno Atkins humiliated Tim Barnes and made like Cesaro spinning Gurley to the ground. Foles gets the 3rd-8 pass off with a blitz coming but it's a classic 3-yard Brian Quick route. Rams got an illegal motion penalty anyway. Great play design - Cook was running a route out of the backfield before the snap. Yeah, somebody let Frank Cignetti know this isn't the CFL. Cincy declines that, so of course on the punt, PENALTY #1, false start, Mo Alexander. And PENALTY #2, false start, Christian Bryant. And with the extra room to work with, freaking Hekker's punt rolls into the end zone anyway. Everything about this team is complete garbage so far today.

Jenkins and Barron play a quick screen to Green well and hold him to 2. Looks like a turnover, but his forearm was down. Bummer. Refs almost gave the Rams the ball but reversed themselves. Hill works off RT for 3 more. 3rd-5. Dalton beats Marcus Roberson's AWFUL "coverage" of Eifert with a laser but McLeod swoops down and BUSTS up what would have been a very big play. That was on TruJo's side, and I don't know what the hell Roberson was doing, and neither does he, I'd wager. Cincy's still punting. Austin sweeps left for 10 off what looks like a legal block by Daren Bates to me. A flag flies, but it's for a late hit on Austin out of bounds. That will set the Rams up across midfield.

Atkins beats a Rhaney/Robinson double-team and buries Tre Mason at midfield for -2. Rhaney ends up on his ass. I am so sick of this team. They blocked Atkins INTO THE HOLE. Barnes had opened things up nicely on his side. Swing pass to Mason gets about 3. Davis and Goose opine that the Rams need to run outside more. Actually, they've tried that, too; no one's even getting a block on those plays, the Bengals are just running by them. Dre Kirkpatrick breaks up a 3rd-down slant for Britt, so with that golden field position, the Rams GAINED A YARD and punt again. Good coverage, but that ball was actually off both Britt's hands. Hekker angles a good kick this time, fair caught at the 12.

Eugene Sims doesn't buy play action and tips a Dalton pass incomplete. Great run-stuffing by Michael Brockers shuts down a Bernard carry. Brockers pushed his man into the lane. Cincy screens to Bernard vs. a 4-man rush, good job by Laurinaitis and Barron to hold him short. 123-kick, dumb of Cincy not to keep going downfield vs. the Rams' shaky coverage so far.

And, more Rams special teams awesomeness: PENALTY #3, Chase Reynolds, running into the kicker, FIRST DOWN. Cincy now at their 23. Honestly, I give up. I just give up. Bernard nearly spins off for a big gain but Laurinaitis holds him to 3. But clueless Barron lets blocking TE Ryan Hewitt have a free run through no other coverage for 22. The Ram secondary has been a complete disaster so far.

SECOND QUARTER
Quick hitch to Sanu for 8 to the Ram 45. Matt Longacre (!) reads the handoff to Bernard well and TFL's him on 2nd down. 3rd-3. Rollout pass to Eifert defended well by T.J. McDonald, but it looks like it got the 1st. Yep. Fairley blows up the pocket, but Dalton runs by Donald and scrambles for 5. Dalton dives head-first, and Ayers would have been completely within his rights lighting him up, but didn't. No comment from Brennaman about Ayers' restraint, just that Dalton avoided "a wicked hit." No, he didn't. Ayers took it easy on him. Reverse to Marvin Jones gets about 30, inside the 10, as all the Rams bite on it like the amateurs they are. Sims sniffed it out but got blocked. 1st-goal, Cincy, on a drive handed to them by the Rams' idiot special teams. Bernard runs into Donald and Ayers at the 6. Um, maybe cover A.J. Green down here this time? Bernard gets a good run up the middle but McLeod trips him down at the 3. That saved a TD. Martz burns the Bengals' last timeout. Now Fisher calls timeout with the Rams looking confused about which people they want on the field. Fisher's complaining to Wrolstead that he didn't get the proper opportunity to match personnel. No matter; after getting beaten for a TD last week, Daren Bates makes an excellent play, not falling for the tackle-eligible play and nearly picking off a high Dalton throw. Cincy held on the play, but Fisher still lets them have the chippie FG. Bengals 10-0 Bates really should have picked that ball off. Good effort, though.

Rams at their 20. Flare route to Cook for 7. Nice quick throw by Foles. And hey, here's a wrinkle. The Rams finally admit that Todd Gurley is their best QB and split Foles wide left. Gurley hands off to Austin, who's around an overpursuing DE and gone upfield like a flash. He gets a solid block by Cook (!) at the line and about 25 yards worth of solid interference by Britt to get all the way inside the Bengal 15. 60-yard run! Gurley drives for 8 down to the 5 inside Reynolds' block. Austin caps it off with an easy jet sweep TD, going right behind more solid blocking by Cook (!!) for the score. Bengals 10, Rams 7 Look out NFL if Jared Cook is going to block people.

Hocker jacks the kickoff out the back of the end zone. Bomb for Green is out of bounds and Jenkins had him blanketed anyway. Play-action hitch to Green beats Jenkins for 10, though. Hill runs right into Hayes and others for no gain. Dalton gets forever to throw, dumps off to Hill, who barrels for 14. FOUR Rams then whiff on him behind the LOS as he gains 3. ANOTHER 12 for Hill right up the gut as Laurinaitis gets embarrassed by the blocking TE again. Diving tackle by Barron holds Hill to 3; that could have been big. Quick hitch to Green for 7 for another 1st down at the Ram 31. Jenkins is matching up on Green on either side, btw. Quick screen to Jones for 9 after Roberson misses. Dalton's getting the ball out quickly and the Rams aren't getting to him when he does wait to throw.

The Rams do my fantasy team another solid when Bates and McDonald give Eifert A FREE RUN down the right seam for a 21-yard TD. WHAT IS WITH ALL THE COVERAGE SCREWUPS TODAY??!?!? Gee, you think you might want to AT LEAST COVER a guy who already has 11 TDs this year down here? No, make it 12 now. Bengals 17, Rams 7 Classic Rams - as soon as the offense gets them back in a game, the defense disappears. So sick of this team.

An actual returnable kickoff? And Benny Cunningham fights out to the 28 with it. Fake handoff to Austin just slows down the slow bubble screen to slow Britt, and Leon Hall blows it up for a loss. STUPID CALL. Wildcat keeper for Gurley for 3. 3rd-8 at the 2:00 warning. Foles gets five seconds to throw but Dunlap runs over Reynolds for Cincy's first sack. Ooh, do NOT count that - Kirkpatrick tackled Austin downfield. 1st-10 at the 35. Atkins beats Wichmann and Reynolds and flushes Foles, but he hits Bradley Marquez at the sideline for 7. Reynolds beaten yet again, but Foles gets an 18-yarder off to Britt on a comeback route to the CIN40. Way to hang in there, Nick! Cincy blitzes and Foles hits Quick for 3 on a quick slant. Long one up top for Quick on 2nd down incomplete, no chance. Is this really the first Wes Welker sighting? Cincy blitzes again, which is stupid on 3rd-7, and Foles quickly hits Britt on a slant for 15 down to the 22. FRANK CIGNETTI HAS DISCOVERED THE SLANT ROUTE!!!!

$%^$^%$&^%! Foles throws for Cook down at the 5, George Iloka breaks it up and Reggie Nelson grabs the deflection for a Bengals INT. They kneel it out to end a half the Rams should at least have ended with a score.

HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
Real quick. Gregg Williams needs to blitz more. He's been very bland in the first half and unsurprisingly hasn't gotten a lot of heat on Dalton. How about some damn stunts? Houston slaughtered Cincy with those a couple of weeks ago. Stick with man coverage so the stupid DBs know what they're doing and I think they'll hold up to more blitzing.

The Ram offense needs more movement. I like the quick throwing, and it's been working. With this offensive line, Cignetti can't stop that. But he can get Gurley going behind A MOVE BLOCKER - Kendricks ain't blocking a damn thing inline - and keep getting it to Austin on the move. The Rams aren't as far out of this game as they could be, and I'm stupid enough to think they could be a couple of tweaks from really making it a game.

THIRD QUARTER
Bengals start the half at their 20. Donald and Brockers stop Hill at the line and he still pushes for 3. He jumps for 5 more as Chris Long knifed way inside and gave up the edge. Brockers gets driven 3 yards and pancaked as Bernard goes up the middle for a 1st. Yep, we're off to an awesome start out of halftime. Hill for 8 more on a counter out of shotgun; Donald badly overran it. This is what the Rams SHOULD have been doing with the ball in the 2nd half last week. Hill steps across the 40 with another 1st; Laurinaitis overshot that one past the hole. Hayes is the only man who can even get off the LOS on 2nd down, but he pressures Dalton into an IDIOTIC throw that Jenkins picks off at the Rams 23. That was far from pretty defense but it'll work. Zone coverage FINALLY worked that time and the Rams fooled the Bengal QB.

I like the pitch off the fake jet sweep but the Bengals jump it and stuff Gurley for 1. They're too fast for these wide plays to work. The play-action isn't credible enough to make them bite. They also blow up a quick screen to Austin on 2nd down but he weaves all over the place and turns upfield for 7. Three guys had a shot at him for a loss, and he outran every Bengal but a couple. Cory Harkey catches a play-action flare for the first down, just barely. The Rams had a deep ball planned on 1st down, but Atkins split Barnes and Wichmann instead and made a beeline to Foles for the sack. That's actually Cincy's first, because the Rams have been getting the ball out quick, so this bad play's on Cignetti. What did I say at halftime? Dumpoff to Cook at the 35 leaves 3rd-9. Brian Quick shockingly lets a back-shoulder throw into his body and drops it at the sideline to deny the Rams a first down. The next Terrell Owens. About a 50-yard punt by Hekker. I am so sick of this team.

The brilliant Ram defense ONCE AGAIN TURNS A SHORT PASS INTO A BIG GAIN, 52 YARDS for Bernard this time. Simple freaking screen pass, the whole d-line overplays it, Barron and Joyner get blocked, BLOCK IN THE BACK COMMITTED ON MCDONALD IS NOT CALLED, off he goes. Roberson got over and actually forced a fumble, but of course, a Bengal, Eifert, was there to fall on it at the 20.

So. Sick. Of. This. Team.

Fantasy alert - Eifert got hurt recovering the fumble. Who needs him, says Dalton, especially with the Rams giving Green YET ANOTHER FREE RUN IN THE END ZONE. Simple post route out of the left slot, McLeod doesn't close, Laurinaitis doesn't drop, hello, TD. 24-7 Bengals

Also, 24-7 I am sick of this football team. Somebody explain to me for a second why Jeff Fisher should return as the head coach of these sad sacks next week, let alone next season.

Fox didn't even care enough to show us the ensuing kickoff, which the Rams start at their 11 because of PENALTY #4, ALL ON SPECIAL TEAMS today. A jet sweep to Austin promptly loses 5 as the Rams get no one blocked. Harkey was supposed to block Dunlap and couldn't. They're all over another quick screen to Austin and it gains nothing. Robinson couldn't get out there in time, not that the play is his fault. Cincy knows Austin is all the Rams have at this point and they're keying on him.

And, stick a fork in this worthless football team once and for all. Dunlap beats Reynolds AGAIN, flushes Foles left, he tries a goofy cross-body throw to the right side thinking Marquez is coming back to the ball, but you know who is instead? Leon Hall. Pick-six, ball game, season game, blow up this garbage scow and start building for next year. 31-7 Bengals 

I don't mean to discredit this week's opponent. The Bengals are a heck of a good team. I even kind of like them, probably because of Dalton carrying my fantasy team. But the Rams are just as equally a pile of garbage, and it's all coming home to roost today.


This recap is now in screw-this mode.

Gurley turns a loss into 3 after Reynolds got blown up in the backfield. Quick hitch to Britt for 5. Play-action pass to Gurley never had a chance; the immortal Wallace Gilberry got in Foles' face immediately and Ray Maualuga was plastered to Gurley at the LOS anyway.

I. HATE. THIS. TEAM.

Hekker's punt is barely even 40 yards. Has ANY Ram shown up today besides the Hocker kid? Bengals at their 28.  The Rams do get a 3-and-out. Cincy's already just chewing clock, and Barron stops Bernard short on what was pretty much an option pitch on 3rd-and-2.

6-yard punt return by Austin to the STL16. YET ANOTHER FREAKING SPECIAL TEAMS PENALTY, #5, holding, shoves the Rams back to the 5. Shocking, ANOTHER DROP by Quick, the next Buck Owens. Nice lead block by Barnes on a screen gets Mason out to the 11. Back-shoulder throw to Britt at the 27 for a 1st. Swing to Mason, who jukes a tackler and shoots out across the 40. Have they put Gurley in the garage for the week? Bubble screen blown up by Domata Peko, completely beating Tim Barnes. Ha, Vontaze Burfict got a penalty for a late hit. THE RAMS ARE SUSTAINING A DRIVE! They're across midfield to end the 3rd.

FOURTH QUARTER
Benny Cunningham bangs out 4 off a Wichmann block, and I'm pretty sure we're close to preseason mode here. Foles follows that with what wouldn't bother me as his LAST throw as a Ram, an awful back-footed lob that future Hall-of-Famer Iloka fair-catches for an INT. Britt was screamingly open down the sideline for a decent throw, too, but Foles mistakenly thought he could hang one up there. Then again, that's what all his deep throws do. Robinson was beaten and Foles had to throw, but it was still a crap throw.


I would guess half the teams in the NFL have TWO better QBs on their rosters than anybody who'll start for the Rams this season.

The Bengals don't try anything exciting and don't go anywhere. They stop themselves with a drop and a trip as much as the Rams stop them. Fair catch Austin at the 34.

Don't know why we're exposing Gurley to injury, but he escapes with a bubble screen for 12. SO OF COURSE HE'S SLOW GETTING UP AND GRIMACING AFTER GETTING HELP GOING TO THE SIDELINE. Nothing dirty about Burfict's tackle, but Gurley could have gotten his right knee or right ankle tweaked on the way down. (Left knee had the torn ACL).

Fisher ought to be fired on the spot for this kind of stupidity. This is the future of the franchise! Why the hell are you risking him in a 31-7 ballgame? No, I've got it: SEND IN KEENUM! Damned fool.

Still in the game as well, Foles hits Cook down the seam for 20 off play-action. Gurley returns, which is both good and bad. He turns what should have been a loss into 3 after Robinson whiffs on the immortal Chris Carter, who does not do anything besides catch TDs, but has been a handful for the future Auburn draft bust all half. Another quick screen to Austin is good for nothing, with Marquez running the identical route right next to him and pulling the defense in. Why is THAT supposed to work? 3rd-and-I-don't-care, a first down sideline pass to Austin is called back because of freaking HOLDING ON FREAKING ROBINSON FREAKING AGAIN. Nice tackle on the immortal Gilberry, clown. Maybe the Rams should convert Robinson to DT next year. He's useless at OT. Jason Smith 2.0, for the same reason. Let's draft the "athlete" instead of a guy who already knows how to block in an adult pro offense. Austin gets left alone for once on a quick screen for 11. The Rams go for it on 4th-and-6, Foles throws the slant route that is perfect to beat the blitz that's coming, AND IT'S OFF BOTH OF BRITT'S HANDS. There's nothing wrong with Nick's throw there. Britt didn't get there and didn't catch a ball he should have.

I AM SO SICK OF THIS WORTHLESS TEAM.

Hill rips off 11 out to the CIN45; Hayes got mauled by Andrew Whitworth, Gregg Williams had a stupid shift on that Hill ran through, Ayers and Laurinaitis both got canceled out in the hole. Jones beats Roberson for a catch to remind me I had stupidly started James Jones Thursday in fantasy instead. Hill runs through a Donald whiff for 5. Ooh, Hill limps off, and honestly, what's HE doing in this game at this point? Both teams should be clearing their benches by now. Dalton misses Jones on 3rd-and-3, and they're going for it on 4th-and-3 at the Ram 36. They have to use a TO to prevent a delay of game. 3-man rush does well, and Dalton fires a quick hitch to... Rex Burkhead?... that Barron holds to no gain. Barron might be one of the very few Rams who doesn't deserve an F grade this week.

Benny's another, bouncing a run outside for 8 as Brennaman feels free to get out the knives for Fisher, pointing out his record of 6 winning seasons in 21 years and hasn't won a playoff game since 2003. Fox also runs a graphic saying the Rams have has 17 different starting QBs since 2003. I'll pause the TiVo and try to name them while Charles Davis throws out the long-held STL conspiracy theory that Fisher was only ever picked to coach here because he'd coached during the Titans' move.

1. Kurt Warner (2003 was his last season here, right?)
2. Marc Bulger
3. Sam Bradford
4. Nick Foles
5. Case Keenum
6. Austin Davis
7. Kellen Clemens
8. Jamie Martin (Fox gave us this one; he's the only Rams QB since 2003 with a winning record, 4-1)
9. Brock Berlin
10. Shaun Hill
11. KEITH NULL
12. Ryan Fitzpatrick
13. Trent Green (impressive some of the guys I'm forgetting!)

Stupidly forgot:
14. A.J. Feeley
15. Kyle Boller
16. Gus Frerotte
17. and the immortal Chris Chandler.

Misses:
Scott Covington - started final game of 2002
Bruce Gradkowski - only played here in training camp in 2008

Those are some pretty forgettable QBs, true, but that's as bad a trivia performance by me as the Rams' has been on the field today.

Kendricks breaks a tackle on the wing for a 1st down. Foles hits Welker (first catch) at the CIN40 with a man in his face. Mason gets JACKED by Maualuga after scrambling to keep a swing pass from losing 5. Mason jukes Maualuga the next play to get the Rams a 1st down at the 30. Britt catches a slant in traffic for 13. Britt's blanketed by rookie Josh Shaw in the end zone the next play; Shaw just misses an INT of a ball Britt doesn't even know is coming. Foles tries a screen, but Dunlap, rushing from inside, beats the hell out of Wichmann to blow it up. Robinson gets beaten inside BY THE IMMORTAL GILBERRY to force another bad Foles throw with no chance. DELAY OF GAME ON 4th AND 10. I saw Marquez running onto the field late. Well, at least it's not a special teams penalty! 4th-15, Foles is hit as he throws and it's incomplete. Nothing got open downfield; they sort of washed the blitz behind Foles, but it caught up to him from behind by the time he threw.

Katherine Webb's husband in the game for Cincy with about 2:30 left. Sean Mannion gets in with 1:40 left after the Rams foolishly risk the concussion-prone Welker on a punt return. Mannion completes a dumpoff to Mason, a comeback to Kendricks, and a pointless flare to Kendricks AS JEFF FISHER USES A TIMEOUT. Then Mannion can't even get a sideline pass to Marquez on a bounce. Short completions to Marquez and Welker should send us home, but JACKASS FISHER CALLS ANOTHER TIMEOUT. Bengals and Rams fans alike join together in booing his ass.

As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

-$-
 


Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Rams to play in London in 2016


The NFL just announced next year's three overseas regular-season games, and joy, o joy, the Rams are going to London again, to play an unspecified NFC East opponent on October 23rd. The Jagwires (of course) will play the Colts October 2nd and the Redskins play the Bengals October 30th. And, yes, the NFL says it's possible the Redskins could play two games in London in a row if they slot as the Rams' NFC East opponent for next year. And I'm sure Goodell hopes it happens so the league can get a dry run at having a full-time London franchise.

Now, if they could just put this game in London on a Thursday night and have the Rams dress up like human highlighters, my hell will be complete.

It's notable that Kroenke is giving up what was scheduled to be a 2016 Rams home game to go on another tour of the Isles, since he wants the Rams playing in Los Angeles next year. (Notice, too, that neither the Raiders nor Chargers are going overseas.) Is he trying to buy goodwill with the league for the move by giving up a game? Is this a practical consideration because Kroenkeland L.A. wouldn't be open for business yet? Is he conceding that he's stuck in St. Louis next year and really doesn't give a rip about giving up a home game?

Knowing Kroenke, it's choice d: keep all his options open and make a play on Shad Khan's London turf. Oh, well, thanks for crapping on the Rams' next season before it even begins, Goodell.

-$-

Hall of Fame update

The Rams are once again very well-represented in the list of semifinalists up for Pro Football Hall of Fame induction this year: Orlando Pace, Kurt Warner, Isaac Bruce, Torry Holt and Kevin Greene are all among the 25 modern-era players. St. Louis is also represented by former Cardinals head coach Don Coryell and Broncos safety Steve Atwater, who played high school ball in the area.

The modern-era candidate list will be trimmed down to 15 in January and the 2016 induction class, which can at most (and more than likely will) include 5 modern day players, will be announced Super Bowl weekend. Senior Finalists Ken Stabler and Dick Stanfel likely will have little resistance in joining the five. And in one final desperate push to put a fecal smear on the Hall of Fame, the voters are more than likely going to let Eddie DeBartolo in the back door as a "contributor". Maybe they're planning to start a "criminal" wing. Or a "cheater" wing. At least he won't be holding back any far-more-deserving player from qualifying.

Bruce and Holt did not qualify as finalists last year in their first year of eligibility and would seem to be in for unjustifiably long waits to be inducted. Last year, for instance, they came in behind a KICKER (Morten Andersen) and a DB who couldn't cover either one of them on his best day (John Lynch). Yes, five spots on the waiting list obviously opened up last year, but there's a very good chance the Rams WRs are also behind well-qualified players like Atwater, Joe Jacoby and Karl Mecklenberg, who have had longer waits, which I don't think the voters are wrong to consider, even though it screws over some of my favorite players.

That's only three guys, but Brett Favre is obviously going to jump right over everybody in his first year of eligibility, and much to my everlasting disgust, Terrell Owens, another first-year eligible, will probably slot in ahead of the Rams WRs. It's OK, though, Marvin Harrison is in the front of the WR line to be inducted next anyway.

Three Rams finished between 6th-10th in last year's voting to be among the favorites for this year's class: Pace, Warner and Greene. Harrison and Tony Dungy were also top ten. 11-15 were Lynch, Coryell, Terrell Davis, Jimmy Johnson and Andersen.

Favre cutting to the front of the line likely displaces fellow QB Warner, but leaves the Rams well-represented in the Canton Class of 2016. The prediction here (we all know how great I am at predictions) is Pace, Greene, Dungy, Harrison and Favre.

-$-


Sunday, November 22, 2015

RamView game blog: Ravens 16, Rams 13

Well, we'll see if the disappointing Rams can top themselves against the 2-7 Ravens in a couple of hours. Lineup changes galore: Robert Quinn is out. And with Jamon Brown's season ending last week, and Rob Havenstein out due to a calf injury, here's your starting offensive line: (Corrected from earlier)

LT - Greg "The Human Holding Penalty" Robinson
LG - Garrett Reynolds
C - Tim Barnes
RG - 6th-round rookie draft pick Cody Wichmann
RT - 4th-round rookie draft pick Andrew Donnal

Darrell Williams' season ended the SAME PLAY as Brown's did last week, with a wrist injury. That's how snakebitten the Rams are right now. Isaiah Battle was called up from the PS but is inactive, so the next lineman up is either Demetrius Rhaney or some guy the Rams just picked up this week.

And behind that group, Case Keenum. I wonder if Jeff Fisher would have changed QBs this week even if Nick Foles hadn't stunk up the Dome last week. This week's QB clearly is going to be on the run.

Update Chris Long is active; I don't know how fair it is to expect him to contribute a lot. Tre Mason is inactive. Don't tell me the Rams think they're going to get it done passing today?

The prediction: The Ravens have lost a lot of close games this season. This won't be one of them. The Rams have proven once and for all better at finding ways to lose than finding ways to win. Especially in DREADED NON-DIVISION games. 34-17 Baltimore. The Ram defense killed me in fantasy a few weeks ago with a huge game against Cleveland; they'll kill me this week by letting Joe Flacco go nuts.

For all my pessimism, one thing I will promise is a f-bomb-free live blog this week. My apologies for last week. Though I'm an amateur, that wasn't very professional.

The words "freaking" and "bloody" are still in play, though, and likely to be thoroughly used.

Kenny Albert and Moose Johnston will have the call for Fox today per 506 Sports.

And per Football Zebras, the game will be called by Tony Corrente's crew. Wow, actual decent refereeing for a Rams game! Maybe.

FIRST QUARTER
Rams win the toss, elect to receive and start from their 20. Play-action to Todd Gurley, good edge protection by the tackles, and Case Keenum hits Kenny Britt for 16. C.J. Mosley also appears to catch the ball but Britt won't let him take it away. Gurley burrows for a couple behind Andrew Donnal; Cody Wichmann didn't really budge his man. Very quick seeing-eye slant to Wes Welker for 9. No, 7, although Welker wasn't touched. 3rd-and-1. They try to go right up the middle behind Tim Barnes and Wichmann, who can't budge anybody. No gain. Another spectacular start by the Ram offense. Then again, last week's hot start didn't exactly matter. PENALTY #1 is a false start on the punt by up-men Chase Reynolds and Cody Davis. Bradley Marquez (!) makes a terrific sliding play to keep Johnny Hekker's punt in play, and Cody Davis makes a nice play to down it inside the 1. 61-yard net there.

The dreaded swing pass only gets 6 this week, to the Harvard fullback whose name I'm not going to worry about spelling right now. Let's just say Kyle J. And, hey, the Rams limited one of those to less than 80 yards!!! The Rams then play a handoff to Justin Forsett like a bunch of pansies. Brockers and Hayes are blocked out of the play and he drags Donald by his shirttail for about 10 yards. TruJo also whiffs. Awesome start, guys, way to keep them pinned in their end zone. EIGHTEEN MORE for Forsett off a simple off-tackle right run. It's a stupid Gregg Williams overshift, and he runs right through the gap after Hayes again gets taken out of the play. Brockers can't get there, Laurinaitis is blocked and useless. Barron also got blocked. His play's been a big reason teams have been able to run on the Rams lately. 5 to CHRIS GIVENS. Quick slant, covered by TruJo. 4 for Buck Allen; they're going to run at Hayes until he quits getting blocked 10 feet out of every play and until Brockers does anything to help him. Tackle by Donald. Forsett tears off for 26 around left end, but it comes back because of a ticky-tack tripping call on guard Ryan Jensen. A better call would have been holding on the TE who ripped T.J. McDonald down. I won't berate the Rams for that play. 3rd-and-6. 4-man rush, and Nick Fairley gets into Flacco's feet enough to affect his sideline throw for Kamar Aiken, which comes up short enough to look like a Nick Foles throw. The Rams have Tavon Austin AND Welker back to return the punt, which Welker brings to the 15.

Gurley for 6 off Austin motion left and a super driving block by Reynolds. Another 5 for Gurley inside a nice Wichmann block. So much for that momentum: PENALTY #2 false start because Barnes THE CENTER didn't know the snap count. FOCUS! Gurley left for 2 behind Cory Harkey. Keenum goes up top for Jared Cook, who's about as open as you or I would have been, though I'd like to think we would have at least stayed in bounds. Britt and Keenum are not on the same page or even the same book on the 3rd-down blitz adjustment. The throw would have been short of the 1st anyway. Poor 38-yard punt by Hekker starts the Ravens at their 39.

Play-action rollout to Crockett Gillmore for 20 to open the drive. McDonald bites as hard on this as he did the one to Jeremy Langford last week. Gillmore runs through his and Janoris Jenkins' poor tackling as it's abundantly clear the Ram defense did not come to play today. And what, Moose was talking about the TEs the RAMS can roll out? Does he actually ever watch Rams games? I don't think TE rollouts have worked for the Rams since Moose was still playing, and probably even before that.  Donald swallows Forsett whole for a five-yard loss. The Ravens are idiots if they think they're pull-blocking Aaron Donald. Donald slammed Forsett down hard and the RB stays down. We're spared a graphic replay but it's apparent Forsett's arm is broken. Jeremy Butler (?) gets 7 back on a screen out of the slot. It's not a blitz down, but Williams brings 2 over RT and nearly gets burned. Flacco hits Butler in the flat, he runs through another pathetic TruJo tackle, but luckily, Laurinaitis stops him a yard short. James nearly stole the ball from Butler in bounds but the Ravens send out Justin Tucker. No, Jeff Fisher wants to challenge the play first. McLeod knocked the ball loose, but I tend to believe Butler was down with it before Laurinaitis took it. Well, I'm not quite right; it's going to be scored a fumble out of bounds. The play changed, so no timeout charged to Fisher. Tucker surprises me by missing the FG wide right.

Still no score, Rams at their 41. While Mike Pereira filibusters about why the Rams weren't charged a timeout, Keenum rolls right, pump fakes to avoid a sack, pulls it down and fires deep for Cook, who has a step and draws DPI when Jimmy Smith runs over him trying to come back to the underthrown ball. Put the Rams at the 10! Keenum stepped across the line of scrimmage as he threw but Corrente and crew called it correctly that it was not an illegal forward pass. Keenum's back foot stayed just behind the line. John Harbaugh wants to challenge that. Replay confirms the call, and Baltimore loses the TO. Gurley behind Harkey and Reynolds for 4. Gurley powers down to the 1, led by Harkey again, with Robinson and Reynolds doing great work to turn the Raven edge back inside. 3rd-goal. Gurley takes it in from the 1 to put the Rams on top. Rams 7, Ravens 0 That was inside another strong block by Reynolds, criss-crossing with a strong block delivered by Donnal.

Poor tackling by Cody Davis lets the kick returner out to the 28. Hayes finally makes a run play and stuffs Buck Allen for no gain. 9 over the middle to Gillmore, who the Rams are making look like Earl Campbell in their inability to tackle him. Aiken turns a very quick out into about 10, but Maxx Williams is flagged for OPI for blocking too early. 4-man rush on 3rd-11, TruJo completely gets away with interference covering Givens. Bumped into him way early on his break out. Austin takes this return and gains very little out to the 29. I'm not really thrilled with the idea of concussion-prone Welker blocking guys coming at him at full speed, ya know?

Gurley cuts back for another 5 behind more outstanding work by Harkey and a good block by Barnes. The Forsett injury has been a big momentum-changer. Rams have had control of the LOS since.

SECOND QUARTER
Gurley up the middle for 4 more, but FREAKING HOLDING ON BLOODY GREG BLEEDING ROBINSON. Seriously, is Jason Smith available? 2nd-15 at the 23. Keenum gets grabbed by the foot but manages to throw a short pass away. Donnal down after the play. Holy cats. Does this mean Rhaney in and kick Reynolds out to RT? Reynolds immediately gets beaten at RT by Elvis Dumervil, but he takes down Keenum way late and draws a roughing-the-passer penalty. That was a stupid gift first down, but thanks. Rams at their 38 now. Gurley eludes Timmy Jernigan and gets outside left for 4. We just found out that Tre Mason and brilliant supplemental pick Isaiah Battle are inactive for missing the team bus yesterday. I freaking said Battle was going to be another freaking Claude Wroten, and here we go. I think Wichmann has moved to LT with Rhaney at RT. 2nd-6. Gurley cuts back, can only get 1. No push by anyone there. Quick hitch to Britt for 9 and a 1st, and wait a minute, Mason and Battle actually missed the team flight yesterday? And Mason's been missing meetings and treatment sessions this year? Why the hell does Moose Johnston know this, when he covers about two Rams games a year, and none of the Rams' reporters do? How the hell is Mason still on the team? Gurley's getting buried again now, no gain at midfield. Reynolds gets blown off the ball and Kendricks completely misses his block on Dumervil. Good protection lets Keenum go deep for Austin, but as usual, he's not remotely open. Cignetti needs to kibosh these deep throws; Keenum is underthrowing everything and that should have been picked by Lardarius Webb. The Rams lose a big play on 3rd down because of a block in the back on Britt and unnecessary roughness on Reynolds. PENALTY #3, #4. It's offsetting because they charged C.J. Mosley for a late hit on Bradley Marquez that was really the refs' fault for a late whistle. Denied Marquez about a 30-yard gain on what I'll call a sluggo route. That's a B.S. call, btw; had NOTHING to do with all the yards Marquez gained. Came right at the end. I don't know why this isn't marked from the spot and the personal fouls offset. 3rd-10 again. Poor sideline pass for Britt incomplete, never had a chance. Horrible 30-yard punt by Hekker to "pin" Baltimore at their 19. COME ON!

Quick slant to Aiken for 6. Flacco looking for Kyle J. all the way but the sideline throw is quite poor. Looks like Nick Foles is QBing both teams right now. Blitz on 3rd-4; Jenkins breaks up a short sideline throw for Jenkins. Nice play; very Rams-like possession there for the Ravens. Austin takes a big hit right at the sideline on the return, drawing a flag. Not really dirty, but still late; I'll take the free 15. The Rams, ER, Ravens, already have 99 penalty yards.

Rams out at their 43. Gurley gets 4 off a nick-of-time pancake block from Wichmann. Gurley gets another, very entertaining 5; running over useless Kendricks and classically leg-pumping his way through 3-4 defenders. 3rd-1 is a disaster, though; the whole world knows Gurley's getting the ball and Wichmann and Robinson get blown up as Brandon Williams drops him for a loss back at midfield. Robinson looked hurt after the play. Webb fair-catches the punt at the 11. PENALTY #5, illegal man downfield on Daren Bates, makes it the 16.

Holding by the center on Fairley moves the Ravens back 8. Corrente is literally hoarse from calling all these penalties. NON-CLUTCH DEFENSE IMMEDIATELY GIVES ALLEN A 17_YARD RUN. Fairley got swept aside, Donald got spun around by a double-team, Laurinaitis was poor overrunning the running lane, and Allen ran over McLeod for a bonus 5. PATHETIC.

This is strictly a contest today to see which team is less ugly. They are both garbage.

Allen squirts for another 4 and a 1st. Speaking of ugly, Flacco rolls left and throws a TERRIBLE pass that misses wide open Gillmore by a mile and is picked off by McLeod. The Rams take over at the Baltimore 42. Will they make it inside the 40?

Not yet. Nothing for Gurley as Robinson and Barnes get pushed way back. Chris Canty and blitzing Jimmy Smith don't buy a fake end-around to Austin at all and force Keenum to fire out of bounds. Donnal done for the game with a knee injury. Injuries were a big problem for him in college, weren't they? Another awesome pick. 3rd-9, Robinson gets whipped immediately by Courtney Upshaw, forcing Keenum to go on an Archie Manning-like scramble before another throwaway, and NO, THE RAMS DID NOT EVEN CROSS THE 40. Sploosh goes Hekker's stupid punt in the stupid end zone.

The Ravens resume this complete farce of a football team from their 20. Laurinaitis holds Allen to a couple with a decent hit. Overshift WORKS this time as Brockers trips Allen up for no gain. Brockers stays down hurt, though. He looks OK as he walks off. 3rd-8. Laurinaitis on a dog blitz, little pressure but Flacco floats a flaccid pass to Aiken on the sideline and Joyner holds him a yard short.

THE CLOWN SHOW CONTINUES AS AUSTIN MISPLAYS THE PUNT LIKE A DAMN IDIOT AND MUFFS IT BACK TO BALTIMORE. He knelt and reached for it, and predictably, it clanged off his hands. Poor technique = poor results. Jackass.

And now the Ravens have their best field position of the day. Allen drags Barron like a fallen water-skier for 7. Fortunately, Aaron Donald is Aaron Donald, shooting past the center to stuff Allen for a loss, along with Barron. 3rd-5. Blitz gets in Flacco's face, but Maxx Williams is open on a rub route against Joyner and gets down inside the 15. PENALTY #6, Rams had 12 on the field. Ravens inside the 10 at the 2:00 warning. Swing pass to Kyle J, but Barron blows that up for a 2-yard loss; excellent open-field play.  That play lost 4 but is somehow spotted as -2. Donald creates a bigger loss, though, splitting the LG and LT to SACK Flacco back at the 20. Obviously the Rams' first sack. Back-to-back clutch plays; the Rams need one more. Gillmore gets back inside the 10 on a bubble screen. No one's paying any attention to the clock whatsoever, and the Ravens are GOING FOR IT, 4th-and-3, as it ticks down to 5 seconds left in the half. Holy crap, TO Harbaugh with :02 left. I guess the Rams were ready enough to scare Harbaugh into going for the FG. Also, Baltimore gets the ball back after halftime. 7-3 Rams at the break

HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
I'll make the first adjustment and hide all sharp implements in my house, BECAUSE THIS GAME MAKES ME WANT TO GOUGE OUT MY EYES.

It's been working that Gregg Williams hasn't blitzed a ton in the first half, so I hope he doesn't overcompensate in the 2nd and get the Rams burned with all kinds of short stuff again. Baltimore has no credible downfield passing game, so I hope Williams will see that and stuff the box. They have to stop getting run over in the 2nd half.

Cignetti, as usual, got away from play-action too early. Bring it back to life. Also, time to quit faking end-arounds to Austin and actually run one or two. And let's get back to Gurley running behind Harkey, which worked in the 1st and disappeared in the 2nd. That'll set up play-action and should get Baltimore on their heels enough to get a FG drive or two. I wouldn't count on much more.

THIRD QUARTER
Ravens at their 20; Brockers does a good job to beat his block and stop Allen after 2. But TruJo COMPLETELY BLOWS a shoulder tackle and lets Aiken spin away with a smoke pass for 18. WRAP. HIM. UP. CLOWN! Matt Longacre (!) swims through a 2-TE formation and just misses sacking Flacco, forcing a throwaway. Brockers barely trips up Allen on a draw and holds him to 3. But Williams unnecessarily blitzes all three LBs on 3rd-7, and Butler gets behind Joyner off a very quick slant for 25. Dammit, Williams, CUT IT OUT! Ravens in FG position now at the Ram 32. Sims is obviously held the next play on an effective 4-man rush, though, and Corrente catches it. 1st-20. Screen to Maxx Williams over leaping Chris Long; Ethan Westbrooks CLOCKS him after 8. Williams nearly lost the ball. Laurinaitis and Brockers play a draw to Allen well and hold him to 1. 3rd-11. 4-man rush, and Flacco's 2-yard out route to Aiken is poor anyway. WTF was with that call? The Ravens haven't, and possibly can't, try anything downfield at all. Oh, wait, it gets DUMBER from the Ravens; they GO FOR IT on 4th-and-11 and throw a FIVE-YARD DUMPOFF to Kyle J. Laurinaitis is all over it; Rams ball. Good 4-man rush there.

By this point, I'm not sure why Harbaugh hasn't both benched Flacco and fired his offensive coordinator Marc Trestman. Rams fans think WE have it bad! Rams ball at their 28. Bomb for Britt off a fake Austin end-around is A MILE SHORT. The flag flies for a grab by Webb, but is picked up because the pass was ruled uncatchable. Well, it is when the DB tackles the WR trying to come back for it. Hey, it's Todd Gurley, up the middle for 3. Let's not forget him. Keenum throws a pass to Austin on an out route that is so bad it looks like it was tipped but wasn't. He's 0-for-his-last-7. Jesus Christ, warm up Foles again. Or Sean Mannion. Or let Hekker have another try back there. Keenum's making Steve Walsh look like John Elway. Punt time!

Great punt, 63 yards, chases the returner inside the 5 and Bates hammers him at the 11. Bad pass out of Gillmore's reach on 1st down. Flacco bombs for Aiken, but TruJo has very tight and pretty physical coverage and knocks it down. Ravens waste a TO because they had 12 on the field. You know, sometimes you really are as good as your record says you are. That's a 2-7 football team. Still an open question if the Rams can finish them, but that's a 2-7 team. Long ball for Givens is way off for a 3-and-out. Pass rush was good, but mainly the Raven passing game sucks as much as the Rams' does. Fair catch by Austin at the STL40.

Flare route to Jared Cook off play-action for 7. A COMPLETED PASS!!!!!

AND SO MUCH FOR THAT MOMENTUM. Keenum trips coming out of center, tries to make a diving exchange with Gurley, the ball hits the ground, Albert McClellan falls right on it for Baltimore.

I AM FREAKING SERIOUS. GET NICK FOLES IN THE GAME NOW.

Ravens ball at the Ram 42 as the worst football game in the NFL this season rages on. Play action to Allen, Flacco then goes to him in the flat, Ayers blows the hell out of the tackle, 12-yard gain.  Allen runs right into Donald and Longacre (!) for 1. And then the pathetic comedy of errors continues. It's a screen, but Maxx Williams doesn't seem to know he's the intended receiver. Hayes rushes Flacco into a floater that misses Williams by a mile and goes right to TruJo for a pick, and now the Rams have the ball across midfield.

I have seen more entertaining 4th quarters of preseason games than this fiasco.
I have seen more entertaining grade-school football games than this fiasco.
I have seen more entertaining Strat-o-matic football games than this fiasco.

Seriously, Corrente should just call this game right now. It is setting football back 100 years. Rams at their 48. TruJo naturally limped off after his pick. If either team had a competent QB, this game would be over by now, but the awful Keenum remains in for the Rams. Gurley gets a couple. They FINALLY actually run an end-around to Austin, and Kendricks leads him out for 16 with a decent block. And now Kendricks is ALL ALONE downfield for a 30-yard TD!!! This is a fake play-action rollout play. Instead of rolling out, though, Keenum pulled up and hit Kendricks wide open on the other side of the field. That's a win for Frank Cignetti, though now we're not sure if Kendricks actually made it in. Corrente says count it. 14-3 Rams

NO, 13-3 Rams, THEY GET THE DAMN EXTRA POINT BLOCKED. Zuerlein barely got it off the ground; it looked like it barely even cleared Robinson's head on the o-line. Looked like he shanked it. Freaking brilliant.



Baltimore starts at their 29; Fairley stuffs Allen for 1. Allen leaks out and runs through Jenkins for 8. Terrible call on 3rd-1, a toss right to Allen that Sims and Laurinaitis blow up and string out for a big loss. Looks like the Ravens are quitting on this one to me.

IDIOT AUSTIN signals fair catch and then attempts a return. PENALTY #7 That will bury them at the 13. He has as much mental focus today as Charlie Sheen at any porn star convention the past 30 years. 2 for Gurley with Barnes getting blown off the ball. 6 to the forgotten Wes Welker, who makes a nice grab. Excellent protection too. 3rd-2, with Reynolds getting pushed back into him, Keenum attempts a sideline lob for a well-covered Gurley. Corrente bails the Rams out with a DPI call on Webb away from the ball. Wait, there can be DPI away from the play? Wouldn't that be an uncatchable ball in most cases if it's not the intended receiver? Corrente's officiating this game about as well as it deserves to be. Mosley shoots unblocked behind Rhaney and buries Gurley for -1. Neither team distinguishing itself pull-blocking today. 2nd-11, BENNY misses a big cutback lane and gets stuffed. Nice gain if he bounces it left. 3rd-11, the Ravens successfully blitz a screen pass even though that ought to never happen. Benny got caught up, which left Will Hill a free run at Keenum, who had to lamely ground it while Hill took him down EXCESSIVELY late. No flag from Corrente this time. Moose also spots a missed personal foul on Upshaw shoving Welker down downfield. What the hell, Corrente?

There are a hilarious THREE penalties on Baltimore on the punt. Wasn't Harbaugh a special-teams coach? What a crisp-playing unit he has. Ravens at their 10. Screen to Allen gets 7. Allen knocks out another 5 with Fairley and Brockers getting moved. Gillmore's open in zone coverage but Flacco's pass is through his hands. It's like the Rams are playing a mirror image of themselves. Good 4-man pressure from Hayes and Sims, and Flacco misses a dumpoff to Kyle J. Good rush by Fairley, and Flacco underthrows Aiken's comeback route, looks like that was off his hands but a tough catch. Austin tries to sweep right with the punt but loses 4 back to the 30.

If the Rams can establish anything at all here in the 4th, you have to think this game is over. Let's put this one away.

FOURTH QUARTER
Quick screen to Kendricks, who shoots up the sideline for 13. And, so much for that. Rhaney gets smoked by Brandon Williams, who meets Gurley well behind the line and knocks the ball out. It bounces to Upshaw. The Rams are up 10 against a team playing the worst football I've seen any team play this season and are STILL trying to find ways to lose. GOD!

Ravens at their 42; McDonald THUMPS Allen in the hole; he maybe got 1. Donald hits Flacco as he throws, but he gets it off to Allen for 7. THE RAMS CONTINUE TO FAIL TO STOP SIMPLE DUMPOFFS OUT OF THE BACKFIELD as Allen gains 14 down to the 20. They can't get the ball downfield and have stopped even trying; WHY CAN THE RAMS NOT STOP THIS PLAY? Kyle J. up the middle for 1, stopped by Donald. Laurinaitis and Barron leave Gillmore open between them at the 10 and he carries them 5 yards down to the 3 with a 16-yard gain. Williams has turned the blitz spigot completely off, but I don't get what he thinks he's going to accomplish with soft zone coverage. Hayes stuffs Allen on 1st-and-goal. Now Williams blitzes, it doesn't get there, and Aiken beats a pretty clueless-looking MARCUS ROBERSON for the TD. What's Roberson even doing in there on the goal line? Roberson even held him and couldn't prevent the catch. He ran out of a stack/pick play that got McDonald into a big collision with Butler; my impression is McDonald might have been in position to prevent the catch otherwise.

Meanwhile, the Rams have let the Ravens play like complete sewage for over three quarters and still get back in the game. Rams 13, Ravens 10

Cook's wide open in the zone off play-action for 16. Another fake end-around; Keenum throws the screen pass away with Upshaw covering it well. No, they say Keenum actually threw a backward pass for a 7-yard loss. WHERE IS FOLES? This is an absolutely HORRID call by Corrente. Keenum threw from the 27, they're spotting it at the 29, how the HELL can it have been backward? 2nd-17. I still have no explanation how Keenum can throw a backward pass that traveled two yards forward. Incomplete pass behind Welker, 3rd-17. Good blitz pickup, but Keenum can only dump off to Cook for a few. Great, momentum is now turning in a game the Rams should have put away long ago.

Ravens at their 22, nice stop by Mo Alexander on the punt. Aiken WIDE OPEN down the seam for 17. What the hell has happened in coverage? Allen clangs out 8 with Brockers and Sims easily handled. From the BLT46, a blown coverage leaves Gillmore open in the flat for a FREAKING 46-YARD GAIN. GUESS WHAT GREGG WILLIAMS GOT CAUGHT IN. A BLITZ. Ayers should have been out covering Gillmore but blitzed instead and the Ravens caught them with a crossfield screen. Janoris Jenkins again gets blocked out of a big play. Gregg Williams has been more useless the past two weeks than a pine tree air freshener at a pig farm. Hayes stuffs Allen on 1st-and-goal at the 9. Barron prevents a TD for now by stopping an Aiken reception at the 1. The Rams are all over a rollout pass to Williams at the 1, though, to force 4th-and-goal. Good plays by Jenkins and McLeod. Harbaugh settles for a tie game with 5:12 left, which probably isn't a bad move given the incompetence of the Ram offense. 13-13

Way to blow the lead, clowns. Rams at their 20 and could use some plays by Welker and Cook to get in Zuerlein range. Gurley left for 6; good block by Robinson, effective lead-out by Kendricks. Draw to Gurley for another 7. I think Cignetti's catching Baltimore thinking pass. Gurley tries to follow Rhaney and drives for 3. Quick out to Cook gets 4 and leaves 3rd-3. Play-action this puppy, please. Well, that was weird, but it worked. Keenum rolled left out of shotgun, had nowhere to go, but threw a backside screen to Benny, who hustled off for a big 20 at the 2:00 warning. At the BLT39, they're on the fringe of FG position. About 15 more should do it. Gurley left for nothing; Rhaney got pushed back and Barnes got beaten inside. TO#2 for Harbaugh. Screen left to Austin off a fake screen right to Welker for 3-4. Third down and 5. 52-yard FG potentially, so don't get sacked whatever you do. Jimmy Smith holds the crap out of Austin on an attempted comeback and he can't get to the ball at the 25. What the hell, Corrente?

AND OF COURSE ZUERLEIN LEAVES THE FG WIDE RIGHT, putting Baltimore in beautiful field position with 1:42 still to go. 25 yards would give them the same FG Zuerlein just missed. They get most of that with the first pass, AND OF COURSE IT'S CHRIS GIVENS beating Jenkins for a 20-yard sideline catch. Kyle J. right for 3 to the STL35; timeout#1, Fisher.  Good rush by Hayes forces a pass behind Givens that SHOULD have been intercepted by McDonald or McLeod on the deflection. Dammit, people, MAKE A PLAY! Allen up the middle for 3 to eat another Ram TO. 1:18 left, Tucker in to try from 51. Yeah, the kick Zuerlein just missed. And hey, remember that blocked PAT?

The Find Ways To Lose Bowl stays tied after Tucker leaves the kick wide right. Rams at THEIR 41 now with 1:13 left, and a timeout. And NOW we get a drop, by Austin near midfield. 2nd-10, Dumervil jumps into the neutral zone, and unabated to the QB, I'm expecting a whistle. No, Corrente lets 'em play. Maybe that's correct. It doesn't work out well for Keenum. Jernigan beats Barnes badly with a hand fight and slings Keenum to the ground, on his head. Keenum's immediately grasping his head after the play. Barnes tries to pick him up but he is basically a rag doll. Wait, are they letting him walk it off? What the hell? After a quick chat with sideline personnel, KEENUM REMAINS IN THE GAME?!?! HOW?!?!? Isn't it mandatory to pull him out of the game? 2nd-5 at the 46. Keenum overthrows Welker at the sideline. 3rd-5 with 1:00 left, and OH, FOR CHRIST's SAKE, IDIOT ROBINSON pushes Upshaw RIGHT INTO Keenum, who, holding the ball low, gets it knocked out at the Ram 41. Baltimore recovers as the Rams prove superior at finding the way to lose.

Jenkins breaks up a slant to Givens and just misses a pick. But on a HANDOFF to Allen, he gets 8 as Brockers and Laurinaitis get blocked. About 5 more yards and Baltimore's good for another FG try. This would be another 51-yard try from here. Allen runs over Brockers and Donald for about 5 more, while Givens is idiotically jawing with McLeod and not getting lined up for the spike. They'll spike at the 29 to give Tucker a 47-yard attempt.

Good night, Baltimore, and good riddance worthless Jeff Fisher, after the Rams BLOW IT in a loss to the worst team they'll play this season besides the one that looks back from the mirror.

I have had it with this team and need to leave now to blow off the 10,000 f-bombs I've been holding back during this pathetic spectacle. This season is over, stick a fork in the Rams and stick a fork in freaking Fisher. I have had it.

-$-

Sunday, November 15, 2015

RamView game blog: Bears 37, Rams 13

The Rams are expecting their biggest crowd of the season today as they host the Bears, which probably means 25,000 Chicago fans. They've also got their shortest injury report of the season. Last week's players who were out - Robert Quinn, T.J. McDonald and Rob Havenstein - should all play. Among other things, that should help out a lot a pass rush that didn't accomplish enough last week. Late note: Wes Welker will be active.

(Updated) For the Bears, Eddie Royal and Matt Forte are out. Royal's absence ought to affect their screen game, and Forte's a very big missing piece on offense. Not that the Bears couldn't handle those injuries in San Diego, though. Alshon Jeffery is active but had a hamstring issue during the practice week. Won't hurt the Rams any if that slows him down. (2nd update) I also see Pernell McPhee on the inactive list, their leading sacker. That's a break.

Don't forget today's game has gotten the bizarre shift to CBS, so it'll be on ch. 4 locally. Announce team will be Andrew Catalon, Steve Beuerlein and Steve Tasker. I like Tasker; remember when he was announcing the Ravens-49ers Super Bowl all by himself during the power outage? I know Catalon best for an ill-advised ethnic joke during March Madness a couple of years ago. Um, especially calling a Chicago game, you'd best be careful with that...

Today's referee: FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS YEAR, JEFF FREAKING TRIPLETTE. Seriously? In nine f*cking games, we get the worst damn referee in the NFL TWICE?

The prediction: Triplette-officiated games tend not to go well for the Rams. They need to strike quickly to win the crowd noise battle, but quick strikes haven't been their specialty lately. Bears to at least cover the 7-point spread.

FIRST QUARTER
Away we go. The Bears win the coin toss and take the wind. That's quite the lack of respect for the Ram offense, though not completely unearned. Nick Foles will lead the Rams from their 20. OMG THE ROLLOUT PASS TO THE TE WORKED!!!! LB Willie Young ignored Jared to chase play-action left, and Cook slipped out all alone in the right flat and up the sideline for 29. Play-action again, Foles hangs in well but overthrows a very-open Brian Quick. Play-action yet again, and Todd Gurley slips out of the backfield all alone, cruises about 20 yards, HURDLES Antrell Rolle at the 25 and dives down to the 20 with a 31-yard gain! Big-play Rams! The play-action froze LB Christian Jones and he didn't slide over to pick up Gurley. Gurley cuts back for another 98 off blocks by Tim Barnes and a nifty cut block by Rob Havenstein. Gurley inside for another 5 behind mauling down-blocking left, especially Jamon Brown. First and goal, oh God, Nick, COME ON. It looks like a rollout right for Tavon Austin, who's well covered, but Lance Kendricks is open from the snap, wide open in the back of the end zone, and I swear Foles sees that but still throws the ball a mile over everyone's head out of bounds. He saw it and pump-faked instead. It would have been a cross-body throw, but really? The Rams signed a QB to an extended contract who can't make that throw? Major opportunity lost if the Rams don't punch this in.

Gurley and the line bail Foles out with a 6-yard TD. Rams 7, Bears 0 Greg Robinson flattened his man and Garrett Reynolds plowed his guy to make the draw to Foles look pretty easy. The Rams needed that fast start with a home stadium full of Bears fans.

80 yards in less than 3:00 with the Bears coming in saying they were determined not to let Gurley beat them. You cannot start much better than that. Tip of the cap to Frank Cignetti for recognizing that and burying the Bears in play-action. Cody Davis dives and trips Marc Mariani at the 10 - dumb idea to return that - and Jay Cutler will start at his 14. Jeremy Langford tries to bounce a middle run outside but Akeem Ayers gets him for a loss of 1. Michael Brockers stuffed up the middle to give the impatient rookie nowhere to go.

And, so much for that. The Rams INEXCUSABLY give up an 87-yard TD to someone named Zack Miller on a simple god damn flare route. Gregg Williams got caught blitzing. Ayers got on skates and slipped on Miller's cut back inside. Alshon Jeffery got a key block on Janoris Jenkins to spring him. Rodney McLeod also slipped and missed the tackle badly - what the HELL is with all the slipping out there? - Trumaine Johnson loafed getting there, expecting a tackle, and got surprised when Miller took off. He caught up with him at the Ram 40 but Miller felt him coming and cut away. TruJo couldn't grab him. Bye-bye!

Congratulations to the Rams for following their best start on offense this season with their shittiest single play all season. Clowns. 7-7

Starting over, then. Rams at their 20. Play-action drag to Austin gets only 1. We can quit trying that play already. Gurley gets stuffed for 1 after no one blocks Shea McClellin. No idea wtf Kendricks is doing back there if he's not going to lead Gurley into the hole. Foles hits Bradley Marquez on a 7-yard, 9-inch out route on 3rd-and-8. He ran the right route; Foles' throw made him come back a tick. The first official marks it short, but, viva Jeff Triplette, the ball's at the 30 by the time the refs put it in the middle of a field for a first down. No challenge by John Fox. Kendricks, Brown and Havenstein get Gurley a pretty big hole for 5. Bounce that outside and it hits big. Gurley stopped for 1 on 2nd down. Havenstein and Brown got pushed backwards and Kendricks couldn't clear the charging McClellin out of the hole. 3rd-4 brings in Wes Welker. He's open on a little dig route out of the slot but Foles well overthrew him. From everyone's reaction, Foles was expecting Welker to take that upfield instead of sitting down.

Just a 42-yard punt by Hekker, but Mariani continues an idiotic day by trying to field it and getting crunched by Marquez after the catch, and there should be no way that is not Mo Alexander's ball. It came right to him and he caught it. Yes, Mo comes out of the scrum. Turnover!

Rams at the CHI17. A nifty true reverse, Foles to Gurley to Austin, goes for a TD but is called back for a hold on Greg Robinson, who leads the league in holding penalties. Yeah, he held Young, for probably a millisecond. If eagle eyes Triplette is going to call that, we should be here all day. Back to the 27 we go. Now they end-around right to Austin off play-action. He beats Sam Acho around the corner and Kendricks leads him out for 12. Cignetti is emptying the playbook today. Overpursuit leaves the left side wide open for Gurley but Young saves a big play with a diving tackle. 3rd-and-7 at the 14. I don't know if Foles is underthrowing these or what, but Foles runs a 7-yard out and then comes back a yard for the catch to leave 4th-and-1. Maybe the Rams should start running these a yard PAST the marker? The Rams settle for 3 from Zuerlein instead. Steve Beuerlein explains Foles actually overthrew that toward the sideline and Welker had to sell out to get to it. Rams 10, Bears 7

Now let's maybe try to NOT give up a 90-yard TD. Davis and Chase Reynolds bury Mariani at the 12 as shorter kicks by Zuerlein are paying off so far. Langford pushes for 5 while Aaron Donald gets held by more than Robinson held earlier to cost the Rams four points. Call it, Eagle Eyes. Lots of time for Cutler to dump off to Langford, who beats James Laurinaitis for a 1st. Langford FALSE STARTS RIGHT IN FRONT OF FUCKING TRIPLETTE AND NO CALL, but Eugene Sims stays with the play and beats his block to stuff Langford for 1. Which reminds me, Robert Quinn did not start and I doubt he's been on the field yet. Good rush but Cutler hangs tough and hits Jeffery hitching in front of Jenkins for 11. Nick Fairley beats his man and trips Langford up for 1. Cutler rolls left and hits Miller, WHO PUSHED OFF McDonald to get open, for 7. CMON EAGLE EYES. 3rd-2 at the 42. Chicago's throwing, Laurinaitis gets close enough on the blitz to make Cutler change his arm angle and he overthrows Langford's out route. 4th down, Austin fair-catches the punt at the Ram 16.

Foles audibles to a handoff to Tre Mason, and that goes completely to shit when Mason fumbles trying to get extra yards. McClellin on top of it for the Bears at the 19.

The Rams are completely in find-ways-to-lose mode again.

McClellin got the strip and the fumble. Langford runs into Sims for a couple with Brockers again stacking up the line well. 4-man rush gets to Cutler late, and Cutler does his common chuck-it-up-for-Jeffery throw, which Jenkins undercuts to break up the pass with a near INT. 3rd-8. 3-man rush does not get there, Cutler scrambles, pulls up with plenty of running room and fires incomplete for Marquess Wilson in the end zone, covered by TruJo. Cutler was very close to crossing the LOS but I think he was just barely ok, with his back foot. Beuerlein disagrees with me and Triplette. Whoa, I'm on the wrong end of that argument. Robby Gould ties the game. 10-10

If every quarter is this eventful, the regular RamView recap won't be out till Thanksgiving. In Canada. Benny Cunningham is apparently under orders to fair catch everything today, Rams at their 20. Austin gets 10 off a pitchback counter, but it comes back for a blindside block on Jamon Brown. I didn't even know that was a penalty. I get how it might be a safety issue, but it's not like Brown lit up the guy. Great field position for the Rams to start the 2nd, 1st-20 from their 10.

SECOND QUARTER
Gurley runs into two Bears for 2. One of them shed Brown; the other tossed Barnes to the ground. 2nd down, Brown completely misses his assignment on a delayed ILB blitz, and Foles' Jeff Georgian run of awful passes under pressure continues as he chucks a ridiculous lob that misses a wide-open Marquez by a mile. I get it, Foles is under pressure on these throws. I also firmly believe half the QBs in the league at least would make these throws. No idea why, but the Rams call timeout before 3rd-and-18. What, to set up the inevitable draw play? Here's the awesome play they called timeout for: THREE Bears beat the Rams line on a 4-man rush and flush Foles into yet another wild throwaway. Brown lost a hand fight badly to give up inside pressure. Reynolds and Robinson gave up big inside pressure, with Robinson also getting beaten by a delayed stunt. Hekker blasts a 58-yard moonshot and the Rams hold Mariani to 3 despite Marcus Roberson getting blocked from behind. How 'bout that one, Eagle Eyes? No.

Bears at their 33. Cutler gets all day to throw an 8-yard slant to Martellus Bennett. 11 more to Jeffery on a smoke route. Kadeem Carey up the middle for 8 as Brockers got blasted out of the way. Jenkins gets off an outside block nicely and trips up Wilson on a smoke route short of the 1st. 3rd-inches. Hey, the CBS guys are not only on Lamarcus Joyner's side regarding the hit on Teddy Bridgewater last week, they say Teddy slid too late. Langford plunges but is held short by a hard hit by Ayers and I believe Will Hayes. The Bears go for it on 4th down, and with McDonald sucked in by play-action, the rollout pass to Langford works to perfection for 11. Sims fires in way too hard as the d-line gets walled off at LT to release Carey for 5. Miller's very open in the flat on a play-action rollout left; Jenkins trips him up a yard short. Not clutch D here as Carey cracks off another 6. Hayes was lined up inside, got double-teamed, and Gregg Williams had no one lined up at LDE. Gee. Guess where Carey went. Bears at the Ram 12. Chicago has to spend a TO to avoid a delay of game. Langford weaves for 3 on a draw. Cutler steps up from a 3-man rush and hits Langford at the 5. 3rd-2. Nick Fairley appears to save a TD by pressuring Cutler into a throwaway, but after the throw, Mark Barron makes his first play today one to forget by hitting Cutler helmet-first. That's a penalty all day long; naturally, Eagle Eyes does not miss this one. First-and-goal Bears at the freaking 3. No, somehow from the 5-yard line, half the distance = the 2.

Play-action, Daren Bates bites, and it's a TD to future f*cking Hall of Fame TE Zack Miller to put the Bears ahead. Bears 17, Rams 10

This is easily the Rams' most frustrating game of the season so far. They're killing themselves with find-a-way-to-lose stupidity against a team they should be beating like a pinata. Penalties and turnovers.

Cutler threw that TD pass back-pedaling with a Ram right in his face. Foles would have chucked the same throw 12 rows deep into the stands. Among other intolerable issues today, our QB is getting out-gutted by Jay Cutler.

Rams again at their 20 with 6:56 till halftime. Tracy Porter breaks up a pass for Kenny Britt. Porter breaks up an out route for Austin, and FUCKING ROBINSON WAS CALLED FOR FUCKING HOLDING ANYWAY. The guy was falling down on his own, why the hell are you yanking him down by his jersey? This is a technique issue for Robinson going back to his rookie season. Screen to Gurley picks up 11. Foles gets time on 3rd-9 and fires for Britt, who has to go down for it and lets it into his body and through his hands. Hekker pops it for 53, and a penalty by Chicago after the play will set them back. That was the Bears' FIRST penalty. I forgot to count the Rams' this week; I'm thinking eight.

Bears at their 14. Sims tackles Langford on an inside handoff for 3.

It is at this point that I am officially done with this god damn season. Gregg Williams brings 6. Cutler hits a simple screen pass to Langford. AND HE'S FUCKING GONE. 83 YARD FUCKING TOUCHDOWN. TruJo flattened out front by a nicely-done cut block at the 20. Jenkins pinned uselessly on the sideline by Jeffery at the 30. McLeod blocked downfield by Wilson for a good ten yards, then Langford embarrasses the shit out of him by faking him inside out and taking off untouched 50 yards down the middle of the field.

The Rams couldn't have shown up shittier this week if they were trying to throw the damn game. Screw this god damn team. Bears 24, Rams 10

I've had it. Gregg Williams is getting played like a fiddle by Marc Freaking Trestman. (NO, Adam Freaking Gase. Trestman is NEXT week in Baltimore.) The Rams are shooting themselves in the foot with so many penalties that Jeff Fisher HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING ABOUT HIS ENTIRE TIME HERE that they have no leg left below their knees. This is not now, never was, and NEVER WILL BE a team built not even to win, but to even god damn play well, on a consistent basis. Screw this god damn team.

Still 5:00 to go. Sweep right to Austin for 3. Rams go no-huddle; Foles dumps to Gurley for 2 under heavy pressure. 3rd-5, just man coverage all over the field, no one remotely open and Foles fires a bad pass in Welker's direction. Well, Wes was the most open WR, but it's not like he was. Rams don't even hold the ball a god damn minute and a half without punting again. The only Rams who's shown up this week is Hekker, who hits it about 60, returned to the 20.

Good pressure by Hayes forces a quick pass; even better, Fairley drew an obvious hold. Make it 1st-19 from the 9. Carey left for 5. Donald nearly blows up a draw play but Carey escapes his grasp for another 6. MAYBE WATCH OUT FOR THE FUCKING SCREEN OR THE FUCKING PASS IN THE FLAT. Ha, they finally did. McLeod faked a blitz and floated out to take away Cutler's screen option. By the time he got off a play-fake to Langford, Cutler was already getting buried by unblocked Donald and Hayes. Austin brilliantly loses FIVE trying to sweep left with the punt return.

1:48, Rams at their 34. Will they cross the 40? Will they hold the ball more than 15 seconds? First, Austin limps off with a foot or ankle injury. Foles gets a lot of time on 1st but can only dump off to Cook, who can't get out of bounds, for a few. About a 3-yard pass to Britt. First down, but they're not getting a lot done. Foles floats another sideline pass too high, for Brian Quick this time. Could we maybe start calling some routes Foles CAN ACTUALLY THROW? Plenty of time again, but Marquez is blanketed. While that falls incomplete, FOLES IS HIT HELMET-FIRST BY YOUNG WITH NO CALL. Austin returns, but on 3rd-10, it's ANOTHER SIDELINE ROUTE, and Foles fires a fastball that Kendricks lets leak through his breadbasket incomplete. I have so had it with this whole fucking team.

The Rams are 1-FOR-SEVEN on 3rd down. 3 for their last 23. Obviously exhausted, Hekker shanks the punt but gets a lucky roll. Bears still have 0:42. They help the Rams out big-time by taking a knee instead of throwing a screen pass for an 86-yard TD.

HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS
GET.
YOUR.
HEADS.
OUT.
OF.
YOUR.
ASSES!!!!

It's time to declare a national emergency at Rams Park. I'm pulling Foles for at least a series and letting Case Keenum try to run some no-huddle. Foles has been beyond useless, with Beuerlein pointing out almost all of his sideline throws are coming out late. The Rams are not going to get anything open downfield without keeping Gurley involved. His disappearance and Chicago's 2nd-quarter run are not coincidences. Gurley HAS to stay involved to set up play-action. And how about calling some damn routes over the middle of the damn field? The Bears have shut down the sideline.

What did last week's RamView say Gregg Williams had to stop last week? The inside handoff and the fucking quick screen. The Bears are mixing up their plays well, but Williams hasn't stopped either of those, and has gotten caught blitzing to give up two 80-plus-yard TDs. It's quite a contest for most useless Ram today; Williams is neck-and-neck with the leaders. Maybe he'll stop blitzing himself out of Chicago's favorite play in the 2nd half.

THIRD QUARTER
Just when you thought Ronda Rousey's coach did the worst coaching job of the weekend, the Rams show up. Touchback, then Ayers and Hayes start the half strong by stuffing a run. False start by Chicago NOT CALLED, but it's OK; Aaron Donald Aaron Donalds a draw play attempt for a loss. The man is insanely quick around the center. 3rd-10, WATCH THE SCREEN! No, Cutler has to rush a circle route that Langford doesn't know is coming. 3-and-out! Pressure by Donald again. Williams got a brain and did not blitz there. Austin returns the punt 9 to the STL45.

66 yards in 24 plays since the opening TD drive. Good, there's Gurley, left for 3 off a strong Robinson block. AND NO HOLDING! Kendricks is HELD on the dreaded rollout pass; Foles tries to chuck deep for Cook and it's out of bounds. Beuerlein says Cook was open a lot earlier and Foles missed him. 3rd down, great blitz pickup by Benny and a first down to Austin?................. No, it's HOLDING ON ROBINSON, which I would complain about more profanely if I could see it. Looks like Young, who is a BACKUP, btw, faked his ass out and he grabbed the middle of his shirt on the way by and turned him. The Rams don't have a credible move to make at tackle here. They need to bench Robinson's butt and they can't. But somehow I doubt the kid from Jamaica could be any worse, if he's even active today. Triplette has missed some highly visible infractions today to be seeing all these quickie holds by Robinson, btw. Foles hits Welker wide open over the middle for 15, but thanks to Robinson, that's still well short, and send in Hekker. Maybe he can pin the Bears inside the 10 and the Rams can give up a 90-yard TD today, too.

Decent kick starts the Bears at their 9. Quick out to Miller vs. Barron for 7. One of the most embarrassing defensive performances in St. Louis in many years rages on as CUTLER takes off for at least 25 on a keeper. Trestman (GASE) caught the Rams completely asleep with a read option and Sims chomped hard on the play fake. Carey rips off another 9 as Brockers and Laurinaitis get blocked out of the play without much of a fight, and it's time to start wondering if this team has quit. Another inside handoff to Carey gets the 1st down. Bears at the STL47. Screen to Langford, but the Rams were NOT blitzing and Brockers and Barron blew it up for a loss. 4-man rush flushes Cutler; Barron holds Langford to a short gain to set up 3rd-9. WATCH THE SCREEN! Jeffery false-starts to make 3rd-14. WATCH! THE! SCREEN! Ha, the Rams get Cutler with a 3-man rush. Donald joins Hekker as the only Rams to show up this week, beating the center again and sneaking behind the LG for the Rams' second sack.

Another 10-yard return by Austin starts the Rams at their 17. Gurley led out well by Havenstein and Brown for 9 off RT. Foles tries a weird back-shoulder bomb for Quick deep down the middle that Rolle breaks up. Beuerlein's basically, what the hell is Foles doing, at this point. Me too. KENDRICKS FALSE START ON 3rd AND 1. 14 TO WELKER, on a drag route out of trips with pick help. Gurley dodges a couple of tackles and has to fight just to get 1. Brown couldn't get to his man off the snap and Kendricks didn't really move his man on the edge. Gurley up the middle for 4; good chip by Kendricks on Acho. 3rd-5, Foles fires a fastball too high for Quick on a quick slant, but Brian makes an impressive full-extension grab on the run and takes off through the secondary for 36. Hey, Frank Cignetti has discovered pass routes that use the middle of the field!!! Flip to Austin, who breaks a tackle for 3. Rams at the CHI20. Foles throws a wobbler WELL over Quick's head at the goal line. The passing game looks so awful now it's hard to guess if these are bad throws or bad routes. Let's say both. 3rd-7. Foles hits Austin for what should have been a first down, but he bobbled the ball trying to put it away and lost it on Bryce Callahan's hit for yet ANOTHER DROPPED PASS. Fisher OF COURSE settles for 3. 24-13 'Cause the Rams are so likely to put together another two scoring drives.

Bears at their 20; WATCH THE SCREEN. First down on dumpoffs to Langford and Bennett. With confusion in the secondary before the snap, Langford streaks around right end for 23. Hayes got dominated and sealed by Kyle Long (!), and neither McDonald nor Lamarcus Joyner, the confused DBs, were where they were supposed to be to make a play. Donald and Joyner stuff Langford near midfield to force a 3rd-and-long to start the 4th.

FOURTH QUARTER
THE BEARS PITCH LEFT TO LANKFORD ON THIRD AND TEN AND THE RAMS GIVE UP 12 YARDS. 3/4 of the d-line can't even get past the center to pursue. Laurinaitis gets picked off but good by Bennett. Fairley gets out there but gets punked to the ground like a little bitch by Vladimir Ducasse, who sent him flying 6-8 yards, and then picked off Joyner.

I am so sick of this team.  

Carey bursts for 7 off a backup TE dominating Sims, down to the 23. Fairley does a Donald impression to blow up a Langford run. Blitz on 2nd-10, TruJo breaks up an attempted out pass to Wilson. Not under a lot of pressure, Cutler settles for a checkdown at the 19 anyway. Light pressure there by somebody wearing #94. Not sure I know that number. Chippie FG for Gould. 27-13

Huh, is Andrew Catalon a St. Louisan? He was sure dropping the Steamers trivia just now. Speaking of steaming things, here comes the Ram offense. They get called for a false start that looks like the same play that the Ram DEFENSE got called for last week. Beuerlein points out the Bears didn't cross the neutral zone. Still looks like an induced false start to me. Bubble screen to Austin off play-action for 4. Foles is hit late by a blitzer and overthrows a well-covered Quick near the far sideline. A stunt on the left side gets by Brown and Foles ends up scrambling and throwing a 4-yard pass to Kendricks.

And to turn this game into a complete clusterfuck, Hekker blows it on the fake punt. He had Marquez open off motion, pumped, and didn't throw, then went crossfield for Cody Davis but threw it poorly and too low for him to catch. Catalon proclaims the Bears were not fooled on the fake. No, that's a first down if Hekker makes the damn throw. McClellin was beaten, fooled by the action toward Marquez. Davis had a chance to run for a long way, given a decent throw. Tasker, the special teams guy, eventually straightens the other two out. Well drawn-up play and well-executed. Until the throw.

I am still so sick of this team.

Bears at the STL23. Barron stuffs a run, and on 3rd-8, TruJo thumps Jeffery on a quick slant to hold him to a couple. Hekker only gives up 3 with his lousy throw. 30-13

I still hate this team.

Ha, the Jamaican kid is in, except for Havenstein, who leaves with a calf injury. And, immediately, Foles gets sacked by THREE Bears. Blame useless Robinson first, who lost a hand fight to Lamarr Houston on the edge. Darrell Williams (the Jamaican) and Brown didn't handle a stunt properly at all on their side, so BOTH those guys piled onto Foles, too. That was at least the first sack they've given up. Skinny post to Marquez out of the slot for about 11 leaves 4th-and-6, which they're going for from their own 24. THEY RUN A GOD DAMN SQUARE IN TO QUICK THAT Porter breaks up anyway. IT WAS FOURTH AND SIX! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING, OR THROWING, A GOD DAMN THREE YARD ROUTE? Sure wasn't anything else open, I can say that.

Langford bursts for 12 or so down to the Ram 8 with no Rams getting off their blocks. Laurinaitis, Ayers, Hayes, all stoned at the line. I wish I was stoned right now. Donald gets Langford for a loss, and now here's Fisher adding to all our misery by starting to spend his timeouts. Langford scores EASILY from the 6 on 3rd-and-goal, cutting back a stretch handoff while Donald and Fairley get dominated up front and Laurinaitis can't even fight off a ONE-armed block of Matt Slauson. 37-13

Words cannot express how much I hate this team. I'm done here. Start your Ravens players in fantasy next week.

Cherry on top of the shit sundae. Foles gets picked off by Hall of Famer Young, who fools him by dropping back in coverage, a play I am hard-pressed to remember the Rams EVER fooling another team on. On the return, Jamon Brown gets his leg broken hideously enough that CBS won't replay the play. (Thank you.) Who the hell does that even put at guard now? I disappoint myself by having to go to the Rams online roster to remember Demetrious Rhaney. Much luck to you.

McLeod forces a late Carey fumble with a big hit, and Donald scoops it and returns it across midfield. Case Keenum enters the game about two quarters too late to usher this game to a deserving grave.


-$-

Sunday, November 8, 2015

RamView game blog: Vikings 21, Rams 18 (OT)

(Updated) The 4-3 Rams will face the 5-2 Vikings today in a game with playoff implications that could be affected a lot by injury implications. Robert Quinn, T.J. McDonald and Rob Havenstein are all inactive. Eugene Sims will start for Quinn. Maurice Alexander replaces McDonald. Garrett Reynolds will kick out to RT to replace Havenstein; rookie Andrew Donnal will start at RG. Hoo boy. Sharrif Floyd and Eric Kendricks out for the Vikings on defense; this will be a war of attrition today.

The prediction: Todd Gurley will be difficult for the depleted Vikings to stop. Adrian Peterson will be harder for the similarly-depleted Rams to stop. Vikings 24-13

Today's referee: Ron Torbert. Rookie head referee last year, called two Rams road division losses, wasn't very good in either one.


Today's broadcasters: Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis for Fox.

KICKOFF AT HIGH NOON
Vikings win the toss and defer. Touchback starts Rams at their 20. Foles gets FOREVER to throw off double-play action, finds nothing and fires a sloppy, dangerous pass to Tavon Austin at the 20 that luckily hits the ground instead of a Viking defender. Charles Davis points out Foles had Kenny Britt streaking open deep. So why didn't he throw it? He had plenty of time for it. 1 for Gurley up the middle; no one blocked Anthony Barr. We're off to a typical Rams offensive start. 3rd-9. Foles has to rush a throwwith Garrett Reynolds getting beaten on the edge late; Austin is open for a 5-yard out but Foles fires it into the ground nowhere close. Johnny Hekker's punt is absolute crap, 25 yards, didn't even get the ball out of Rams territory!


The Rams are off to yet another amazingly shitty start. Play action rollout from Teddy Bridgewater to Rhett Ellison for 5. Brennaman says the Rams left Stefon Diggs wide open deep. It takes TWO snaps for the Rams to jump offsides. PENALTY #1 1st down Minn at the STL36. Ron Torbert took his sweet time making that call. Aaron Donald and Eugene Sims collapse AP's middle running lane; he has to bounce outside right for no gain. Teddy scrambles out of trouble and goes deep for Mike Wallace, who beat Mo Alexander by at least a step, but overthrew him. 3rd-10. 4-man rush doesn't get there, Teddy stands tall and drills one to Jarius Wright between Lamarcus Joyner and James Laurinaitis for 12. That's good coverage; the Rams have to take advantage of Teddy's risk-taking ways today. Ethan Westbrooks badly overshoots the 1st down handoff; AP follows G Mike Harris through the hole for 7 to the STL17. Teddy audibles to a handoff, but Laurinaitis fills the gap perfectly and flushes AP outside for a yard. Akeem Ayers tackle. 3rd-2. Vikings bizarrely go shotgun; AP does not appear to be on the field. Trumaine Johnson expertly jams Charles Johnson's slant route. Not only does Charles not get there, TruJo nearly picks it off. Blair Walsh puts the Vikings ahead. Vikings 3, Rams 0

The Ram offense needs to get their damn heads out of their damn asses. They start at their 20 again. Will they cross the 22? Foles drops the snap but still gets the handoff to Gurley, who goes off RT for 10. Good blocks by Reynolds and Corey Harkey among others. Foles has to throw a swing pass for Gurley high to get it over a blitzer and it's incomplete. Play-action to Gurley, and Brian Quick is open on an out route, but Foles misses him by 10 feet. Brian Robison was coming at him, but that throw shouldn't have been THAT far off. Foles' wheels aren't coming off; I think he drove to the stadium with four flats. 3rd-10, Barr shuts off the dumpoff to Gurley for 4. NICE tackle by Stedman Bailey holds Marcus Sherels to zip on the punt return. 49 net for Hekker that time.

I've spent most of the season blaming the Ram receivers for the anemic passing game, but Foles has CLEARLY been the problem so far this week. He's missing open receivers and spraying passes all over the place.

Vikings at their 20. Jenkins opens the drive with PENALTY #2 a DPI on Stefon Diggs. Held him all the way through a quick slant. Then PENALTY #3 A BULLSHIT offsides call on Brockers, who got back well before the Viking lineman reacted, but the idiot referees still claim he "made" the Viking player jump. BULL. SHIT. This is a stupid rule that needs to be reviewed. The D should have a chance to get back onside. AP false starts to even things out. 1st-10 at the 28. AP takes a draw left for 6, with Sims, Mark Barron and Brockers all failing to get off blocks. Soft zone does not go well when your DB stumbles, and CharJo beats a stumbling Jenkins for 25 to the Ram 41. I doubt Gregg Williams should wait much longer to start bringing more serious heat. Pretty simple cut by CharJo had Jenkins lurching drunkenly around. Rollout pass right to AP for 8, off a fake jet sweep to Cordarrelle Patterson, who disappeared off the face of the earth after scorching the Rams on that play last opening day. ANOTHER rollout pass right - you know, the play the Rams have NEVER run successfully, AGAIN beats the Rams D. Kyle Rudolph for 13. The whole Ram D bit on play action, Rudolph dragged and Barron was way late getting to him. Bridgewater hard-counts Nick Fairley offside PENALTY #4 offside by a mile, and the Rams are as composed right now as Bill Clinton at a cheerleader cosplay convention. From the 12, ANOTHER rollout pass right, to St. Louisan Mycole Pruitt down to the 5. Um, Gregg Williams, any thoughts? Nope. EASY TD, PETERSON sweeping right. Barron can't get there, and Harris pulls again and pancakes I believe Alexander. It's hard to tell because he's just a stain on the field after that. 10-0 Vikings

This game looks every bit the blowout right now. The Rams are doing NOTHING (except jumping offside) on either side of the ball.

Here's something new, the Rams starting at their 20. And now the 19 after Gurley loses a yard. Austin didn't even get in the safety's way and he shot the gap. I wonder if Gurley should have taken that right instead of left, though. Swing pass right to Gurley for about 5. AND HOLY COW A THIRD DOWN CONVERSION on a comeback route to Austin, who was split wide left, for 10. Good protection, good throw by Foles. 3rd-6, they were 7 yards off him. Throw that all day, please. Brilliant Torberg next tries to call Donnal for a false start on what's a legal maneuver for a guard pre-snap. At least he reversed the call. Gurley sweeps right for 3. Brian Schottenheimer returns to the booth and calls a handoff up the middle for Austin for 2. 3rd-5. Cignetti kicks out Schotty and tries the first play of the game again, a bomb for Britt off double-play-action, and Britt makes an EXCELLENT catch with Terence Newman smacking him in the helmet prior to the ball arriving. The ball goes through his arms but he pins it to his hip for a 54-yard gain to the Viking 6. The Rams have to use a timeout because Foles' headset stopped working. THE VIKINGS JUMP OFFSIDE WITH NO CALL, but Gurley plows down to the 1 off a Kendricks block and behind the mauling company of Tim Barnes and Jamon Brown. 2nd-goal, Gurley IS IN for the TD. He hurdled Cory Harkey's block, stuck the ball out dangerously and got slammed in midair, but bounced back and basically got shoved in by Brown, with Barnes also escorting him in.

The wind is apparently so much in Jeff Fisher's and our kicking team's heads that the Rams actually go for two after the TD, and fail miserably, with Gurley getting stuck by two Vikings at the 2. Is there a f*cking sharknado blowing in Minnesota today that the Rams aren't even trying god damn PATs? Donnal was on the ground for the 2nd straight play there, I'm sure he was supposed to be pull-blocking there. Vikings 10, Rams 6

The sharknado has apparently taken a full FIFTEEN YARDS off Greg Zuerlein's kickoffs; Patterson takes it at the 5. Good coverage by Cameron Lynch stops him at the 21. Good rush by Westbrooks flushes Teddy to dump off to Jerrick McKinnon for a couple. Quick out to Diggs defended well by Jenkins for a short gain to end the quarter.


SECOND QUARTER
FOX IS LATE coming back from commercial as Joyner draws PENALTY #5 DPI trying to breakup a quick pass to Wallace on a pivot route out of trips. 1st-10 at the 31. Donald's quick burst forces AP outside and AP lets Jenkins put him down with a no-wrap shoulder tackle for a loss. Matt Longacre (!) also there on the stop. Teddy gets forever off play-action and eventually slides for 5. That was Longacre (!) flushing him with an inside move on Matt Kalil. The Rams blitz on 3rd-4 out of an amoeba-look and Teddy overthrows Wright deep, with Davis and Brennaman calling Joyner for holding in the first 5 yards. Not Torbert, though, so send in the punt team. Austin brings the punt back 11 to set the Rams up nicely at their 35.

The sharknado is currently at the Rams' back, and that last Viking punt was a little short. Tre Mason carries the ball like a loaf of bread and cuts back for 2. Foles barely beats a safety blitz and lobs a back-shoulder throw to Britt, who wasn't expecting that kind of throw but neatly pirouettes at the sideline with a 22-yard catch. Brennaman somehow knows Foles is having headset problems again; the next play barely gets off, and Mason gets buried for a loss on a bubble screen. I swear this team is UNABLE to put together a decent play after any gain over 15 yards. 2nd-14. Mason gets 1 on a draw after Linval Joseph sheds Barnes. Foles beats a blitz and targets Jared Cook for the first time today down the right seam. Captain Munnerlyn hits Cook early and the ball's off Cook's hand. What a terrible place to hit a receiver, in one of his hands! Admittedly, though, Cook's plea for a penalty was valid, since he couldn't get his other arm up. And now... here's Zuerlein to try a 61-yard kick, because those have gone so well this year. What the f*ck is this? We'll try this but are too chicken-shit to even try a PAT on the other end?

...

...

Go go go go go go go.
We're all going to win with the sharknado.
FG bombs will flow, flow, flow.
Legatron and the sharknado.

Zuerlein drills it from 61, right down the heart of the uprights. It would have been good from 70. That's a team record! Vikings 10, Rams 9

Zuerlein then gets away with shanking a bouncing kickoff that Patterson has to kneel with anyway. So much for momentum, as Barron tries to run around one side of a double-team on Brockers but AP busts through the other side for 12. 2 more for AP; diving stop by Fairley. AP for another couple; Brockers stopped that by knocking the center down in the hole. 3rd-6. The Rams fake a big blitz over RT, only bringing 1 of 3, coaxing an early throw out of Teddy; Wallace is open for a quick out, but the throw isn't quite there. Neither was Wallace's route-running or effort. He dogged that. Dangerous return attempt by Austin, brought down immediately at the Ram 26.

Stupid handoff to Austin loses 1, with Joseph beating Donnal badly. If Austin is not on the move, he should not be getting the ball, OK? Bubble screen to Stedman Bailey for about 4, and Munnerlyn facemasks him for another 15. Put the Rams at their 43. Gurley off RT for a couple; Kenrick Ellis blew up Barnes or that might have been something. Gurley bobs and weaves and plunges for 6 off a fake Austin end-around. Good block upfield by Harkey. 3rd-2. AUSTIN DOES NOT GET THERE on a bubble screen. He bobbled the catch, which let Barr get there to stop him short. Roughly a 64-yarder if Fisher wants to try it. 4th-and-6-inches, Fisher goes for it instead. Tony Siragusa argues for trying to pin the Vikings with a punt. The Rams distract the Vikings by putting Austin in motion and Foles sneaks across for the 1st. Nice. Play-action, Foles pulls down a bomb attempt and hits Gurley on a wheel route up the sideline for 10. Too bad that throw was lofted high and behind him, he had room to run. Fox also shows Brian Quick screamingly open on a deep cross. No idea why Foles didn't throw that. He meant to. The Rams pull out a play I haven't seen since training camp for another 11. Fake handoff, Austin comes on an end-around and takes a backward pass. Wide open. Rams now at the MIN23. Gurley left for 1, stopped by Barr. Gurley up the middle for 5 more, bent awkwardly backward by Chad Greenway. 3rd-4. Nothing to like about the next play, a stupid 4-yard arrow route by Cook. Foles underthrows it, the Viking defender jumps it, incomplete. Play never had much of a chance. Zuerlein puts the Rams ahead from 35. Rams 12, Vikings 10

The sharknado now makes Zuerlein kick off with Rodney McLeod holding, and it's another crappy kick, fielded by Patterson at the 1, but here's Lynch again to shut him down at the 20. With the offensive line lined up clearly illegally - I've seen flocks of geese keep straighter lines - AP takes off for 15, off a Donald double-team and Barron whiffing in the hole. AP up the middle for 2 more, grabbed by Hayes and Donald. 4-man rush flushes Teddy - I guess I'll give the credit to Donald but I think Teddy panicked - and he fires a ball at wide-open Wallace's feet incomplete. The Rams get away with a 3rd-and-long blitz when McLeod shuts down Wallace on a drag route for a short gain. Vikings will punt at the 2:00 warning.

Vikings down the punt at the Ram 15. End-around right to Austin for 13 behind a sweet block by Lance Kendricks. Sweep to Gurley goes nowhere, though, with Griffen getting away from Kendricks and Greg Robinson. TO#1 Minnesota. Thanks for stopping the clock. Austin motions left, then doubles back for another end-around, cuts it inside, breaks a tackle at the 40 and gains 22 out to midfield. TO#2 Rams. Play-action to Gurley, fake end-around to Quick (!), and Kendricks is open over the middle for 20. Foles clocks it at 0:53. Frank Cignetti is running circles around Mike Zimmer right now. Actually, he's faking circles and running squares around him. Xavier Rhodes breaks up an ill-advised TD bomb for Britt. Too well-covered; Foles should know not to throw that. 3rd-10 at the MIN30, bubble screen to Bradley Marquez (!) (?) only gets 3. The Rams bleed the clock to :03 and bring Zuerlein in for a 45-yarder. He hits it. Halftime score: Rams 15, Vikings 10

HALFTIME ADJUSTMENTS 
The Rams have done it again, fighting through a lousy start to actually take control of the game by halftime. The Vikings have shut down Gurley but the Rams have adjusted with all the misdirection to Austin. I'm not looking for a lot of change in the 2nd half. Stick with the power running game. The short passing game should open up with Minnesota concerned about Austin. They did not blitz much in the 1st half, so the Rams will get some shots at beating those with big plays.


Gregg Williams didn't blitz much in the 1st half, either; I expect him to turn that dial up and get Bridgewater in trouble with it. He hasn't been accurate or read the field very well today.

I'm curious to see if the Vikings defer after the half to take the wind in the 4th quarter. The Minnesota sharknado has been a big factor so far.

THIRD QUARTER
Nope, Minnesota takes the ball - sharknado will be behind them in the 3rd - and Patterson shoots up the sideline with ANOTHER crappy Zuerlein kickoff all the way to the 47. Good blocking sealed off Barron and Cody Davis and Marquez missed a diving tackle.

Play-action flare to Rudolph nets 14 after a Jenkins whiff. Play-action bomb next for Diggs in the end zone, but TruJo outwrestles him for the ball. They announce a flag has been thrown; I have no idea where it is. Is this an interception? After a long conference, Torbert calls DPI on TruJo, but it's barely out before he gets a tap on the shoulder from another official. Back to the staff meeting. In a much shorter amount of time, Charles Davis makes a strong case for a no-call. It's a ball they both have a right to. I thought TruJo grabbed Diggs' jersey before the ball arrived, but if you're not calling that, there's nothing about his catch that's pass interference at all. Ha! Torbert reverses the call to offensive pass interference. But then says first down Minnesota? No! It's an interception! Now he gets that right, Rams ball, super play, Trumaine Johnson.

After all that, Rams ball at their 20. Gurley loses 2 up the middle with Kendricks and Barnes getting beaten badly. Another flying start on offense. Play action on 2nd-12, no one picks up Andrew Sendejo's safety blitz until Harkey makes a diving block, but Barnes gets whipped by Joseph anyway to get Foles flattened for the first sack of the game for either team. 3rd-20. Somebody said Minnesota was going to bring more blitzing in the 2nd half... Foles hits Bailey at the 20 to send Hekker out into the DREADED WIND. Super punt by Hekker, though, he kept it low and lined it 52 yards. And never mind, PENALTY #6 on Jake McQuaide for holding will force Hekker to kick from his goal line, and replay showed him taking a real wallop on the previous play. Hekker gets a BIG bounce for a 57-yard punt, though, with a short return by Sherels to the 40. Two very big kicks by Hekker there.

AP churns out 4 through a hole Donald and Westbrooks originally closed. Jenkins continues to not be sharp, beaten by Diggs' out-and-up move for 35. Put those Hawaii tickets on hold. AP cuts a pitch back inside for 13 - that's his move! Be ready for it! - with Brockers blocked aside and Donald way overpursuing. They're at the Ram 14. McLeod temporarily saved a TD with an ankle tackle. AP sweeps right but Laurinaitis stops that for a loss. McKinnon all alone out of the backfield for 8 as the Rams are really putting no pressure on Teddy this half. That continues on 3rd-and-2 as Teddy runs a 7-yard TD in himself. Barron does not get there on the blitz, and when Sims is pushed deep and Matt Kalil flattens Donald, he has all the running room he needs. The Ram defense continues to disgrace itself as Westbrooks and Donald whiff while Teddy runs around right end and dives at the pylon to convert the 2-pointer. Vikings 18, Rams 15 That was one of the worst drives of Aaron Donald's young career.

Rams start again at their 20. Tons of time left, still over 8:00 to go in the 3rd. Gurley leaps Newman on a 90-flip to the ahhs of the Minnesota crowd but only gets 2. Davis pointing out Minnesota is blitzing every play now. UM, CALLED IT. 5 to Kendricks, immediately tackled by Barr. 3rd-3. The Rams fall to TWO FOR TEN on third down as Britt slips or trips trying to run an out route with Trae Waynes all over him. Clutch 3-and-out there, buddy. How do the Rams not know the Vikings will be blitzing when the clown blogger in Illinois could guess it?

Vikings at their 28 after the punt. Longacre holds AP to 2 on a play that was opening up for a lot more. Quick hitter to Diggs leaves 3rd-1. Bridgewater, a SECOND-year player, hard-counts William Hayes, an EIGHTH-year player, offside. PENALTY#7 First down Vikings at their 42. The Rams had stuffed the run. AP tries to bounce a run outside but Jenkins shut it down rapidly; another tackle for Longacre (!). 2nd-8. Donald whips past Brandon Fusco with a swipe move and just misses a sack of Teddy, who I assume had a receiver in the area of his obvious throwaway. Double-dog blitz on 3rd down has Teddy dumping off to Rudolph, who's stopped short by Akeem Ayers. Donald draws a hold, and the Rams take the penalty instead of the punt. Teddy can't do anything with the extra opportunity; Hayes nearly tracks him down a couple of times and forces a wild throw out of bounds. Also looked like Hayes took Teddy down late with a low hit, to the crowd's displeasure. Their outrage seems justified. Teddy's slow getting up and limps to the sideline. I don't know at what point he's considered a runner. It happened well out of the pocket but was still late. Austin returns the punt to the Ram 20.

STILL no running room for Gurley, 2 up the middle behind Brown and Harkey. AND FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, TAVON AUSTIN IDIOTICALLY DROPS A LONG BALL. Foles play-faked to Gurley, who made a nice block on Joseph to save a sack. Foles went long, Austin's beaten the safety by two steps, but the throw brings him back inside, he has to wait on it, then stupidly jumps for it when he doesn't have to, and misplays it for as stupid and as bad a drop as you'll see all year. Foles has a tendency to put way too much air under these, and did here. He completely underthrew it. Austin still has no excuse not to catch it. How much more of this garbage do we have to take?

Hilariously, the Vikings get a roughing-the-passer call for a late hit to Foles. Wasn't he out of the pocket? More great news, Austin limps off after the play. I'll hope that's just a second-degree sprain of his pride. 1st-10 at the 37. Again no room for Gurley, held to 2. Tackler got of Reynolds' block. Gurley stuffed again, with Joseph beating Brown to blow things up. The Vikings are now treating the Rams like the Rams treated the 49ers last week, jumping all over a woeful bubble screen attempt to Quick for a loss. The Rams can't run and Minnesota no longer has to believe they can. Hekker at least pins the Vikings at their 11 with a sweet 50-yard punt into the teeth of the sharknado.

Fairley nearly blows up the handoff; AP bounces it outside but I think Fairley drew a hold. 1st-15 at the 5. Barron takes AP down for a loss with a run blitz. That ends what seemed like a very long third quarter.

FOURTH QUARTER
Austin is apparently out due to cramps. PENALTY#8 on TruJo lets the Vikings out of 3rd-and-long at their goal line with a holding penalty that neither Charles Davis nor I can see on camera. BRIDGEWATER HARDCOUNTS HAYES OFFSIDE AGAIN. PENALTY#9 This is getting downright idiotic now. AP up the middle for 4, caught by Sims. 2nd-1, the Rams give Bridgewater FOREVER to throw again, he scrambles for the 1st down, slides, and gets literally knocked out by Joyner, who's going to deserve all 15 yards of that PENALTY#10 and the fine probably already in the mail from the league as we speak. Every angle of every replay of that play, it looks like Joyner's trying to hit Bridgewater even though he's already well into his slide. Bridgewater enters the league concussion protocol, and OMG I JUST REALIZED THE MINNESOTA BACKUP QB IS SHAUN HILL, AND IF THE RAMS FIND A WAY TO LOSE TO SHAUN MOTHER F*CKING HILL, I AM GOING TO GIVE UP FOOTBALL. Yet what has Hill done his whole career? Torch the Rams. Including when he played for them.

And immediately, here comes EFFING Hill, hitting AP for 10. Ayers pokes the ball out! And Mo Alexander IGNORES IT TO GO HIT AP! What the effing eff?!?!? Diggs recovers at the MIN 49. AP fumbles AGAIN on a handoff but falls on it in the backfield. 3rd-3. Hill throws it away with Barron coming on a blitz. Nice rush by Longacre (!) again there. Austin's back for the punt, which the sharknado knocks down at the 26.

Austin looks OK now, squirting off for 20 with another end-around right. Kendricks and Britt got him blocks, but it looks like Britt might have gotten rolled up on. He comes out for Quick, but now here comes Gurley. Donnal and Barnes lead him out through the left side for 14. Gurley middle for only a couple - the Rams just can't budge the Vikings up front. Joseph beats Barnes again and hits Foles as he throws for a wild incomplete. Foles' headset is not working AGAIN. 3rd-8, Griffen smokes Robinson but good with a spin move and panics Foles into a dumb grounding penalty PENALTY #11.  Promising drive blows up on offensive line breakdowns. Hekker pins the Vikings at the 10 again. This is becoming a broken record.

Peterson immediately sweeps left for 12. Sims got blocked; Alexander whiffed in the hole. He hits a huge gap right for another 13 as Hayes and Brockers both got turned.

I appreciate Thom Brennaman defending St. Louis as a football city, but any time the Rams have done something like Joyner's hit on Bridgewater in games he's called in the past, he is nanoseconds-quick to call it a dirty play, and he clings to saying the Rams are dirty the rest of the game like a junkyard dog clinging to a tough steak. Neither Brennaman nor I know if Joyner made a dirty play or just a stupid play. I tend to think stupid is likelier. Take that burr out from under your saddle for future Rams games, Thom.

Brockers holds Peterson to 3. Hill throws a dying duck way over his receiver's head at the sideline. LOL. McLeod comes on the blitz; Sims hits Hill's arm as he throws to force an even duckier throw by Shaun than usual. Crowd wants DPI on Joyner against Wallace. I have fallen so far behind I can't rewind the TiVo, sorry.

Gurley bounces outside for 3 and loses a big gain to Rhodes' lucky shoestring tackle. He was on his way there. 2nd-7 after Viking LB Audie Cole is carted off with a knee injury. Quick screen to Austin for 4. Gurley splits wide on 3rd-3 but Waynes strips him on a quick hitch. Illegal formation on the Rams anyway. They're about 2-for-13 on third down now, and this is getting f*cking ridiculous.

Vikings at their 30, 6:48 left. Peterson sweeps right, cuts back for 5 as Fairley and Brockers can't get off blocks to pursue well. Quick slant on 3rd-4 is broken up by Jenkins. Davis acts like that was uncalled DPI on Jenkins when it absolutely wasn't.

Rams take over at their 35 as Brennaman continues to bang on the Joyner hit to Bridgewater and suggests there will be acrimony between the head coaches in the post-game handshake. Let. It. Go. Robison stays home well and trips up Austin for a loss on an end-around. Gurley sweeps left for 16 to midfield, mainly off a great block outside by Cook and one downfield by Austin. Save the next one for the highlight reel, as he goes right for 9, breaking a Joseph tackle in the backfield and running through a couple more. Gurley's wearing 'em down now, bulldozing left for 7 off a Harkey block. He gets a rest for Tre Mason, who gets nothing up the middle as Reynolds can't budge you know who, Linval Joseph. 2nd-9 at the MIN33 at the 2:00 warning. Barr blows up ANOTHER attempted end-around to Austin, who's lucky to lose only 1 when it could have been 6. THEY'RE RUNNING ON THIRD AND TEN, and Gurley goes up the middle for 4 to set Zuerlein up for a 48-yarder.

Zuerlein's kick inexplicably slices right and stays wide by a couple of feet. Siragusa says the wind caught it. Yeah, I know, no NFL kicker has ever had to make such a difficult kick with a wind at his damn back. Zuerlein's been hitting them straight and true all game - what the hell happened here?

The Vikings are insanely trying to roll out pass, but Alexander buries Hill for an 11-yard loss. TO#1, Rams. Then Donald nearly tackles Hill before he can hand off to AP. Sims and Ayers string it out well and Hayes tackles him for a loss. 3rd-22, TO#2 and the Rams have a good shot at getting the ball back. They just hand off to Matt Asiata, who gets a couple on a sweep, and the Rams will get the ball back with about 1:20 left. Austin gets near the Ram 40 with the punt. Here we go. 1:14.

Comeback to Britt for 9, well in bounds, clock runs. Foles goes to him again for a back-shoulder throw and Waynes interferes with him with a push at the MIN35. Nice pocket but Foles fires a very wobbly ball out of bounds. Foles vs. Hill is no quarterback clinic, that's for sure. Danielle (that's a MAN's name?) Hunter beats Reynolds to flush Foles out of bounds for a throwaway; worse yet, PENALTY #FREAKING 12 is on Reynolds for holding, backing the Rams up to the 45. Foles goes to Cook over the middle to get the 10 back. Quick has no clue what's going on as Foles throws an out route in hurry up mode, sending Zuerlein in to try from 53 this time. 0:17 left. Zimmer with the cheeseball freeze-the-kicker TO as Zuerlein hits his first try. The try that counts floats right down the middle to tie the game. Rams 18, Vikings 18

Alexander stuffs Sherels at the 17 on the kickoff, and we'll head to overtime.

OVERTIME
Both offenses look so bad right now they should consider just kneeling on the ball every play like Red Beaulieu tried that time in the Bourbon Bowl. Minnesota wins the toss and takes the wind, which shocks the Fox booth a lot more than it should. The new overtime rules encourage that decision in this kind of offensively-challenged game; I'd hope Jeff Fisher would have made the same call.

No running room right for Gurley, who tries a couple of cutbacks but loses SIX. Brennaman, whose wife apparently left him for Jeff Fisher, continues to harp on the Joyner hit and criticize Fisher for going for the 2-pointer early in the game. I'm not sure that had the effect he thinks it does. The Vikings stuff a screen to Austin and Foles overthrows Bailey on 3rd down - I think Bailey ran the route wrong - for an insta-punt. Hekker blasts it about 60 yards, but he shoots up the sideline off an uncalled block in the back on Harkey, who Davis keeps calling "Mike", for about 25 yards out to midfield.

Minnesota doesn't need much yardage from here to get Blair Walsh in FG range now. The rush nearly buries Hill, but Ellison beats Ayers to make it 3rd-1. Brockers gets manhandled in the hole to spring AP down to the 31. Need to start trying to strip the ball, guys. AP sweeps right for 5. Asiata gets to the 21 on a sweep left nearly again blown up by Donald off the snap. It sets Walsh up for a 40-yard game-winner.

Daren Bates makes a game run at it up the middle, but Walsh sends the fans home happy as Brennaman can continue to kiss my black ass.

Final: Vikings 21, Rams 18 (OT)

OK, Brennaman's right about that weird early decision by Fisher to go for two. Instead of kicking for an 18-18 tie late in the game, the Rams could have been kicking for a 19-17 lead. That second-guessing does not account for what the Vikings might have done differently on defense when a FG could have beaten them, but it's not unreasonable.

I say no need to sound the alarm in Rams Park just yet. That was a pretty competitive road game by a Rams team missing some very key pieces on defense. And yes, the offense was awful yet again, but the Viking defense isn't the Little Sisters of the Poor, you know.


We're on to Chicago.

-$-